The Man with Two Left Feet and Other Stories
side-walk; he ran across the road; I ran after him; and the car came round the corner and hit me. It must have been going pretty slow, or I should have been killed. As it
hen I did I found that I was the centre of a group of thr
ell-dressed, and looked
,' he said,
aster Peter,' said the
o the road befo
, for I didn't want to g
d,' said the smal
rse. 'Come away, Master P
. It is almost as if they
home with me and send for the doctor to
required, but I do like comfort when it comes my way, and it seemed to me
npleasant woman, ha
home, a great, rough, fierce, comm
with a determination which I heartily admired, 'an
t awfully sick when we shouted it out after him in the street. No doubt there have been respectable dogs called Fido, but to my mind it is a name like Aubrey o
your father will buy you a
autiful, lovely do
illusions about my looks. Mine is a
means to have him. Shove him in, and let's be getting b
that I had better not. I had made my hit as a crippled dog, and a
es, for it seemed a long time afterwards that we stopped at the biggest house I have ever seen. There were smooth lawns and flower-beds, and men in overalls, and fountains and trees, and, away to the right, ke
oor kid, for I was some weight. He staggered up the steps and along a great hall, and then l
n a chair, and as soon as s
said the nurse, who seemed to have taken a positive di
his name's Fido. John ran over him in the car, a
ession. Peter's mother look
say. He's so particular about dogs. All his dogs are
ady,' said the nurse, sticking her oar
man came i
' he said, catc
brought home. He says
ep him,' correct
knows his own mind. I
e. I reached up a
my dog, don't you,
rue. I do look fierce. It is rather a misfortune for a perf
's Fido. I am going to tel
his father, who gave
ingle thing, to the best of my recollection, which he has not got. Let us be consistent. I do
of viciousness he shows, he sha
t, and I went off with
I knew it would not be pleasant, and it wasn't. Any dog will tell you what these prize-ri
f dog you can imagine, all prize-winners at a hundred shows, and every single dog in the place just shoved his head back and
en a terrier ran out, shouting. As soon as he saw me, he came up inquiri
winner are you? Tell me all about the ribbons they ga
n a way that
or one of the nuts in the kennels? My name
pion Bowlegs Royal or anything of
of one's own sort. I had had enough of those high-toned dogs who look a
ing to the swells, h
me,' I said, po
are you? Then you're a
mean, whil
ince he was born, and he gets tired of things pretty easy. It was a toy railway that finished me. Directly he got that, I might not have been on the earth. It was lucky for me that Dick, my present old man, happened to want a dog to keep down the rats, or goodness kn
eren't
m chummy. If you do something to please them, they mig
ort of
take it from me, if you don't do something within two weeks to make yourself solid with the adults, you can make your will. In two weeks Peter will have forgotten all about you. It's not his fault. It's the way he has been brought up. His father has
*
it hadn't been for that, I should have had a great time, for Peter certainl
coop you up, as if you were something precious that would be contaminated by contact with other children. In all the time that I was at the house I never met
eally understood him. He would talk by the hour and I wou
ny Red Indians in England but he said there was a chief named Big Cloud who lived in the rhododendron bushes by the lake. I never found h
ables. He was always meaning to go off there some day, and, from the way he described it, I didn't blame him. It was certainly a pretty good city. It was just
I nearly did once, for it seemed to me that I was so necessary to Peter that nothing could separate us; but just as I was feeling safe his father gave him
hard thinking and I knew just where I stood. I was the newest toy, that's what I was, and something newer might come along at any mo
. He wasn't one of the family, and he wasn't one of the servants, and he was hanging round the house in a most suspicious way. I chased him up a tree, and it wasn't till the family came down to breakfast, two hours
earnest. Just as I reached him, the boss lifted one of the sticks and hit a small white ball with it. He had never seemed to want to play with me before, and I took it as a
again,
and that night, when he thought I was not listening, I heard him telling his
intentions in the world I got myself into
-room. I was hoping for a piece of cake and not paying much attention to the conversation, which was all about somebody called Toto, whom I had not met. Peter's mother said Toto was a sweet little darling, he was; and one of the visitors said Toto had
signs of cake, what should I see but a great beastly brute of a rat. It was s
ing women hate, it is a rat. Mother always used to say, 'If you want to succeed in life, please the women. They are the real bosses. The men don't count.' B
pra
I got hold of his neck, gave him a couple of shakes, and chu
d at me. I was never so taken aback in my
sir,' I said apologetically
mebody else hit me on the head with a parasol, and somebody else k
ied the visitor, snatch
savage brute tr
utely unp
at the poor
reeds-a prize-winner and champion, and so on, of course, and worth his weight in gold. I would have done better to bite the visitor than Toto. That m
ter's mother. 'The dog is
, but for once he didn't
her. 'It is not safe for you to
very unr
ake arose. He was sitting on the visitor's lap, shrieking ab
had rung for him to come and take me, and I could see that he wasn't half liking it. I was sorry fo
ow, madam,' I
Weeks, and tell one of the men to bring
was in an empty stall,
ightened, but a sense of pathos stole over me. I had meant so well. It seemed as if good intentions went for nothing in t
tten me, and presently, in spite of myself, a faint hope began to spring up inside me that this might
d outside, and the hope d
k. I opened my eyes. It was not the man with the gun come to shoot m
' he wh
to untie
e woods, and we'll walk and walk until we come to the city I told you about that's all gold and diamonds, and
hen he gave a little whistle to me to come a
ly, keeping in the shadows and running across the open spaces. And every now and then we would stop and
it by a little wooden bridge, and then we
ds, more than I had ever seen in my life, and little things that buzzed and flew and tickled my ears. I wanted to rush about a
n it was quite dark, so dark that I could see nothing, not even Peter, though he was so close. We went slower and slower, and the darkness was full of queer noises. From time to time Peter would stop, and I would run to him and put my nose in his hand.
eps, and they seemed to drag as he forced his way through the bushes. And then, qui
of anything except to put my nose against his cheek and whine. He put his arm round my neck, and for a lo
d the wind singing in the trees. Curious little animals, such as I had never smelt before, came creeping out of the bushes to look at us. I would have chased them, but Peter's arm was round my neck and I could not leave h
ilence. Then Peter
htened,' he s
nst his chest. There was ano
Ted and Alfred. They took hold of me and brought me all the way through the wood till we got here, and then they went off, meaning to come back soon. And while they were away, you missed me and tracked me through the woods till you found me here. And then the brigands came back, and they didn't
breathing that he was asleep. His head was resting on my back, but I didn't move. I wrigg
king these little animals were creeping up close enough out of
nything there. The wind sang in the trees and the bushes ru
bushes. I lifted my head as far as I could, and listened. For a little while nothing happened, and
nd woke up, and he sat there listening, while I stood with my front paws on him and shouted at the men. I was bristling all over. I didn't know who they were or what they wanted,
, 'Peter! Are y
d then somebody said 'Here he is!' and there was a lot of shouting. I sto
. 'What do you want?' A
t's tha
oss. He was looking very anxious and scared, and he
o talk about brigands, and Dick and Ted and Alfred, the same as he had sa
ht as much. And the
n our acquaintance h
d man!'
Peter sleepily, 'and
onoured guest. He shall wear a gold collar and order what he wants f
*
hen I did everything I could to please people, they wanted to shoot me; and when I did nothing except run away, they brought me back and treated me better t
mongrel! Why on earth do you have him about? I
can have anything he wants in this house. Didn't
l came about
ms there's a kidnapper well known to the police all over the country as Dick the Snatcher. It was almost certainly that scoundrel and his gang. How they spirited the child away, goodness k
a rat. Peter had gone to sleep that night pretending about the brigands to pass the time, and when he
the kennel-man coming with a plate in his hand.
n before me. It was
ve been kidnapped and scared half to death, and I should be poorer,
in credit under false pretences, but
NED
l that moment she had looked on herself as playing a sort of 'villager and retainer' part to the brown-eyed young man's hero and Genevieve's heroine. She knew she was not pretty, though so
or an English duchess instead of a cloak-model at Macey's. You would have said, in short, that, in the matter of personable young men, G
achinery began to work, had grasped Katie's arm and led her at a rapid walk out into the sunlight. Katie's last glimpse of Genevieve had been the sight of h
tes previously. It had happened on the ferry-boat on the way to Palisades Park. Genevieve's bright eye, roving among the throng on the lower deck, had singled out this young man and his co
ed had made her almost prudish, and there were times when Genevieve's conduct shocked her. Of course, she knew there was no harm in Genevieve. As the latter herself had once put it, 'The feller that tries to get gay with me i
seemed to divi
bserved. 'You want to get tha
yet embarrassed. It was awkward to
r friend. Don't thi
weet girl,' said
sweet. Somebody ough
k to her if you d
know you,' said th
had grown so accustomed to regarding herself as something too insignificant and unattractive for the notice of the lordly male that she was overwhelmed. She had a vagu
ten?' asked h
r been her
go to
never
her with a
o say you've never seen Luna Park, or Dreamland, or Steeplechase, or the diving ducks? Haven't you had a look at the Mardi Gras stunts? Why, Coney during Mardi Gras
t m
I been trying to place you all along. Now I re
odel. She has a lovel
what you say. It's what they pay her for
. I keep a l
y your
began by being my grandfather's. He started it. But he's so old now
wonder! What
nd-hand bookshop. There
re i
. Near Washin
t na
nne
your nam
es
besides
ame's
ng man
resentment at this cross-examination. 'I guess you're wondering if I'm e
ought to go back and
will be wonderin
ng man briefly. 'I've h
stand why you
me ice-cream, or would you ra
. Once, as they made their way through the crowds, she saw a couple of boys look almost reverently at him. She wondered who he could be, but was too shy to inquire. She had got over her nervousness to a great extent, but there were still limits to what she felt her
just before he finally
leasant in the breeze which was coming up the Hudson. Katie was conscious of a vague feeling
ffled his feet on
you,' he said. 'Say, I'
e. Don't mi
t wait fo
and paused again. 'I like you a whole lot. There's your friend, Genevieve. Better go after her
during the whole long journey back to Sixth Avenue. And Katie, whose tender heart would at other times have been tortured by this hostility, leant
t the little bookshop, she found Mr Murdoch, the glazier, preparing for departure. Mr Murdoch came in on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays to play draughts with her gra
welcomed Ka
ould come back, Katie. I'm afra
t i
paper where I seen about these English Suffragettes, and he just went up in the air. I guess he'll b
bout it, Mr Murdoch. He'll be
sitting. His face was flushed, and
tell you I won't have it. If Parliament can't do
e quickly. 'I've had the greatest
top. I've spoken about it
g so far away that makes it hard for them. But I d
?' He stopped, and looked piteously at Katie. 'I
ibbled a
ed and indignant that no notice has been taken of his previous communications. If
a had been a favourite one of her late father, when
resentment was gone. H
goings on while I'm king, and if they don't like i
huck
och five games to
unced to an audience consisting of Katie and a smoky blue cat, which had wander
abreast of them. She was not likely to forget the time when he went to bed President Roosevelt and woke up the Prophet Elijah. It was the only occasion in all the ye
enerally recognized fact than as if the information were in any way sensational, she neither screamed nor swooned, nor did she rush to the neighbours for advice. She
sed to look in on Schwartz, the stout saloon-keeper, who was Mr Bennett's companion and antag
e surveyed somnolent Italians and roller-skating children with his old air of kindly approval. Katie, whom circumstances had taught to be thankful for small mercies, was perfectly happy in the shadow of the thr
d made plain in his grave, direct way the objects of his visits. There was n
of establishing his bona fides, to tell her all about himself. He supplied the facts in no settled order, just as they happened to occur to him in th
g himself in training, if his club expects him to do things. I belong to the Glencoe Athletic. I ran the hundred yards dash in evens last sports there was. They expect me to do it at the Glencoe, so I've never got myself mixed up with girls. Till I seen you that afternoo
nter and looking into Katie's eyes with a devot
dive across the counter. Breaking away, he fumbled in his pocket and produced a ring, which
to me,' he said, as he s
d sometimes cried. Ted Brady had fitted her with the ring more like a glover's assistant than anything else, and he had hardly spoken a word from beginning to end. He had seemed to take her acquiescence for granted
Mr Bennett that it was borne in upon Katie that Fate did no
as long as she could remember, had he been anything but kind to her. And the only possible objections to marriage from a grandfath
ially, it was he who condescended. For Ted, she had discovered from conversation with Mr Murdoch, the glazier, was no ordinary young man. He was a celebrity. So much so that fo
l, this beats me. Not,' he went on hurriedly, 'that any young fellow mightn't think himself lucky to get a wife like you, Katie, but Ted Brady! Why, there isn't a girl in thi
elonged to the G
jumps is the real limit. There's only Billy Burton, of the Irish-American
e first time realizing her true worth. Fo
had approached the interview with her g
her recital of Mr Brad
shook
Katie. I cou
ndpa
orgetting
gett
h a thing? The grand-d
a commoner! It wo
sudden blows from the hand of fate, but this one was so entirely unforeseen that it found her unprepare
' he repeated. 'Oh,
the ruins of her little air-castle. The old man patted her hand affectionately. He was
away into an unintelligible mutter. He was a very old man, and he was not
he heard of the news, to treat the crisis in the jaunty, dashing, love-laughs-at-locksmith fashion so p
cence in his pocket, he could not snatch her up on his saddle-bow and ca
nal banns-forbidding father of the novelettes with which he was accustomed to sweeten his hours of idleness. To him, till Katie explain
t do that. There's no one but me to look after him, poor old man. How
d have us fixed up inside of half an hour. Then we'd look in at Mouquin's for a steak and fried, just to make
never fo
judicially, 'wo
ea of his; but he really thinks he is the king, and he's so old that the s
serious countenance. The difficulties of the
and saw him-' he
' said Kati
rmination, and bit resolutely on the chewi
l,' he
e nice to
as the man of a
in which Mr Bennett passed his days. When he did, there was no
y. He returned the look with
aused. 'Unless,' he added, 'you count
sed there was a way out, if one could only think of it, but it certainly got past her. The only approach to a plan of action was suggested by the broken-nosed indiv
Square one morning. He of Tennessee would then sasshay up in a flip manner and make a break
ve us be; he's a friend of mine. Pretty soon you land me one on the plexus, and I take th' count. Then there's
expressions of gratitude and esteem from Mr B
estly that he had 'em sometimes. And it is probable that all would have been well, had it not been necessary to tell the plan to Katie, who was horrified at the very idea, spoke warm
ey did not see each other for a time. She said that these meetings were only a source of pain
sked herself the question whether it was fair for her to keep Ted chained to her in this hopeless fash
otten the affair by now, and sometimes wondered why Katie was not so cheerful as she had been), and-for, though unselfish, she was human-hating those unknown
w York an oven. August followed, and one wondere
thousands of her fellow-townsmen and townswomen were doing, turning her face to the first breeze which New York had known for t
n Square, came the shouts of children, and the strains, mellowed by distance, of the inde
ning, so peaceful that for an instant she forgot even to think of
you,
s, one foot on the pavement, the other in the road;
ed
see the old man fo
er that she could detect a
use, Ted.
the time of day, is there? I've g
ha
r, maybe. Is h
inner room and heard through the door as he closed it behind him, the murmur of voices. And almost immediately, it seemed t
Katie, will you?' he
of extraordinary excitement. He quivered and jumped. Ted, standi
man, 'this is a most re
just been telling m
looked at Katie when he had tried to writ
met Katie's, wa
marry you
in Mr Bennett, i
I'm a
that's it, Katie. This
ie's, and this time there w
I've just been telling your grandf
t. Of Con
on now to us getting m
's a royal a
iance,' echo
eld Katie's hand, and gr
ooks as if it don't make much of a hit wit
Ted!
ezed he
, say, kid, it kind of looked to me as if it was sort of meant. Coming just now, like it did, just when it was wanted, and just when it didn't seem possible it could happen. Why, a week ago I was nigh on two hundred vo
y, I tell you I was just sweating when I got ready to hand it to him. It was an outside chance he'd remember all about what the Mardi Gras at Coney was, and just what being a king at it amo
else he'd forgotten what it was. I guess he don't remember much, poor old fellow. Then I mentioned Yonkers. He asked me what
kissed her, he lowered her gently to the ground again. The action seemed to have relieved h
lar king. Coney's just as big as some of those kingdoms you read about on the other side; and, from what you see in the papers about the g
ISENH
heimer's that night I
York, tired of dancin
ople hurrying to the th
s in the world were bl
all seemed stale
upied, and there were several couples already on the danc
back, I wan
ce where I
ay fro
lk-pail o
ever really tried to get him on to a farm, but he has certainly put something int
en a man jumped up and came towards me, registe
see that. It was written all over
ith his hand
iss Rox
ot?' I
ou remem
idn
me is
but it means nothin
ou last time I came he
e was introduced to me, he probably danced w
n wa
ago last
their next visit. The notion that anything could possibly have happened since he was last in our midst to blur the memory of that happy evening had no
you,' I said. 'Algern
Clarence. My n
reat scheme, Mr Ferris? Do yo
to Geisenheimer's and asked me to dance I'd have had to do it. And I'm not saying that Mr Ferris wasn't the next th
in the morning and looked out of the window, and the breeze just wrapped me round and began whispering about pigs and chickens. And when I went out on Fifth Avenue there seemed to be flowers everywhere. I headed for the Park, a
Geisenheimer's they play
have been better worked up if he'd been a star in
c who's putting in a week there. We weren't thinking on the same plane, Charlie and me. The way I had been feeling all day, what I wanted
the life!
oint when that sor
come here quite
ty of
win the Great Contest for the Love-r-ly Silver Cup which they offer later in the evening. Say, that Love-r-ly Cup's a joke. I win it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Mabel Francis wins it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. It's all perfectly fair and square, of course. It's pur
said Mr Ferris, 'and N
o live in
s ours. Why
ead now, and I've got t
to remember reading a
ith it, what's more. I
rried since I
cing on Broadway like a gay bachelor? I suppose you have left your w
here I live. My wife comes from Rodney.... P
en to think of your wife, when you've left her all alone out there whi
't left her.
New
urant. That's
t looked to me as if it had some hidden sorrow. I'd noticed it before, when we
ith her and giving her a
having a
s as if she would like to be d
sn't dan
have dances
dances well enough for Ashley
you're not
a kind o
een in New
fe-didn't think her good enough for him. So he had dumped her in a chair, given her a lemonade, and told her to
an to play s
' said Mr Ferris.
aid. 'I'm tired. I'll introduc
sked him on to some girls
said. 'He wants to show you the latest s
Debonair Pride of Ashley. Guess what
, and went up
round with one of the girls I'd introduced him to. She didn't have to prove to me that she came from the country. I knew it. She was a little b
, being shy; as a general thing I'm more or less there wit
, and made for t
, if you don't
but wasn't certain whether it might not be city etiquette for strangers to come and dump themselves
aw y
f to my feelings, to take something solid and heavy and drop it over the rail on to hubby, but the management wouldn't like it. That was
lectric light. There was a hatpin lying on the table.
,' I said; 'tell
know what
l me. Tell me
't kno
mes tell mine to the cat that camps out on the wall opposite my room
aited. And presently she seemed to make up her mind that, even if
o come to New York. I didn't want to, but
e tol
d about N
you'r
ate
hy
ld see she was bracing herself to put me wise to the whole trouble. There's a time comes when things aren't g
I'm scared of it. It-it isn't fair Charlie bringing me here. I di
think will
ed. It's lucky Jimmy, the balcony waiter, didn't see her; it would have broke
know anyone. I couldn't understand it till somebody told me all about him. I can understand it now. Jack Tyson married a Rodney girl, and they came to New York for their honeymoon, ju
el
ack in Rodney for a li
he city,
e he got
still thinks she ma
me back?' I said. 'After she
same as she left them when she we
I was a man and a girl treated me that way, I'd be
I'd wait and wait, and go on hoping all the time. And I'd go down to
on the tablecloth
your trouble? Brace up. I know it's a
same thing's goin
yourself. Don'
knew it would happen.
ook at
en. I saw him say something to the girl he was dancing with. I wasn't near enough to hear it, but I bet it was 'This is the life!' If I had been his wife, in the sa
t to be. I just want to live at home and be happy. I knew it would happen if we
urself t
do love
thought of anything to say. But just then the music s
e said, 'there will no
This gen-u-ine s
making his nightly sp
eant that, for me, duty
g about the room, and I
's nightmare that one o
omebody else will get
u
go,' I said. 'I h
here, and I looked over the rail at Charlie the Boy Wonder, and I knew that this was where I
crying and powder your nose and get a
oesn't want to
n in New York, or even in this restaurant. I'm going to dance with Charlie myse
h finally remaining is the winning num-bah. The contest is a genuine sporting contest, decided purely by the skill of the holders of the various num-bahs.' (Izzy stopped blushing at the age of six.) 'Will ladies now kindly step forward and receive their num-bahs. The winner, the holder of th
e. 'There,' I said, 'd
ly Silv
I cou
r know yo
ou hear him say it's a conte
Suppose you win, think what it will mean. He will look up to you for the rest of your life. When he starts talking about New York, all you will have to say is, "New York? Ah
s of hers flash, and
hose tears dried, and fix yourself up,
relieved when I
ght you had run away, o
your
personal favour if you would let her stop on the floor as one of the last two cou
ickets. Yours is thirty-six, hers is ten.'
alcony. On the way I
ng this toge
all acros
he had never shed a tear in her lif
ck to your ticket like
imer's. Or, if you haven't seen them at Geisenheimer's,
en't any optimists nowadays. Everyone was looking as if they were wondering whether to have the
gement expects him to be humorous on
d twenty-one will kindly rej
more elbow-room, and t
more: 'Num-bahs thirteen, six
went
te to part with you, b
cing with a kind smile, as if she were doin
ifteen, and twen
, and a bald-headed man and a girl in a white hat. He was one of your stick-at-it performers. He had been d
ings been otherwise, so to speak, I'd have been g
ou're getting all fl
and Mrs Charlie and her man. Every nerve in my system was t
ollege he'd attended doesn't guarantee to teach you to do two things at once. It won't bind itself to teach you to look round the room while you're dancing. So Charlie hadn't the least suspicion of the state of the d
s when I quite forget myself, when I'm one of the last two left in, and get all excited. There's a sort of hum in the air, and, as you go ro
blic was cheering for. We would go round the floor without getting a hand, and every time Mrs Ch
think of fresh milk and new-laid eggs and birds singing. To see her was like getting away to the country in August. It's funny about people who live in the city. They chuck out their chests, and talk about little old New York being good enough for them, and there's a street in heaven they call Broadway, and all the rest of it; but it seems to m
l day the country had been tugging at
t when you're in Geisenheimer's you have to smell Geis
lie. 'It looks to me as if we
e says, too
steps of yours. We nee
t boy worked-it
d of thing happening every now and then that prevented his job being perfect. Mabel Francis told me that one night when Izzy declared her the winner of the great sporting contest, it was such raw work that she thought there'd have been a riot. It looked pretty much
e moistened his lips, looked round to see that his strategic rail
en, please
ped at
I to Charlie. 'Th
off the floor
ing to his brow, which was like the village blacksmith's, 'w
the rail, worshipping him; when, just as his eye is moving up, it gets caught by t
worshipping line just at th
hibition purposes, like the winning couple always do at Geisenheimer's, and the room was fairly rising at th
he lets his jaw drop, till he pret
-but-' h
fter all. It begins to look as if she had sort of put one over on somebody, don't it?
-I
nice cold drink,' I said,
, looking as if he had been hit
with the oxygen, that, if you'll believe me, it wasn't for quite a time tha
oor old Izzy looked. He was staring at me across the room, and talking to himself and jerking his hands about. Whether he thought he was talking to me, or whether he was reh
d all come right in the future, and then I turne
dazed voice, looking at me as
et she
at do you kno
straight back to Ashley-or wherever it is that you said you poison the natives by making up the wrong prescriptions-before she gets New York into her
was telling you a
o much New York. Don't you think it's funny she should have mentioned him i
ed quit
hink she wou
s wife did to him. She talked of it sort of sad, kind of regretful, as if she was sorr
ink out of it. It didn't take much observation to see that he had had the jolt he wanted, and was going to be a whole heap less jaunty and
tomorrow,' he said.
n persuade her-Here she is n
t had been Charlie, of course he'd have said, 'This is the life!' but I looked for something snappier from her. If
hen she gave the cup a long look. Then she d
e said, 'I do wish I'd
thing I would have said. Charlie got right off the mark
did pause here for a moment, for it took nerve to say it; but then he went right on. 'Mar
rlie!' s
s if somebody had
nt to stop on? You aren
'I'd start tonight. But I though
'I never want to see it
ing up, 'I think there's a frien
en standing for the last five minutes,
eimer's a lot when he was home from roaming the trackless desert, and he used to tell me about tribes he had met who didn't use real words at all, but talked to one another in c
ramophone records when it'
. 'Something is troubling
more, and then
l you as plain as I could; didn't I say it twenty times,
y my friend's
f? I said he
e. The mistake was mine. It begins to
ew Swedish
d! That's great! You've
ife. The people would have lynched you if you
s going to say
eir heads together. Isn't it worth a silver cup to have made them happy for life? They are on their honeymoon, Isadore. T
ked for
hought as much. Say, who do you think you are, doing this sort of thing? Don't you know that professional dancers are three for ten ce
zzy, because I'm
d bet
ought I had got the pigs and chickens clear out of my system, but I hadn't. I've suspected it for a long, long time, and tonight I know it. Tell the boss,
KING O
e. It provides nothing nearer to an orchestra than a solitary piano, yet, with all these things against it, it is a success.
n eclipse Piccadilly in this way. And when Soho does so compete, t
sually that Henry, the old waiter, ha
tioned during a slack
the
impetus which started it on its upward course? What causes shoul
up? Is that what you
ave it a leg-up?
d Henry.
unwritten history of the London who
*
one of those silent kids that don't say much and have as much obstinacy in them as if they were mules. Many's the time, in them days, I've clumped him on the head and told him to do something; and he didn't run yelling to his pa, same as most kids would have done, but just said nothing and went on not doing whatever it
e. I gave Soho something to think about over its chop, believe me. It was a come-down in the world for me, maybe, after the Guelph, but what I said to myself was that, when you get a tip in Soho, it may be only tuppence, but you keep it; whereas at the Guelph about ninety-nine hundre
he saw one and always treated me more like a brother than anything else, used to say to me, 'Henry, if this keeps up, I'll be able to send the bo
eir change. And let me tell you, mister, that a man that wasn't satisfied after he'd had me serve him a dinner cooked by Jules and then had a chat with Katie through the wire cage would have groused at Paradise. For she was pr
visiting girl friends. It all come out after, but she fooled us then. Girls are like monkeys when it comes to artfulness. She called me Uncle Bill, because she said the name Henry always reminded her of cold mutto
.' And Katie said, 'Oh, Andy, I shall miss you.' And Andy didn't say nothing to me, and he didn't say nothing to Katie, but he gave her a look, and
troke which put him out of business. He went down under it as if he'd been hit w
t his college, and come back to L
a fatherly kind of way. And he just looked
Maybe it's better you're here than in among all those young d
Henry,' he says, 'perhaps that gentleman over there
nd he went away without giving me no tip, which show
o be respectful to a kid whose head you had spent many a happy hour clumping for his own good in the past; but he pretty soon showed me I could do it if I tried, and I done it. As for Jules and the two young fellers that had b
led down into a steady jog, Ka
nd her and Andy in the place. And I don't think either of them knew I was the
nd of quiet,
rling,'
I knew that there was
something
t is
d of he
be able to help any mo
her, sort o
do you
going on
mean? Did I listen? Of course I l
re, so that now Andy was the real boss instead of just acting boss; and what's more, in the nature of things, he was, in a manner of speaking, Katie's guardian, with power to tell her what she could do and what she couldn't. And I fel
id so
ng to do anythi
dear. I've got a big chance. Why
o argue about it
ance. And I've been wor
mean worki
t this dancing-school she
him about it, he just shov
t going on
he saw me dance, and he was very pleased, and said he would
t going on
em, and order them about, why, then they get their backs up and sauce you. I knew Katie well enough to know that she would do anything for Andy, if he aske
as if she couldn't hol
nly am,'
w what i
does i
of-ever
if he'd hit her, then
' she says.
aded young mule; and she walks ou
*
f 'The Rose Girl', which was the name of the piece which Mr Mandelbaum was letting Katie do a solo dance in; and while some of them cussed the play conside
You see, she was something new, and London alway
ening paper had a piece about 'How I Preserve My You
he gave me a look, and
?' he
on,'
out it?'
t know,
o your work
got
night that the qu
Soho should take it into its head to treat itself to a welsh rabbit before going to bed; so all hands was on deck,
n comes a party of four. There was a nut, another nut,
cle Bill!'
am,' I says dignif
o!" to a pal, and smile prettily, or I'll tell
to was one of them. I still maintain, as I always shall maintain, that the constable had no right to-but, the
says. 'Not so much of i
ti
want to introduce you
e Bill. Violet, t
she was acting like she'd never used to act when I knew her-all tough and bold. Then it com
Katie looked at him, and he looked at Katie, and I seen his face get
ie breathe
le Bill, ain't he?' she
d, I been reading the pieces in
'd hurt her. And me meaning only to
d their bill and give
he Guelph again-only
standing by for his sh
ck and had a
well, wasn't h
the
he ever s
't hea
pretty angry with me
ve never heard h
iece in the paper I showed him; but it didn'
, counting her. And they'd hardly sat down at their table, when in come the fellers she had called Jimmy and Ted with two girl
he nuts say, 'you were right. He
ich I don't wonder at, for Jules had certainly done himself proud. All artistic temperament, these Frenchmen a
me has gone abroad in the world which amuses himself, ain't it? For
lk in an evening was pretty hot stuff for MacFarland's. I'm bound to sa
ping me was working double tides, I suddenly understood, and I went up to Katie and, bending over her very respectful with a bottle, I whispers
I says to him, when I was passing, 'She's doing us proud, bucking up the
, when she was on her way o
nything about
word,'
he go
of the places is that once they've got the custom they think it's going to keep on coming and all they've got to do is to lean back and watch it come. Popularity comes in at the door, and good food and good service flies out at the window. We wasn't going to have any of that at MacFarland's. Even if it hadn't been that Andy would have c
had started rolling it didn't stop. Soho isn't so very far away from the centre of things, when you come to look at it, and they didn't mind the extra step, seeing that there
*
ased, and observed that it was wonderful the way Mr Woodward,
red a
k you've finished? What about Katie and Andy? What h
d Henry, 'I w
e res
*
ly well that if it hadn't of been for Katie there wouldn't of been any supper-custom at all; and you'd of thought that anyone claiming to be a human being would have had the gratitoo
nced to in the show. Catchy tune it was. 'Lum-tum-tum, tiddle-iddle-um.' Something like that it went. Well, the young feller struck up with it, and everybody begin clapping an
dusting on the table next to 'em, so I went up and began du
'You can't do that here. Wha
ys to him,
eem to be taking, but it isn't necessary. MacFarland's got on very
mes I think gratitood's a thing of the past and this wor
!' sh
come here and have supper, I can't stop you. But I'm
e it. If it hadn't of been that I hadn't
her word, but just we
n that she was through dancing, they begin to kick up a row; and one young nut with ab
know!' he hollered. 'Th
on't stop
oes up
so much noise,' he says, quite resp
damned! Why s
ease out in the street, but as long as you sta
ite enough to drink. I know,
vil are you
wn,' sa
collar and was chucking him out in a way that would have done credit to a real pro
ke up th
place. But it only seemed to do MacFarland's good. I guess it gave just that touch to the place which made the nuts think that this was real Bohemia. Come to think of it, it do
it; and after that you had to book a table in advance if
der, after Andy behaving so bad. I'd of spoke to him about it,
o cheer him up, 'What p
And
restauran
hat supper-custom!
that came out of nowhere and just knocked you f
uch to think about, what with having four young fellers under me and things being in such a rush at the restaurant that, if I thought of her at all, I just took it for granted that she was getting along all right, and didn't bother. To be sure we hadn't seen nothing of her at MacFarland's since the night when Andy bounced her pa
my evening off, I got a letter, and for te
If it hadn't of been my evening off, don't you see, I wouldn't have got home till one o'clock or past
what I'd lived at for the past ten years, and when I
ery word of it. T
g Uncl
em as if it had happened naturally. You will do this for me, won't you? It will be quite easy. By the time you get this, it will be one, and it will all be over, and you can just come up and open the window and let the gas out and then everyone will think I just died
A
hen it come to me, kind of as a new idea, that I'd best
th her eyes closed, and the g
ring at me. I went to the tap, and turned
hen,'
d you g
here. What have you go
s she used to when she was a
o where there's some air to breathe. Don't you take
enly I seen she was limping. So I gave her a
n,' I sa
with me, Uncle
t I goes up to her and puts my arm
ngry with you. But, for goodness' sake,' I says, 'tell a man w
d to end
t w
a-crying aga
about it in the p
t what in
y it will never be right again. I shall never be able to dance any more. I shall always limp. I shan'
on to
e you. But don't you do it. It's a mug's game. Look here, if I leave
le Bill. Where
back soon. You sit th
o get to the restaurant in a ca
matter, Henr
ok at this
rush. It sometimes seems to me that in this life we've all got to have trouble sooner or later, and some of us gets it bit by bit, spread out thin, so to speak, and a few of us gets it in a lu
ey do. I seen a feller on the stage read a letter once which didn't just suit him; and he gasped and rolled his eyes and tried to say something and couldn't, and had to get a hold on a chair to keep him from falling. There w
... She isn't.... Were
seen that he had got it
e dead,' I says, '
nk G
et,' I
s out of that room and in
and he didn't chat in that cab. He didn't
e?' h
,' I
pens th
he saw Andy. Her lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but she didn't say
s the room, and goes down on his k
kid' h
*
e last half of a music-hall. But, I don't know, it didn't kind of have no fascinat
UCH OF
ut realizes that he is not likely to get another for many days. He was full and happy. He bubbled over with the joy of living and a warm affection for his fellow-man. At the back of his mind there lurked the black sha
ng something which he h
go. He had been watch
t; for scarcely had that internationally important event taken place when Mrs Birdsey, announcing that for the future the home would be in England as near as possible to dear Mae and dear Hugo, sc
a cypher in his home. At an early date in his married life his position had been clearly defined beyond possibility of mistake. It was his business to make money, and, when c
e had been one of these occasions. He had no objection to Hugo Percy, sixth Earl of Carricksteed. The crushing blow had been the sentence
t the White Sox and the Giants were to give an exhibition in London at the Ch
the game, but he had overcome them, and had been seated in t
nevolence had been to allot the seats on either side of him to two men of his own mettle, two god-like beings who knew every move on the board, and howled like wolves when they did not
r side of him. He looked at them fondly, trying to make up his mind which of them he
hat the Savoy Hotel could provide they would fight the afternoon's battle over again. He did not know who t
e now, almost forbiddingly so; but only half an hour before it had been a battle-field of conflicting emotions, and his hat s
for the most part he had watched in silence so hungrily tense that a less experienced observer than Mr Birdsey might have attri
uriously deep tan his bearded cheeks were pale. He was
d the young man
ame!' h
looked at hi
et,' h
n a ball-game
saw was two year
inner at my hotel and
y impu
aid the y
tapped the shoulder
his face became a sickly white. His eyes, as he swung round, met Mr Birdsey's for an instant before
He felt chilled. He was on the point of apologizing with some murmur about a mistake, when the man reassured him by smiling. It was rat
y failed to set strangers at their ease. Many strenuous years on the New York Stock Exchange had
ted to ask you if you would let a perfect stranger, who
winced.
man is joining me. I have a suite at the Savoy Hotel, and I thought we might all have a qu
hav
st. We fans ought to stick to one
aid the bearde
on for baseball, is apt to be for a while a little difficult. The first fine frenzy in which Mr Birdsey had issued h
of his guests were disposed to silence, and the clean-shaven young man had developed a trick
r Birdsey to the w
ner mattered enormously to him. There were circumstances which were going to make it an oasis in his life. He wanted it
him. Leaning forward, he addressed the bearded man, w
ore?' he said. 'I'm sur
ious as the effect of Mr Birdsey's tap on the sho
s head with
worn to it, and I am positive that it was some
es
duce ourselves. Funny it didn't strike any of us before. M
said the young man. '
ded man
son. I-used to l
e now, Mr Johnson
esitated again. '
red to help matters
re, but I understand that it is quite a pl
here for
ere some time?' i
e ye
icking to the point like this, but the fact is, the one thing I pride myself on is my memory for faces. It's a hobby of mine. If I think I remember a face, and can't place
's table-talk was for some reason getting upon Johnson's nerves.
helpfully. 'A friend of mine was there in his
apped Johnson, and slew th
bearing a bottle. The pop of the cork was more than music to Mr Bi
ed man, to the extent of inducing him to try and pick up
Birdsey,' he said awkwardly; 'but then you have
hirruped sym
d to me. But five years of it, and nothing
eding in a sort of way, but it had taken a distinctly gloomy turn. Slightly flushed with the ex
the greatest difficulty in getting to the bleac
man shoo
y difficulty would have been to stop away. My name's Waterall, and I'm the London correspo
onsciously, but not witho
life was worth to side-step it. But when you get the Giants and the White Sox playing ball within fifty miles of you-Well, I packed a grip and sneaked out the back way, and got to the station and caught the fast train to London. And what is going on back
at the b
any adventures
-I jus
forward. His manner was quiet,
h of an adventure
y looked from one to the other, vaguely disturbed. Something wa
crumpled into a crooked ridge under his fing
t under
if I give you your ri
is?' said Mr B
face more noticeable than ever. Mr Birdsey was c
inner to a celebrity. I told you I was sure I had seen this gentleman before. I have just remembered where, and when
tri
hundred thousand dollars, jumped hi
e love
p down in him there was an unmistakable feeling of elation. He had made up his mind, when he left
ou have been liv
Strand traffic sent a faint murmu
ry second man you meet is a New Yorker, I can't understand. The chances were two to one that you w
s head. His hand
a chance of coming to life for a day; because I was sick of the damned tomb I've been living in for five centuries; because I've been aching for
d great perils to see this game. Even in this moment his mind would not wholly detach itself from speculation as to what his wife would say to him when he slunk back into the fold. But what had he risked compared with this man Benyon? Mr Birdsey glowed. He could not restrain h
a righteous glow of ind
tic
d followed Benyon's words wit
s only us that's reco
ou proposing that we sh
y?' he sa
, w
and went to
you goin
Yard, of course. W
y as a citizen, yet it is to be recorded th
You mustn'
tainly
came all that way t
ect of the affair should not be the one to strik
ive him up.
onvicted
Why, say, h
ulders, and walked to the
mom
mself looking into the muzzle
t. Wave it abou
shaking hand on th
oot if y
. You're just a cheap crook, and that's all. You wouldn't
off the
otland Yard
e pistol fell to the ground. The next moment Benyon had broken down. His face
dly distressed. He sat
s a nig
l voice spoke a
This is Waterall. I'm speaking from the Savoy, Mr Birdsey's rooms. Birdsey. Listen, Jarvis. There's a man here that's wanted by the American police
. He stood, shaking, a pitiable sight. Mr Birdsey
k!' said
of a citizen's duties. What is more, I'm a newspaper man, and I have some
dsey s
t's the matter with you. Just because this man has escaped justice for
t-b
don
before he had decided to treat that ugly little pistol in a spirit of contempt. Its production had given him a decided shock, and now he was suffering from reaction. As a
acle of Mr Birdsey, indignant but inactive, and Mr Birdsey berserk, seeing red, frankly and undisguisedl
gave out its flame
tballer, even to the grave. Time had removed the flying tackle as a factor in Mr Birdsey's life. Wrath brought it back. He dived at young Mr Waterall's neatly tro
n, you f
as if all the world had dissolved in one vast explosion of dyna
ht him to himself. He was no longer berserk. He was a middle-aged gentle
led, glared at him speechlessl
ing broken. Relieved, he put his foot to the ground again. He shook his head at W
sn't go. There are exceptions to every rule, and this was one of them. When a man risks his liberty to come and root at
e peculiar unpleasantness of being treated by an elderly
lize what you've done? The polic
them
ion can I give? What story can I tell them?
ood vanishing and reason leaping back on to her throne. He was able now
y got to hand a story to the police. Any old tale will do for them. I'm the
K FO
rtain smartness, a certain air-what the French call the tournure. Nor had poverty killed in him the aristo
cion in his attitude. The muscles of his back contracted, his eyes glowed l
he stalked towards her, and, suddenly lowering his head, drove it vigorously against her dress. H
beth, 'does this cat
that cat is. I been trying to l
less life. Sometimes it was a noise, sometimes a lost letter, sometimes a piece of ice
round here
ping about a con
ll kee
luck,' said Fran
th editorial compliments from the magazine to which they had been sent-she accepted that as part of the game; what she did consider scurvy treatment at the hands of fate was the fact that her own pet magazine, the one to which she had been accustomed to fly for re
ld not have been surprised, though it would have pained her, if he had now proceeded to try to escape through the ceiling. Cats were so
ially. 'If you don't see what you wa
trencherman, and he did not care who knew it. He concentrated himself on the restoration of his tissues with the purposeful
ening; 'that's your name. Now sett
ke most of his species, he was an autocrat. He waited a day to ascertain which was Elizabeth's favourite chair, then appropriated it for his own. If Elizabeth closed a door while he was in a room, he wanted it opened so that he
er, the building was an old one, and it creaked at night. There was a loose board in the passage which made burglar noises in the dark behind you when you stepped on it on the way to bed; and there were funny scra
afternoon h
h the intention of making a bird's-eye survey of the street. She was not hopefu
belonging to the flat whose front door faced hers-the flat of the young man whose footsteps she sometimes heard. She knew
he tip of a crimson tongue and generally behavi
joy, and reproach combining to give h
en an utter stranger. Bulging with her meat and drink, he cut her
a saucerful of tainted milk, but he was her cat, and she meant to get
the rough-haired, clean-shaven, square-jawed type-he was a distinctly good-looking young man. Even though she was
oung man that his sitting-room window was open; or that Joseph w
me have my cat, please
your sitting-room
faintly
ur
seph. He is in yo
ce. I've just left my sitting-room, and th
eph go in only
was Re
le, Elizabeth realized the truth. This was no innocent young man who stood before her, but the blac
ong you have had
o'clock this
in through
w you mention
good enough to give
beth,
ed her de
ent, that your Joseph is my Reginald, couldn't we come to an ag
a dozen cats.
he went on persuasivel
and Angor
you intend to
atutes regarding cats. To retain a stray cat is not a tort or a misdemeano
ease give me
ir and her eyes shining, and the young
irst rehearsal of my first play; and as I walked in at the door that cat walked in at the window. I'm as superstitious as a coon, and I felt that to give him up would be equivalent to killing the play be
ged him! She had taken him for an ordinary soulless purloiner of cats, a snapper-up of cats at random and without reason; and all the time he had been r
tn't let him go! It wou
ow abo
all the people who are dependen
ng man
verwhelmin
to me-at least, nothing much-that is to say-well, I
it
I wanted. He was jus
you many
't any f
ds! That settles it. Y
n't thin
must take him
lly co
u m
won
d feel, knowing that you were all alone and tha
ld feel if your play failed si
ngers through his rough ha
ere to retain a sort of managerial right in him? Couldn't you sometimes step across and chat with him-and me, inci
ability to form instantaneous judgements on the men she met. S
to hear all about your play. I write myself, you know, in a
e a successfu
he first play you have
hat's prett
th that he spoke doubtfully, and this modesty cons
*
arranged that, if one of these individuals does at last contrive to seek out and form a friendship with another, that friendship shall grow more swiftly than the tepid ac
had time to say much on his own account, she had told him of her life in the small Canadian town where she had passed the early part of her life; of the rich and unexpected aunt who had sent her to college for no particular reason that anyone could ascertain except that she enjoyed being unexpected; of the legacy from this same aunt, fa
ollege, still more briefly of Chicago-which city he appeared to regard with a distaste that made Lot's attitude towards the Cities of the Plain almost kindly
with a clear conscience at the end of the second week of their acquaintan
giving the play place of honour in her thoughts over and above her own little ventures. With this stupendous thing hanging in the balance, it seemed almost wicked of her to devote a mo
d referred to his characters by name instead of by such descriptions as 'the fellow who's in love with the girl-not what's-his-name but the other chap'-she would no doubt have got that mental half-Nelson on it which is such a help t
generally found him steeped in gloom, and then she would postpone the recital, to which she had been looking forward, of whatever little triumph she might have happened to win,
decidedly wary of strange young men, not formally introduced; her faith in human nature had had to undergo much straining. Wolves in sheep's clothing were co
nt defensiveness which had come to seem almost an inevitable accompaniment to dealings with the oppo
e thing happened, it so s
hout speaking. But it had differed from other quiet evenings through the fact that Elizabeth's silence hid a slight but
heart, was hers; and he looked to her to justify the daring experiment of letting a woman handle so responsible a job. Imagine how Napoleon felt after Austerlitz, picture Colonel Goethale contemplating the last spadeful of dirt from the Panama Canal, try to visualize a suburban householder who sees a flower emerging
walked, stepping on fleecy clouds of
him the g
aid,
that. His hair was rumpled, his brow contracted, and his manner absent. The impression he gave Elizabeth was that he had barely heard her. The next moment he was deep in a recital of the misdem
in his chair, brooding. Elizabeth, cross and wounded, sat in
moment stillness; the next, Joseph hurtling through the air, all claws and
all, a soothing-profile. An almost painful sentimentality sweeps over James Boyd. There she sits, his only friend in this cruel city. If you argue that there is no necessity to spring at your only friend and nearly
t conscious of indignation-or, indeed, of any sensation except the purely physical one of semi-strangulation. Then, flushed, and more bitterly angry than she could ever have imagined herself capable of being, she began to struggle. She tore herself awa
fe in her own home. She was aware that he was speaking, but the words did not reach her. She found the door, and pulled it open. She felt a hand on her arm, but she shook it off. And then she w
ermination that she would never forgive herself. And having thus placed beyond the pale the only two friends she had
, announced the lighting of the big arc-lamp on the opposite side-walk. She resented it, being in the mood for undiluted g
e ring at her bell. She did not answer it. There came anothe
*
ent to bed; that was all she knew-except that life had become very grey and very lonely, far lonel
ng. It is not difficul
you live just
*
d gather in whatever lay outside it. Sometimes there would be mail; and always, unless Franc
tried not to think, Elizabeth, opening the door, found imm
h me luck? I feel sure it is going to be a
leaping of the heart, their meaning came home to her. He must have left this at her door on the previous night. The play had been pro
They dodge behind murders; they duck behind baseball scores; they lie up snugly behind the Wall Street news. I
e in Authority' rent and tore James Boyd's play. He knocked James Boyd's play down, and kicked it; he jumped on it wi
elf. In a flash all her resentment had gone, wiped away and annihilated like a m
isplayed before him. It took her five minutes to dress. It took her a minute to run downstairs and out to the news-stand on the corner o
e criticisms varied only in tone. One cursed with relish and gusto; another with a certain pity; a third with a kind of wounded superiority, as o
d up, smoothed, and replaced on the stand by the now more than ever charmed proprie
rt. The door opened. James Boyd stood before her, heavy-eyed and haggard. In his eyes was despair, and on his chin the
ere the morning papers; and at the
d the next moment she was in his ar
s she never knew; but eve
' he said hoarsely,
said Elizabeth,
eak shot silently, and disappeared out of t
lizabeth bitterly. 'I shall nev
as not of t
ought me all t
meant everyt
did
eth he
ut of your next play, and I've heaps for us both to live on till you mak
got a job on a
I am doing Heloise Milton
aned h
hat you would come ba
e I will. What did yo
York!' He blinked. 'This isn't
in Chicago? Wouldn't it be better to stay
ok his
ge. When the time came for me to join the firm, I put it to dad straight. I said, "Give me a chance, one good, square chance, to see if the divine fire is really there, or if somebody has just turned on the alarm as a practical joke." And we made a bargain. I had written this play, and we made it a test-case. We fixed it up that dad should put up the money to give it a Broadway production. If it succeeded, all right; I'm the young Gus Thomas, and may go ahead in the literary game. If it's a fizzle, off goes my coat, and I abandon pipe-dreams of literary triumphs and start in as the guy who put the Co. i
a little
ury on murdered piggies. Have you ever seen them persuading a pig to play the stellar role in a Boyd P
eth soothingly. 'Perhaps
ully. 'I've watched them at it, and I'm bound
to thin
' said Jame
bove, and on the heels of it a shock-haire
s. 'By the way, Miss
Briggs, sometimes kno
oubling y
stammering w
my apartment. I heard him mewing outside the door, and opened it, and he streaked in. And I start
ps of steel. He's the greatest little luck-bringer in
t to ask-your play was a hit?
he notices. It was the worst frost Bro
on't und
d fill that cat with fish, or she'll be lea
y Novelist, paling, a
l bring him luck?' said
d by every publisher in the city; and then, when he is sitting in his apartment, wondering which of his razors to end himself with, there wi
mind about
n the
t he will have to go away
t. I know they string them up by the hind-legs, and all that sort of thing; but you must remember that a pig l
said Elizabet
E OF AN UG
with its young by the ornamental water where the wild-fowl are, he comes upon a vast road. One side of this is given up to Nature, the other to Intellect. On the
ed fashion of the London policeman along the front of them, turn to the right, turn to the left, and come back along the
, not Crime. Authors, musicians, newspaper men, actors, and artists are the inhabitants of these mansions. A child could control them. They assault and batter noth
o many layers of big-brained blamelessness. And there was not even the chance of a burglary. No burglar wastes his time burgling authors.
ns had revolted at the kicks showered upon them by haughty spirits impatient of restraint. Also, one Saturday night, three friends of a gentleman whom he was trying to induce not to murder his wife had so wrought upon him that, when he came out of
f action were once more troubling him, a new interest entered his life; and w
are conducted fortissimo between cheerful youths in the road and satirical young women in print dresses, who come out of their kitchen doors on to little balconies. The whole thing has a pleasing Romeo and Juliet touch. Romeo rattles up in his cart. 'Sixty-four!' he cries. 'Sixty-fower, sixty-fower, sixty-fow-' The kitchen door opens, and Juliet emerges. She eyes Romeo without any great show of affection. 'Are you Perkins and Blissett?' she inquires coldly. Romeo admi
ck of York Mansions-a
end of Constable Plimmer's second week of the simple life, when his a
ustive gaze, he was aware of strange thrills. There was something about this girl which excited Constable Plimmer. I do not say that s
?' he
?' said the girl. 'All
mer, consulting his watch, 'wan
ank
t all,
you have cleared lunch and haven't got to think of dinner yet, and have a bit of
, ask a pleeceman,' she said.
t of two w
here thr
ou like i
milkman's
-looking blighters; one of those oiled and curled perishers; one of those blooming fascinators who go a
with his jokes,
kman was a rare one with his jokes. He had heard him. The way girls fell fo
. 'He calls me Li
Constable Plimmer coldly, 'I'll ha
you couldn't arrest h
aced upon his way,
lf Brooks, it appeared, was his loathsome name-came rattling past with his jingling cans as if he were Apollo driving his chariot. If he was round at the back, there was Alf, his damned tenor doing duets with the balconies. And all this in defiance of the known law of natura
t from soldiers and sailors, and to be cut out by even a postman is to fall before a worthy foe; but
shone from balconies when his 'Milk-oo-oo' sounded. Golden voices giggled delightedly at his be
ny. They were walking o
learned from
box on the corner, and she reached it just as the p
lled Constable P
lo,' he said. 'Pos
Police Commissioner, tel
. Him and me are tak
e rollicked. He snatched at the letter with what was meant to be a debonair gaiety, a
s addressed t
The girl was frightened and angry, and he wa
id. 'Ho! Mr
there were moments when her manners lacked rather notic
hout having to get permission from every-' She paused to marshal her forces from the assault. 'Without ha
ion. That was how an impartial Scotland Yard would be compelled to describe him, if ever he got lost. 'Mis
with Alf? Perhaps you've got something
ly. To prolong it, she gave him this opening. There were a dozen ways in which he might answer, each more insulting than the last; and then, when he ha
d Constabl
ng, 'What! Jealous of you. Why-' she was prepared. But this was incredible. It disabled her, as the wild thrust of an
had supposed, and then he was gone, rolling along on his beat with that air which all policemen must
htfully, and thoughtfully returned to the flat. She looked
and disorderlies would have been as balm to him now. He was like a man who has run through a fortune and in poverty eats the bread of regret. Amazedly he recollected that in those happy days he had grumbled at his lot. He remembered confiding to a friend in the station-house, as he rubbed with liniment the spot on his right shin where the well-
ad dozed on-calm, int
t. If any of these white-corpuscled clams ever swatted a fly, it was much as they could do. The thing
d looked up at the placi
growled, and kic
ppeared a woman, an elderly, sharp-faced woman, who waved her arms a
She did not look the sort of woman who would be reticent about a thing like that. Well, anyway, it was something; and Edward Plimmer had been long enough in Battersea to be
iting for him at the door. H
is it,
cook has bee
A stout admirer of the sex, he hated arresting women. Moreover, to a man in the mood to tackle anarchis
locked her in. I know s
money. You mu
'am. Female search
can searc
a matter of fact, he had been there all the time, standing by the bookcas
-Ja
l, H
seemed to swa
in a ghastly manner and turned to the policeman. 'Er-officer, I ought to tell you that my wife-ah-holds
e, Henry, that you hav
just possible
oft
. Conscience was begin
not o
n? More t
s bolt. The little man
han once. Certainly
doesn't alter the fact that Ellen is a thief. I have missed money half
s waiting for them behind the locked door at the end of the passag
*
informed Constable Plimmer, attributing the fact that she had discovered the loss of the brooch in time
girl, where
t a word. She had been
ee, of
I 'adn't but borrowed it.
nse! Borrow it,
ted to l
nstable Plimmer's face was a mer
been missing? I suppose you'l
took no
esn't go by itself. Take her t
immer raised
a charge
ke a charge. What did you thin
ong, miss?' said
*
walk abroad with their nurses; and from the green depths of the Park came the sound of happy v
ting behaviour in a policeman on duty: he aimed always at a machine-like impersonality. There were time
ot crying. That
ng young men, stood Alf Brooks. He was feeling piqued. When he said three o'clock, he meant three o'clock. It was now three-fifteen, and she had not appeared.
another
scort, at that mome
a fellow waiting about while they fooled around with policemen were no girls for hi
yes. This policeman was wearing his belt; he was on duty. And Ellen's
eks flushed a dusky crimson. His jaw fell, and a p
oo
s sought h
umb
hot a
! She's be
is collar. It
asking Space in a blustering manner what else he could ha' done. And if the question did not bring much balm to his soul at the first time of asking, it proved wonderfully soothing on constant repetition. He repeated it at intervals for th
lk-walk in the most fashionable part of Battersea; to all practical purposes a public man. Was he to recognize, in broad da
m. She was ten yards off-seven-five-three-Alf Brooks tilted hi
ous feeling that somebody was just going
*
e was redder than ever. Beneath his blue tunic strange emotions were at
eyes met for the first time that afternoon, and it seemed to Constable Plimmer that whatever it
m, indirectly, he owed his broken nose had looked like that. As his hand had fallen on the collar of the man who was kicki
nstable Plimmer. Down the street some children were playi
aid Constab
ly. He found s
irl s
at
et along.
do you
face was scarlet. His jaw protr
Tell him it was all a joke.
seemed to come
mean I'm
es
u aren't going to tak
N
m. Then, suddenl
He was ashamed of me. He
nst the wall, h
r him, and tell
no,
ked morosely at the s
, but she was no longer cryin
what he did. Let's go
d at him
ly going to ha
aware of her eyes searching his
hy
not a
appened to you, if
which nightmares are made. He kicked the unoff
he Force,' h
ison, too, I sh
ay
again. The dog down the road had stopped barking. The woma
done all that fo
es
hy
r did it. Stole that money, I
that
o you m
the only
on her, almos
f you want it, you can have it. It was because I love you. There! Now I
ghing,' she
ink I'm
I d
u. He's the fellow
a littl
N
do you
I think I shall have changed
me
ut of p
ot going
, I
't tak
t you get yourself in trouble like th
t, like a
t m
ng at her like
can't
t off all o
like my
es
t'll gro
nd talking
Where's th
t st
ome alon
*
nd for an instant she stopped. Then she was walking on again
tersea. All change! I say, mi
name, miss. Ed
wonder if-What I mean is, it would be rather a lark, when I c
is ample feet against the
and as proud as a duke. And, miss'-he clenched his hands till the nails hurt the leathern flesh-'and, miss, there's just one thing more I'd like to say. You'll be having a good deal of time to yourself for awhile; you'll be able to do a good bit of thinking without anyone
mp which hung, blue and forbi
e said. 'What will they
nod
d. 'I say, what do people call you?-people
OF T
made up. He was goin
ed determination, when he had wavered. In these moments he had debated, with Hamlet, the question whether it was nobler in the
d hardly entered into it at all. What he had to decide was whether it was worth while putting up any longer with the perfectly infernal pain in his stomach. For Mr Meggs was a
th's Supreme Digestive Pellets-he had given them a more than fair trial. Blenkinsop's Liquid Life-Giver-he had drunk enough of it to float a ship. Perkins's Premier Pain-Preventer,
hought Mr Meggs, and forthwith
fty-six, and he was perhaps the most unoccupied adult to be found in the length and breadth of the United Kingdom. He toiled not, neither did he spin. Twenty years before, an unexpected legacy had placed him in a position to indulge a natural taste for idleness to the utmost. He was at that time,
it of self-indulgence among the more expensive and deleterious dishes on the bill of fare had up to th
ely well. Nobody urged him to take exercise, so he took no exercise. Nobody warned him of the perils of lobster and welsh rabbits to a man of sedentary habits, for it was nobody's business to warn him. On the contrary, people rather encouraged the lobster side of his character, for he was a hospitable soul and liked to have his friends dine with him. The result was that Nature, as is her won
s decided
be a clerk in even an obscure firm of shippers for a great length of time without acquiring sy
ious June morning, seated at
ge. Dogs dozed in the warm dust. Men who had to work went about
s study, was cool b
represented, with the exception of a few pounds, his entire worldly wealth. Beside them
it had been great sport sitting in his arm-chair, thinking whom he should pick out from England's teeming millions to make happy with his money. All sorts of schemes had passed through his mind. He had a sense of power which the mere possession of the money had never given him. He began to understand why millionaires make freak wills. At one time he had
efit. What good fellows they had been! Some were dead, but he still kept intermittently i
complication about his own legacy twenty years ago. Somebody had contested the will, and before the thing was satisfactorily settled the lawyers had got away with about twenty per cent of the whole. No, no wills. If he made one, and then killed h
al parts; six letters couched in a strain of reminiscent pathos and manly resignation; six envelopes, legibly addressed; six postage-stamps; and that part of his preparations was complete. He licked the stamps and placed them
nd poured the contents
his suicide. The knife, the pistol, the rope-they had all presented their charms to him. H
re, as he would most certainly do if he drowned himself; or the carpet, as he would if he used the pistol; or the pavement-and possibly some innocent pedest
take, quick to work, and on the wh
ass behind the inkp
arrived?' he inqui
just co
I am waiting
ume work on his British Butterflies, it was to Miss Pillenger that he addressed the few rambling and incoherent remarks which constituted his idea of a regular hard, slogging spell of literary composition. When he sank back in his cha
dly correct in their dealings with Miss Pillenger. In her twenty years of experience as a typist and secretary she had never had to refuse with scorn and indignation so much as a box of chocolates from any of her e
ch Mr Meggs had found himself after a while compelled to pay; and they had dropped off, one after another, like exhausted bivalves, unable to endure the crushing boredom of life in the village which had given Mr Meggs to the world. For Mr Meggs's home-town was no City of Pleasure. Remove the Vicar's magic-lantern and the try-your-weight machine opposite the post office, and you practically eliminated the temptations to tread the primrose path. The on
salary. For five pounds a week she would have undertaken a post as secretary and typist to a Polar Expedition. For
y of the study. Here, he told himself, was a confiding girl, all unconscious of impending doom, relying on him as a d
s desk beside the letters lay a little pile of notes
ed expectantly for Mr Meggs to clear his throat and begin work on the butterflies. She was surprised when, instead of f
ut among her nerve-centres. It had been long in arriving, this moment of crisis, but here it undoubted
eggs thought he was smiling the sad, tender smile of a man who, knowing himself to be on the brink of the tomb, bids farewell to a
t work this morning. I shall want you, if you wi
he letters. Mr Meggs
. Six years, is it not? Six years. Well, well. I don't
me a goo
hat which the ordinary employer feels for his secretary. You and I have worked together for six long years. Surely I may be perm
f a man whose digestion has been out of order for over two decades. The pathos of the
nger much as some great general, wounded unto death, might have kissed his mother, his sister, or some particula
ut, she sprang to her feet. 'How dare you! I've been waiting for this Mr Meggs. I have seen it in your eye. I have expected it. Let me t
desk as a stricken pugilist falls on the
, aghast, 'you misundersta
u? Bah! I am only
s farther f
obvious interpretation of such behaviour!' Before coming to Mr Meggs, Miss Pillenger had been secretary to an Indiana novelist. She had learned sty
enger, I i
am only a wo
he blow and still more of the frightful ingratitude of
' he bellowed. 'You'll drive me mad. Go. Go away
eggs's sudden fury had startled and frightened her. So long as
he door. 'Now that you have revealed yourself in your tru
ployer's eye, and
ene. He boiled with indignation. That his kind thoughts should have been so mi
y because his shin had struck a chair, p
re parallel between himself an
if I commit suic
. What an idiot he had been ever to contemplate self-destruction. What could have induced him to do it? By his own hand to re
at them. And if he did have an occasional pain inside, what of that? Napo
up his eyes, he turned to seize the six
were
o, and then it all came back to him. He had given them to the demon Pillen
moment, easily the most prominent was the reflection that from his
*
been shaken to the core. It was her intention to fulfil her duty by posting the letters which had been entrusted to her, and then
nd, turning, she perceived the model employer running rapidly tow
d Mr Meggs's reason, and she was to be the victim of his fury. She had read of scores of similar cases in the
nd down the street. Nobody was in sig
to
ss Pillenger increased to third speed. As
roared M
DE THIS MAN MURDERER,'
to
ONDE,' flashed out in letters of crimso
to
HE STABS H
-that was the ideal she strove after. She addressed he
ittle, if any, remark. But in Mr Meggs's home-town events were of rarer occurrence. The last milestone in the history of his native place had been the visit, two years before, of Bingley's Stupendous Circus, which h
the general appearance of Mr Meggs gave food for thought. Having brooded over the situation, they decided at length to take a h
said Miss
ill grasped in her right hand. He had taken practically no
an of the town's welfar
m, and desire
to murder me,' sa
dvised an aus
u were going to murd
able
s found
y wanted tho
at
're m
her with s
st with his own hands,
d, but I wan
ad recognized beneath the perspiration, features which, though they were dist
Meggs!'
e disappointed, the crowd. What it was they did not know, but
his letters when he asks yo
r drew hersel
, Mr Meggs, I hope we
ed. That was
hat some curious change had taken place in him. He was abominably stiff, and to move his limbs was pain, but do
pen. It was a perfect morning. A cool breeze smote his face, bringing with it
ng thought
I feel
ano
I took yesterday. By Geor
aw, but it was a half-hearted effort, the effort of one who knows that he is b
ical culture places.... Comparatively young man.... Pu
d to the
WITH TWO
'wishful to dance, but his feet wasn't gaited that way. So he sought a professor and asked him his price, and said he was willing to pay. The professor' (the leg
g the hours not given over to work at the New York bank at which he was employed as paying-cashier. For Henry was a voracious reader. His idea of a pleasant evening was to get back to his little flat, take off his coat, put on his slippers, light a pipe, and go on from the point where he had left off the night before in his perusal of the BIS-CAL volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica-making notes as he read in a stout notebook. He read the BIS-CAL volume because, after many days, he had finished the A-AND, AND-AUS, and the AUS-B
low-cashier, Sidney Mercer. In New York banks paying-cashiers, like bears, tigers, lions, and other fauna, are always shut up in a cage in pairs, and are consequently dependent on each other for entertainment and social intercourse when business is slack. Henry Mills and Sidney simply could not find a subject in common. Sidney knew absolutely nothing of even such eleme
pid's well-meant but obsolete artillery. Sometimes Sidney Mercer's successor in the teller's cage, a sentimental young man, would broach the topic of Woman and Marriage. He would ask He
M
he said it that
tted to take his annual vacation in the summer. Hitherto he had always been released from his cage during the winter months, and had spent his ten days
is vacation he devoted much of the time that should have been given to the Encyclopaedia Britannica in reading summer-
s in the shape of a number of goats tethered at intervals between the holes-and a silvery lake, only portions of which were used as a dumping-ground for tin cans and wooden boxes. It was all new and strange to H
paler than she should have been, with large eyes that seemed to Henry pathet
have been, for the advertisements expressly stated that none were ever found in the neighbourhood of Ye Bonnie Briar-Bush Farm, when along she came. S
ening,'
never contributed to the dialogue of the dining-room
o, tying the score. And the
overcame Hen
oking tire
e paused. 'I overd
I
nci
g. Did you
a grea
A
ethods with the Encyclopaedia. How pleasant if he could have been in a position to talk easily of Dancing. Then memory remin
w that the word "ballet" incorporated three distinct modern words, "ballet", "ba
weak. She looked at h
t say that she
now anythin
' said Henry, quietly, 'was "The Tavern Bilkers", whic
s i
was that given by-by someone to celebrate
his memory by hoops of steel owing to the singular coincidence of it being als
awful lot
ry, modestly. 'I r
wistfully. 'I've never had time for reading. I'
like a well-tickled cat. Never in his life had he bee
mson carpet across the silvery lake. The air was very still. The creatures, unclassified by science, who might have been mistaken for mosquitoes had their presence been possible at Ye Bonnie Briar-Bush Farm, were biting harder than ever. But Henry heeded them not. He
s, they sat by the silvery lake. He poured out the treasures of his learning for her, and she
Henry went bac
his sentimental fellow-cashier, shortly af
plied Henry, brisk
entered at that moment fifteen dollars for a ten-dollar cheque,
ry beginning they settled down in perfect harmony. She merged with his life as smoothly as one river joins another. He did not even have to alter his habits. Every morning he had his breakfast at eight, smoked a cigarette, and walked to the Underground. At five he left the bank, and at six he arri
lly happy, so extraordinarily peaceful. Everything was as perfect as it could be. M
y her soft hair, as she bent over her sewing. Then, wondering at the silence, she would look up, and h
ou bea
Avenue, where red wine was included in the bill, and excitable people, probably extremely clever, sat round at small tables and talked all together at the top o
er face-those novels which begin with the hero supping in the midst of the glittering throng and having his attention attracted to a distinguished-looking elderly man with a grey imperial who is entering wit
. He had that feeling, which comes to all quiet men who like to sit at home and read, that this was the sort of atmosphere in which he really belonged. The brightness of it all-the dazzling lights, the music, the hubbub, in which th
de. Henry looked up, to
f speech. Faultless evening dress clung with loving closeness to Sidney's lissom form. Gleaming shoes of perfect patent leather covered his feet. His light hair was brus
ore blu
op?' said the vision. 'I didn't know y
to Minnie. There was a
looking her
ring speech. And to Minnie
d? Wish you luck.
was doing as well
ll on th
ook his head
ssional dancer at this
't you d
o hypnotize himself into a feeling that it was not inability to dance that kept him in his seat, but that he had had so much of that sort
n't d
I bet Mrs Mills does. W
Mi
nk you,
been standing in the way of Minnie's pleasure. Of course she wa
e, Min.
looked
Min. I shall be all right
and simultaneously Henry ceased to be a youngish twenty-one and was even
rriage he became introspective. It had never struck him before how much younger Minnie was than himself. When she had signed the paper at the City Hall on the occasion of the purchase of the marriage licence, she had given her age, he remembered now, as twenty-six. It had made no impression on him at the time. Now, however, he perceived clearly that between twenty-six and thirty-five there was a gap of nine years; and a chill sensation came upon him o
ever; Sidney, the insufferable ass, grinning and smirking and pretending to be eighteen. They looked like a cou
sleep, was aroused by a sudden stiffening of the arm that
ills resolving that he
he should learn the steps by the aid of this treatise than by the more customary method of taking lessons. But quite early in the proceedings he was faced by complications. In the first place, it was his intention to keep what he was doing a s
e right foot along dotted line A B and bring the left foot round curve C D in a paying-cashier's cage in a bank, nor, if you are at all sensitive to public opinion, on the pavement going home. And while he was trying to do it in the parlo
cided that he mu
s. He selected a Mme Gavarni because she lived in a convenient spot. Her house was in a side street, with a station within easy reach. The real problem was when to find time for the lessons. H
' he said a
, He
e. He had never l
tting enoug
u look
'll put on another mile or so to my walk on my way
well,
abandoning his walk, he was now in a position to devote an hour a d
and an unconventional manner with her clientele. 'You come to me an hour a day,
that
lure yet with a pupe, except o
two le
to have 'em cut off him. At that, I could have learned him to tango with wood
gum from the panel of the door where she had pla
uth feels more unhappy and ridiculous than when he is taking a course of lessons in the modern dance, but it is not easy to think of them. Physically, his new experie
ung lady with laughing blue eyes, and Henry never clasped her trim waist without feeling a black-hearted traitor to his absent Minnie. Conscience racked him. Add to this the sensation of being a strange, jointless creature with
y by frequently comparing his performance and progress with that o
ird lesson than Henry after his fifth. The niece said no. As well, perhaps, but not better. Mme Gavarni said that the niece was forg
pursue him into the street in order to show him on the side-walk a means of doing away with some of his numerous errors of technique, the elimination of whic
und his feet going through the motions without any definite exercise of will-power on his part-almost as if they were endowed with an intelligenc
s moved to dig
d!' she observe
modestly. It w
e more apparent to him, as he watched Minnie, that she was chafing at the monotony of her life. That fatal supper had wrecked the peace of their little home. Or perhaps it had merely precipitated the wreck. Sooner or later, he to
enings and had developed a habit of pleading a headache and going early to bed. Sometimes, catching her eye when she was not exp
he revealed himself dramatically. If she had been contented with the life which he could offer her as a non-dancer, what was the sense of losing weight and money in order to learn the steps? He enjoyed the silent, uneasy evenings which had supplanted those cheery ones of the first yea
irthday, having presented her with a purse which he knew she had long
you like i
t the purse wit
I wanted,' she s
ll get the tickets for the
itated for
t to go to the theatre
we'll have supper at Geisenheimer's again. I may be working after hours at the ba
ou'll miss yo
esn't matte
l going on with
yes,
iles eve
it. It kee
es
bye, d
od-
the station, it would be different tomorrow morning. He had rather the feeling of a young knight w
hour had come. He had thought of this moment for weeks, and he visualized every detail of his big scene. At first they would sit at their table in silent discomfort. Then Sidney Mercer would come up, as before, to ask Minnie to dance. And then-then-Henry would rise and, abandoning all concealment, exclaim grandly: 'No! I am going to dance with my wife!' Stunned amazement of Min
ne a little, he had felt, if Sidney Mercer did not present himself to play the role of foil; but he need have had no fears on this point. Sidney had the gift, not uncommon in the chinless, smooth-bake
nry! Alw
s birt
. We've just time for one turn before the
. Many a time had Mme Gavarni hammered it out of an aged and unwilling
andly. 'I am going to
d looked forward to causing. Minnie looked at him wi
you could
said Henry, lightly.
, I'll
d Minnie, as
prised admiration and remorseful devotion; but she had not said it in that way. There had been a note of horror in her voice. Henry's was a s
on the floor now, and it was beginning to creep upon him like a chill wind th
For a moment the tuition of weeks stood by him. Then, a shock, a stifled cry from Minnie, and the first collision had occurred. And with that all the knowledge which he had so painfully acquired passed from Henry's mind, leaving it an agitated blank. This was a situation for which his slidings round an empty room had not prepared him. Stage-fright at its worst came up
lped him to his feet.
at hi
nd sleek immaculateness. 'It went down
s full of de
*
said
not see her face. She did not answer. She preserved the silence which she had maintain
on. Outside an Elevated train rumb
I'm
le
d woman said. I've got two left feet, and it's no use my ever trying to do it. I kept it secret from you, what I was doing. I wanted it to be a wonderful surprise for you on your birthday. I knew how
en
e saw that her whole face had altered. Her
u went to that house-to
hout speaking. She c
pretended you were st
u k
station at the end of the street, and I saw you. There wa
cked his
n't believe it, but she was try
by the lapels
ever didn't you tell me what you were doing? Oh, yes, I know you wanted it to be a surprise for me on my birthday, but you must ha
just that you were
Here, w
hole thing out. You're so much younger than I, Min. It didn't seem righ
I lov
ery girl has to. Wome
nce with the lady instructresses. I was a lady instructress. Henry! Just think what I went through! Every day having to drag a million heavy men with large feet round a big room. I tell you, you are a professional compared with some of them!
at you can-can stand the sort of life we're
ul
helf, and came back
ow. It seems ages and ages since you used to.
e midst of a joy that almost overwhelmed him, hi
he MED-MUM vol
l be all right. Read
wavered. 'Oh, well-I' he went on,
e, dear, and I'll
eared hi
g those preachers and writers in Moravia and Bohemia who, during the fourteenth
ainst his knee. He put out a hand and stroked it.
' said Henry, sil