Three Men on the Bummel

ence-His simple and inexpensive tastes-His appearance-How to get rid of him-George as prophet-The gentle art of making oneself disagreeabl

is came round; he had a

e my advice, you wi

d: "Leave

record-breaking, Tomfoolishness, whatever it may be, t

l be some steep hills for us to negotia

all not want is a mechanical surprise that we don't

he said, "acts

will suddenly come right again. Going downhill it will start reflecting what a nuisance it has been. This will lead to remorse, and finally to despair. It will say to itself: 'I'm not fit to be a brake. I don't help these fellows;

asked, in

f in connection with cycling you have tried. Your guardian angel appears to be a capable and conscientious spirit, and hitherto she has seen you

ancement made in any department of life. If nobody ever tried

riments up to thirty-five; after thirty-five I consider a man is entitled to think of himself. You and

w, that was my fault; I think I m

notice what you did; I only know we were riding peacefully and pleasantly along the Whitby Road, discussing the Thirty Years' War, when your lamp went off like a pistol-shot. The start sent me into the ditch; and your wife's

the lamp. I should like to have found out wh

ted it. As to its 'going off,' the mere fact of its being advertised as the safest lamp ever invented wou

e a fine light," he replie

Kemp Town it went out, and you were summoned for riding without a light. You may remember that on sunny afternoons you used to

ng, that lamp," he mur

e are saddles," I went on-I wished to get this lesson home to him. "

idea of mine that the rig

icycle saddles are made out of rainbow, stuffed with cloud; in this world the simplest thing is to get used to something

t one constructed on a

d a picture on the cover, representing a sitting skele

orrect; it showed you th

o details; the picture alwa

cally speaking

t myself, and that to a man who wore flesh it was agony. Every time you went over a stone or

ght to give it a fair

me that never in the whole course of your married life had she known you so bad tempered, so un-Christi

ou mean 'th

ain in the right place, and sometimes you didn't. I am not referring to these matters merely to recall

dn't harp so much on my a

n at

our machine runs away with you down a mountain, and you an

tate him, as you know. If such an accident as you suggest happen, he may b

ng all righ

," I replie

ave you ove

erhaul it. The thing is now in working order, and i

ening we should go for a long bicycle ride together on the following day, and I agreed. I got up early, for me; I made an effo

ing machine of your

d; "easily enough in the morning;

he front wheel and the fo

t do that; yo

o him. Besides, if it wanted shaking, I was the proper person to

is front whe

e it." It didn't wobble, as a matter o

angerous; have you

hed to see what I could find. When I came back he was sitting on the ground with the front wheel between his legs. He was p

as happened to this f

answered. But he was the sort of

o me as if the beari

any more; you will make yourself tir

matter with it, now it is out." He talked

something somewhere, and out rolled all o

em! We mustn't lose any of them."

aid there was nothing you should be more careful about in taking a bicycle to pieces than seeing you did not lose any of the balls. He explained that you ought to cou

as not a sensible thing to do, I admit. As a matter of fact, it was a silly th

nd at once began taking off the gear-case. I did try to persuade him from t

gear-case, sell the machine and

erstand nothing about machines. Nothing

ear-case in two pieces, lying on the path, and was grovelling for scr

rtha came out. She seemed surprised to find us th

r husband to overhaul this machine of his. It's a goo

you have done you might go into the back kitchen, if yo

se she would be back to lunch. I would have given a sovereign to be going with her. I

mischief. You have a right to protect your own property from the ravages of

o hurting other people's feel

and that now he would see to the chain. He tightened it till it would not move; next he loosened it until it was twi

walk round the croquet lawn, with his hands pressed together between his thighs. He explained as he walked that the thing to be careful about was to avoid getting your fingers pinched between the forks and the spokes of the wheel. I replied I was c

"What's

"Well, I

that made me respect him. I asked h

've forgotte

ddle of the path, and Ethelbertha's favourite hound was

met him since that day, thank the Lord; but I t

cket of needles already this week. Nature's the best guide; puppies seem

said: "Well, we must put back all w

would do for the present. He appeared to be getting a bit tired himself. If I had let him, he would, I believe, at this point have gone home. I was determined now, however, that he should stop and finish; I had abandoned

kill and dexterity that fascinates me, it is your cheery confiden

worked from the near side. Then I held it for him, while he lay on the ground with his head between the wheels, and worked at it from below, and dropped oil upon h

n, that's ri

ice he

ned if it is

he third time

machine. One moment the bicycle would be on the gravel path, and he on top of it; the next, the position would be reversed-he on the gravel path, the bicycle on him. Now he would be standing flushed with victo

d, cut and breeding, he said: "I think th

ent it would have been difficult to say. I took him into the back kitchen, where, so f

nd to the nearest repairing shop. The for

nt me to do wit

, "so far as is poss

ne," said he; "but

nd of the season I left it in an agent's hands to sell. I wished to deceive nobody; I instructed the

et people to believe. Now, between you and me, it don't look like a last year's machine; so far as look

got me five pounds, which he sa

himself always looks like a tinker, and his machine always suggests the idea that, having stolen it, he has tried to disguise it; but as he rarely gets beyond the first milestone with it, this, perhaps, does not much matter. The mistake some people make is in thinking they can get both forms of sport out of the same machine. This is impossible; no machine will stand the double strain. You must make up your mind whether you are going to be an "overhauler" or a rider. Personally, I prefer to ride, therefo

u ride on, and enjoy yourself, I beg

er, that courtesy is of no use

e thing alone, or I will

ve a good stout cudgel in your han

n later in th

hink everything

ready by Wednesday, except

s the tande

m," I said

n't think it wan

but a limited number of questions upon which I feel any degree of certainty. Among such still-unshaken beliefs, however, is the conviction that that tandem doe

nearest repairing shop, will, in spite of your chronic desire for rest, have to be overhauled. Then you will clamour for people to tell you where you put the oil-can, and what you have

rge's rebuke-also a certain amo

ponsive. The truth is, Harris

. Besides, what I came to talk to you a

away from me, sir?"-"It is impossible, madam; my neighbour, here, is very stout"-"Shall we not endeavour to arrange our legs?"-"Please have the goodness to keep your elbows down"-"Pray do not inconvenience yourself, madam, if my shoulder is of any accommodation to you," whether intended to be said sarcastically or not, there was nothing to indicate-"I really mu

nd comfort during his sojourn in English towns, chief among such hints being advice to him to always travel with a su

visit England; I think it would get him disliked. But I have read books published in London for the use of English travellers abroad every whit as foolish. S

uest. They are bought by the thousand, I know. In every town in Eu

and at street corners reading aloud from such books. Nobody knows what language they are speaking; nobody has the slight

g about and shopping with the aid of this book. There are one or two little things I want-a hat and a pair of bedroom slippers, among other articles. Our boat does not leave Tilbury til

to accompany him, and wait outside the shop. I said I though

mpany him into the shop. With Harris, who looks formidable, to support him, and myself at

ore him. He examined the book, especially the chapter

ngs that are put down here, it is not support he will w

de Geor

without any sense. I shall select from the more polite and

gave in his adhesion; and our start