The Man with Two Left Feet and Other Stories

side-walk; he ran across the road; I ran after him; and the car came round the corner and hit me. It must have been going pretty slow, or I should have been killed. As it

hen I did I found that I was the centre of a group of thr

ell-dressed, and looked

,' he said,

aster Peter,' said the

o the road befo

, for I didn't want to g

d,' said the smal

rse. 'Come away, Master P

. It is almost as if they

home with me and send for the doctor to

required, but I do like comfort when it comes my way, and it seemed to me

npleasant woman, ha

home, a great, rough, fierce, comm

with a determination which I heartily admired, 'an

t awfully sick when we shouted it out after him in the street. No doubt there have been respectable dogs called Fido, but to my mind it is a name like Aubrey o

, your father will buy you

autiful, lovely do

illusions about my looks. Mine is a

means to have him. Shove him in, and let's be getting b

that I had better not. I had made my hit as a crippled dog, and a

es, for it seemed a long time afterwards that we stopped at the biggest house I have ever seen. There were smooth lawns and flower-beds, and men in overalls, and fountains and trees, and, away to the right, ke

oor kid, for I was some weight. He staggered up the steps and along a great hall, and then l

n a chair, and as soon as s

said the nurse, who seemed to have taken a positive di

his name's Fido. John ran over him in the car, a

ession. Peter's mother look

say. He's so particular about dogs. All his dogs are

ady,' said the nurse, sticking her oar

man came i

' he said, catc

brought home. He says

ep him,' correct

knows his own mind. I

e. I reached up a

my dog, don't you,

rue. I do look fierce. It is rather a misfortune for a perf

's Fido. I am going to tel

his father, who gave

ingle thing, to the best of my recollection, which he has not got. Let us be consistent. I do

of viciousness he shows, he sha

t, and I went off with

I knew it would not be pleasant, and it wasn't. Any dog will tell you what these prize-ri

f dog you can imagine, all prize-winners at a hundred shows, and every single dog in the place just shoved his head back and

en a terrier ran out, shouting. As soon as he saw me, he came up inquiri

winner are you? Tell me all about the ribbons they ga

n a way that

or one of the nuts in the kennels? My name

pion Bowlegs Royal or anything of

of one's own sort. I had had enough of those high-toned dogs who look a

ing to the swells, h

me,' I said, po

are you? Then you're a

mean, whil

ince he was born, and he gets tired of things pretty easy. It was a toy railway that finished me. Directly he got that, I might not have been on the earth. It was lucky for me that Dick, my present old man, happened to want a dog to keep down the rats, or goodness kn

eren't

m chummy. If you do something to please them, they mig

ort of

take it from me, if you don't do something within two weeks to make yourself solid with the adults, you can make your will. In two weeks Peter will have forgotten all about you. It's not his fault. It's the way he has been brought up. His father has

*

it hadn't been for that, I should have had a great time, for Peter certainl

coop you up, as if you were something precious that would be contaminated by contact with other children. In all the time that I was at the house I never met

eally understood him. He would talk by the hour and I wou

ny Red Indians in England but he said there was a chief named Big Cloud who lived in the rhododendron bushes by the lake. I never found h

ables. He was always meaning to go off there some day, and, from the way he described it, I didn't blame him. It was certainly a pretty good city. It was just

I nearly did once, for it seemed to me that I was so necessary to Peter that nothing could separate us; but just as I was feeling safe his father gave him

hard thinking and I knew just where I stood. I was the newest toy, that's what I was, and something newer might come along at any mo

. He wasn't one of the family, and he wasn't one of the servants, and he was hanging round the house in a most suspicious way. I chased him up a tree, and it wasn't till the family came down to breakfast, two hours

earnest. Just as I reached him, the boss lifted one of the sticks and hit a small white ball with it. He had never seemed to want to play with me before, and I took it as a

again,

and that night, when he thought I was not listening, I heard him telling his

intentions in the world I got myself into

-room. I was hoping for a piece of cake and not paying much attention to the conversation, which was all about somebody called Toto, whom I had not met. Peter's mother said Toto was a sweet little darling, he was; and one of the visitors said Toto had

signs of cake, what should I see but a great beastly brute of a rat. It was s

ing women hate, it is a rat. Mother always used to say, 'If you want to succeed in life, please the women. They are the real bosses. The men don't count.' B

pra

I got hold of his neck, gave him a couple of shakes, and chu

d at me. I was never so taken aback in my

sir,' I said apologetically

mebody else hit me on the head with a parasol, and somebody else k

ied the visitor, snatch

savage brute tr

utely unp

at the poor

reeds-a prize-winner and champion, and so on, of course, and worth his weight in gold. I would have done better to bite the visitor than Toto. That m

ter's mother. 'The dog is

, but for once he didn't

her. 'It is not safe for you to

very unr

ake arose. He was sitting on the visitor's lap, shrieking ab

had rung for him to come and take me, and I could see that he wasn't half liking it. I was sorry fo

ow, madam,' I

Weeks, and tell one of the men to bring

was in an empty stall,

ightened, but a sense of pathos stole over me. I had meant so well. It seemed as if good intentions went for nothing in t

tten me, and presently, in spite of myself, a faint hope began to spring up inside me that this might

d outside, and the hope d

k. I opened my eyes. It was not the man with the gun come to shoot m

' he wh

to untie

e woods, and we'll walk and walk until we come to the city I told you about that's all gold and diamonds, and

hen he gave a little whistle to me to come a

ly, keeping in the shadows and running across the open spaces. And every now and then we would stop and

it by a little wooden bridge, and then we

ds, more than I had ever seen in my life, and little things that buzzed and flew and tickled my ears. I wanted to rush about a

n it was quite dark, so dark that I could see nothing, not even Peter, though he was so close. We went slower and slower, and the darkness was full of queer noises. From time to time Peter would stop, and I would run to him and put my nose in his hand.

eps, and they seemed to drag as he forced his way through the bushes. And then, qui

of anything except to put my nose against his cheek and whine. He put his arm round my neck, and for a lo

d the wind singing in the trees. Curious little animals, such as I had never smelt before, came creeping out of the bushes to look at us. I would have chased them, but Peter's arm was round my neck and I could not leave h

ilence. Then Peter

htened,' he s

nst his chest. There was ano

Ted and Alfred. They took hold of me and brought me all the way through the wood till we got here, and then they went off, meaning to come back soon. And while they were away, you missed me and tracked me through the woods till you found me here. And then the brigands came back, and they didn't

breathing that he was asleep. His head was resting on my back, but I didn't move. I wrigg

king these little animals were creeping up close enough out of

nything there. The wind sang in the trees and the bushes ru

bushes. I lifted my head as far as I could, and listened. For a little while nothing happened, and

nd woke up, and he sat there listening, while I stood with my front paws on him and shouted at the men. I was bristling all over. I didn't know who they were or what they wanted,

, 'Peter! Are y

d then somebody said 'Here he is!' and there was a lot of shouting. I sto

. 'What do you want?' A

t's tha

oss. He was looking very anxious and scared, and he

o talk about brigands, and Dick and Ted and Alfred, the same as he had sa

ht as much. And the

n our acquaintance h

d man!'

Peter sleepily, 'and

onoured guest. He shall wear a gold collar and order what he wants f

*

hen I did everything I could to please people, they wanted to shoot me; and when I did nothing except run away, they brought me back and treated me better t

mongrel! Why on earth do you have him about? I

can have anything he wants in this house. Didn't

l came about

ms there's a kidnapper well known to the police all over the country as Dick the Snatcher. It was almost certainly that scoundrel and his gang. How they spirited the child away, goodness k

a rat. Peter had gone to sleep that night pretending about the brigands to pass the time, and when he

the kennel-man coming with a plate in his hand.

n before me. It was

ve been kidnapped and scared half to death, and I should be poorer,

in credit under false pretences, but

NED

l that moment she had looked on herself as playing a sort of 'villager and retainer' part to the brown-eyed young man's hero and Genevieve's heroine. She knew she was not pretty, though so

or an English duchess instead of a cloak-model at Macey's. You would have said, in short, that, in the matter of personable young men, G

achinery began to work, had grasped Katie's arm and led her at a rapid walk out into the sunlight. Katie's last glimpse of Genevieve had been the sight of h

tes previously. It had happened on the ferry-boat on the way to Palisades Park. Genevieve's bright eye, roving among the throng on the lower deck, had singled out this young man and his co

ed had made her almost prudish, and there were times when Genevieve's conduct shocked her. Of course, she knew there was no harm in Genevieve. As the latter herself had once put it, 'The feller that tries to get gay with me i

seemed to divi

bserved. 'You want to get tha

yet embarrassed. It was awkward to

r friend. Don't thi

weet girl,' said

sweet. Somebody ough

k to her if you d

know you,' said th

had grown so accustomed to regarding herself as something too insignificant and unattractive for the notice of the lordly male that she was overwhelmed. She had a vagu

ten?' asked h

r been her

go to

never

her with a

o say you've never seen Luna Park, or Dreamland, or Steeplechase, or the diving ducks? Haven't you had a look at the Mardi Gras stunts? Why, Coney during Mardi Gras

t m

I been trying to place you all along. Now I re

odel. She has a lovel

what you say. It's what they pay her for

. I keep a l

y your

began by being my grandfather's. He started it. But he's so old now

wonder! What

nd-hand bookshop. There

re i

. Near Washin

t na

nne

your nam

es

besides

ame's

ng man

resentment at this cross-examination. 'I guess you're wondering if I'm e

ought to go back and

will be wonderin

ng man briefly. 'I've h

stand why you

me ice-cream, or would you ra

. Once, as they made their way through the crowds, she saw a couple of boys look almost reverently at him. She wondered who he could be, but was too shy to inquire. She had got over her nervousness to a great extent, but there were still limits to what she felt her

just before he finally

leasant in the breeze which was coming up the Hudson. Katie was conscious of a vague feeling

ffled his feet on

you,' he said. 'Say, I'

e. Don't mi

t wait fo

and paused again. 'I like you a whole lot. There's your friend, Genevieve. Better go after her

during the whole long journey back to Sixth Avenue. And Katie, whose tender heart would at other times have been tortured by this hostility, leant

t the little bookshop, she found Mr Murdoch, the glazier, preparing for departure. Mr Murdoch came in on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays to play draughts with her gra

welcomed Ka

ould come back, Katie. I'm afra

t i

paper where I seen about these English Suffragettes, and he just went up in the air. I guess he'll b

bout it, Mr Murdoch. He'll be

sitting. His face was flushed, and

tell you I won't have it. If Parliament can't do

e quickly. 'I've had the greatest

top. I've spoken about it

g so far away that makes it hard for them. But I d

?' He stopped, and looked piteously at Katie. 'I

ibbled a

ed and indignant that no notice has been taken of his previous communications. If

a had been a favourite one of her late father, when

resentment was gone. H

goings on while I'm king, and if they don't like i

huck

och five games to

unced to an audience consisting of Katie and a smoky blue cat, which had wander

abreast of them. She was not likely to forget the time when he went to bed President Roosevelt and woke up the Prophet Elijah. It was the only occasion in all the ye

enerally recognized fact than as if the information were in any way sensational, she neither screamed nor swooned, nor did she rush to the neighbours for advice. She

sed to look in on Schwartz, the stout saloon-keeper, who was Mr Bennett's companion and antag

e surveyed somnolent Italians and roller-skating children with his old air of kindly approval. Katie, whom circumstances had taught to be thankful for small mercies, was perfectly happy in the shadow of the thr

d made plain in his grave, direct way the objects of his visits. There was n

of establishing his bona fides, to tell her all about himself. He supplied the facts in no settled order, just as they happened to occur to him in th

g himself in training, if his club expects him to do things. I belong to the Glencoe Athletic. I ran the hundred yards dash in evens last sports there was. They expect me to do it at the Glencoe, so I've never got myself mixed up with girls. Till I seen you that afternoo

nter and looking into Katie's eyes with a devot

dive across the counter. Breaking away, he fumbled in his pocket and produced a ring, which

to me,' he said, as he s

d sometimes cried. Ted Brady had fitted her with the ring more like a glover's assistant than anything else, and he had hardly spoken a word from beginning to end. He had seemed to take her acquiescence for granted

Mr Bennett that it was borne in upon Katie that Fate did no

as long as she could remember, had he been anything but kind to her. And the only possible objections to marriage from a grandfath

ially, it was he who condescended. For Ted, she had discovered from conversation with Mr Murdoch, the glazier, was no ordinary young man. He was a celebrity. So much so that fo

l, this beats me. Not,' he went on hurriedly, 'that any young fellow mightn't think himself lucky to get a wife like you, Katie, but Ted Brady! Why, there isn't a girl in thi

elonged to the G

jumps is the real limit. There's only Billy Burton, of the Irish-American

e first time realizing her true worth. Fo

had approached the interview with her g

her recital of Mr Brad

shook

Katie. I cou

ndpa

orgetting

gett

h a thing? The grand-d

a commoner! It wo

sudden blows from the hand of fate, but this one was so entirely unforeseen that it found her unprepare

' he repeated. 'Oh,

the ruins of her little air-castle. The old man patted her hand affectionately. He was

away into an unintelligible mutter. He was a very old man, and he was not

he heard of the news, to treat the crisis in the jaunty, dashing, love-laughs-at-locksmith fashion so p

cence in his pocket, he could not snatch her up on his saddle-bow and ca

nal banns-forbidding father of the novelettes with which he was accustomed to sweeten his hours of idleness. To him, till Katie explain

t do that. There's no one but me to look after him, poor old man. How

d have us fixed up inside of half an hour. Then we'd look in at Mouquin's for a steak and fried, just to make

never fo

judicially, 'wo

ea of his; but he really thinks he is the king, and he's so old that the s

serious countenance. The difficulties of the

and saw him-' he

' said Kati

rmination, and bit resolutely on the chewi

l,' he

e nice to

as the man of a

in which Mr Bennett passed his days. When he did, there was no

y. He returned the look with

aused. 'Unless,' he added, 'you count

sed there was a way out, if one could only think of it, but it certainly got past her. The only approach to a plan of action was suggested by the broken-nosed indiv

Square one morning. He of Tennessee would then sasshay up in a flip manner and make a break

ve us be; he's a friend of mine. Pretty soon you land me one on the plexus, and I take th' count. Then there's

expressions of gratitude and esteem from Mr B

estly that he had 'em sometimes. And it is probable that all would have been well, had it not been necessary to tell the plan to Katie, who was horrified at the very idea, spoke warm

ey did not see each other for a time. She said that these meetings were only a source of pain

sked herself the question whether it was fair for her to keep Ted chained to her in this hopeless fash

otten the affair by now, and sometimes wondered why Katie was not so cheerful as she had been), and-for, though unselfish, she was human-hating those unknown

w York an oven. August followed, and one wondere

thousands of her fellow-townsmen and townswomen were doing, turning her face to the first breeze which New York had known for t

n Square, came the shouts of children, and the strains, mellowed by distance, of the inde

ning, so peaceful that for an instant she forgot even to think of

you,

s, one foot on the pavement, the other in the road;

ed

see the old man fo

er that she could detect a

use, Ted.

the time of day, is there? I've g

ha

r, maybe. Is h

inner room and heard through the door as he closed it behind him, the murmur of voices. And almost immediately, it seemed t

Katie, will you?' he

of extraordinary excitement. He quivered and jumped. Ted, standi

man, 'this is a most re

just been telling m

looked at Katie when he had tried to writ

met Katie's, wa

marry you

in Mr Bennett, i

I'm a

that's it, Katie. This

ie's, and this time there w

I've just been telling your grandf

t. Of Con

on now to us getting m

's a royal a

iance,' echo

eld Katie's hand, and gr

ooks as if it don't make much of a hit wit

Ted!

ezed he

, say, kid, it kind of looked to me as if it was sort of meant. Coming just now, like it did, just when it was wanted, and just when it didn't seem possible it could happen. Why, a week ago I was nigh on two hundred vo

y, I tell you I was just sweating when I got ready to hand it to him. It was an outside chance he'd remember all about what the Mardi Gras at Coney was, and just what being a king at it amo

else he'd forgotten what it was. I guess he don't remember much, poor old fellow. Then I mentioned Yonkers. He asked me what

kissed her, he lowered her gently to the ground again. The action seemed to have relieved h

lar king. Coney's just as big as some of those kingdoms you read about on the other side; and, from what you see in the papers about the g

ISENH

heimer's that night I

York, tired of dancin

ople hurrying to the th

s in the world were bl

all seemed stale

upied, and there were several couples already on the danc

back, I wan

ce where I

ay fro

lk-pail o

ever really tried to get him on to a farm, but he has certainly put something int

en a man jumped up and came towards me, registe

see that. It was written all over

ith his hand

iss Rox

ot?' I

ou remem

idn

me is

but it means nothin

ou last time I came he

e was introduced to me, he probably danced w

n wa

ago last

their next visit. The notion that anything could possibly have happened since he was last in our midst to blur the memory of that happy evening had no

you,' I said. 'Algern

Clarence. My n

reat scheme, Mr Ferris? Do yo

to Geisenheimer's and asked me to dance I'd have had to do it. And I'm not saying that Mr Ferris wasn't the next th

in the morning and looked out of the window, and the breeze just wrapped me round and began whispering about pigs and chickens. And when I went out on Fifth Avenue there seemed to be flowers everywhere. I headed for the Park, a

Geisenheimer's they play

have been better worked up if he'd been a star in

c who's putting in a week there. We weren't thinking on the same plane, Charlie and me. The way I had been feeling all day, what I wanted

the life!

oint when that sor

come here quite

ty of

win the Great Contest for the Love-r-ly Silver Cup which they offer later in the evening. Say, that Love-r-ly Cup's a joke. I win it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Mabel Francis wins it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. It's all perfectly fair and square, of course. It's pur

said Mr Ferris, 'and N

o live in

s ours. Why

ead now, and I've got t

to remember reading a

ith it, what's more. I

rried since I

cing on Broadway like a gay bachelor? I suppose you have left your w

where I live. My wife comes from Rodney…. P

en to think of your wife, when you've left her all alone out there whi

't left her.

New

urant. That's

t looked to me as if it had some hidden sorrow. I'd noticed it before, when we

ith her and giving her a

having a

s as if she would like to be d

sn't dan

have dances

dances well enough for Ashley

you're not

a kind o

een in New

fe-didn't think her good enough for him. So he had dumped her in a chair, given her a lemonade, and told her to

an to play s

' said Mr Ferris.

aid. 'I'm tired. I'll introduc

sked him on to some girls

said. 'He wants to show you the latest s

Debonair Pride of Ashley. Guess what

, and went up

round with one of the girls I'd introduced him to. She didn't have to prove to me that she came from the country. I knew it. She was a little b

, being shy; as a general thing I'm more or less there wit

, and made for t

, if you don't

but wasn't certain whether it might not be city etiquette for strangers to come and dump themselves

aw y

f to my feelings, to take something solid and heavy and drop it over the rail on to hubby, but the management wouldn't like it. That was

lectric light. There was a hatpin lying on the table.

,' I said; 'tell

know what

l me. Tell me

't kno

mes tell mine to the cat that camps out on the wall opposite my room

aited. And presently she seemed to make up her mind that, even if

o come to New York. I didn't want to, but

e tol

d about N

you'r

ate

hy

ld see she was bracing herself to put me wise to the whole trouble. There's a time comes when things aren't g

I'm scared of it. It-it isn't fair Charlie bringing me here. I di

think will

ed. It's lucky Jimmy, the balcony waiter, didn't see her; it would have broke

know anyone. I couldn't understand it till somebody told me all about him. I can understand it now. Jack Tyson married a Rodney girl, and they came to New York for their honeymoon, ju

el

ack in Rodney for a li

he city,

e he got

still thinks she ma

me back?' I said. 'After she

same as she left them when she we

I was a man and a girl treated me that way, I'd be

I'd wait and wait, and go on hoping all the time. And I'd go down to

on the tablecloth

your trouble? Brace up. I know it's a

same thing's goin

yourself. Don'

knew it would happen.

ook at

en. I saw him say something to the girl he was dancing with. I wasn't near enough to hear it, but I bet it was 'This is the life!' If I had been his wife, in the sa

t to be. I just want to live at home and be happy. I knew it would happen if we

urself t

do love

thought of anything to say. But just then the music s

e said, 'there will no

This gen-u-ine s

making his nightly sp

eant that, for me, duty

g about the room, and I

's nightmare that one o

omebody else will get

u

go,' I said. 'I h

here, and I looked over the rail at Charlie the Boy Wonder, and I knew that this was where I

crying and powder your nose and get a

oesn't want to

n in New York, or even in this restaurant. I'm going to dance with Charlie myse

h finally remaining is the winning num-bah. The contest is a genuine sporting contest, decided purely by the skill of the holders of the various num-bahs.' (Izzy stopped blushing at the age of six.) 'Will ladies now kindly step forward and receive their num-bahs. The winner, the holder of th

e. 'There,' I said, 'd

ly Silv

I cou

r know yo

ou hear him say it's a conte

Suppose you win, think what it will mean. He will look up to you for the rest of your life. When he starts talking about New York, all you will have to say is, "New York? Ah

s of hers flash, and

hose tears dried, and fix yourself up,

relieved when I

ght you had run away, o

your

personal favour if you would let her stop on the floor as one of the last two cou

ickets. Yours is thirty-six, hers is ten.'

alcony. On the way I

ng this toge

all acros

he had never shed a tear in her lif

ck to your ticket like

imer's. Or, if you haven't seen them at Geisenheimer's,

en't any optimists nowadays. Everyone was looking as if they were wondering whether to have the

gement expects him to be humorous on

d twenty-one will kindly rej

more elbow-room, and t

more: 'Num-bahs thirteen, six

went

te to part with you, b

cing with a kind smile, as if she were doin

ifteen, and twen

, and a bald-headed man and a girl in a white hat. He was one of your stick-at-it performers. He had been d

ings been otherwise, so to speak, I'd have been g

ou're getting all fl

and Mrs Charlie and her man. Every nerve in my system was t

ollege he'd attended doesn't guarantee to teach you to do two things at once. It won't bind itself to teach you to look round the room while you're dancing. So Charlie hadn't the least suspicion of the state of the d

s when I quite forget myself, when I'm one of the last two left in, and get all excited. There's a sort of hum in the air, and, as you go ro

blic was cheering for. We would go round the floor without getting a hand, and every time Mrs Ch

think of fresh milk and new-laid eggs and birds singing. To see her was like getting away to the country in August. It's funny about people who live in the city. They chuck out their chests, and talk about little old New York being good enough for them, and there's a street in heaven they call Broadway, and all the rest of it; but it seems to m

l day the country had been tugging at

t when you're in Geisenheimer's you have to smell Geis

lie. 'It looks to me as if we

e says, too

steps of yours. We nee

t boy worked-it

d of thing happening every now and then that prevented his job being perfect. Mabel Francis told me that one night when Izzy declared her the winner of the great sporting contest, it was such raw work that she thought there'd have been a riot. It looked pretty much

e moistened his lips, looked round to see that his strategic rail

en, please

ped at

I to Charlie. 'Th

off the floor

ing to his brow, which was like the village blacksmith's, 'w

the rail, worshipping him; when, just as his eye is moving up, it gets caught by t

worshipping line just at th

hibition purposes, like the winning couple always do at Geisenheimer's, and the room was fairly rising at th

he lets his jaw drop, till he pret

-but-' h

fter all. It begins to look as if she had sort of put one over on somebody, don't it?

-I

nice cold drink,' I said,

, looking as if he had been hit

with the oxygen, that, if you'll believe me, it wasn't for quite a time tha

oor old Izzy looked. He was staring at me across the room, and talking to himself and jerking his hands about. Whether he thought he was talking to me, or whether he was reh

d all come right in the future, and then I turne

dazed voice, looking at me as

et she

at do you kno

straight back to Ashley-or wherever it is that you said you poison the natives by making up the wrong prescriptions-before she gets New York into her

was telling you a

o much New York. Don't you think it's funny she should have mentioned him i

ed quit

hink she wou

s wife did to him. She talked of it sort of sad, kind of regretful, as if she was sorr

ink out of it. It didn't take much observation to see that he had had the jolt he wanted, and was going to be a whole heap less jaunty and

tomorrow,' he said.

n persuade her-Here she is n

t had been Charlie, of course he'd have said, 'This is the life!' but I looked for something snappier from her. If

hen she gave the cup a long look. Then she d

e said, 'I do wish I'd

thing I would have said. Charlie got right off the mark

did pause here for a moment, for it took nerve to say it; but then he went right on. 'Mar

rlie!' s

s if somebody had

nt to stop on? You aren

'I'd start tonight. But I though

'I never want to see it

ing up, 'I think there's a frien

en standing for the last five minutes,

eimer's a lot when he was home from roaming the trackless desert, and he used to tell me about tribes he had met who didn't use real words at all, but talked to one another in c

ramophone records when it'

. 'Something is troubling

more, and then

l you as plain as I could; didn't I say it twenty times,

y my friend's

f? I said he

e. The mistake was mine. It begins to

ew Swedish

d! That's great! You've

ife. The people would have lynched you if you

s going to say

eir heads together. Isn't it worth a silver cup to have made them happy for life? They are on their honeymoon, Isadore. T

ked for

hought as much. Say, who do you think you are, doing this sort of thing? Don't you know that professional dancers are three for ten ce

zzy, because I'm

d bet

ought I had got the pigs and chickens clear out of my system, but I hadn't. I've suspected it for a long, long time, and tonight I know it. Tell the boss,

KING O

e. It provides nothing nearer to an orchestra than a solitary piano, yet, with all these things against it, it is a success.

n eclipse Piccadilly in this way. And when Soho does so compete, t

sually that Henry, the old waiter, ha

tioned during a slack

the

impetus which started it on its upward course? What causes shoul

up? Is that what you

ave it a leg-up?

d Henry.

unwritten history of the London who

*

one of those silent kids that don't say much and have as much obstinacy in them as if they were mules. Many's the time, in them days, I've clumped him on the head and told him to do something; and he didn't run yelling to his pa, same as most kids would have done, but just said nothing and went on not doing whatever it

e. I gave Soho something to think about over its chop, believe me. It was a come-down in the world for me, maybe, after the Guelph, but what I said to myself was that, when you get a tip in Soho, it may be only tuppence, but you keep it; whereas at the Guelph about ninety-nine hundre

he saw one and always treated me more like a brother than anything else, used to say to me, 'Henry, if this keeps up, I'll be able to send the bo

eir change. And let me tell you, mister, that a man that wasn't satisfied after he'd had me serve him a dinner cooked by Jules and then had a chat with Katie through the wire cage would have groused at Paradise. For she was pr

visiting girl friends. It all come out after, but she fooled us then. Girls are like monkeys when it comes to artfulness. She called me Uncle Bill, because she said the name Henry always reminded her of cold mutto

.' And Katie said, 'Oh, Andy, I shall miss you.' And Andy didn't say nothing to me, and he didn't say nothing to Katie, but he gave her a look, and

troke which put him out of business. He went down under it as if he'd been hit w

t his college, and come back to L

a fatherly kind of way. And he just looked

Maybe it's better you're here than in among all those young d

Henry,' he says, 'perhaps that gentleman over there

nd he went away without giving me no tip, which show

o be respectful to a kid whose head you had spent many a happy hour clumping for his own good in the past; but he pretty soon showed me I could do it if I tried, and I done it. As for Jules and the two young fellers that had b

led down into a steady jog, Ka

nd her and Andy in the place. And I don't think either of them knew I was the

nd of quiet,

rling,'

I knew that there was

something

t is

d of he

be able to help any mo

her, sort o

do you

going on

mean? Did I listen? Of course I l

re, so that now Andy was the real boss instead of just acting boss; and what's more, in the nature of things, he was, in a manner of speaking, Katie's guardian, with power to tell her what she could do and what she couldn't. And I fel

id so

ng to do anythi

dear. I've got a big chance. Why

o argue about it

ance. And I've been wor

mean worki

t this dancing-school she

him about it, he just shov

t going on

he saw me dance, and he was very pleased, and said he would

t going on

em, and order them about, why, then they get their backs up and sauce you. I knew Katie well enough to know that she would do anything for Andy, if he aske

as if she couldn't hol

nly am,'

w what i

does i

of-ever

if he'd hit her, then

' she says.

aded young mule; and she walks ou

*

f 'The Rose Girl', which was the name of the piece which Mr Mandelbaum was letting Katie do a solo dance in; and while some of them cussed the play conside

You see, she was something new, and London alway

ening paper had a piece about 'How I Preserve My You

he gave me a look, and

?' he

on,'

out it?'

t know,

o your work

got

night that the qu

Soho should take it into its head to treat itself to a welsh rabbit before going to bed; so all hands was on deck,

n comes a party of four. There was a nut, another nut,

cle Bill!'

am,' I says dignif

o!" to a pal, and smile prettily, or I'll tell

to was one of them. I still maintain, as I always shall maintain, that the constable had no right to-but, the

says. 'Not so much of i

ti

want to introduce you

e Bill. Violet, t

she was acting like she'd never used to act when I knew her-all tough and bold. Then it com

Katie looked at him, and he looked at Katie, and I seen his face get

ie breathe

le Bill, ain't he?' she

d, I been reading the pieces in

'd hurt her. And me meaning only to

d their bill and give

he Guelph again-only

standing by for his sh

ck and had a

well, wasn't h

the

he ever s

't hea

pretty angry with me

ve never heard h

iece in the paper I showed him; but it didn'

, counting her. And they'd hardly sat down at their table, when in come the fellers she had called Jimmy and Ted with two girl

he nuts say, 'you were right. He

ich I don't wonder at, for Jules had certainly done himself proud. All artistic temperament, these Frenchmen a

me has gone abroad in the world which amuses himself, ain't it? For

lk in an evening was pretty hot stuff for MacFarland's. I'm bound to sa

ping me was working double tides, I suddenly understood, and I went up to Katie and, bending over her very respectful with a bottle, I whispers

I says to him, when I was passing, 'She's doing us proud, bucking up the

, when she was on her way o

nything about

word,'

he go

of the places is that once they've got the custom they think it's going to keep on coming and all they've got to do is to lean back and watch it come. Popularity comes in at the door, and good food and good service flies out at the window. We wasn't going to have any of that at MacFarland's. Even if it hadn't been that Andy would have c

had started rolling it didn't stop. Soho isn't so very far away from the centre of things, when you come to look at it, and they didn't mind the extra step, seeing that there

*

ased, and observed that it was wonderful the way Mr Woodward,

red a

k you've finished? What about Katie and Andy? What h

d Henry, 'I w

e res

*

ly well that if it hadn't of been for Katie there wouldn't of been any supper-custom at all; and you'd of thought that anyone claiming to be a human being would have had the gratitoo

nced to in the show. Catchy tune it was. 'Lum-tum-tum, tiddle-iddle-um.' Something like that it went. Well, the young feller struck up with it, and everybody begin clapping an

dusting on the table next to 'em, so I went up and began du

'You can't do that here. Wha

ys to him,

eem to be taking, but it isn't necessary. MacFarland's got on very

mes I think gratitood's a thing of the past and this wor

!' sh

come here and have supper, I can't stop you. But I'm

e it. If it hadn't of been that I hadn't

her word, but just we

n that she was through dancing, they begin to kick up a row; and one young nut with ab

know!' he hollered. 'Th

on't stop

oes up

so much noise,' he says, quite resp

damned! Why s

ease out in the street, but as long as you sta

ite enough to drink. I know,

vil are you

wn,' sa

collar and was chucking him out in a way that would have done credit to a real pro

ke up th

place. But it only seemed to do MacFarland's good. I guess it gave just that touch to the place which made the nuts think that this was real Bohemia. Come to think of it, it do

it; and after that you had to book a table in advance if

der, after Andy behaving so bad. I'd of spoke to him about it,

o cheer him up, 'What p

And

restauran

hat supper-custom!

that came out of nowhere and just knocked you f

uch to think about, what with having four young fellers under me and things being in such a rush at the restaurant that, if I thought of her at all, I just took it for granted that she was getting along all right, and didn't bother. To be sure we hadn't seen nothing of her at MacFarland's since the night when Andy bounced her pa

my evening off, I got a letter, and for te

If it hadn't of been my evening off, don't you see, I wouldn't have got home till one o'clock or past

what I'd lived at for the past ten years, and when I

ery word of it. T

g Uncl

em as if it had happened naturally. You will do this for me, won't you? It will be quite easy. By the time you get this, it will be one, and it will all be over, and you can just come up and open the window and let the gas out and then everyone will think I just died

A

hen it come to me, kind of as a new idea, that I'd best

th her eyes closed, and the g

ring at me. I went to the tap, and turned

hen,'

d you g

here. What have you go

s she used to when she was a

o where there's some air to breathe. Don't you take

enly I seen she was limping. So I gave her a

n,' I sa

with me, Uncle

t I goes up to her and puts my arm

ngry with you. But, for goodness' sake,' I says, 'tell a man w

d to end

t w

a-crying aga

about it in the p

t what in

say it will never be right again. I shall never be able to dance any more. I shall always limp. I

on to

e you. But don't you do it. It's a mug's game. Look here, if I leave

le Bill. Where

back soon. You sit th

o get to the restaurant in a ca

matter, Henr

ok at this

rush. It sometimes seems to me that in this life we've all got to have trouble sooner or later, and some of us gets it bit by bit, spread out thin, so to speak, and a few of us gets it in a lu

ey do. I seen a feller on the stage read a letter once which didn't just suit him; and he gasped and rolled his eyes and tried to say something and couldn't, and had to get a hold on a chair to keep him from falling. There w

he … She isn't…. Were

seen that he had got it

e dead,' I says, '

nk G

et,' I

s out of that room and in

and he didn't chat in that cab. He didn't

e?' h

,' I

pens th

he saw Andy. Her lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but she didn't say

s the room, and goes down on his k

kid' h

*

e last half of a music-hall. But, I don't know, it didn't kind of have no fascinat

UCH OF

ut realizes that he is not likely to get another for many days. He was full and happy. He bubbled over with the joy of living and a warm affection for his fellow-man. At the back of his mind there lurked the black sha

ng something which he h

go. He had been watch

t; for scarcely had that internationally important event taken place when Mrs Birdsey, announcing that for the future the home would be in England as near as possible to dear Mae and dear Hugo, sc

a cypher in his home. At an early date in his married life his position had been clearly defined beyond possibility of mistake. It was his business to make money, and, when c

e had been one of these occasions. He had no objection to Hugo Percy, sixth Earl of Carricksteed. The crushing blow had been the sentence

t the White Sox and the Giants were to give an exhibition in London at the Ch

the game, but he had overcome them, and had been seated in t

nevolence had been to allot the seats on either side of him to two men of his own mettle, two god-like beings who knew every move on the board, and howled like wolves when they did not

r side of him. He looked at them fondly, trying to make up his mind which of them he

hat the Savoy Hotel could provide they would fight the afternoon's battle over again. He did not know who t

e now, almost forbiddingly so; but only half an hour before it had been a battle-field of conflicting emotions, and his hat s

for the most part he had watched in silence so hungrily tense that a less experienced observer than Mr Birdsey might have attri

uriously deep tan his bearded cheeks were pale. He was

d the young man

ame!' h

looked at hi

et,' h

n a ball-game

saw was two year

inner at my hotel and

y impu

aid the y

tapped the shoulder

his face became a sickly white. His eyes, as he swung round, met Mr Birdsey's for an instant before

He felt chilled. He was on the point of apologizing with some murmur about a mistake, when the man reassured him by smiling. It was rat

y failed to set strangers at their ease. Many strenuous years on the New York Stock Exchange had

ted to ask you if you would let a perfect stranger, who

winced.

man is joining me. I have a suite at the Savoy Hotel, and I thought we might all have a qu

hav

st. We fans ought to stick to one

aid the bearde

on for baseball, is apt to be for a while a little difficult. The first fine frenzy in which Mr Birdsey had issued h

of his guests were disposed to silence, and the clean-shaven young man had developed a trick

r Birdsey to the w

ner mattered enormously to him. There were circumstances which were going to make it an oasis in his life. He wanted it

him. Leaning forward, he addressed the bearded man, w

ore?' he said. 'I'm sur

ious as the effect of Mr Birdsey's tap on the sho

s head with

worn to it, and I am positive that it was some

es

duce ourselves. Funny it didn't strike any of us before. M

said the young man. '

ded man

son. I-used to l

e now, Mr Johnson

esitated again. '

red to help matters

re, but I understand that it is quite a pl

here for

ere some time?' i

e ye

icking to the point like this, but the fact is, the one thing I pride myself on is my memory for faces. It's a hobby of mine. If I think I remember a face, and can't place

's table-talk was for some reason getting upon Johnson's nerves.

helpfully. 'A friend of mine was there in his

apped Johnson, and slew th

bearing a bottle. The pop of the cork was more than music to Mr Bi

ed man, to the extent of inducing him to try and pick up

Birdsey,' he said awkwardly; 'but then you have

hirruped sym

od to me. But five years of it, and nothi

eding in a sort of way, but it had taken a distinctly gloomy turn. Slightly flushed with the ex

the greatest difficulty in getting to the bleac

man shoo

y difficulty would have been to stop away. My name's Waterall, and I'm the London correspo

onsciously, but not witho

life was worth to side-step it. But when you get the Giants and the White Sox playing ball within fifty miles of you-Well, I packed a grip and sneaked out the back way, and got to the station and caught the fast train to London. And what is going on back

at the b

any adventures

-I jus

forward. His manner was quiet,

h of an adventure

y looked from one to the other, vaguely disturbed. Something wa

crumpled into a crooked ridge under his fing

t under

if I give you your ri

is?' said Mr B

face more noticeable than ever. Mr Birdsey was c

inner to a celebrity. I told you I was sure I had seen this gentleman before. I have just remembered where, and when

tri

hundred thousand dollars, jumped hi

e love

p down in him there was an unmistakable feeling of elation. He had made up his mind, when he left

ou have been liv

Strand traffic sent a faint murmu

ry second man you meet is a New Yorker, I can't understand. The chances were two to one that you w

s head. His hand

a chance of coming to life for a day; because I was sick of the damned tomb I've been living in for five centuries; because I've been aching for

d great perils to see this game. Even in this moment his mind would not wholly detach itself from speculation as to what his wife would say to him when he slunk back into the fold. But what had he risked compared with this man Benyon? Mr Birdsey glowed. He could not restrain h

a righteous glow of ind

tic

d followed Benyon's words wit

s only us that's reco

ou proposing that we sh

y?' he sa

, w

and went to

you goin

Yard, of course. W

y as a citizen, yet it is to be recorded th

You mustn'

tainly

came all that way t

ect of the affair should not be the one to strik

ive him up.

onvicted

Why, say, h

ulders, and walked to the

mom

mself looking into the muzzle

t. Wave it abou

shaking hand on th

oot if y

. You're just a cheap crook, and that's all. You wouldn't

off the

otland Yard

e pistol fell to the ground. The next moment Benyon had broken down. His face

dly distressed. He sat

s a nig

l voice spoke a

This is Waterall. I'm speaking from the Savoy, Mr Birdsey's rooms. Birdsey. Listen, Jarvis. There's a man here that's wanted by the American poli

. He stood, shaking, a pitiable sight. Mr Birdsey

k!' said

of a citizen's duties. What is more, I'm a newspaper man, and I have some

dsey s

t's the matter with you. Just because this man has escaped justice for

t-b

don

before he had decided to treat that ugly little pistol in a spirit of contempt. Its production had given him a decided shock, and now he was suffering from reaction. As a

acle of Mr Birdsey, indignant but inactive, and Mr Birdsey berserk, seeing red, frankly and undisguisedl

gave out its flame

tballer, even to the grave. Time had removed the flying tackle as a factor in Mr Birdsey's life. Wrath brought it back. He dived at young Mr Waterall's neatly tro

n, you f

as if all the world had dissolved in one vast explosion of dyna

ht him to himself. He was no longer berserk. He was a middle-aged gentle

led, glared at him speechlessl

ing broken. Relieved, he put his foot to the ground again. He shook his head at W

sn't go. There are exceptions to every rule, and this was one of them. When a man risks his liberty to come and root at

e peculiar unpleasantness of being treated by an elderly

lize what you've done? The polic

them

ion can I give? What story can I tell them?

ood vanishing and reason leaping back on to her throne. He was able now

y got to hand a story to the police. Any old tale will do for them. I'm the

K FO

rtain smartness, a certain air-what the French call the tournure. Nor had poverty killed in him the aristo

cion in his attitude. The muscles of his back contracted, his eyes glowed l

he stalked towards her, and, suddenly lowering his head, drove it vigorously against her dress. H

beth, 'does this cat

that cat is. I been trying to l

less life. Sometimes it was a noise, sometimes a lost letter, sometimes a piece of ice

round here

ping about a con

ll kee

luck,' said Fran

th editorial compliments from the magazine to which they had been sent-she accepted that as part of the game; what she did consider scurvy treatment at the hands of fate was the fact that her own pet magazine, the one to which she had been accustomed to fly for re

ld not have been surprised, though it would have pained her, if he had now proceeded to try to escape through the ceiling. Cats were so

ially. 'If you don't see what you wa

trencherman, and he did not care who knew it. He concentrated himself on the restoration of his tissues with the purposeful

ening; 'that's your name. Now sett

ke most of his species, he was an autocrat. He waited a day to ascertain which was Elizabeth's favourite chair, then appropriated it for his own. If Elizabeth closed a door while he was in a room, he wanted it opened so that he

er, the building was an old one, and it creaked at night. There was a loose board in the passage which made burglar noises in the dark behind you when you stepped on it on the way to bed; and there were funny scra

afternoon h

h the intention of making a bird's-eye survey of the street. She was not hopefu

belonging to the flat whose front door faced hers-the flat of the young man whose footsteps she sometimes heard. She knew

he tip of a crimson tongue and generally behavi

joy, and reproach combining to give h

en an utter stranger. Bulging with her meat and drink, he cut her

a saucerful of tainted milk, but he was her cat, and she meant to get

the rough-haired, clean-shaven, square-jawed type-he was a distinctly good-looking young man. Even though she was

oung man that his sitting-room window was open; or that Joseph w

me have my cat, please

your sitting-room

faintly

ur

seph. He is in yo

ce. I've just left my sitting-room, and th

eph go in only

was Re

le, Elizabeth realized the truth. This was no innocent young man who stood before her, but the blac

ong you have had

o'clock this

in through

w you mention

good enough to give

beth,

ed her de

ent, that your Joseph is my Reginald, couldn't we come to an ag

a dozen cats.

he went on persuasivel

and Angor

you intend to

atutes regarding cats. To retain a stray cat is not a tort or a misdemeano

ease give me

ir and her eyes shining, and the young

irst rehearsal of my first play; and as I walked in at the door that cat walked in at the window. I'm as superstitious as a coon, and I felt that to give him up would be equivalent to killing the play be

ged him! She had taken him for an ordinary soulless purloiner of cats, a snapper-up of cats at random and without reason; and all the time he had been r

tn't let him go! It wou

ow abo

all the people who are dependen

ng man

verwhelmin

to me-at least, nothing much-that is to say-well, I

it

I wanted. He was jus

you many

't any f

ds! That settles it. Y

n't thin

must take him

lly co

u m

won

d feel, knowing that you were all alone and tha

ld feel if your play failed si

ngers through his rough ha

ere to retain a sort of managerial right in him? Couldn't you sometimes step across and chat with him-and me, inci

ability to form instantaneous judgements on the men she met. S

to hear all about your play. I write myself, you know, in a

e a successfu

he first play you have

hat's prett

th that he spoke doubtfully, and this modesty cons

*

arranged that, if one of these individuals does at last contrive to seek out and form a friendship with another, that friendship shall grow more swiftly than the tepid ac

had time to say much on his own account, she had told him of her life in the small Canadian town where she had passed the early part of her life; of the rich and unexpected aunt who had sent her to college for no particular reason that anyone could ascertain except that she enjoyed being unexpected; of the legacy from this same aunt, fa

ollege, still more briefly of Chicago-which city he appeared to regard with a distaste that made Lot's attitude towards the Cities of the Plain almost kindly

with a clear conscience at the end of the second week of their acquaintan

giving the play place of honour in her thoughts over and above her own little ventures. With this stupendous thing hanging in the balance, it seemed almost wicked of her to devote a mo

d referred to his characters by name instead of by such descriptions as 'the fellow who's in love with the girl-not what's-his-name but the other chap'-she would no doubt have got that mental half-Nelson on it which is such a help t

generally found him steeped in gloom, and then she would postpone the recital, to which she had been looking forward, of whatever little triumph she might have happened to win,

decidedly wary of strange young men, not formally introduced; her faith in human nature had had to undergo much straining. Wolves in sheep's clothing were co

nt defensiveness which had come to seem almost an inevitable accompaniment to dealings with the oppo

e thing happened, it so s

hout speaking. But it had differed from other quiet evenings through the fact that Elizabeth's silence hid a slight but

heart, was hers; and he looked to her to justify the daring experiment of letting a woman handle so responsible a job. Imagine how Napoleon felt after Austerlitz, picture Colonel Goethale contemplating the last spadeful of dirt from the Panama Canal, try to visualize a suburban householder who sees a flower emerging

walked, stepping on fleecy clouds of

him the g

aid,

that. His hair was rumpled, his brow contracted, and his manner absent. The impression he gave Elizabeth was that he had barely heard her. The next moment he was deep in a recital of the misdem

in his chair, brooding. Elizabeth, cross and wounded, sat in

moment stillness; the next, Joseph hurtling through the air, all claws and

all, a soothing-profile. An almost painful sentimentality sweeps over James Boyd. There she sits, his only friend in this cruel city. If you argue that there is no necessity to spring at your only friend and nearly

t conscious of indignation-or, indeed, of any sensation except the purely physical one of semi-strangulation. Then, flushed, and more bitterly angry than she could ever have imagined herself capable of being, she began to struggle. She tore herself awa

fe in her own home. She was aware that he was speaking, but the words did not reach her. She found the door, and pulled it open. She felt a hand on her arm, but she shook it off. And then she w

ermination that she would never forgive herself. And having thus placed beyond the pale the only two friends she had

, announced the lighting of the big arc-lamp on the opposite side-walk. She resented it, being in the mood for undiluted g

e ring at her bell. She did not answer it. There came anothe

*

ent to bed; that was all she knew-except that life had become very grey and very lonely, far lonel

ng. It is not difficul

you live just

*

d gather in whatever lay outside it. Sometimes there would be mail; and always, unless Franc

tried not to think, Elizabeth, opening the door, found imm

h me luck? I feel sure it is going to be a

leaping of the heart, their meaning came home to her. He must have left this at her door on the previous night. The play had been pro

They dodge behind murders; they duck behind baseball scores; they lie up snugly behind the Wall Street news. I

e in Authority' rent and tore James Boyd's play. He knocked James Boyd's play down, and kicked it; he jumped on it wi

elf. In a flash all her resentment had gone, wiped away and annihilated like a m

isplayed before him. It took her five minutes to dress. It took her a minute to run downstairs and out to the news-stand on the corner o

e criticisms varied only in tone. One cursed with relish and gusto; another with a certain pity; a third with a kind of wounded superiority, as o

d up, smoothed, and replaced on the stand by the now more than ever charmed proprie

rt. The door opened. James Boyd stood before her, heavy-eyed and haggard. In his eyes was despair, and on his chin the

ere the morning papers; and at the

d the next moment she was in his ar

s she never knew; but eve

' he said hoarsely,

said Elizabeth,

eak shot silently, and disappeared out of t

lizabeth bitterly. 'I shall nev

as not of t

ought me all t

meant everyt

did

eth he

ut of your next play, and I've heaps for us both to live on till you mak

got a job on a

I am doing Heloise Milton

aned h

hat you would come ba

e I will. What did yo

York!' He blinked. 'This isn't

in Chicago? Wouldn't it be better to stay

ok his

ge. When the time came for me to join the firm, I put it to dad straight. I said, "Give me a chance, one good, square chance, to see if the divine fire is really there, or if somebody has just turned on the alarm as a practical joke." And we made a bargain. I had written this play, and we made it a test-case. We fixed it up that dad should put up the money to give it a Broadway production. If it succeeded, all right; I'm the young Gus Thomas, and may go ahead in the literary game. If it's a fizzle, off goes my coat, and I abandon pipe-dreams of literary triumphs and start in as the guy who put the Co. i

a little

ury on murdered piggies. Have you ever seen them persuading a pig to play the stellar role in a Boyd P

eth soothingly. 'Perhaps

ully. 'I've watched them at it, and I'm bound

to thin

' said Jame

bove, and on the heels of it a shock-haire

s. 'By the way, Miss

Briggs, sometimes kno

oubling y

stammering w

my apartment. I heard him mewing outside the door, and opened it, and he streaked in. And I start

ps of steel. He's the greatest little luck-bringer in

t to ask-your play was a hit?

he notices. It was the worst frost Bro

on't und

d fill that cat with fish, or she'll be lea

y Novelist, paling, a

l bring him luck?' said

d by every publisher in the city; and then, when he is sitting in his apartment, wondering which of his razors to end himself with, there wi

mind about

n the

t he will have to go away

t. I know they string them up by the hind-legs, and all that sort of thing; but you must remember that a pig l

said Elizabet

E OF AN UG

with its young by the ornamental water where the wild-fowl are, he comes upon a vast road. One side of this is given up to Nature, the other to Intellect. On the

ed fashion of the London policeman along the front of them, turn to the right, turn to the left, and come back along the

, not Crime. Authors, musicians, newspaper men, actors, and artists are the inhabitants of these mansions. A child could control them. They assault and batter noth

o many layers of big-brained blamelessness. And there was not even the chance of a burglary. No burglar wastes his time burgling authors.

ns had revolted at the kicks showered upon them by haughty spirits impatient of restraint. Also, one Saturday night, three friends of a gentleman whom he was trying to induce not to murder his wife had so wrought upon him that, when he came out of

f action were once more troubling him, a new interest entered his life; and w

are conducted fortissimo between cheerful youths in the road and satirical young women in print dresses, who come out of their kitchen doors on to little balconies. The whole thing has a pleasing Romeo and Juliet touch. Romeo rattles up in his cart. 'Sixty-four!' he cries. 'Sixty-fower, sixty-fower, sixty-fow-' The kitchen door opens, and Juliet emerges. She eyes Romeo without any great show of affection. 'Are you Perkins and Blissett?' she inquires coldly. Romeo admi

ck of York Mansions-a

end of Constable Plimmer's second week of the simple life, when his a

ustive gaze, he was aware of strange thrills. There was something about this girl which excited Constable Plimmer. I do not say that s

?' he

?' said the girl. 'All

mer, consulting his watch, 'wan

ank

t all,

you have cleared lunch and haven't got to think of dinner yet, and have a bit of

, ask a pleeceman,' she said.

t of two w

here thr

ou like i

milkman's

-looking blighters; one of those oiled and curled perishers; one of those blooming fascinators who go a

with his jokes,

kman was a rare one with his jokes. He had heard him. The way girls fell fo

. 'He calls me Li

Constable Plimmer coldly, 'I'll ha

you couldn't arrest h

aced upon his way,

lf Brooks, it appeared, was his loathsome name-came rattling past with his jingling cans as if he were Apollo driving his chariot. If he was round at the back, there was Alf, his damned tenor doing duets with the balconies. And all this in defiance of the known law of natura

t from soldiers and sailors, and to be cut out by even a postman is to fall before a worthy foe; but

shone from balconies when his 'Milk-oo-oo' sounded. Golden voices giggled delightedly at his be

ny. They were walking o

learned from

box on the corner, and she reached it just as the p

lled Constable P

lo,' he said. 'Pos

Police Commissioner, tel

. Him and me are tak

e rollicked. He snatched at the letter with what was meant to be a debonair gaiety, a

s addressed t

The girl was frightened and angry, and he wa

id. 'Ho! Mr

there were moments when her manners lacked rather notic

hout having to get permission from every-' She paused to marshal her forces from the assault. 'Without ha

ion. That was how an impartial Scotland Yard would be compelled to describe him, if ever he got lost. 'Mis

with Alf? Perhaps you've got something

ly. To prolong it, she gave him this opening. There were a dozen ways in which he might answer, each more insulting than the last; and then, when he ha

d Constabl

ng, 'What! Jealous of you. Why-' she was prepared. But this was incredible. It disabled her, as the wild thrust of an

had supposed, and then he was gone, rolling along on his beat with that air which all policemen must

htfully, and thoughtfully returned to the flat. She looked

and disorderlies would have been as balm to him now. He was like a man who has run through a fortune and in poverty eats the bread of regret. Amazedly he recollected that in those happy days he had grumbled at his lot. He remembered confiding to a friend in the station-house, as he rubbed with liniment the spot on his right shin where the well-

ad dozed on-calm, int

t. If any of these white-corpuscled clams ever swatted a fly, it was much as they could do. The thing

d looked up at the placi

growled, and kic

ppeared a woman, an elderly, sharp-faced woman, who waved her arms a

She did not look the sort of woman who would be reticent about a thing like that. Well, anyway, it was something; and Edward Plimmer had been long enough in Battersea to be

iting for him at the door. H

is it,

cook has bee

A stout admirer of the sex, he hated arresting women. Moreover, to a man in the mood to tackle anarchis

locked her in. I know s

money. You mu

'am. Female search

can searc

a matter of fact, he had been there all the time, standing by the bookcas

-Ja

l, H

seemed to swa

in a ghastly manner and turned to the policeman. 'Er-officer, I ought to tell you that my wife-ah-holds

e, Henry, that you hav

just possible

oft

. Conscience was begin

not o

n? More t

s bolt. The little man

han once. Certainly

doesn't alter the fact that Ellen is a thief. I have missed money half

s waiting for them behind the locked door at the end of the passag

*

informed Constable Plimmer, attributing the fact that she had discovered the loss of the brooch in time

girl, where

t a word. She had been

ee, of

I 'adn't but borrowed it.

nse! Borrow it,

ted to l

nstable Plimmer's face was a mer

been missing? I suppose you'l

took no

esn't go by itself. Take her t

immer raised

a charge

ke a charge. What did you thin

ong, miss?' said

*

walk abroad with their nurses; and from the green depths of the Park came the sound of happy v

ting behaviour in a policeman on duty: he aimed always at a machine-like impersonality. There were time

ot crying. That

ng young men, stood Alf Brooks. He was feeling piqued. When he said three o'clock, he meant three o'clock. It was now three-fifteen, and she had not appeared.

another

scort, at that mome

a fellow waiting about while they fooled around with policemen were no girls for hi

yes. This policeman was wearing his belt; he was on duty. And Ellen's

eks flushed a dusky crimson. His jaw fell, and a p

oo

s sought h

umb

hot a

! She's be

is collar. It

asking Space in a blustering manner what else he could ha' done. And if the question did not bring much balm to his soul at the first time of asking, it proved wonderfully soothing on constant repetition. He repeated it at intervals for th

lk-walk in the most fashionable part of Battersea; to all practical purposes a public man. Was he to recognize, in broad da

m. She was ten yards off-seven-five-three-Alf Brooks tilted hi

ous feeling that somebody was just going

*

e was redder than ever. Beneath his blue tunic strange emotions were at

eyes met for the first time that afternoon, and it seemed to Constable Plimmer that whatever it

m, indirectly, he owed his broken nose had looked like that. As his hand had fallen on the collar of the man who was kicki

nstable Plimmer. Down the street some children were playi

aid Constab

ly. He found s

irl s

at

et along.

do you

face was scarlet. His jaw protr

Tell him it was all a joke.

seemed to come

mean I'm

es

u aren't going to tak

N

m. Then, suddenl

He was ashamed of me. He

nst the wall, h

r him, and tell

no,

ked morosely at the s

, but she was no longer cryin

what he did. Let's go

d at him

ly going to ha

aware of her eyes searching his

hy

not a

appened to you, if

which nightmares are made. He kicked the unoff

he Force,' h

ison, too, I sh

ay

again. The dog down the road had stopped barking. The woma

done all that fo

es

hy

r did it. Stole that money, I

that

o you m

the only

on her, almos

f you want it, you can have it. It was because I love you. There! Now I

ghing,' she

ink I'm

I d

u. He's the fellow

a littl

N

do you

I think I shall have changed

me

ut of p

ot going

, I

't tak

t you get yourself in trouble like th

t, like a

t m

ng at her like

can't

t off all o

like my

es

t'll gro

nd talking

Where's th

t st

ome alon

*

nd for an instant she stopped. Then she was walking on again

tersea. All change! I say, mi

name, miss. Ed

wonder if-What I mean is, it would be rather a lark, when I c

is ample feet against the

and as proud as a duke. And, miss'-he clenched his hands till the nails hurt the leathern flesh-'and, miss, there's just one thing more I'd like to say. You'll be having a good deal of time to yourself for awhile; you'll be able to do a good bit of thinking without anyone

mp which hung, blue and forbi

e said. 'What will they

nod

d. 'I say, what do people call you?-people

OF T

made up. He was goin

ed determination, when he had wavered. In these moments he had debated, with Hamlet, the question whether it was nobler in the

d hardly entered into it at all. What he had to decide was whether it was worth while putting up any longer with the perfectly infernal pain in his stomach. For Mr Meggs was a

th's Supreme Digestive Pellets-he had given them a more than fair trial. Blenkinsop's Liquid Life-Giver-he had drunk enough of it to float a ship. Perkins's Premier Pain-Preventer,

hought Mr Meggs, and forthwith

fty-six, and he was perhaps the most unoccupied adult to be found in the length and breadth of the United Kingdom. He toiled not, neither did he spin. Twenty years before, an unexpected legacy had placed him in a position to indulge a natural taste for idleness to the utmost. He was at that time,

it of self-indulgence among the more expensive and deleterious dishes on the bill of fare had up to th

ely well. Nobody urged him to take exercise, so he took no exercise. Nobody warned him of the perils of lobster and welsh rabbits to a man of sedentary habits, for it was nobody's business to warn him. On the contrary, people rather encouraged the lobster side of his character, for he was a hospitable soul and liked to have his friends dine with him. The result was that Nature, as is her won

s decided

be a clerk in even an obscure firm of shippers for a great length of time without acquiring sy

ious June morning, seated at

ge. Dogs dozed in the warm dust. Men who had to work went about

s study, was cool b

represented, with the exception of a few pounds, his entire worldly wealth. Beside them

it had been great sport sitting in his arm-chair, thinking whom he should pick out from England's teeming millions to make happy with his money. All sorts of schemes had passed through his mind. He had a sense of power which the mere possession of the money had never given him. He began to understand why millionaires make freak wills. At one time he had

efit. What good fellows they had been! Some were dead, but he still kept intermittently i

complication about his own legacy twenty years ago. Somebody had contested the will, and before the thing was satisfactorily settled the lawyers had got away with about twenty per cent of the whole. No, no wills. If he made one, and then killed h

al parts; six letters couched in a strain of reminiscent pathos and manly resignation; six envelopes, legibly addressed; six postage-stamps; and that part of his preparations was complete. He licked the stamps and placed them

nd poured the contents

his suicide. The knife, the pistol, the rope-they had all presented their charms to him. H

re, as he would most certainly do if he drowned himself; or the carpet, as he would if he used the pistol; or the pavement-and possibly some innocent pedest

take, quick to work, and on the wh

ass behind the inkp

arrived?' he inqui

just co

I am waiting

ume work on his British Butterflies, it was to Miss Pillenger that he addressed the few rambling and incoherent remarks which constituted his idea of a regular hard, slogging spell of literary composition. When he sank back in his cha

dly correct in their dealings with Miss Pillenger. In her twenty years of experience as a typist and secretary she had never had to refuse with scorn and indignation so much as a box of chocolates from any of her e

ch Mr Meggs had found himself after a while compelled to pay; and they had dropped off, one after another, like exhausted bivalves, unable to endure the crushing boredom of life in the village which had given Mr Meggs to the world. For Mr Meggs's home-town was no City of Pleasure. Remove the Vicar's magic-lantern and the try-your-weight machine opposite the post office, and you practically eliminated the temptations to tread the primrose path. The on

salary. For five pounds a week she would have undertaken a post as secretary and typist to a Polar Expedition. For

y of the study. Here, he told himself, was a confiding girl, all unconscious of impending doom, relying on him as a d

s desk beside the letters lay a little pile of notes

ed expectantly for Mr Meggs to clear his throat and begin work on the butterflies. She was surprised when, instead of f

ut among her nerve-centres. It had been long in arriving, this moment of crisis, but here it undoubted

eggs thought he was smiling the sad, tender smile of a man who, knowing himself to be on the brink of the tomb, bids farewell to a

t work this morning. I shall want you, if you wi

he letters. Mr Meggs

. Six years, is it not? Six years. Well, well. I don't

me a goo

hat which the ordinary employer feels for his secretary. You and I have worked together for six long years. Surely I may be perm

f a man whose digestion has been out of order for over two decades. The pathos of the

nger much as some great general, wounded unto death, might have kissed his mother, his sister, or some particula

ut, she sprang to her feet. 'How dare you! I've been waiting for this Mr Meggs. I have seen it in your eye. I have expected it. Let me t

desk as a stricken pugilist falls on the

, aghast, 'you misundersta

u? Bah! I am only

s farther f

obvious interpretation of such behaviour!' Before coming to Mr Meggs, Miss Pillenger had been secretary to an Indiana novelist. She had learned sty

enger, I i

am only a wo

he blow and still more of the frightful ingratitude of

' he bellowed. 'You'll drive me mad. Go. Go away

eggs's sudden fury had startled and frightened her. So long as

he door. 'Now that you have revealed yourself in your tru

ployer's eye, and

ene. He boiled with indignation. That his kind thoughts should have been so mi

y because his shin had struck a chair, p

re parallel between himself an

if I commit suic

. What an idiot he had been ever to contemplate self-destruction. What could have induced him to do it? By his own hand to re

at them. And if he did have an occasional pain inside, what of that? Napo

up his eyes, he turned to seize the six

were

o, and then it all came back to him. He had given them to the demon Pillen

moment, easily the most prominent was the reflection that from his

*

been shaken to the core. It was her intention to fulfil her duty by posting the letters which had been entrusted to her, and then

nd, turning, she perceived the model employer running rapidly tow

d Mr Meggs's reason, and she was to be the victim of his fury. She had read of scores of similar cases in the

nd down the street. Nobody was in sig

to

ss Pillenger increased to third speed. As

roared M

DE THIS MAN MURDERER,'

to

ONDE,' flashed out in letters of crimso

to

HE STABS H

-that was the ideal she strove after. She addressed he

ittle, if any, remark. But in Mr Meggs's home-town events were of rarer occurrence. The last milestone in the history of his native place had been the visit, two years before, of Bingley's Stupendous Circus, which h

the general appearance of Mr Meggs gave food for thought. Having brooded over the situation, they decided at length to take a h

said Miss

ill grasped in her right hand. He had taken practically no

an of the town's welfar

m, and desire

to murder me,' sa

dvised an aus

u were going to murd

able

s found

y wanted tho

at

're m

her with s

st with his own hands,

d, but I wan

ad recognized beneath the perspiration, features which, though they were dist

Meggs!'

e disappointed, the crowd. What it was they did not know, but

his letters when he asks yo

r drew hersel

, Mr Meggs, I hope we

ed. That was

hat some curious change had taken place in him. He was abominably stiff, and to move his limbs was pain, but do

pen. It was a perfect morning. A cool breeze smote his face, bringing with it

ng thought

I feel

ano

I took yesterday. By Geor

aw, but it was a half-hearted effort, the effort of one who knows that he is b

hysical culture places…. Comparatively young man….

d to the

WITH TWO

'wishful to dance, but his feet wasn't gaited that way. So he sought a professor and asked him his price, and said he was willing to pay. The professor' (the leg

g the hours not given over to work at the New York bank at which he was employed as paying-cashier. For Henry was a voracious reader. His idea of a pleasant evening was to get back to his little flat, take off his coat, put on his slippers, light a pipe, and go on from the point where he had left off the night before in his perusal of the BIS-CAL volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica-making notes as he read in a stout notebook. He read the BIS-CAL volume because, after many days, he had finished the A-AND, AND-AUS, and the AUS-B

low-cashier, Sidney Mercer. In New York banks paying-cashiers, like bears, tigers, lions, and other fauna, are always shut up in a cage in pairs, and are consequently dependent on each other for entertainment and social intercourse when business is slack. Henry Mills and Sidney simply could not find a subject in common. Sidney knew absolutely nothing of even such eleme

pid's well-meant but obsolete artillery. Sometimes Sidney Mercer's successor in the teller's cage, a sentimental young man, would broach the topic of Woman and Marriage. He would ask He

M

he said it that

tted to take his annual vacation in the summer. Hitherto he had always been released from his cage during the winter months, and had spent his ten days

is vacation he devoted much of the time that should have been given to the Encyclopaedia Britannica in reading summer-

s in the shape of a number of goats tethered at intervals between the holes-and a silvery lake, only portions of which were used as a dumping-ground for tin cans and wooden boxes. It was all new and strange to H

paler than she should have been, with large eyes that seemed to Henry pathet

have been, for the advertisements expressly stated that none were ever found in the neighbourhood of Ye Bonnie Briar-Bush Farm, when along she came. S

ening,'

never contributed to the dialogue of the dining-room

o, tying the score. And the

overcame Hen

oking tire

e paused. 'I overd

I

nci

g. Did you

a grea

A

ethods with the Encyclopaedia. How pleasant if he could have been in a position to talk easily of Dancing. Then memory remin

w that the word "ballet" incorporated three distinct modern words, "ballet", "ba

weak. She looked at h

t say that she

now anythin

' said Henry, quietly, 'was "The Tavern Bilkers", whic

s i

was that given by-by someone to celebrate

his memory by hoops of steel owing to the singular coincidence of it being als

awful lot

ry, modestly. 'I r

wistfully. 'I've never had time for reading. I'

like a well-tickled cat. Never in his life had he bee

mson carpet across the silvery lake. The air was very still. The creatures, unclassified by science, who might have been mistaken for mosquitoes had their presence been possible at Ye Bonnie Briar-Bush Farm, were biting harder than ever. But Henry heeded them not. He

s, they sat by the silvery lake. He poured out the treasures of his learning for her, and she

Henry went bac

his sentimental fellow-cashier, shortly af

plied Henry, brisk

entered at that moment fifteen dollars for a ten-dollar cheque,

ry beginning they settled down in perfect harmony. She merged with his life as smoothly as one river joins another. He did not even have to alter his habits. Every morning he had his breakfast at eight, smoked a cigarette, and walked to the Underground. At five he left the bank, and at six he arri

lly happy, so extraordinarily peaceful. Everything was as perfect as it could be. M

y her soft hair, as she bent over her sewing. Then, wondering at the silence, she would look up, and h

ou bea

Avenue, where red wine was included in the bill, and excitable people, probably extremely clever, sat round at small tables and talked all together at the top o

er face-those novels which begin with the hero supping in the midst of the glittering throng and having his attention attracted to a distinguished-looking elderly man with a grey imperial who is entering wit

. He had that feeling, which comes to all quiet men who like to sit at home and read, that this was the sort of atmosphere in which he really belonged. The brightness of it all-the dazzling lights, the music, the hubbub, in which th

de. Henry looked up, to

f speech. Faultless evening dress clung with loving closeness to Sidney's lissom form. Gleaming shoes of perfect patent leather covered his feet. His light hair was brus

ore blu

op?' said the vision. 'I didn't know y

to Minnie. There was a

looking her

ring speech. And to Minnie

d? Wish you luck.

was doing as well

ll on th

ook his head

ssional dancer at this

't you d

o hypnotize himself into a feeling that it was not inability to dance that kept him in his seat, but that he had had so much of that sort

n't d

I bet Mrs Mills does. W

Mi

nk you,

been standing in the way of Minnie's pleasure. Of course she wa

e, Min.

looked

Min. I shall be all right

and simultaneously Henry ceased to be a youngish twenty-one and was even

rriage he became introspective. It had never struck him before how much younger Minnie was than himself. When she had signed the paper at the City Hall on the occasion of the purchase of the marriage licence, she had given her age, he remembered now, as twenty-six. It had made no impression on him at the time. Now, however, he perceived clearly that between twenty-six and thirty-five there was a gap of nine years; and a chill sensation came upon him o

ever; Sidney, the insufferable ass, grinning and smirking and pretending to be eighteen. They looked like a cou

sleep, was aroused by a sudden stiffening of the arm that

ills resolving that he

he should learn the steps by the aid of this treatise than by the more customary method of taking lessons. But quite early in the proceedings he was faced by complications. In the first place, it was his intention to keep what he was doing a s

e right foot along dotted line A B and bring the left foot round curve C D in a paying-cashier's cage in a bank, nor, if you are at all sensitive to public opinion, on the pavement going home. And while he was trying to do it in the parlo

cided that he mu

s. He selected a Mme Gavarni because she lived in a convenient spot. Her house was in a side street, with a station within easy reach. The real problem was when to find time for the lessons. H

' he said a

, He

e. He had never l

tting enoug

u look

'll put on another mile or so to my walk on my way

well,

abandoning his walk, he was now in a position to devote an hour a d

and an unconventional manner with her clientele. 'You come to me an hour a day,

that

lure yet with a pupe, except o

two le

to have 'em cut off him. At that, I could have learned him to tango with wood

gum from the panel of the door where she had pla

uth feels more unhappy and ridiculous than when he is taking a course of lessons in the modern dance, but it is not easy to think of them. Physically, his new experie

ung lady with laughing blue eyes, and Henry never clasped her trim waist without feeling a black-hearted traitor to his absent Minnie. Conscience racked him. Add to this the sensation of being a strange, jointless creature with

y by frequently comparing his performance and progress with that o

ird lesson than Henry after his fifth. The niece said no. As well, perhaps, but not better. Mme Gavarni said that the niece was forg

pursue him into the street in order to show him on the side-walk a means of doing away with some of his numerous errors of technique, the elimination of whic

und his feet going through the motions without any definite exercise of will-power on his part-almost as if they were endowed with an intelligenc

s moved to dig

d!' she observe

modestly. It w

e more apparent to him, as he watched Minnie, that she was chafing at the monotony of her life. That fatal supper had wrecked the peace of their little home. Or perhaps it had merely precipitated the wreck. Sooner or later, he to

enings and had developed a habit of pleading a headache and going early to bed. Sometimes, catching her eye when she was not exp

he revealed himself dramatically. If she had been contented with the life which he could offer her as a non-dancer, what was the sense of losing weight and money in order to learn the steps? He enjoyed the silent, uneasy evenings which had supplanted those cheery ones of the first yea

irthday, having presented her with a purse which he knew she had long

you like i

t the purse wit

I wanted,' she s

ll get the tickets for the

itated for

t to go to the theatre

we'll have supper at Geisenheimer's again. I may be working after hours at the ba

ou'll miss yo

esn't matte

l going on with

yes,

iles eve

it. It kee

es

bye, d

od-

the station, it would be different tomorrow morning. He had rather the feeling of a young knight w

hour had come. He had thought of this moment for weeks, and he visualized every detail of his big scene. At first they would sit at their table in silent discomfort. Then Sidney Mercer would come up, as before, to ask Minnie to dance. And then-then-Henry would rise and, abandoning all concealment, exclaim grandly: 'No! I am going to dance with my wife!' Stunned amazement of Min

ne a little, he had felt, if Sidney Mercer did not present himself to play the role of foil; but he need have had no fears on this point. Sidney had the gift, not uncommon in the chinless, smooth-bake

nry! Alw

s birt

. We've just time for one turn before the

. Many a time had Mme Gavarni hammered it out of an aged and unwilling

andly. 'I am going to

d looked forward to causing. Minnie looked at him wi

you could

said Henry, lightly.

, I'll

d Minnie, as

prised admiration and remorseful devotion; but she had not said it in that way. There had been a note of horror in her voice. Henry's was a s

on the floor now, and it was beginning to creep upon him like a chill wind th

For a moment the tuition of weeks stood by him. Then, a shock, a stifled cry from Minnie, and the first collision had occurred. And with that all the knowledge which he had so painfully acquired passed from Henry's mind, leaving it an agitated blank. This was a situation for which his slidings round an empty room had not prepared him. Stage-fright at its worst came up

lped him to his feet.

at hi

nd sleek immaculateness. 'It went down

s full of de

*

said

not see her face. She did not answer. She preserved the silence which she had maintain

on. Outside an Elevated train rumb

I'm

le

d woman said. I've got two left feet, and it's no use my ever trying to do it. I kept it secret from you, what I was doing. I wanted it to be a wonderful surprise for you on your birthday. I knew how

en

e saw that her whole face had altered. Her

u went to that house-to

hout speaking. She c

pretended you were st

u k

station at the end of the street, and I saw you. There wa

cked his

n't believe it, but she was try

by the lapels

ever didn't you tell me what you were doing? Oh, yes, I know you wanted it to be a surprise for me on my birthday, but you must ha

just that you were

Here, w

hole thing out. You're so much younger than I, Min. It didn't seem righ

I lov

ery girl has to. Wome

nce with the lady instructresses. I was a lady instructress. Henry! Just think what I went through! Every day having to drag a million heavy men with large feet round a big room. I tell you, you are a professional compared with some of them!

at you can-can stand the sort of life we're

ul

helf, and came back

ow. It seems ages and ages since you used to.

e midst of a joy that almost overwhelmed him, hi

he MED-MUM vol

l be all right. Read

wavered. 'Oh, well-I' he went on,

e, dear, and I'll

eared hi

g those preachers and writers in Moravia and Bohemia who, during the fourteenth

ainst his knee. He put out a hand and stroked it.

' said Henry, sil