A Maid and a Million Men

g's

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going. Nobody knew where that would be, not even the Captain, but probably either Brest, St. Nazaire or Bordeaux, since those were the three ports that were taken over by the American Expeditionary

ony and the suspense, for at last I did the impossible a

nly ironic, because there was an old sign on the door, reading GENTLEMEN, and this hadn't been removed, the black letters had only been painted over:

ction of the deck, so no one objected to my going in there, since the officers who used the place knew that I was General Backett's dog-robber. Thus I was able to avoid visiting the more embarrassingly un-private "heads" which the enlisted m

two showers-and private ones at that. I mean,

blouse. There was a Captain in there at the time, so I made b

. You see, there's no place to undress-I mean, no privacy. And I was just about to pull my blouse off when in comes Ch

e or something. He looked at me a moment after returning the salute, then stepped in

ade a third attempt. This time I determined to take no chan

lothes in their staterooms and come down in slickers or overcoats. Finally I decided that the only place my clothes could go was up on top of the pipes at the back of the box, and there I put them. I

s me the scare of my young life. A gruff old voice says, "Who's there?" An

upposed to do? Let him co

to see a head stick up over the partition. But instead I heard him

pitch as I could manage and still make my words carry. "Ab

out of order," he gru

ed all over again. Rinsed again. Turned off th

test after getting into my clothes as fast a

within and without-and another difficulty had

n again, I had to laugh. All one needed in this man's

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lt, for I should have told Ben about meeting Chilblaines in the

aw Chilblaines it was too late to do anything about the pup. The snooty little lieut just had to poke his head in our place and look under the bu

n, who glowered at him, although he must have been scared stiff. "How d

s shoulders but

me! Are

tly. "First I know that dog w

and fever. "Followed you, eh!" he stormed. "That's mighty reasonabl

to help his expl

of your prevarications. That dog must be got rid of at once. Tell Canwick he will hear from

parked for patient waiting in front of the General's door. He lost no time in recounting what had happe

although I wasn't as confident of his judgment as Ben seemed to be. I don't know how Ben knew so much about my boss, but he seemed

p, had been sent home and chained, had broken out and come a hundred miles through a snowstorm to rejoin me the ni

, didn't you?" he observed, but not unk

the day we land. Or-" I hated to say the rest, but he kept looking at me as if waiting for me to finish so I had to go on. "Or, if

st be a pretty good dog to behave himself under such circumstances." I imme

matter, sergeant,'" he advised finall

sir?" I asked, ju

o go, just as the door opened and Chilblaines himself reported. I decided to stay until I was sent out-which was immediately, for the General said, "You may go, se

t learn to look forward instead of backward, upward instead of down, and to value morale more than discipline. A martinet seldom if ever makes any real success in wartime. Discipline that doesn't embrace common sense will not make a powerful leader. Success is not won by wasting time on past defeats, but by working toward the victories of the future.... Now this dog matter is a case in point, something in the past. It makes no difference how he came aboard. The point is that he is here an

to be gained either for you or for the United States Army by breeding

s appeared, very flushed in the face and looking rather uncomfortabl

ething had happened, for he made no bones about romping all over the compartment, since Be

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own in our hole, singing barrack-room ballads and telling dirty

recovered, eating like a horse and buying chewin

he inspecting officer had reached the bottom of the ladder by the time Ben rolled out. But Ben didn't stop to see how far down the officer was: he just screwed up his face and sent a

when the captain arose to his feet he was favored with another narrow escape, this time from a hurtling ball of chewing tobacco. This missile

tobacco during an inspection, eh? Didn't yo

s,

e me coming do

see how you got

on't need any of your

pt his mouth shut throughout the merciless bawli

s that?" he demanded, as if he were gl

's dog, sir," he declared. "Sergeant

favor him with a detail on Kitchen Police or "head orderly," neither of which were very easy on the stomach. Be

g along beautifully. If God would ju

4

getting somewhere at last. I certainly was relieved. I mean, enough is enough of this kind of traveling. If a cattle boat is anything like this, I really couldn't blame Leon much if he didn't hop on

took a job on one of them. "And he made a mistake and tried to treat a bul

do?" I aske

can walk and eat and do lots o' other uninteresting th

ently it must have been something pretty awful-and I hadn't nerve enoug

till was the idea of me doing that kind of work! However, if Leon came over that way, I'd probably have to

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This young lady's army days seemed nu

be out when the blow fell, but my absence just delayed the agony. I couldn't possibly escape bei

e of those damnably intimate "inspections" before we landed, and he proceeded to call the

o me." And the top-kicker lined them all up and led the way to the sick-

about it. "They caught one bird," he infor

nded, suppressing my excit

morning?" inquire

get anything on this ship. Don't y

? That's why they waited until now to have this thing, because they figure that if a guy ain't got nothin

ared, for he asked, "What th

nerves. "That stuff doesn't worry me any. I just h

ell go and get it ov

nd part of the evening. But I didn't know what was going to happen. The top-kicker later came around and said, "I've b

ing forth any more than my brains had so far, then somebod

hey'd pull me out, I'd have gone over the side straight. The way

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o go-any place except the hole. And of course I was worried sick all day, and even then I wasn't sure whether I'd e

d me with, "Well, Leony, you can tha

a loss to know what

mes lookin' fer you, and every time I s

ave been,

t doctor that's been waitin' specially

en't had time to chase after any doctors.

. "Don't kid me any more, b

avoiding the doctor. Apparently he did. What did he think my reason for this? Had he so

tupidly, trying to divine his thoughts. Finally he sai

hat the hell are

right. And so do I. And I'm tellin'

ow

r ya that he ought to be ashamed of himself thinkin' that a

y to that?" I asked

ional feat and smiled at me knowingly. "An' so I says, 'Y'er wastin' y

d he say

w but what he's got seven var

n? I don't see how you've saved me anyth

' captain o' this ship!' And he says, 'Is that a fact?' And I says, 'Absolutely-he don't even know what a woman looks like underneath! He's the dumbest greenhorn ya ever saw!' And so the sergeant looks at me a min

rself work, sergeant-needless work. I give ya my word o' honor Canwick ain't been near a woman an' he ain't got

ld him, "I'm glad you have such fai

don't suppose I'm dumb enough to believe that myself, do ya? I just lied fo

he matter with me, you

whether ya have or not-but you see

ad, but I was mighty glad to know that the inspection terror was at least temporarily alleviated. Final

rything and still be on layin' terms with any women! You just don't know nothin' at all about that kind o' stuff-so I guess you must be te

sir, I've never done anything like that with

e matter with y

them, that's all. They just get

instead of my brother.... Well, anyway, I had escaped the eyes of that doctor. If he wanted to meet me, and if I had anything to say about it, he'd have to come back

ing. Also everyone, or about ninety per cent of us, were hit all of a sudden with dysentery: it was something th

ure 'nough in