Three Men on the Bummel

ew-Danger of sailing when the wind is off the land-Impossibility of sailing when the wind is off the sea-The argumentativeness of Ethelbertha-The dampness of the river-Harris sug

" said Harris,

inside and buys him cream buns and "maids-of-honour" until he insists that he has had enough, and politely, but firmly, refuses to eat another anything. Then, of course, he wants only one helping of pudding at lunch, and Ethelbertha thinks he is sickening for something. Mrs. Harris added that it would be as well for us to come upstairs soon, on our own account also, as otherwise we should miss Muriel's rendering of "The Mad Hatt

mean," he said, "

on was how

e neighbourhood of the Austrian capital, and to make reports. She said she would go with him; she was that sort of woman. He tried to dissuade her: he told her that a mine was no place for a beautiful woman. She said she felt that herself, and that therefore she did not intend to accompany him down the shafts; she would see him off in the morning, and then am

rris belonged to that class of wife, but it is as well not to o

hall tell her that, for the sake of learning to appreciate my own advantages as I know they should be appreciated, I intend to tear myself away from her and the childre

n his glass ra

ther you didn't. She'll talk it over with my wife, and-well,

it," I insisted; "it

"You know you said it was a mistake for a man to get into

ng generally,

ght of repeating it to Clara; she has a great op

"it is a delicate matter, and I see a way out

me to notice. You would have thought he would have welcomed the chance of a

aunt, and that we should hire a charming old chateau I know of in Normandy, on the coast, where the climate is peculiarly adapted to delicate ch

kindness is of no use

. and I will be nowhere. You've promised to teach Edgar fishing; and it is you who will have to play wild beasts. Since last Sunday Dick and Muriel have talked of nothing else but your hippopotamus. We will picn

posed he couldn't help it; and that if I didn't intend to finish the whole bottle of claret myself, he would trouble me to spare him a glass. He also added, somewhat illogically, tha

led, the question was:

mells of bilge-water and greens to the exclusion of all other scents; no ordinary sea air can hope to head against it. So far as sense of smell is concerned, one might be spending a week in Limehouse Hole. There is no place to get out of the rain; the saloon is ten feet by four, and half of that is taken up by a stove, which falls to pieces when

et's take a proper yacht, with a s

s to lie in what he calls the "offing," where he can be well in touch

foolishness: I had had a stroke of unexpected luck; Ethelbertha had expressed a yearning for sea air; and the very n

ing to let this superbly-fitted "greyhound of the sea" for any period short or long. Two cabins and salo

thought. But the "pianette by Woffenkoff" sounded alluring. I pictured Ethelbertha playing in the evening-something with a chorus, in

pointed out this disadvantage to the agent, who, however, explained to me that the picture represented the Rogue doubling something or other on the well-known occasion of her winning the Medway Challenge Shield. Mr. Pertwee assumed that I knew all about the event, so that I did not like to ask any questions. Two specks near the frame of the picture, which at first I had taken for moths, represented, it appeared, the second and third wi

be turning out luckily for me all round,-because Mr. Pertwee felt sure I could not do better than keep on Mr. Goyles, at present in cha

aid he should enjoy it himself. We came to the question of victualling, and he grew more enthusiastic. The amount of food suggested by Mr. Goyles, I confess, surprised me. Had we been living in the days of Drake and the Spanish Main, I should have feared he was arranging for something illegal. However, he laughed in his fatherly way, and assured me we were not overdoing it. Anything left the

n the nature of an orgie,

s; "why they'll take that

his motto was, Get good

you," said Mr. Goyles;

egarded them as a greedy and guzzling crew. But Mr. Goyles was so cheerfully emphatic, and I was so inexperienced, that agai

lp two men and a boy. If he was alluding to the clearing up of the victuals and drink, I think he

up and have ready in time; and then I went home and told Ethelbertha all I had done. Her delight was clouded by on

rselves. And thankful I am to Heaven that we did so decide. On Monday we put on all our clothes and started. I forget what Ethelbertha wore, but, what

es of a very fair cook. The capabilities of the other members of the crew I had no opportunity of judgi

ith Ethelbertha by my side, would lean over the gunwale and watch the white cliffs of the Fatherland sink imperceptib

aking their time,"

s on this yacht, they will want a fairly long time for every meal. We

," said Ethelbertha, later on

ladder. I hailed him three times; then he came up slowly. He appeared to be a hea

Captain Goyles," I

emoved the cigar

sir," he replied, "w

I know sailors are a superstitious folk; I tho

n Goyles, "it's the wind I'm a-thinkin

sked. "It seems to me to be just w

ce, if we was to put out in this. You see, sir," he explained, in answer to my look of surprise, "

the man was right; the wi

ptain Goyles, more hopefully "anyhow,

e reason for the delay. Ethelbertha, who appeared to be less high spirited than when

ld be blowing off the sea, and that would send us back into the

the very wind we want, but it is not. It's what we call

o know why a land wi

s feeling a bit cross; the monotonous rolling heave o

et sail in this wind would be the height of foolhardiness, and I

a merely replied that she wished, under the circumstanc

nd to the north; I was up early, a

rked; "it's unfortunate,

ossible for us to sta

angry with me,

, I should say as it couldn't be better for us, but our dest

d watercress at Dovercourt, and then returned to the quay to look for Captain Goyles and the boat. We waited an hour for him. When he came he was more cheerful t

o stop where we were; our only hope was it would change before anything happened. By this time, Ethelbertha had taken a dislike to the yac

ept at the "King's Head." On Friday the wind was blowing direct from the east. I met Captain Goyles on the q

ou'd see for yourself that it's impossible

what is this thing I have hired

urprised at

: "It's

inued, "tell me so frankly, then we will get some ivy in boxes and train over the port-holes, stick som

in Goyles. "You get the ri

at is the r

yles looke

ith variations. If you can think of any other point of the compass from which it can blow, tell me, and I will wait for i

fact that I w

ne child as is still dependent on me, thank God, and no doubt your exe

nity impr

me. Is there any hope, in any weather,

kindly genialit

e all right if we were once out, but getting away from it in a

ld her sleeping babe; it was his own simile, and it struck me as rather touching. I saw

em my story, and they appeared less surprised than amused. Captain Goyles and the two men were still watching the weather. I ran into the "King's Head," and prepared Ethelbertha. The four

s early in the morning. I made a loss, but had the satisfaction of "doing" Captain Goyles. I left the Rogue in charge of a local mariner, who, for a couple of sovereigns, undertook to see t

ld be a good deal of responsibi

he river?" su

ome pleasant t

nce at his cigar, and

on't know what, but there's a something-a dampness-

eep now in the neighbourhood of the river. I spent a week at Joe's place in the s

ris. "Personally, I don't think it go

"is mountain air. What say you

three weeks in Scotland the year before last, and

gh in Switzerla

time. It must be some place where no delicately nurtured woman or child could possibly live; a country of

e, "easy, there! Don't fo

laimed Harris; "

looked

t a bicycle tour," said he, "

l, and the wind behi

noticed it,"

ing better than a bicycle

ned to agre

re," continued he; "th

all uphill,

"say two-thirds. And there's

iously, and sunk his

going up those hills, lit

helbertha was putting on her bonnet, and that Muriel, after

Harris to me, as he rose, and I pass