Torchy As A Pa

say he is. For in such cases I'm apt to be the one that's handiest, and you know what that means. It's a matter of Torchy

dn't have found each other anywhere but in Greenwich Village. And in course of time they mated up there. It was the logical, almost the brilliant thing to do. Instead of owing rent for two skylight studios they pyramided on on

il Sept. 15, payable in advance. Two days later the Beans, with more'n half of the loot left, were out on Long Island prospectin' around in our locality and talking vague about taking a furnished bungalow. They were shown some neat ones, too, runnin' from eight to fifteen hundred for three months, but none of 'em seemed to be just right. But when they discovered this partly tumbled down shack out

as happy and contented as if they'd leased a marble villa at Newport. From then on you'd be liable to run across 'em mo

in' out after ferns or something when they saw the Beans perched on a stone wall tryin' to unbutton a can of sardines with a palette knife and not having mu

rifles like a dozen fresh eggs, a mess of green peas and a pint of cream now and them. She follows that up by havin' 'em come over for dinner frequent. Vee has to do her share too, chippin' in a roast chicken or a cherry pie or a pan of dou

ctly stunning, To

ofessional, "but-but just what is it suppose

willows. We are not Futurists, you see; Revertists, rather. Ou

ew one once who could do swell desig

," says Halla

I. "I got him a job as

ct fit. But you couldn't suggest anything that sounded like real work to Hallam. He claims that he was livin' for his art. Maybe so, but I'll be hanged if he was livin' on it. I got to admit, though, that he dressed the part fairly well; for in that gray flanne

n', quiet little thing, and real modest. There's no doubt whatever but that she has decided that F. Hallam is going to be a great

for the Hallams as Mrs. Robert was, but seein' 'em around so much he couldn

about next winter, when they go back to town? You know they can't poss

. His plans were vague enough. He was doing a head of Myrtle-that being Mrs. Bean-which he thought he might let

over at the heel and leaky in the sole. As for Hallam, that velvet coat had so many grease spots on it that it was hardly fit to wear outside of a stable, and his rubber-soled shoes gave his t

to have a regular job of some kind. I suppose he

in' down a pay envelope reg'lar and being able to look the rent agent in the face. But say, what does he do but scrape his foot and wriggle around like he'd been asked to swallow a non-skid headache tablet. At last he gets ou

w tomorrow night. If you decide to take the place, come over about 6:30; if you find that your views a

nd study of a lovely lady standin' graceful beside a Never-smoke oil stove-no-wicks, automatic feed, send for our catalogue-and other lively compositions along that line. More'n that, he made good and the boss promised him that

lf pint of cream that was left every morning for the Beans, the fact that Hallam was puttin' on weight and gettin' reckless with clean collars. And finally, after being caught coming from the butcher's with two whole pounds of lamb chops, Myrtle

up his easel and splashed away with his paints. But mostly he did hea

had the address. You remember hearin' about the Countess, maybe? She was Miss Mae Collins, of Kansas City, originally, and Zecchi was either the second or third of her hubbies, or hobbies, whichever you'd care to

he must have her portrait done by a real Bohemia

. "I've always wanted to be done as Psy

all his spare cash buyin' a big mirror and draperies to fix up a Psyche pool in the studio, and decides that at last luck has

Besides, she's just starting south on a yachting party. The portrait? Oh, she doesn't care about that. She hadn't real

uch he spent on the mirror and big canvas. He'd been let in, that's all. But he finishes up the Psyche picture durin' o

thinks it's worth lookin' up, and an hour later he comes back from the dealer's with the trade all made. And inside of three weeks no less than two dozen magazines was bindin' in a full page in colors showin' the fair form of the Countess Zecchi bendin' over a limpid

riends who almost swamped her with cut-out copies and telegrams, she rushes back to New York and calls up the reporters. All one afternoon she throws cat fits for their benefit up at her Plutoria apartment. She tells 'em what a wicked outrage has been sprung on her by a wretched shrimp of humanity who flags under th

e Countess Zecchi. And of course they didn't neglect F. Hallam Bean. He has to be photographed and interviewed, too. Also, Hallam wasn't dodgin' either a note-book or a camera. As a resul

t of course he ain't worried much about the damage suit. The Countess might get a judgment, but she'd have a swell time collectin' anything over a dollar forty-nine, all

offices but F. Hallam Bean, all dolled up in an outfit that he must have collected at some costumers. Anyway, I ain't seen one of them black cape

s I. "Right off t

uerade?" dema

" says he, "but then, so am I. I've just been having some new photos taken. They're to be used with an article I'm con

," says I. "Soak 'em w

well with your job

airy. "No more of that degrading gr

s Mr. Robe

Revertist. My name has become a household word. And before this absurd libel suit is finished I shall be painting the portraits of all the leading society people. They are alrea

this is fame, are y

shrugs his shoulder

in the street and nudge each other in the subway cars? Aren't his artist friends giving him a banquet at the Purple Pup? So why should he work for wages an

hat is, unless you can suggest some way of m

w as it will work in his case, for he's got it bad, but

rt, slappin' his knee. "Th

for the week-end, and then after Sunday dinner load 'em into the tourin' car, c

me. But just what was it he did? Uh-huh! Scratchin' your head, ain't you? And yet it was less than two years ago that

did at Manila Bay, or Hobson at Santiago, and showin' how Private Ben had a shade the best of it, after all. The Sunday illustrated sections had enlarged snapshots of him, of his boyhood home in Whositville; of his dear old

testimonial fund for him to buy a home with, and presented him with a gold medal. Next, some rapid firin' publishin' firm rushed out a book: "Private Ben Rigg's Own Story," which he wa

So he comes out here on the south shore, lets a real estate shark get hold of him, and the next thing he knows he owns about a hundred acres of maybe the most worthless land on the whole island. His next move is to call in an architect, and insid

y press. He dropped out of sight, like a nickel that rolls down a sewer openin'. They didn't want him any more in vaudeville. The movie producer welched on h

tion shed on the property, fairly well built, and by running up a chimney and having a well sunk, he had what passed for a home. There in the builder's shack Private Ben has been living ever since. He has stuck up a real estate sign and spends most of his time layin' out his acres

one who jumped off Brooklyn Bridge? But at last he got it straight. Yes, he remembered having had a picture of Private Ben tacked up in his studio, only last year. Then we tri

Ben, though," says F. Hallam.

is scrap books are interesti

. "Good idea. I must t

let him lead us past the stone foundations where a fine crop of weeds was coming up, and he'd herded us into his sh

rivate Ben Ri

"Now I'm just Sand-Lo

you would know. This is Mr. Hallam Bean, the cel

"The one who painted

ects hasty, "featurin'

d I was noticin' in the mornin' paper how t

rin' at him. "Where was

t you on the front page, and then--" Private Ben shrugs his shoulders. But he proceeds to add hasty, with a shrewd squin

u," says F. H

meanin' to write you about it. I generally d

am, and edges t

a word for him at the advertisin' agency, as he thought it might be just as well if he hung onto the job

t rung him up, after all,

e been her step-sister

the differe

y well once," says he. "Let's see, he said that Fame was the perfume distille

's what you get when

" says he, "I think I shall ask you

t that's what you get when y