The Clicking of Cuthbert

al B

is custom of a Saturday afternoon, sat in the shade on a rocking-chair, observing the younger generation as it hooked and sliced in the valley below. The eye of the Oldest Member was

hrough a straw, rests upon the Saturday foursome which is struggling raggedly up the hill to the ninth green. Like all Saturday foursomes, it is in difficulties. One of the patients is zigzagging about the fairway like a liner pursued by submarines. Two others seem to be digg

monade gives a sympathetic gurg

*

spirit, because the club was obviously no good and I was going to get another one anyway. To lose one's temper at golf is foolish. It gets you nothing, not even relief. Imitate the spirit of Marcus Aurelius. "Whatever may befall thee," says that great man in his "Meditations", "it was preordained for thee from everlasting. Nothing happens to anybody which he is not fitted by nature to bear." I like to think that this noble thought came to him after he had sliced a couple of new balls into the woods, and tha

hich had to be heard to be believed. It was a gift which made him much in demand at social gatherings in the neighbourhood, marking him off from other young men who could only almost play the mandolin or recite bits of Gunga Din; and no doubt it was this talent of his which first sowed the seeds of love in the heart of Millicent Boyd. Women are essentially hero-worshippers, and when a warm-hearted girl like Millicent has hea

gs they had heard Mitchell call his ball on discovering it in a cuppy lie. He had a great gift of language, and he used it unsparingly. I will admit that there was some excuse for the man. He had the makings of a brilliant golfer, but a combination of bad luck and inconsistent play inv

was announced. A glance at his face told me that he had come to ask my advice. Rightly or wrongly, he regarded me as one capable of giving advice. It was I who had changed the whole current of his life by counselling

th his hat, for the evening was warm. Pe

ow what to

ess," I said, gravely. There is no bett

bout the treasurership of my company. Old Smithers retires

mply to select the most deserving

at another job might easily get wrong ideas into his head when he became a treasurer. He would have the handling of large sums of money. In other words, a man who in ordinary circumstances had never been conscious of any desire to visit the more distant portions of South America m

I held strong views on the

not yet run off with any trust-funds, but there is a nasty gleam in his eye, and I am convinced that it is only a question of time. Golf, my dear fellow, is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will

are likely to ca

believe, been no instance of an Open Champion spending a day in prison. Whereas the bad golfers-and by bad I do not mean incompetent, but black-souled-the men who fail to count a stroke when they miss the globe; the men who never replace a divo

was visibl

ensible, by Ge

s sen

I can't see any other

and D

tar

ot Mitchel

must know him? He li

do you mean

. Another neigh

who had sketched out a few rough notes for the lad to use when proposing; and results had shown that he had put my stuff across well. And I had listened many a time with a sympathetic ear to his hopes in the matter of securing a rise of salary which would enable him to get married. Somehow, when Alexander was talking, it had no

young man, but the worst of his enemies could not accuse him of not possessing the golfing t

*

recy had not been enjoined upon me in so many words, I was very well aware that Alexander was under the impression that I would keep the thing under my hat and

ordeal, I hesitated no longer. I put on my hat and went round to Miss

nny sound, and I could see that on the whole they regarded me as one of those things which should not happen. But when I to

d Miss Boyd, indignantly. I had-from the best motives-

oy's crazy about golf. It's just the sort of

ome!"

west I can't help expressing an opinion about it. It is a curious phenomenon which calls for comment, and I give it. Similarly, when I top my drive, I ha

n the links, Mitchell, darling?" asked Mi

orror which I saw in his. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean th

g her hand and overcoming his emotion

*

from the post-office. There was a new light of

t Napoleon wouldn't have amounted to anything if he had not curbed his fiery nature, and then it said that we can all be like Napoleon if we fill in the accompanying blank order-form for Professor Orlando Rollitt's wonderful book, 'Are You Your Own Master?' absolutely free for five days

some reading matter, printed between wide margins. One look at the book told me the professor's methods. To be brief, he had simply swiped Marcus Aurelius's best stuff, the copyright having expired

e things which if a man has at his command his life flows gently on and is divine.' I think it wi

*

upert Dixon. He was emerging from a shower-bat

son," he said. "He was asking after y

ed. So the t

ou come ou

apped in a bath towel, with a wisp of we

y six and five. In spite

of hope at th

u had b

best brassey-shot I've ever made in my life-and that's

e you let you

mysel

ou made some sort

sn't get you anywhere at golf.

ad not even been called upon to play his test round. I suppose, however, that Alexander Paterson felt that it would be unfair to the other competitor not to give him his chance, for the next I heard o

hat it is the real tabasco from start to finish, and absolutely as mother makes it, but the trouble is I've only had a few days to soak it into my system. It's like trying to patch up a m

silence fo

e in dreams?"

ve in

eam

about

e was a cow there, and the cow looked at me in a sad sort of way and said, 'Why don't you use the two-V grip instead of the interlocking?' At the time it seem

ur grip on the day o

jumpy, or I wouldn't have mentioned i

*

ed the club-house. Alexander Paterson was there, practising swings on the firs

e had better be getting under

y," said

teed up

A careful inspection seems to convince him of the horizon's bona fides, and he turns his attention to the ball again. He shuffles his feet once more, then raises his club. He waggles the club smartly over the ball three times, then lays it behind the globule. At this point he suddenly peers at the horizon again, in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard. This done, he raises his club very slowly, brings it back very slo

ung, and I watched Mitchell's face anxiously to see how he was taking his first introducti

ys do that?"

s," I

could play golf against a one-ring

g since been compelled to give up playing with Alexander Paterson, much as I es

s an open book in her hand. I recognized

modulated voice, "that to be patient is a branch

ly, and walked to the

this. Let no act be done at haphazard, nor otherwise th

me to rest two hundred yards down the course. It was a magnificent

xt hole, the dangerous water-hole, his ball soared over the pond and lay safe, giving him bogey for the hole, I began for the first time to breathe freely. Every golfer h

a prayer and call for your niblick. But, once over the ravine, there is nothing to disturb the equanimity. Bog

his ritual with an indulgent smile. I knew just how he was feeling. Never does the world seem so sweet and fair and

hose Swedish exercises before I drove, I should forget what I had come out for and go home." Alexander concluded the movements, an

bout his stance on the fourth tee which made me a little un

y yards into the rough, and nestled under a dock-leaf. His mouth opened, t

he said. "What on e

id Millicent, "and consider the wise, w

aid. "You sway

o go and look for t

r to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate systemati

said, "you'

be after t

it in five, one above boge

t careless vigour. He lost the next hole, halved the sixth, l

rive, you can easily achieve double figures. The tee is on the farther side of the pond, beyond the bridge, where the water narrows almost to the dimensions of a brook. You drive across this water and over

ably with his customary short, straight

erceptibly. He made a lunge at the ball, sliced it, and it struck a tree on the other side of the water and fell in the long

stuff?" demanded Mitchell, querulously, a

e rough on a cou

, "happens as it should. Thou wilt find t

"I believe the Greens Committee run this bally club purely in the interests of the caddies. I believ

nged glances. There w

ll! Remembe

primeval forest. Besides, what did Napoleon ever do? Where did Napoleon get off, swanking rou

s. He had walked on

eh? Nasty bit

ell it to someone for sixpence! No, it was a brand-new ball. He'll probably get a shilling for it. That'll be sixpence for himself and sixpence for the Greens Committee. No w

"you will, of course, under the rules

hen. I'll giv

makes me one up on

lent! A very plea

the wretched caddies get any of the loot. They hang round behind trees

yebrows. He walked up the h

tfully. "I should never have suspected it. It just shows how li

defend th

such old friends that I know you will forgive my mentioning

What's wrong with

a trifle upsetting in being, compelled to watch a man play quite so slowly as you do. Come now,

an to say that that upsets him? Well, I'm af

thing mo

ddenly I felt a hand on my arm. Millicent was standing beside me, dejection wr

he rest of the way with him," she said, d

ok my

ooking on you as a s

ell says no. He says my being th

to remain in the club-house till we ret

escaped the

is an apple tree near

re to start eating appl

e hears the crunching w

ll

is t

n you see him getting nervous? We went through the book last night and marked all the passages in blue pencil wh

to ask. I took the boo

ed Alexander and Mitc

tinuing his speculatio

mit

y yards to it. You have to drive over the brow of a hill, and if you slice an eighth of an inch you get into a sort of No Man's Land, full of rocks and bushes and crevices and old pots and pans. The Greens Committee practically live there in the summer. Yo

beginning of the second nine he once more found his form. A perfect drive put him in position to reach the tenth green with an iron-shot, and, though the ball was several

, and it is true that a slice does land the player in grave difficulties. Today, how

s," said Mitchell, be

to give up piracy

in six, and Mitchell, whose second shot had landed him in some long grass, was obliged to use his nibli

from bunkers. It took Alexander three strokes to reach the green, but his thir

calls out to a beginner, 'How are you getting on, old man?' and the begin

but the missed putt which would have saved the hole had been very short, and I fear

he countryside than the neighbourhood of the fourteent

olfer beholds nothing but a nasty patch of rough from which he must divert his ball. The cry of the birds, wheeling against the sky, is to the golfer merely something that m

l, pawing at it with his driving-iron like a cat investigating a tortoise. Finally he despatched it to one of the few safe spots on the hillsi

in the direction whence it came. Mitchell's caddie, with a glassy look in his eyes, was gnawing a large apple. And even as I breathed

ld stood still. Mitchell dropped his club

ied. "My boy! Re

y boy, take another bite. Take several. Enjoy yourself! Never mind if it seems to cause me a fleeting annoyance. Go on with your lunch! You probably had a light breakfast, eh, and are feeling a little p

. I could not find a passage that had been marked in blue

o does not look to see what his neighbour says or does, bu

f that dashed ravine, and it'll take me a dozen strokes to get out. D

then he placed it gently on the ground and jumped on it a few times. Then he hit it with his driver. Finally, as if

who had been an impassiv

concede the match. Good-bye

g swi

owning

friend's usually grave face. He patte

s hoping you would stick around the off

Nothing broke the stillness but the humming of the bees, the murmur of the

cried

lling vacant very shortly, as no doubt you

n-you're going to

nterpreted

ddie. One from a spiritual, th

ell, huskily, "I think I'll be popping back

h the trees, running

xan

sked. "I am delighted, but

iend smil

I have come to the conclusion that what the Paterson Dyeing and Refining Company really needs is a treasurer whom I can beat at golf. And I have discovered the ideal man. Why," he went on, a look of holy enthusiasm on his fine old face, "do you realize that I c

ut Rupert Dix

gesture of

is not the man to trust with the control of large sums of money. It wouldn't be safe. Why, the fellow isn't honest! He can't be." He paused fo