The Love we lost

The screen of my phone glows in the dark. It is the only light in my room as i stare blankly at it. My right thumb hovering over his name. No profile picture, no blue ticks, no last seen and no response to the last messages i sent. What I see now is just an empty space where he used to be. I keep telling myself that I would not do this again. That I would not try and reach out again, that I would not search for him, that I would not reread the last messages he sent to me before he blocked me from all social medias and shut me out completely.

But here I am, scrolling through my gallery looking at his pictures, breathing in memories that feels more alive at night and typing messages I know I would not send.

I should move on. I should rest my head and sleep. I should accept that I messed up and lost him. I should accept he does not want me anymore. I should accept that he is gone.

But my heart refuses to listen neither do I want to accept what has come to be.

I tried closing my eyes and before I knew it I am back there. Reminiscing about the time we first met and when everything was still untouched by my mistakes.

WHEN I MET YOU

AVA

I was nervous when I first walked into the auditorium. Rows of empty chairs and a quiet hum of people talking amongst themselves or doing what they want to do. I did not know a single person in the room except my room mate who I had met a few days earlier.

The fluorescent lights of the after study hall shun bright almost blinding me as i wrestled with a particularly stubborn textbook. The air hung thick with the scent of different perfumes and nervous energies as a turmoil formed in my stomach. Medical school was everything i had ever imagined, and it is more terrifying than i had ever anticipated. Nothing other than the knowledge overwhelming me, with each day came a desperate rush to learn before the time runs out. Between lecturers, lab sessions and endless hours of reading i could hardly sleep as i had to study long hours so i could pass her exams with ease. The pressure was relentless, which weighed a lot on me. The exam was like a life or death situation and i found myself comparing myself to my classmates.

Dr Matt had promised to connect me with a reading group for the medical examinations and i am very sure he would not send me off to just anybody. t was a Thursday when we met outside the school auditorium. I met the lady like he promised as she spotted me first, waved and came over with a warm smile. ''you must be Ava'' i nodded with a relieve. ''i want you to meet someone'' and she turned slightly as we walked towards the car park.

Then i saw him.

And just like that my heart skipped a beat. I never believed in love at first sight or at least i never believed until the moment i saw him. I forced myself to look away before i could get caught staring in his direction but it was too late and something inside me knew i was already in trouble.

He was standing by his car with his brother while I walked towards him with a the mutual friend of ours i just met, the person Dr Matt had connected me with. When he glanced in my direction, I froze awkwardly, hoping he would look past me as I try to scroll through my phone. No such luck. Instead, he stared right into my eyes from the rare view mirror of his car as I sat at the back seat while he drove. With looks at though he was trying to remember my face from somewhere. We had never met, I am very sure of that because I would never forget a face like that. I remained still, my face buried neck deep into my phone whilst trying to steal glances of him as I took him in. He had nice incandescent dark eyes alit with energy that demanded attention. His mouth was moving as I was staring at him from behind, but I could not hear a word he was saying as all I could think about was how cute he was. The eyebrows that framed his eyes beautifully and his skin looked like it would taste sweet on my tongue.

Oh my GOD. I am thinking about what this boys skin tastes like. "Your name?" "Huh?" I blinked "I asked what your name was" He smiled "i am Ava. "Nice to meet you," he said. "Do you have a name?" I asked "Nath." He responded staring at me from the rare view mirror. "So, Nath" I said after he told me his name "What was your first major?" "Animal Science." He responded before continuing the conversation "Ah, so you look a lot like my ex "Really?" I asked looking puzzled. I reminded him of someone. I was hoping it was someone he liked but now it is someone he does not like anymore. After we arrived at the after lecture hall, the other people stopped to go look at the fishes at the aquarium. But Nath and I stood by the stairs waiting for them to finish so we could continue about our day. He turned to go up the stairs but not before asking what I first majored in. I moved past him to get a head start unto the stairs. With my head lowered looking into my phone, I spoke to him. "My first degree was in physiotherapy. I finished two years ago before I decided to apply to medicine and surgery." "Really? he asked. Yeah. I responded not taking my eyes off from my phone. I lifted my head to steal a glance at him and our eyes met for a few seconds too long, and we both looked away. He engaged me in conversations, and I was nervous talking, but I did not want him to stop either. "Do you want to go with me to get an empty class to study before the others join us?" "Sure."i responded climbing up the stair cases .