The Clicking of Cuthbert

Long

his pipe in the club-house smokin

e gizzard," he burst out, breaking a silence that had lasted for some m

putting himself outside a cup of tea and a

ssion. Why should its practitioners be rest

g out Rule eight hundred and fifty-three, section two, sub-section four, to prove that you've disqualified yourself by having an ingrowing toe-nail. Well, take my case." The young man's voice was high and plaintive. "I go out with that man Hemmingway to pla

shook h

me in I was thinking of a somewhat curious match which ultimately turned upon a question of the rule-book. It is true that, as far

shifted uneasi

d a pretty rotten time t

o think must be the longest hole in the history of golf. In its beginnings the story may remind you of one I once told y

sed to go and

said the Sage. "I see that you are al

*

lames of actual enmity. It is ever so. One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably th

petition, only to be nosed out again in July. It was a state of affairs which, had they been men of a more generous stamp, would have bred a mutual respect, esteem, and even love. But I am sorry to say that, apart from their golf, which was in a class of its own as far as this neighbourhood was concerned, Ralph

thur felt that, if he could only have a clear field, all would be over except the sending out of the wedding invitations; and Ralph was of the opinion that, if he could just call on the girl one evening without finding the place all littered up with Arthur, his natural charms would swiftly bring home the bacon. And, indeed, it was true that t

*

f a detached and mildly interested spectator. Yet it was to me that Ralph came in his hour of need. When I

cigar, and he came to the po

tly he had lighted his

ukes and

ighted. "I think you are perfectly right. Leigh is over-built. Men l

not g

hought y

the time has come whe

confess I was disappointed, and I think my disappointment

dn't mind Jukes

not. He really i

determination came

inks he isn't

ooked cautiously about the room, as if to rea

isgusting way that man Jukes has been hangi

them togeth

da Trivett!"

irl!" I

your

mean, to have Arthur J

Ralph Bingham. "And that's why

t ma

judges, to go along with Jukes and see that he doesn't play any o

are you pl

hole w

your

, and the winner stays on and marries Amanda Trivett. We have arranged all

me to go rou

said Ralph Bi

the dis

g to play a roun

n deat

e here and hole out in the town in the doorway of the Majestic Hot

ntest between Herbert Widgeon and Montague Brown, the latter, a twenty-four handicap man, being entitled to shout "Boo!" three times during the round at moments selected by himself. There had been many more of these degrading travesties on the sacred game, and I had writhed to see them. Pla

the other hand, invariably have the worst luck. The consequence is that in an ordinary round it is always a toss-up which of us wins. The test we propose will eliminate luck. After sixteen miles of give-and-take play, I

ely to be historic, and one always feels t

well,"

refer to them when you wish to refresh your memory. We start at daybreak, for, if we put it off till later, the course at the other end might be somew

you the exact remark w

e distance. Well, I am glad that we have your co-operation. At daybrea

*

pistols. Rupert Bailey, an old friend of mine, was the only cheerful member of the party. I am never at my best in the early morning, and the two rivals glared at each other with silent sne

drove off with a fine ball that landed well down the cours

f the seventeenth," he said.

rt s

evente

direction," said Ralph,

your second or thi

use a mashie-niblick and chip my ball aboard, row across to the other side, chip it ashore, and ca

Once there, he would play the orthodox game by driving his ball along till he reached the bridge. While Arthur was winding along the high road, Ralph would have cut off practically two sides of a triangle. And it was hopeless for Arthur to i

st-it seems absurd to say so, but almost as unpleasant as Ralph Bi

ded. "You can't play fast and

you refer?" sai

hazard, isn't it? And you can't row

y n

n seemed to take A

d. "Why not? Well, yo

ll this about moving hazards? I have a perfect right to go for a morning row, haven't I? If I were to ask my doctor, he would probably actually recommend it. I am going to row my boat across the sound. If it happe

ted that

m. "Don't let us waste any more time

flashed out of sight in the direction of the seventeenth te

*

orning wore on, I found myself almost unconsciously becoming distinctly pro-Jukes. I did not like the man. I objected to his face, his manners, and the colour of his tie. Yet there was something in the dogged way in which he struggled against adversity which touched me and won my grudging support. Many men, I felt, having been so outman

herly eye on Arthur's activities, I realized for the first time

nd familiar With golden

ost a poetic way. The birds were singing gaily in the hedgerows, and such was my uplifted state that I, too, burst into song, until Arthur petulantly desired me to refrain, on the plea that, though he yielded to no man in his enjoymen

Soon after leaving Little Hadley he had become ambitious and had used his brassey with disastrous results, slicing his fifty-third into th

nes at the top of the hill just before reaching Bayside, he had been in no serious difficul

hat drops down into Woodf

brassey again here," he

wise?"

d down t

he said, "was that with

anding right out in the

lacent expression. Rupert Bailey was sitting with his back against the door of the Woodfield Garage, looking rather used up. He was a man who liked to keep himself clean and tidy, and it w

ughts, the safe game is the one t

he opposition. I had not been mistaken in thinking tha

ninety-six," he said, as

ted my s

nappy seven hundred

made no comment. He was too busy wit

e to give up the match

" said

just as

said

an't w

" said

e might have been brighter, but

ley sidled

ng home,

pacity. You must stick to your post. Besides, wha

ied, peevishly. "I want to get back to civilization an

view of the matter. Y

ing

being buried alive that

gham much

found hi

man did was simply to call to me to admire an infernal iron shot he had just made. No sympathy,

Much may happen between

out with a grimy young man in a sweater at the wheel. He brought the machine out into the road, and alighted and went back into the ga

rld, when suddenly I heard a hoarse, triumphant cry from Arthur Jukes, and, turned, I perceived his ball drop

your moving ha

in the sweater return

es sprang

ounds to drive me to

have been more obliging than the ready way in which he consented to revise them at a moment's notice. I dare say yo

n," said

said Art

darned clever,"

it," sai

l tell us how you propose to get the ball

of the vehicle a convenient handle which, when turned, open

ph. "Yes, I never

e impatiently to get in. I did so, and we drove off. Arthur was in great spirits. He had ascertained from the young man at the wheel that there was no chance of the opposition being able to hire another car at t

nted out the advantages of his positi

like it

like

ingham's

. "Nobody does. There have b

m how you intended to get

the matter

as to

u mean he

ave

ha

me. No wonder he didn't object to your opening the door and c

ense!

, would you smooth away the sand? If you had put your shot under a tree, could your caddie hold up the

s jaw d

the deuce am I

y, "is a question betw

sympathy which I had begun to feel for him

as it were, and close again? You wouldn't think it necessary to mention the fact, eh? You would be a good fellow and keep your mout

revo

said, coldly, "an

, bu

ttee of the Royal and Ancient at St. Andrews. I have always respected the

he would like to know if I called myself a friend of his-a question which I was able to answer with a whole-hea

ee messenger-boys, four typists, and a gentleman in full evening-dress, who obviously possessed or was friendly with someone who possessed a large cellar, formed the nucleus of it; and they were joined about the time when Arthur addressed the ball in order to play his nine

ctivities with the niblick, and drew from his pocket a large post

O

AND MA

EST S

O

FING SU

red that he was advertising something, the crowd declined to look a

out of Bridle Street there trickled a weary-looking golf-ball, followed in the order named by Ralph Bingham, resolute but going a tr

ou playing?

aid Rupert. "We got

sual

dog grabbed our nine hundred and ninety-eighth and took it nearly back t

ame." I looked at Ralph's ball, which was lying close to the ker

man who was altogether too fond of creature

st!" I e

u in half a minute. You play it with a pot of coffee, a knife and fork, and abo

as so near holing out that I should have supposed that nothing wo

nt idea. You go along in. I'll follo

pugnant to me. The keen air and the exercise had given me an appetite, and it was some little time before I was able to assure the waiter definitely that he

When I had passed through the swing-doors, I fo

he matter?

s go

has

e c

bout that? I bought it just now and engaged the driver as my chauffeur, I

Arthur, blankly. T

plied Ralph. "I told the man to drive to G

all was i

ell me you hadn't managed to get it out yet? Yes, that is a litt

the

five minutes is allowed for each stroke. The player who fails to make hi

rance of a broken man. Once more, I am bound to say, I felt a certain pity for him. H

voice, as he addressed his ball. He laughed jovially. A messenger-boy had paused cl

said, "what club w

thur Jukes, springing up. Ral

your

rules say that a player who asks advice from any

Ralph, but I noticed

l to the

" I said, after a brief

rule is per

ady by not playing within five m

to play. You were fa

o on! Let's see yo

frigidly. "Why should I play when yo

aim a

y the

l to the

will leave it

ert, who, though an amiable and delightful companion, had always been one of Nature's fat-heads, c

Ralph Bingham. "We ought

of the hotel but Amanda Trivett! A

h be well advised to leave the decision to Mi

" said Art

" said Ral

ing here with your golf-clubs

sen on which the judges do not find themselves in agreement. We need an unbiased ou

entively, but, when I had f

bout the game to be able to decid

ult St. Andrews,"

now," said Amanda Trivett,

that?"

'm in town this morning. I've been to meet him. He is very good at gol

ce. I had the delicacy

e was broken by a sharp

ick across his knee. F

standing there ca

him?" said Am

er," said R

atter," said