Our Mr. Wrenn The Romantic Adventures of a Gentle Man
t go to the Nickelorion for moving pictures; not after having been cut by the ticket-taker. Then, there before him was the glaring sign of the Nickelorion tempting him; a bill with "Great Train Ro
kept his head turned. It turned back of itself; he stared full at the man, half bowed-and received a hearty absent-minded nod and a "Fine evenin'." He sang to himself a mon
ow gallantly the train dashed toward the robbers, to the spirit-stirring roll of the snare-drum. The rush from the bushes followed; the battle with detectives concealed in the express-car. Mr. Wrenn was standing sturdily
r a highly commonplace sack-coat without brass buttons. In his astonishment at seeing how a Hig
a-quite a picture
n't
pe my hat? Ain't he the cut-up, mister! Ain't both them ushers the jingling sheepsheads, though! Being cute and hiding my hat in the box-office. Picture? I don't get no chance to see any of 'em. Funny, ain't it?-m
he sales clerk's heart bounded in comra
night and you-well, honestly, y
Sure, I couldn't 've seen you. Me, I was probably that busy with fambly cares-I was probably thinking who w
ly considered biting his wife. He knew! His nod and grin a
u didn't intend to h
on over to Moje's and
at this person wanted of him; but they crossed to the adjacent saloon, a New York corner saloon, which of course "glittered" w
id the b
said the Bra
ough he had become-he was in danger of exposure as a mollycoddle who couldn't choose
on the booze. The old woman she says to me, `Mory,' she says, `if you was in heaven and there was a pail of beer on one side and
bartender. "She had y
-type," declared
he harp and pawn it for ten growlers o
ee!" grinne
" grumbled t
pants around the flat, if she don't have me to chase, pretty soon. Guess
ting residence. He was much nearer to heaven than West Sixteenth Street appears to be to the outsider. For he was an explorer of the Arctic, a trusted man on the job, an associate
andlady stood on the bottom step of the hall
kept awake all night. Ah suppose it's the will of the Lord that whenever Ah go out to see Mrs. Muzzy and just drink a drop of coffee Ah m
behind Mrs. Zapp'
happened to me. That's why I was out celebrating last evening and
oticed you was out
left me some land, and it's been s
like to take that hall room beside yours now. The two rooms'd make
uilty, and was profusely cordial to Lee Theresa Zapp,
nd a handsome disdainful discontented face. She waited till he had
getting just about tired of having a bunch of Jews
ars, and he's going to take that upper hall room." Mrs.
her-for the first time. "Waste his travel-m
had some one in tha
oing to be perm'nent. And he
s. Zapp, but I'm afr
y go travelin
p your room if yo
le yet; and of course I'll be glad to come-I'll want to come back here when I get back t
into hysterics. "And here Ah've gone and had your room fixed up just for you, and new paper put in, and you've a
years. That famous new paper had been put up two years before.
with empty rooms, with the landlord after the rent, and me turning away people that 'd pay more for the room,
it out, Ma, will you!" She had been staring at the worm, for he had suddenly become interesting and adorable and, incidentally,
o mah own flesh and blood i
f stays, but her instinct for unpleasantness was always good. She said n
him. But Theresa laughed, and remarked: "You don't want
cap of false curls, with many prods of her large firm hands which flashed with Brazilian diamonds. Though he had heard the word "puffs," he did not k
er, Miss Zapp. I didn't know it myself, but it does seem lik
ys been awful nice, far as I can see." She smiled lavishly. "I went for a walk to-night.... I w
o be the right comment, so he shook his
nian restaurant you
believe I'll go dine th
"Yes, it is
about it, after all, he was a little fool, There
It is a n
lady go
, ye
es
hink so," h
hey do have anything I like they keep on having the same thing every day till I throw it in the sink. I wish I could go to a restaurant once in a w
heresa could be persuaded to go out t
me take you up there so
a'? Well, I suppose you just don't want to be f
to hurt your feelin
you'd think I was
eresa,'
When would you like to go? You know I've always got lots of d
ll I call for you
good boy. Good night." She de
to the Nickelorion,
t he was "feeling pr
was agreeable because of his new wealth, but reproved the fiend who was making the suggestion; for had he not heard her mention with great scorn a second cousin who had married an old Yankee f
. Consequently it has no bad music and no crowd of persons from Missouri whose women risk salvation for an evening by smoking cigarettes.
y by remarking that she "always did like pahklava"? Mr. Wrenn did not see that she was glancing about discontentedly, for he was delightedly listening to a lanky young man at the next table who was remarking to his vis-a-vis, a pale slithey lady in black, with the lines of a torpedo-boat: "Try some of the stuffed vine-leaves, child of the a
ks like a bar of soap-tell me what there is on thi
insisted Mr. Wrenn.... "I'm sur
ven't they any-oh, I thought they'd have stuff t
ghts' is cigar
in a story in a magazine. And they were eating i
roasted on skewers. I
ok my meat. I'll take some eggs and some of that
With honey. And do try some o
said Theres
till "funny and sort of scary," not like the overpowering Southern gentlemen she supposed she remembered. Also, she was hungry.
he called himself Turkish and married a renegade Armenian. He had a nose like a sickle and a neck like a blue-gum nigger. He hoped that the place would degenerate into a Bohemian restaurant where liberal clergym
a lot of times. Ain't he great! Golly! look at that beak of his. Don't he ma
collar.... That wai
o kind and pour me an
n. She had two cups of cocoa and felt fat about the eyes and affectionat
n to `The Gol
n't go to the
n fooled one of those terrible little jay towns. Shows all the funny people, you know, like they have in jay
could. Let's go-this evening!" He
I didn't tell Ma I
would be all right
ht up and get
mmediately corrected that error by yawning, "I d
al times as she remarked that the superintendent "ought to be boiled alive-that's what all lobsters ought to be," so she repeated the epigram with such increased jollity that they swung up to the theater
k romance of money-making. The swindlers were supermen-blonde beasts with card indices and options instead of clubs. Not that Mr. Wrenn made any observations regarding su
-h-h!" sa
roof of the social value of being a live American business man. A
million dollars." Masterfully, he proposed, "Say
rig
afford Rector's, after that play; b
rabbits and beer quite as though he usually breakfasted on them. He may even have strutted a little as he hail
to think of Theresa's hair and hand-clasp; of polished desks and florid gentlemen who curtly summoned ba
eat Traveling of hi
ine
njurious fiend, Some One Else. That Our Mr. Wrenn should dream for dreaming's sake was catastrophic; he might do things because he wanted to, not because they were fashionable; whereupon, police forces and the clergy would disband, Wall Street and Fifth Avenue would go thundering down. Hence, for him were provided those Y. M. C. A. night bookkeeping classes admin
ut when he saw Big Business glorified by a humorous melodrama, then The Job ap
any. But that was a complete misunderstanding of the case. The manager of the Souvenir Company was Mr. Mortimer R. Guilfogle, and he called
n the office, which proved that he knew better. Worst of all, the Guilfogle family eggs had not been scrambled right at b
eary, and not so i
? A club or a reading-room for hoboes? Ever occur to you we'd like to have you favor us with a call
cushion on the manager's desk. Mr. Wrenn
h think I'm talking to
tubborn. "I cou
inking, Wrenn; you're thinking that because I've let you have a lot of chances to rea
lfogle; honest,
just let me tell you, Wrenn, right here and now, that if you can't condescend to spare us
and never believed;
just
t me. I've just inherited a big wad of
e knows. The manager was so worried at the thought of breaking in a new man that his eye-g
I was joking about firing you. You ought to know that, after the talk we had at Mouquin's t
the dogged sol
urt and astonished v
Guil
June. That's plenty of not
up to the Brass-button Man at his st
e from Irelan
ink? Me-oh no; I'm a C
t, tell me. I've got
that? Ain't it great
to ask you was, what
nd to
course. I was
pe, Mr. Wrenn joyously added the new point of inte
looking at the stars
unarder bulking up at
to chuckle over a
window of a Greek
s, all these were hi
as f
ith trainboards at the Grand Central. Then she went to bed, and, though he knew it not, that princ
nager's god-like desk
lfogle. Leaving t
ou, you know-about ho
er of startled examination; tapped his desk-blotter with his knuckles; then raised his eyes. He studied Mr. Wrenn, smiled, put on the look he used when inviting him out for a drink. Mr. Guilfogle was essentially an honest fellow, harshened by T
leave a good job. But, after all, that's your business, not ours. We like you, and when you get tired of being just a bum, why, come back; w
do. I think I'll get away real soon now.... Thank you awfully, Mr. Guilfogle, for keepi
about leaving us, after all, now that the ca
ttle blue-been here so long. But it'
's going to break even. But-Well, good-by, old man, and don't forget us. Drop me a line now and then and let me know how you're getting along. Oh say, if you happen to see
mproved arrangement of the wire baskets and clips and desk reminders, so he cleaned a pen, blew some gr
no matter how much he wanted to.... How good the manager had been
hadn't never got better acquainted with them, but it was too late now. Anywa
em in the corridor,
Rabin, the traveling
earing a box of hand
crimson-pa
ure of showing by this small token of our esteem our 'preciation of your untiring
u something to show we're-uh-mighty sorry you're going. We thought of a box of cigars, but you
box of handkerchiefs with the resplendent r
t and restless in the legs and enormously depressed in the soul. He would have got up had there been anything to get up for. There was nothing, yet he felt uneasily gu
e remarked with frequency, "I'm scared as teacher's pet playing hookey for the first time, like what we used to do in Parthenon." All proper persons were at work of a week-day afternoon. What, t
here to go. He had planned so many trips these years that now he couldn't keep any one of them finally decided on for more than an hour. It rather stretche
that he begrudged money for that Traveling itself. Indeed, he planned to spend not more than $300 of the $1
Calcutta, then in raiment and a monocle at the Athenaeum." He would learn some Kiplingy trade that would teach him the use of aston
ures of an aeroplane flight in Algiers. He had to get away from Zappism. He had to be out on the iron se
ghaied. But no matter how wistfully, no matter how late at night he timorously forced himself to loiter among unwashed Engl
s as a perfect occupation. But it concealed no exciting little surprises when he could be a Sunday loafer on any plain Monday. Fur
Wrenn. But Our Mr. Wrenn pursued him along the wharves, where the sun glared on oily water. He had seen the wharves
when the inevitable large-eyed black-braided Indian maiden met the canonical cow-puncher he threshed about in his seat, was irritated by the nervous click of the
ld hide from t
sket. For on his bed was Mrs. Zapp, her rotund curves stretching behind her large flat feet, whose soles were toward h
ad minutely a placard advertising an excursion to the Catskills, to start that evening. For an exhilarated moment he resolved to go, but-" oh, the
ed the "Help Want
at somehow he might find it economical
e to the gate
ding cattle. Low fee. Easy work. Fast boats. Apply Intern
s Providence has picked