Pregnant after my ex-husband called me barren

uro

ssed out on the couch. I placed him down,undressed

down bes

never

hoping exhaustion would eventually win. Every time I closed

pression from the nig

far more than I

*** *********

ross the bed

er side

ol

s snapp

aso

ilence

upright and gla

12

art sk

ft without kiss

ev

him bothered me, I'm starting to get worked up about what happened. In just few seconds my phone rang, I could hear

as Je

rtment w

ast table w

co

no

at he'd eve

che settled

still upset ab

it, I picked up my phon

trying to reach is cu

fro

's str

ied a

recording

more

unava

or a long moment before

ou got to work safely. Call me

d the mes

upstairs and rushed to prepare for wo

*****

self to believe everything would r

p do

even bel

s of pacific crest hospital the familiar scent o

calming me. The hurried footsteps, the ringing telephones, the

er, none of i

was somew

asn't

oed again, refusing

tient file in my hand and forc

N

t my personal life in

ients depe

g, Nurse

d me as I walked towa

led po

d mor

peared the momen

t foolin

feel how dis

e anxious parents waited impatiently for updates. Doctors rushed through the corridors with clip

nother bu

mall

mornings

me why I'd ch

very sound se

hing everything

Hi

bli

g on the examination

I knelt until we were ey

d up her

writing m

Oh

iled

u for remi

t prickled be

sultation and handed the ch

epare the m

s, n

, I walked out

uro

s deep voice

ed imme

, Doc

t in his hands before slowl

rite this p

es.

idence f

ere a p

ere

o draw the attention of ever

ibed fifteen

fro

es.

d the char

dosage is on

drained f

arted acro

my G

ced the dec

ple mi

ave been dangerous if

I.

o sorry,

didn't low

first-year classr

stopped what t

doctors exch

shed to

w better

do,

with your experience make

ered m

t have a

ly before handin

urself t

ision can cost a p

u under

, Doc

tolerate t

, Doc

ther word, h

r slowly ret

feel every pair of

burned thro

tightly that the edges cr

een scolded li

t o

uro

ooke

t away, concern writt

of the curious staff disap

asn't li

ed to

m fi

lded h

you're

just t

make you write t

oked

l be

r a long moment bef

ve lunch

ed back

Wh

unc

ugged c

flirt

onfess

olleagues ha

ine tha

feated sigh before

what your p

ded my

t aware I

ht of the whole worl

d happened that morning, th

do

ou

d at me dr

h with me right now, I'm fi

bli

ompla

nst wh

n't help

what e

arving h

s not a

shoul

trying to suppre

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been

d his hea

So

ed his han

or a moment before

Fi

n-blue ey

t's a

lunch

t sound like I

laugh e

exactly thi

ned triu

l tak

street was unusuall

ed out a c

a gen

will

eyes before t

ed over and hand

t you're ordering,"

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illed chicken salad a

ared

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chuc

h you almost

tice t

pt into m

otice t

ational

me since waking u

f smiling with

ed surprisi

ed talking

t ask abo

up the incident

out his internship, including the time he ac

inted?"

the back

y defe

as a lot

ghed h

who's afrai

said I w

erally pa

ily lost con

the sam

No

s more pro

at tears gathered in

re sh

oked

Wh

ora every

e slowly

ng to think I'd

inside me

e I h

for a li

nced at h

ould he

nod

ndering where their favori

ve thirty minut

dn't bet

nd offered

it and stoo

oy ruining my ge

ping your eg

laug

efinite

alked back towa

irst time

over my heart had lifte

spital lobby, my phone vib

lled

Ja

g it, a smile spr

nal

he message

's tonight. It's her birthday. Be ready

truth

sure I wan

d never hidden how

riage, they welcomed me with warm

second

es began to

he th

somehow ended with quest

going to make u

en a fertilit

're working

ispers they thoug

shouldn't waste h

serves

that haunted

d consider takin

pierced my hear

son had taken my hand bene

em, You're

had always

t lea

ght the

at the mes

d to make an excu

ut

ifficult his fam

served

ybe

t ma

d a little

d a little

finally get be

back into my pocket

ue after work and buy

rha

ld say all the words I

did I

ld save a marriage that w