Death at the Excelsior

was shown into the little private sitting room where he foun

s something about this man's aspect which brought Mrs. Pickett's charges out of the realm of the fantastic into that of the possible. There was something odd-an unnatural aspect of gloom-about the man. He

Pickett came in. She made

was the peculiar metamorphosis of Mrs. Pickett from the brooding

dull evening absorbed in grim silence, and he found himself instead opposite a bottle of champagne of a brand and year which commanded his utmost resp

stared at it in wonderment. "Why, this is more than a party souvenir, Mrs. Pickett,"

as a tired old woman whom age has completely defeated. I am an ambitious hostess. When I give

ure I

you all will. You, Mr. Snyder." Sh

arning to Muller. Captain Muller, however, was already drinking heavily. He looked up when addressed and utter

andid-eye camera. "That," said Mrs. Pickett, "is a compliment to your professi

t up his heavy eyes for an instant. It came and went, if ind

enly, with just the amount of interest which

," said Oakes. "I guess

he size of m

slowly tearing the paper that sent a thrill of excitement through Mr. Snyder. Something

ere was no mistaking the look on Muller's face now. His cheeks were like wax, and his eyes, so dull till then, bla

st friend, the man who shared his room, you would value a memento of Captain Gunner.

at the thing on the table. Mrs. Pickett turned to Mr.

m very proud of the reputation of my house, Mr. Snyder, and it was a blow to me that this should have happened. I applied to an agency for a detective, and they sent me a stupid boy, with nothing to recommend him except his belief in himself. He said th

straight before him, as if he saw something

agency said that this was conclusive. He said that the snake had escaped from the room after killing Captain Gunner and had in t

und a snake. He killed it, and extracted the poison. He knew Captain Gunner's habits. He knew that he played a harmonica. This man also had a cat. He knew that cats hated the sound of a harmonica. He had often se

re on their feet. Capta

ers gripping the cloth

nlocked the door. "Kitt

tt

ing of glass the table heaved, rocked and overturned as Muller staggered to his feet. He thr

ng through the room, co

murdered Cap

n mechanically he replied:

rs. Pickett. "He has confessed

r. Snyder's grip felt limp. Mrs. Pickett stopped and took someth

your souvenir, Capta

NDER

. Indeed, it was after dark that he corrected his numerous enemies most satisfactorily. It was on a dark night, while he was settling a small score aga

" Mr. Kelly, met him in

d attended to his n

with the satisfying feeling that his duty had been done, was preparing to depart, Offi

was nothing to be done. The policeman weighed close upon fourteen stone, and could have eaten Mr. Buffin. The latter, i

than one idea at a time, and during those sixty days of quiet seclusion it was filled with an ever-growing resentment against Officer Keating. Every day, as he moved about his appointed tasks, he brooded on his wrongs. Every night was to him but the end of another day that kept him from settling

*

ld haunts one Friday night, thin but in excellent condition. One of the first acquaintances he me

t in the active discharge of his professional duties the

aid Mr.

ng fin

U

he chaps and pass them the ti

U

They're no good. And if you get mixed up with them, first thing you kn

U

aid the policeman sententiously, "

ationalist, it was a certain tendency to monotony, a

ou have our leave to depart," went on his way; while Mr. Buffin, raging, shuffled off in

o be carried through successfully it must be done when the policeman was off duty. Till then he had pictured himself catching Officer Keating in an unguarded moment on hi

e grain, he must foregather with the man, win his confidence, put himself in a p

was no exception. It never occurred to him that there could be an ulterior motive behind Mr. Buffin's advances. He regarded Mr. Buffin much as one regards

r's "Good-morning, Mr. Keating," till the sight of Officer Keating walking solidly along the pavement with Spider Buffin shuffling along

*

f tapped on the shoulder. At the same moment an arm, linking itself in his, brought him gently to a halt. Beside him were standing two of the most eminent of the great F

. Butler, "Sid wants

had seemed to detect a certain unpleasant dryness in the speaker's tone. Sid Marks, the all-powerful l

, fixed his visitor with a cold and questioning eye. Mr.

nched Porky Binns th

s heart tur

ed Sid dreamily, "have been

ty way. Rabbit Butler was looking at him in that nasty way. This was an occasion where manly frankness was the quality most to be aimed at.

plain with fev

tammered, "it ain't li

don't fink

ewed a straw

Strike me if it ain't. I'm just tryin' to find out where he g

n through it, argued Rabbit Butler, they would stand to win either way. If he had "smitched" to Officer Keating about Porky Binns he would deserve it. If he had not-well, it would prevent hi

isoner should have the benefit of the doubt this time. His story, however unplausible, mi

"but if you ever do start smitchin'

n withdre

remely unsafe for him. He must act at once. The thought of what would happen should another of the Frith Streeters be pinc

orning Mr. Keating, all unsuspecting, asked hi

gent has given me seats for the play to-nig

Dunbar when the Scots left their stronghold

t and a half, it behooves the latter to be circumspect, if the sacrifice is to be anything like a success. So Mr. Buffin waited and froze in silence. It was a painful process, and he added it to the black score which already stood against Officer Keating. Never had his thirst for revenge been more tormenting. It is doubtful if a strictly logical and impartial ju

of "The Wearing of the Green." It is a lugubrious song as a rule, but, as rendered by Offi

ned. He gripped his stick and waited. Th

a bar. A deep-chested oath rang out, and then a confused medley of sound, the rasping of feet, a growling

has been stolen. For weeks-and weeks that had seemed like years-he had marked down Officer Keating for his prey. For weeks he had tortured a mind all unused to thinking into providing him with schemes for accomplishing his end. He had outraged his nature by being civil to a policeman. He had risked his life by incurring the suspicions of Sid Marks. He

ng his frozen feet, lifted his stick, and gal

id a voice. "Pour some

. And with the pain came recollection. He remembered now, dimly, as if it had all happened in another life, the mad rush down the road, the momentary pause in the conflict, and then its noisy renewal on a mor

dishevelled but intact; three other policemen, one of whom was kneeling by his side

ausage; the other

once more. Mr. Buffin snatched at it. He felt tha

*

having seen either of them at the combat. He didn't believe they were there at all. He didn't believe they were capable of such a thing. If there was one man who was less likely to assault a policeman than Otto the S

ve been killed. But for Mr. Buffin there would have been no prisoners in court that day. The world was full of

he proceeded to do so. If there were more men like Mr. Buffin, London would be a better place. It was the occasional di

quite swiftly to the conclusion that London was no longer the place for him. Sid Marks had been in court chewing a straw and listening with grave attention

ead to run, but there were things behind him

*

lt in his pockets. Slowly, one by one, he pulled forth his little valuables. His knife

er of the street. A few moments later, with

BEST

d been trying to get to sleep, but without succ

ad hardly been a moment when she had not been hungry. Some time before Mrs. Rastall-Retford's doctor had recommended to that lady a Spartan diet, and in this Eve, as companion, had unwillingl

nt forehead, some half-dozen chins, and a manner towards those in her employment which would have been resented in a second mate by the crew of a Western

urbing Eve. That was a permanent evil. What was agitating her s

he clung to it, and to-night, when he entered the drawing-room, she had endeavoured to convey by her manner that it was only with the greatest difficulty that she remembered him at all,

e. It had been, on the whole, a comfortable situation. She had not liked Mrs. Elphinstone, but Hildebrand had been docile, and

To this class Peter belonged. He fell in love with Eve at sight, and if, at the end of the first day, there was anyone i

pacifying him with an invitation to return to the house in the following week. This done, she proceeded to eliminate Eve. In the course of the parting interview she expressed herself perhaps a little less guard

er's son, a tall, nervous young man, perpetually clearing his throat and fiddling with a pair of gold-rimmed g

through the dusk the friendly gleam of the saloon windows, and with a happy sigh reaches for his revolver. There could be no two meanings to that look. It said, as

ble it was for five minutes; and then it suddenly struck her that she was hungrier than ever. She had fo

d, as it did so, it came to Eve that on the si

was creeping soft

*

hed the dining-room. It would be pleasant to switch on the light. She pushed open the door, and

st have heard the door open. In ano

ke trem

e. I'm pointing

did no

said, indulgently. "

n exclamation

you doing her

tly into indignation. On the table were half a chick

, helping himself to a cold potato. "I h

tin

nger's death to the finer feelings. It's the solar plexus punch which puts one's better self down and out for the count of ten.

to look at it, but p

she sn

ittle thing; I know

stam

eak to me like t

ttled beer

ppose you heard a noise and th

pting the idea. At all costs she

lucky of you. Wo

going bac

about. Sit down. That's right. Now cover up your

tarte

Ray

t d

y, then, wondering at hers

n by dashing off from my sister's house without leaving a w

ght, Mr.

gn in tips to find out your address? I couldn't get it out of my sister, and I had t

t stay here

u fly off without a word and bury yourself in this ben

of your hostess," s

when she started to bullyrag you, it was all I could do-But it won't last long now. You must come awa

d so much to say that the difficu

n, do you have to give a m

with a sh

said. "You have been very am

settled," said Pe

away without saying a single one of

hat I intend to marry you? Do

d to you, Eve. You sha'n't ever have any more worries, poor old thing." He looked at her affectionately. "I wonder why it is that larg

st out Eve, "who thinks about n

put it quite like that,"

man," said Eve, b

e of the Civil War the Rayner of the period, who was King Charles's right-hand man, would freq

d the door

se you,"

tenderly. "To-morrow mor

a cigarette after breakfast when Eve came to him. Her fac

e said. "Mrs. Rastall-Retford says I'm to t

ke that,"

. Rastall-Retford is paying me a salary to d

nd he appeared to be feeling a universal benevolence towards all created things. He even softened slightly on the subject of

t till they were nearing home on t

yner,"

said

Rastall-Retford after b

something

cience i

h to your credit." She looked away across the fields. "

Then Peter spoke three wor

ittle

ed at him, her eyes

said. "Now perh

said Peter, s

ou like. You will be able to creep about your club gn

I crept about my club gnawing cold chicken I should have the committee aft

nd let it be a surprise? Well, for lunch you will have some boiled potatoe

ow did you account for my taking all the chicken I could g

trouble, even if you had to sacrifice your principles. But

man who braces himself up and thanks whatev

ok of verses underneath the bou

pted Eve. "I told her you w

r silence, longe

said Eve, at last,

at her i

best

Lon

that I am interested

it he

. Elphinstone's refusing parsnips? You said that, so far as you were concerned,

" said

a stupid mistake. I told the cook yo

y. "I'm putting up with a

. Why don't

o take you away from this place. Honestly, it's killing you. I was watching you last night. You're scared if that infernal old woman starts

for dinner to-nigh

te, I expect. Perhaps I am, too. Perhaps I am the h

tly. "I shouldn't have thought it possib

*

o right to have followed her to this house, and that he was at perfect liberty to leave whenever he wished, that she could harden her heart aga

gh Eve saw little of Peter, except at meals and in the drawing-room after dinner-for Mrs. Rastall-Retford spent most of the day in her own sitting-room and required Eve to be at her side-she could picture his sufferings, and, try as she would, she could not keep

Dante has spoken the last word on the post-mortem housing of the criminal classe

*

ve to sit at meals and listen to the only girl you have ever really loved being bullyragged by an old lady with six chins. And all these unpl

e. He was a confirmed vanisher. He would be present at one moment, the next he would have glided silently away. And, even on the r

a man who got stuck in the Sargasso Sea. It seemed to him now th

he club and begun to talk about the dear old 'Varsity days, ignoring the embarrassment of the latter, whose only clear recollection of the dear old 'Varsity days as linking Peter and himself was of a certain bump-supper night, when sundry of the festive, led and inspired by Peter, had completely wrecked his rooms and shaved off half a growing moustache. He conveyed to young Mr. Rastall-Retford the impression that, in the dear old 'Varsity days, they had shar

*

coming into the drawing-room before dinner, found Peter standing in

?" sa

e fire and war

e said, di

first time Eve had the sensation of being thoroughly beaten. She dreaded the long hours to bedtime. The thought that

yed the game for counters at her house, and there had been occasions in Eve's experience when the loss of a hundred or so of these useful little adjuncts to Fun in the Home had lashed her almost into a frenzy. She was one of those bridge players who keep up a running quarrel with Fate during the game, and when she was not

ed at her

le to-nigh

e a he

ur hostess? Fa

I heard her bullying her

ime for you?" he sa

bridge. But she may go to

r voice level, but h

y, "won't you let me t

this sort of game. Y

loved and made

ughed

ess of some lady who wants a comp

you the addr

elpiece and stood looking int

gain there was a step o

ord rustled

l-Retford sat brooding dumbly. Her eye was cold and menacing, and Peter, working his way through his vegetables, shuddered for Eve. He had understood her all

side-table a plate of chicken sandwiches and (in deference to Peter's vegetarian views) a smaller plate of cheese sandwiches. At the

s. But he was prepared to abandon them joyfully if his

oing to be a trying one. On the other occasions when they had played he had found it an extremely difficult task, even with moderate cards, to bring it about that his hostess should always win the odd rubber, for he was an excellent player, and, like most

ubled, and, Eve having chicane-a tragedy which her partner evidently seemed to consider could have been avoided by

e sorted her cards listlessly. She was feeli

icks in succession, and, judging from the glitter in his mild eye, was evidently going to win as man

led a club. Eve playe

o clubs, Mi

and looked

she

etford grunted

ing a wire through it. He whistled joyously as he worked. He did not know that he had selected for purposes of perforation the exact spot where there lay, nestli

e more to make certain that she had no clubs, she discovered the

o Eve just then it seemed a disaster beyond words. She looked across at her

in a crisis an unwonted flash of speed. Eve's did at this

thered it up in the introspective manner of one planning big coups, and was brooding

ickly to the side-table, and, turning her back, slipped the

ed, did not notice for an in

ou doing, M

breathin

Mr. Rayner might

with the plate. It

iss Hendrie. The idea-in the middle of a hand

sandwich again. He was puzzled. This had the aspect of being an olive-branch-could it be? Could she be meaning-

hat Mr. Rayner is a vegetarian, Miss Hendrie," said M

"it is not a c

anch, and bit into it with the energy of a star

" cried Mrs. R

rted vi

play? The king of clubs to beat. I can't t

id Eve, and put down

all-Retfo

e ace of clubs. If you have not got it, who ha

N

here ca

" echoed Peter, t

on, "I-I-have only five ca

ord "Nonsense! Count again. Ha

d stooped and look

"I suppose it must have been miss

nderously. It offended her vaguely that there seemed

*

ey were alone in the room, Mr. Rastall-Retford having drifted silently

his hea

pon me, not laughing. Do you suppose King Charles laughed at my ancestor when he ate the despatches

ly serious. The s

ou don't know what it would have been like if she had found out that I had revoked. I did it once before, and she k

nod

I wonder how soon we can get married. Do

d at him

y obstinate

pack to-night, do you think, and be rea

icate pattern on the floor

e fond of me!" she said. "I

been all that's

ou why," she went on.

hought a

seemed to be getting

wou

d things that-hurt," sa

to where she sat

but about once every six months she needs a brotherly talking-to, or

oke he

ates the brain. I fancy I shall be able to think out

ND THE C

of those things that make you wish you were living in the Stone Age. What I mean to say is, if a fellow in those days wanted to give anyone a letter of introduction, he had to spend a month or so carving it on a large-sized boulder, and the chances were that the other chappie go

on to me from Aunt Agatha … where was I? Oh, yes … I don't mind admitting, I was saying, that just at first I was rather bucked. You see, after the painful events which had resulted in my leaving England I hadn't expected to get any sort of letter from Aunt Agatha which would pass the censor, so to speak. And it was a pleasant surprise to open this on

le homesick on a foreign strand, and I wanted to pop back to the cosy old flat in Berkeley Street-which could only be done when Aunt Agatha had simmered down and got over the Glossop episode. I know that London is a biggish city, but, believe me, i

glad cry to welcome another day and all that sort of thing. Which was rather decent of Jeeves, by the way, for it so happened that there was a slight estrangement, a touch of coldness, a bit of a row in other words, between us at the moment because of some rather priceless purple socks which I was wearing against his wishes: and a lesser

crisp morning air, and didn't let me know of his e

e, Jeeves?" I said, giving

ngland, I understand, sir. He cal

on't mean to say the day

o say he would r

him. Have you ever

e name Bassington-Bass

Bassington-Bassingto

the Hampshire Bassingt

ington-Ba

well stocked up with B

ably s

sudden shortag

ably no

of a specimen

sir, on such sho

judging from what you have seen of him, that th

not care to venture

that remains to be discovered i

The gentleman brought

mmunication. And then I recognised the handwriti

eed,

Jeeves, if I only fawn on him a bit, so that he sends back a favourable report to head-quarters, I may yet be able to get back to England in time for Good

s,

ngton. Going to give the nibs there the once-over, apparently, before taking a whirl at the Diplomatic Servi

ould be entirely

since we left England. It looks to me as i

ossibly

things, and there was a

g a bit but having a dash at the careless

our pard

olly pur

good

of the salad. You could see he was feeling deeply. Deuced painful and all that, this

*

ointment to feed the Wooster face with a cove of the name of Caffyn I'd got pally with since my arrival-George Caffyn, a fellow who wrote plays and what not. I'd ma

rehearsal of his new musical comedy, "Ask Dad"; and we started in. We had just r

gave the socks one pained look as

assington has jus

O

s,

re i

rison

to happen to Aunt Agatha's nominee on his f

pris

he had been arrested and would be glad

ed! Wha

with his confidence

bit thick

isely

d we hopped into a taxi. We sat around at the police-station for a bit on a wooden

oa! Halloa!"

d every Boat-Race night, and he always looked like something that had been dug up by the roots. Cyril was in pretty much the same sort of shape. He had a black eye and a torn collar, and altogether was not

ur messag

you Berti

l George Caffyn. Writes plays

ing-gum from the underside of a chair, where he had parked it against a

tten country,

, you know, don't

best," sa

I explained. "Writes plays, d

s Columbus. But I shall be delighted to consider any improvemen

e policemen in New

at the chewing offi

anything miss

confusing. I was simply standing on the pavement, looking at things, when a fellow who looked like a postman prodded me in the ribs with a c

taken," said George

All the Bassington-Bassingtons have got frightfully hasty tempers, don't you k

was a bit perturbed. There were furrows in the old brow, and I had a kind of foreboding feeling. As long as this chump stayed in New York, I was responsible fo

tion and re-read it, and there was no getting away from the fact that she undoubtedly appeared to be somewhat wrapped up in this blighter and to consider it my mission in life to shield him from harm while on the premises. I was deuced thankful that he had taken such a liking for George Caffyn, old George

es came in with a telegram. At least, it wasn't a telegram:

On no account introduce him into theatrica

a couple

rummy,

s,

and dashed

anything furthe

im the cable and ask his advice. But if he was letting those purple socks rankle to that extent, the good old noblesse o

g more,

night,

d ni

t efforts of the old bean to the problem for a matter of half an hour, when there was

may," he said. "Got something

e. Caught sight of my name and read it without thinking. I say, Wooster, old friend of my youth, this is rather funny. Do you mind if I have a drink? Thanks awfully and all that sort of rot. Yes, it's rather funny, c

idn't seem to notice that I wasn't ju

the subject was mentioned. That's the real reason why I came over here, if you want to know. I knew there wasn't a chance of my being able to work this stage wheeze in London without somebody getting o

eason with t

or will have to

the jolly old star by then, and

one leg to stand on while h

ome in? What have yo

d you to Geo

There's an early rehearsal of 'Ask Dad' to-morrow morning, and I must be toddling. Rummy the thing should

blighter scudded off. I dived for t

all this about Cyril

abou

ve given him a pa

Just a f

bles from home telling me on no a

the type I need for that part.

Agatha sent this blighter over with a letter of int

you out of

plain. But she's a sort of human vampire-bat, and she'll make things most fearfully unpleasant for me wh

to England, then. S

sid

orge, ol

d ni

y, George,

You Idle Rich may not need any sleep, but I've got

't a thing I'd have cared to do as a rule, but it seemed to me that now was the time for all good men to come to the aid of

d in a brown

ir

and what not, but all sorts of dashed

tice, on retiring, to read a few

ising the old bean, it's probably in mid-season form for tackling

eed,

ly are most fearfully dead against his going on the stage. There's going to be no end of

ee,

think of some way

ess, at the

ave a st

consideration, sir. Will there

ve had all I ca

good

oppe

*

think that my only feeling about the whole affair was one of enthusiastic admiration, and that he could rely on my support and sympathy. What with trying to imagine how Aunt Agatha was going to take this thing, and being woken up out of the dreamless in the small hours every other night to give my opinion o

rious influences while he was in America. The letter came by the afternoon mail, and left me with a pretty firm conviction that it wasn't a thing I ought to keep to myself. I didn't even wait to ring the bell: I whizzed for the kitchen, bleating for Jeeves, and butted into t

to interrupt the feast of reason a

e kind that makes you reach up to see if your tie is straight: and he looked at me as if I were some sort of unnecessary product which Cuthbert t

said. "What?" There did

e impression he gave me was that he didn't think a lot of me and wasn't betting much that I would improve a gr

our name?

ster, don't you k

richer tha

hild having said his say, started in

spare a moment? I want

We toddled into

e friend, Sidney t

g gentlem

describing him, but I

aking a liberty in e

your idea of a large

father's valet, sir, whom I used to know somewhat intimately

about him, Jeeves.

t the up-

sir!" was all he

e going to

rovide a so

r hand, it m

ely tru

at the door. Jeeves shimmered off, and Cyril

rt of mine. How ought I to dress it? What I mean is, the first act scene is laid in a

t for a discussion

r consult Je

means unripe id

o the kitche

good old bell, s

ght

oured si

st wanted to have a syllable or two wit

near the door looking at Cyril as if his worst fears had been realised. There was a bit of a sile

h-fa

at?" sa

ht at his mother's knee to speak the t

face lik

m. I don't mind admitting that, whenever I looked at Cyril's face, I always had a feeling that he couldn't have got that way wit

grasp the thing, and then you could hear the blo

!" he said. "I'm

eal of earnestness, "not if you gave me a million dollars." He thought

pretty well congested with arms and legs and things. Something bumped into the Wooster waistcoat just around the third button, and I collapsed on to the settee and rather lost

ghtful little b

I never saw him

say, Wooster, that kid said a dashed odd thing. He yelled out somethi

pretty unli

d Jeeves d

k me as r

d be the se

what I c

thing to Jeeves what so

coldly, I fancied. I don't know why.

p-p

day, and this was to be a sort of preliminary dress-rehearsal. A preliminary dress-rehearsal, old George explained, was the same as a regular dress-rehearsal inasmuch as it was apt to look like nothing on earth and last into the small hours, but

chappie with big spectacles and a practically hairless dome. I had seen George with the latter merchant once or twice at the club, and I knew that he was Blumenfield, the manager. I waved to George, and slid into a seat at the back of the house, so as to

the backbone of the show, and that the rest of the company didn't do much except go on and fill in when he happened to be off the stage. I sat there for nearly half an hour, waiting for him to make his entrance, until I suddenly discovered he had been on from the start. He was, in fact, the rummy-looking plug-ugly who was now leaning against a potted palm a couple of feet from the O.P. side, trying to ap

is pals had shuffled off into the wings when

op

peered into the shadows. Who should it be but Jeeves's little playmate with the freckles! He was now strolling down the aisle

t number's no good." Old Blumen

u like it

es me a

e dead

py there. Something wit

I'll make a note of

s muttering to himself in

d man, who the dic

it hollowly, as if thi

It's Blumenfield's son. Now we'r

ays run thin

way

ld Blumenfield

he amount of intelligence of the average member of the audience, and that what makes a hit with him will please the general public. While,

r and a Voice named Bill that came from somewhere near the roof, the subject under discussion being where the devil Bil

ubtless for the best reasons. So far he had only had two lines to say. One was "Oh, I say!" and the other was "Yes, by Jove!"; but I seemed to rec

ver, there was a bit of unpleasantness because a flower-pot fell off a window-ledge and nearly brained the hero. The atmosphere was consequently more or less hotted up when Cyril, who had been hanging about at the back of the stage, breezed down centre and toed the m

passed it over the larynx with a goodish deal of vim and je-ne-sais-quoi. But, by Jove, before the h

op

darl

ne's no

one, da

th a face l

ave faces like

e justice of this objectio

ugly

one?" said old Blumenf

He's r

ght so

s a

my boy. I've notic

e that these harsh words had hit the old Bassington-Bassington family pride a frightful wallop. He started to get pink in the ears, and then in the

deuce do

outed old Blumenfield. "Don't ye

nd to come down and sp

ha

ed good

like a pumped-up tyre. H

r-I don't know y

olly old Bassington-Bassingtons-I mean the

ingtons and what they weren't accustomed to. The whole strength of the company rallied round to

!" said the stout child, wagglin

y cheek from you!" sai

lumenfield. "Do you underst

yril. "And you both

ed old Blumenfield, sw

of my t

*

he good old interior with a soothing cup of Oolong, Jeeves filtered into

he look,

ir

assington-Bassin

to criticise the facial pec

mean, does he appear

, sir. His mann

t's

ir

how him in,

t's battle. I was looking for a bit of the overwrought soul and the quivering gangl

ooster, o

eer

ked in to s

od-

ld top," he went on, "I've been thinking it all over, and really it doesn't seem quite

what yo

d I can't help thinking it would be a bit of a jar for the old boy if I gave him the bird and went on the stag

show without upse

rse, he's sorry to lose me-said he didn't see how he could fill my place and all that sort of thing-but, a

absol

o be shifting. Awfully glad to have seen someth

dle-

aze of a young child. I rang for Jeeves. You know, ever since last night I had been

eve

ir

ie-faced infant up

ton-Bas

ir

I mean. Did you t

on sacked from the

ble that young Master Blumenfield may have gathered from casual remarks of mine that I

ou know, you're a

to give satis

I mean. Aunt Agatha would have had sixteen or

pleasantness, sir. I am laying out the blue suit with the

*

ting behaviour in this matter of the chump Cyril. It cut me to the heart to do it, but I had decided to give him his way and let those purple socks pass out of my life. After all,

ft looked at me, as I hopped in, with a

o', suh," he said,

? W

em purple socks, as you told h

mauve from the ankle-bone southward. I do

! Right-o! Glad you

to say, wha

N THE SP

, Jeeves,

ng, sir," s

t amazing cove, Jeeves. So dashed competent in every respect. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I mean to say, take just one small instance. Every other valet I've ever had used to barge into my room in the morning while I

e weather

nally cle

g in the

eatening in the Balkans,

ght told me to put my shirt on Privateer for th

te it, sir. The stab

he knows. There was a time when I would laugh lightly, and go

id, "have those mauve one

. I sent

them

y would not ha

doubt, are all for having their valets confine their activities to creasing trousers and what not without trying to run the home; but

e a few moments ago, sir. I informe

leave a

a matter of importance to discuss

t I shall be seein

oubt,

ve probably heard of Little's Liniment-It Limbers Up the Legs.) Bingo biffs about London on a pretty comfortable allowance given him by his uncle, and leads on the whole a fairly unclouded life. It wasn't likely that anything which he desc

to the open window to inspect the day. It c

es,"

the breakfast things, but at the sound of th

ght about the weather.

dedly

and al

s,

a livelier iris gleams u

been info

lowest shoes, and the old green Homburg. I'

ing from the west? Kind of uplifted feeling. Romantic, if you know what I mean. I'm not much of a ladies' man, but on this particular morning it seemed to me that what I really wanted was some charming girl to b

ertie," s

The cravat! The gent's neck

e blushed. "I-er

bject. We toddled along a bit, and sat dow

want to talk to me ab

with a start. "O

idn't seem to want to get going. Conversation languished.

d, after a pause of abo

al

ike the n

N

N

N

music in the word, like the wind ru

N

inted for a momen

always were a fatheaded worm w

ay. Who is she

her-he has been perpetually falling in love with someone, generally in the spring, which seems to act on him like magic. At sch

nd meet her at lunch," he

said. "Where are you me

the

e dotted about all over London, and into this, if you'll believe me, young Bingo dived like a homing rabbit; and before I

ys had a fair amount of the ready. Apart from what he got from his uncle, I knew that he had finished up the jumping season well on

tress arrived. Ra

in addition to asking a girl to lunch with him in a place like this, he should fling hims

s suffused with a rich blush. He looked

he said, with

" said

"this is Bertie Woo

you," she said.

," I

earing the tie

beautiful,"

and struck them on the mazzard, regardless of their age and sex; but poor old Bingo

?" asked the girl, introducing the

ied the me

and ham pie, slice of fruit cake, a

l of mine all these years and think me capable of insultin

k-pudding, with a sparkling lim

s way of macaroons and limado, was the man I had seen in happier days telling the head-waiter at Claridge's exactly how he wanted the chef

't been specially prepared by the nastier-minded members of the Borgia family for

id Bingo r

y opinion of the female po

nice,"

ed diss

most wonderful girl you e

to appease the blighter.

ption dance a

doing at a subscriptio

ld buy a couple of tickets. It was

now he went in for

s there, swinging a dashed efficient shoe. I hadn't meant to go at first

ed?" I asked, the old lem

I hadn't gone I shou

, a

of trance, and only came out of it to

said, "I want

rry

od to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old ass, a

, I see

nd see what he suggests. You've often told me that he has helped other pals of yours

er let me

t my cas

t ca

prob

prob

ink my uncle's going to say to all this? If I sprang it

e emotional

ind has got to be prepa

ho

A

o you put the whole binge to Jeeves and see if he can't scare up a happy ending somehow. Tell him my future is in his hands, and that, if the wedding

tedly,"

I would have thought of doing myself if I had been in any hole of any description. As I have frequently had occasion to ob

e to him that ni

eve

ir

busy ju

, s

oing anything

mproving book; but, if you desire my services, this can

ur advice. It's

elder Mr. Little, his uncle,

ally with Bingo practically all my life, and yet I didn't rememb

he lived in Pounce

intimacy with the elder

re is an und

of a start. Somehow I'd never thought o

ean you'r

id to amount

l, w

, as though he felt called on to give some explanation

the detai

ght to rally round a trifle and help poor old Bingo put the thing

business he has become a great recluse, and now devote

hog, y

terms, sir. He is what is usually called a gourmet. Very particular about w

e c

s,

be to shoot young Bingo in on him after dinner one

the moment Mr. Little is on a d

gin to loo

speaking only the other day to Mr. Little's valet, and he was telling me that it has become his principal duty to re

mean? Old man touched

ld rely more on young Mr. Li

kind face, but when it comes to liter

overcome. I would be h

Perhaps I might expl

y I quite g

Direct Suggestion, sir, consisting as it does of driving an idea hom

other is the best, and after a bit you come under the

to the subject's views on class distinctions. If young Mr. Little were to read day after day to his uncle a series of narratives in which marriage with young persons of an inferior social statu

ever see mentioned in the papers are about married couples w

the reviewers but widely read. You have never

N

Summer Rose,' by

N

M. Banks'. I could easily borrow as many volumes as young Mr. L

t's wort

inly recommend

unt's to-morrow and grab a couple of the

isely

*

not being much of a lad for fiction and having stuck hitherto exclusively to the heavier monthly reviews; but Bingo had got chapter one of "All for Love" past his guard before he knew what was happening

ymptoms up in a medical dictionary, and he thought he had got "clergyman's throat." But against this you had to set the fact that he was making an undoubted hit in the right quarter, and also that after the evening's reading he always stayed on to dinner; and, from what he to

e had had in the past, and sketched out scenarios of what he was going to do to the bill of fare in the future, when the doctor put him in shape; so I suppose he enjoyed himself, too, in a way. Anyhow,

ogress, Jee

ry satisfac

hat when he came to th

uncle gulped like a

eed,

es the girl in his arm

ir. It is distinctly moving. It wa

're on the

d seem s

and I always shall say, that for sheer brain, Jeeves, you stand alone. All th

, sir. I endeavour t

's gout had ceased to trouble him, and that on the morrow he would

Bingo, "he wants you to

He doesn't

oes. I've told

ve you t

ou. And take my tip, laddie-you go! I should th

ing dashed odd-almost sinister, if you know what I mean-about young Bingo

ye," I said. "Why should your uncle ask

been telling him all about you-that you're my best

er thing. Why are you so

itated fo

is is it. I want you to spring the ne

m hanged

l yourself a

; but there

reproachfully, "I s

he

llow, then. Well, anyway, we were boys tog

haven't nerve enough for any dashed thing in t

Bingo. "One-thirty to-

*

ible lunch to a fellow if he is slung out into the street on his ear during the soup course? However, the word of a Wooster is his bond and all that sort of rot, so at one-thirty next day I

us ounce on him since we first met; but the uncle restored the average and a bit over. The hand which grasped m

gratified-I am pr

ung Bingo must have boo

ah!"

, still hanging on to

ung to have acco

nd that, since I won the prize at my first school for the best collection of wild flowers made during the summer holidays, I haven't done a dam' thing to land me on the nation's scroll of fame. I was wo

Good man! I knew I could rely on you. I say, ol

over me. I can

is, old man, I know you won't mind, but I told him that y

ha

ur words. A brightish idea, what? I doubt if Jeeves in person could have thought up a better one than that. Well, pitch it strong, old lad, and keep steadily before you the fact that I must

unded, and the genial host came tumbling do

*

sly, if you know what I mean, I could see it was pretty special, but I had got the wind up to such a frightful extent over the ghastly situation in whic

he literary note ri

hat I have been making a close stu

t. How-er-how did you

reveren

a man as young as you can have been able to plumb human nature so surely to its depths; to play with so unerri

just a kna

ead by this time in a pretty lavish manne

the room a

rather not.

pared to admit-it is that she is inclined to stress the pepper a

he subject of my literary output that I

ooster. I may be prejudiced, but

tely!"

t one must make allowances. There had been several air-raids about that time, and no doubt the poor woman was shaken. But nothing is perfect in this world, Mr. Wooster, and I have had my cross to bear. For seven years I have lived in constant apprehension l

d Lo

uthor of 'A Red, Red Summer Rose.' But I am thankful to say the worst h

od

d, speaking of your books, may I say that what has impressed me about them even more than the moving poignancy of the ac

lways rather given me to understand that it is the presence in it of chappi

. I appreciate it! You are big enough to see that rank is but the guinea stamp and that, in the magnificent words of Lord B

at

o you thi

when I was like other men, a slave to the idiotic convention w

wn it. Jeeves ha

might call a certain social position to marry a gi

edly I do,

ath, and slipped

w, you know-wants to ma

for it," sai

on't o

e cont

th and shifted to the so

ting in, don't you know," I sai

o not quite

ey you're good enough to give him. He was rather hoping t

hook his hea

pelled to save every penny. I will gladly continue my nephew's existing

you're no

s has cooked so well for me honoured me by accepting my hand this very morning." A cold gleam o

*

ring the afternoon to reach you on the telephon

oor old Bingo an outline of the situati

a trifle

"so brace up and bite the bullet

hose books to old Mr. Little an

d not so

of yours-Miss Watson, you know-the cook, you know-well, the long and the short of

ir

mitten and gone and

tt

eed,

t seem mu

I had anticipated

what on earth did you s

atson. In fact, I greatly desired it. I respect Miss Watson exceedingly, but I have seen for a lo

Jeeves! There

s,

as this bee

ttracted by her when I first met her

ted aunt

ined his he

oung person that young Mr. Little-I have placed t

EALE

s he can get mixed up in. Now, I have money and curiosity and all the time there is. My name's Pepper-Reggie Pepper. My uncle was the colliery-owner chappie, and h

we celebrated. He always liked me because I didn't mind listening to his theories of Art. For Archie, you must know, was an artist. Not an ordinary artist either, but o

oming up one way and going down the other, and thinking nothing i

I want yo

" I said. "State yo

s-I'm engaged

scout, a mi

s very much, and al

rouble? Don't

expression came

Why, she's

he had calmed down, I said, "W

nk a man is bound to tell his

pared to find that a man has-er-sowed his wild oats

d quite

nd make a living by painting, I found that people simply wouldn't buy the sort of work I did at an

't supposed to be. There's one in particular, called "The Coming of Summer," which I sometimes dream about when I've been hitting it up a shade too vigorously. It's all dots and splashes, with a great eye staring out of the

h, my sojourn in Paris gave me a rather nice taste in light wines. The consequence was that I came to the conclusion, after I h

ry w

ith a kind of wi

a statement like that openly and without fear.

ld say

whisper, and he looked ov

e, I d

u w

nt them. I am the creato

t Bella, Cousin Joe, and Mabel, the daughter, and they have all sorts of slapstick adventures. Pa, Ma and Aunt Bella are pure gargoyles; Cousin Joe is a little more nearly semi-human, and Mabel is a perfect darli

win

ht when I had a toothache, and next day I took some specimens round to an editor. He rolled in his chair, and told me to start in and go on till further notice. Since th

course you m

w her, Reggie. Have yo

ge

my kno

own the joyway at the Hippodrom

matter of fact, I scarcely know a dozen of the Hippodr

knew, and could never be quite the same to me again. But I want you to meet her and judge for yourself. It's just possible that I am taking

*

as. She was kind of intense, if you know what I mean-kind of spiritual. She was perfectly pleasant, and drew me out about golf and all that sort of thing; but all the time I felt that she considered me an earthy worm whose loftier soul-essence had been carelessly left out of his composition at birth. She made me wish that I had never seen a musical comedy

aid, "you must

I hate the thought

at now you're going to b

g to account for the fact that

vate means, of course. What

P. Rails. It is a devilish good th

then. She'll take it for granted it's a legacy. A spiritu

re right. It cuts both

do

*

or their honeymoon. I wondered how the Doughnuts were going to get on in old Archie's absence, but it seemed that he had buckled down to it and turned out three months' supply in advance. He told me that long practice had

than twice or three times. When I did, he appeared sound in wind and limb, and reported that married life was all to the velvet, and that he regarded

suspecting what the parcel contained-that he came to me unexpectedly one afternoon with a face so long and s

ul thing has happened. Hav

s.

has been jumping around with a club and hammering the stuffing out

"But, after all, it doesn't matter so very much. What I mean is, bang go your little savings

'didn't you tell me all your money was in B. and O. P.?' 'Yes,' I said. 'Why?' 'Then we're ruined.' Now do you see? If I had had time to think, I could have said that I had

t on earth are y

r, and trying to get out of the rest of our lease up at the flat, and then we're going to look about for a cheaper place, probably down Chelsea way, so as to be near my studio. What was t

*

of poor old Archie from now on. His sad case fascinated me. It was rather thrilling to see him wrestling with New Zealand mutton-hash and draught beer down at his Chelsea flat, with all the suppressed anguish of a man who has let himself get accustomed to delic

I don't think Eunice had thought much of me before, but now she seemed to feel that I had formed a corner i

and were sitting round trying to forget it, "I wonder you don't try another line i

nipped me

ot educated up to his work, but it is only a question of time. Archie suffers, like all pioneers,

d. "Sorry. I on

ait that it almost caused a rift. He asked me one morning which suit I would wear that day, and, by Jove, I said, "Oh, any of them. I don't mind." There was a most frig

one night, just after I had gone to bed, I got it. Yes, by gad, absolutely got it. And I was so exc

oa?' so that you can tell her it was someone on the wrong wire. I've got it, my boy. All you've got to do to solve the whole problem is to tell he

e been a bit disappointing, only there was a tremble in it which made me unders

*

d it would sound fishy. Eventually I had a brain wave, and suggested J. Bellingwood Brackett, the American millionaire. He lives in London, and you see his name in the papers everyday as having bought some painting or statue or something, so why shouldn't he buy Archie's "Comi

Mrs. Archie that all was well, and that the old home was saved, and that Ca

was two thousand to a man who had been fleecing the widow and the orphan for forty odd years without a break? I thought t

when Wilberforce brought me the paper in bed, and I l

D BRACKETT

ISH

-

PRICE FOR YOUNG

-

OWN FUTURIST

rchie, looking more like Pa Doughnut than anything human, and a smudged reproduction of "The Coming of Summer"; and, believe me, frightful as

ll, it was fame for dear old Archie. As soon as I had

looking a bit dazed, but she was simmering wit

has at last been recognized? How quiet he kept it. I had no idea that Mr

bout," I said. "You can

nds for one picture-and th

aid, "is how the pap

papers," said Mrs. Arc

did the writin

the office, wouldn't

I said. "They are wonder

the thing a little more and perk up, instead of sitting there looki

your studio, while the police see that the waiting line of mi

arting as if someone had dug a

the bell, followed b

n was a

s. Archie. "I suppose we shall get

w Liggett,'" said Mrs. Archie "I don't know him. Do you, Ar

n he

come into contact with them. Renshaw Liggett gave me this feeling directly he came in; and when he fixed me with a sinister glance and said, "Mr. Ferguson?" I

chibald Ferguso

as to say that you couldn't deceive him. He produced

ed the public

nodde

r. Brackett extreme annoyance, and, as it might also lead to other and more serious c

?" cried Mrs. Arc

a sort of trance. Now she jumped into the fight with a

, on the eighteenth of June last, attempt to walk up Fifth Avenue in his pyjamas, we shall be able to show that his action was the result of an election bet. But as the parties to whom I have alluded will undoubtedly snatch at every straw in their efforts to prove that Mr. Brackett is mentally infirm, the prejudicial effect of this publication cannot be over-estimated. Unless Mr. Brackett can clear himself of the stigma of having given two thousand pounds for this extra

oming of Summer" as if

o me in quite that light before, but, considering it calmly now, I could see that a man who would disgorge two thousand

ght back at him, as

es, but my husband can prove without difficult

lls, looked at the ceiling and at th

ally. "I can't. B

, and made for the door. "My client has no objection to young artists advertising themselves, realizing that this

ave ever been mixed up in. For the life of me, I couldn't see who was to

Archie opened

does i

o me with a sor

the kitchen and asking Julia for this

back with it to the sitting room. Archie took the paper

!" he

lo

all my money came from, all the money I lost when B. and O. P. Rails went smash. And this is where

elf, and only just managed not to laugh, for it was the set of pictures where Pa Doughnut t

nderstand,

things. I have

chi

but stuck t

nd why we fixed up this story about old Brackett. I couldn't bear to live on you any lo

oiler exploding, s

pper, do look! He's trying to cut the electric wire with the scissors, an

table, and picked up a magazine, point

cried. "Re

aking voice

fectly well, don't yo

t of bed and say to y

your life. You're w

u would avoid the man

little boy said yes

FIRST M

fast, you

ctly

ossibility. Coffee c

eadly drug caffei

nts I have been through, fearing that you would some day find me out and despise me. I couldn't help it. I had no private means, and I didn't make enough out of my poetry to keep me in hats. I learned

et. And I drifted out. It seemed to me that this was a scene in which I was not on. I sidled t

TEST

r-"you ought to get married, old man." Well, what I mean to say is, it's all very well, and I see their point and all that sort of thing

shed control, I am inclined to think that we should have brought it off. I'm bound to say that, now that what the poet chappie calls the first fine frenzy has been on the ice fo

the mitten, I lost my stroke at golf so completely that a child could have given me a stroke a hole

ou what they

usual, when, instead of simply refusing me, as she generally did

, Reggie, I

in was pretty good on the spur of the moment, but d

t there are possibilities in you; that, properly stimulated and encouraged, you might overcome the handicap of large priva

de me, stimulating and all that sort of rot, don't you kno

could be

chance

ook he

a gamble. I have just been staying wi

g invitation to go down there and stay as long as I like. Harold

Reggie. I am extremely angry with Harold.

mean? Harold wouldn't

dreamy, sentimen

at the bottom of the whole trouble. You know,

first wife died abo

cherishes

porting

r two in his affections; a man whose idea of a pleasant conversation was a string of anecdotes illustrating what a dear woman his fir

etty rotten. Does H

ieve me, every evening at seven o'clock he goes and shuts himse

th does he d

ortrait of her in the room. I believe he lays flowers in front of it.

esn't s

etends she doesn't mind. She has a nervous, sensitive temperament,

, I thought this pretty unjust. I didn't want t

s got to do with your n

sa

ration of the risks a woman runs when

surely don't cla

ve both always had large private means, and ha

is an absolute nut. Why should you thi

always

dea cam

some stunt which only a deuced brainy chappie

hat do you pr

ll, er, to be absolutely frank,

one of the idle rich, and your brain,

t. I didn't mind a heart-to-heart talk, but

ike after that fi

ight there with the gray matter, but without any clear notion of what I was going to do. Side by side with this in my mind was the case of dear old Harold. When I wasn't brooding on the stunt, I was brooding on Harold. I was fond of the good old lad, and I hated the idea of his slowly wrecking the h

so that the chappie quits of his own accord. You want to egg him on to overdoing the thing till he

uick start. I wrote to Harold straight away, proposing myself fo

d deal of entertaining at times, but on this occasion I was the only gu

der. I don't mind many things, but I do hesitate to dig into my host's intimate private affairs. But Harold was

wife's name. The difficulty was to get him to talk of anything else.

ump, but Harold was a super-chump, and I did what I liked with him. Th

t going to show old Reggie

He explained to me that it had been his studio. At one t

ing at the portrait. "I

aned when you were he

, isn'

, you could recognize the likeness when

of it, and gave it th

ld top, sometimes when

ere back

bit awkward for

o you

happen to be marri

ike enthusiasm c

might object to my still cherishing Amelia's memory, but Hilda has be

eft after that, but I

esn't o

rold. "It makes ever

bit, I said, "What do y

come up here every evening at seve

w min

do you

w minutes i

ve my cocktail a

ld postp

s us to start dinn

has Ponsonby

udy Ponsonby a little. He's always on the verge of giving notice-in fact, it was only by coaxing him on one or two occasions that we got h

t to do a thing like this

sig

isk, but in future

when the news was broken to him that for the future he couldn't unleash himself on the loc

he drawing-room before lunch, when I came upon a face which I vaguely remembered. It was one of those wide, flabby f

slight shudder. "Amelia's brother, you know.

e. Percy was everything that poor old Harold disliked most. He was hearty at breakfast

m for years!" I said

n!" said Har

ed at him in a deuced serious way. "Then

what you are saying. You can't remember Percy. I

u cherish her memory as you say you do, you show it in a very strange way. How you can square your neglect of Percy with your alleged devotion to Amelia's memory, beats me. It seems to me that yo

ag. "But, Reggie, old man! Percy

n't c

an't sta

him. It's not a case of what you l

for a bit. "Very well," he sa

ing to ask Amelia's brother down to spend a fe

at him in rather a curious sort of way

for I was convinced that in a very short while poor old Harold must crack under the strain,

pie to have thought out. If Ann had really meant what she had said at lunch that day, and was prepa

anted, and a bit over, for my simple scheme was to lurk outside till he had gone into the little room on the top floor, and then, with the aid of one

when he found that all was not well with the door, he would probably yell with considerable vim. But it was odds against anyone hearing him. As for me, you might think that I was going to suffer owing to the probable postponement of dinner. Not so, but far other

was, as a matter of fact, the only room in those parts, for, in the days when he did his amateur painting, old Harold

um up, the thi

proceedings to start. It was almost pitch-dark, and that made the time of waiting seem longer. Presently-I seemed to have been there longer than ten minutes-I heard steps approaching. They came past where I stood, and went on

to give Harold plenty of time for meditation. I suppose it must have been a couple of hours or more when I finally turned in at the front door. Somebody was

hear the latest about dear old Harold, so in I we

here." It seemed so odd, don't you know, as it hadn

ng, Reggie,

n happening

w anything has

essed

has been happening." She went to the door, and looked out, lis

vol

nd-refused to go on meekly putting

t under

old insisted on lengthening his visits to the top room, and naturally Ponsonby complained. Hilda tells me that she had to plead with him to induce him to stay on. Then the climax came. I don't know if you recollect Amelia's brother Percy? You must have met him when she was alive-a perfectly unspeakable person with a lo

orn in and tell her all these things which had been happening were not mere flukes, as she seemed to think, but parts of a deuced car

I did it all. It was I who suggested to Harold that he should len

re not making the hit I had anticipated. She looked at

motive you can have had, unless you did it in a spirit of pure mischief--" She stopped, and there was a glare of undiluted repulsion in her eyes. "Reg

, no! It was

put the thing clearly to her. I might have known what woul

the dear child. It seems incredible but he had apparently had no notion that his absurd behavior had met with anything but approval from Hilda. He went on as if he were mad. He was beside himself. He clutched his hair and stamped about the room, and then he jumped at the telephone and called this house and got Ponsonby and to

e door opened, an

say, it's a funny thing, but w

ation seemed somehow to have got out of my grip. I suppose, strictly speaking, I ought, at this juncture, to have cleared my throat and said in an audibl

hing of him," said Harold. "I w

ognized her. I remember feeling how strange

Doesn't he always go off to the

e," said Harol

had settled down to a regular jolly musical evening. Ann must have

did what I told him about the picture

at does it matt

illy, Harol

same thing, only I c

m and upstairs, and we all trailed after him. We had just

s a v

it sai

o the door of the

eard anything to touch the combined pathos, dignity

s,

h are you doi

rdance with your instructi

e door. "The darn

s,

rth did th

d not s

r have stuck lik

ice didn't sound familiar-spoke. "Perhaps t

What do

you use to keep windows fr

solutely right, Reggi

e door open, and out came Pons

uld esteem it a favor if I might go to the pantry

r midst, with Hilda a

e reasonabl

swish. "Reggie," she said, "di

s a matter of

?" asked

ely frank, old top,

But why-what did you w

elicate business tellin

tating, An

longs to that sub-species of humanity known as practi

ess butler," said Harold.

nd help me reason with Ponsonby. He is in the pantry gnawin

both of you. I wish to

case, but it was no good. She wouldn't listen. And presently something seemed to tell me that

ved with good intentions? If it was Shakespeare, it just goes to prove what they are always say