Aaron's Rod

"to be lachrymose. The thin

e sitting before the fire at the end of a cold, wet April

sourly. "A move bac

a law, but a regulation-that: if a man forsakes his wife and children, as now so often happens, the sa

aid Aaro

ved the next day, lik

a considerable move on, at

But Lilly saw the white frown of determi

t you?"

hook hi

e objected to the topic. "What are

away next week-or steam dirtily away

ere

al

re f

ge this morning for ten pounds. I

him with a lit

sudden jump, can

refrain from jumping:

ked his p

ll Malta do you?"

ll cross to Syracuse

f you were a

ds in all the world. But s

re than that

you," repl

l and a basket of potatoes. He sat down again, par

YOU be any different in yourself, in another p

am I

ainst something inside you. You're never free.

carefully. Then he cut it in two, and dropped it in the clean

I don't,"

going somewhere else? Yo

the end,"

whether it's Malta or

ropped in the potatoes with little plops. "There there are lots of mes. I'm not only just one proposition. A

dle of you doesn't

nd it so?"

Every

at's to

et as much amusement out of life as

en, I'll get

ou're no more than a man who drops into a pub for a drink, to liven himself up a bit. Only you give it a lot of names, and make out as if you

Aaron sat in the firelight. Even the saucepan on the fire was silent. Da

ly, leaning on the mantelpiece

he hasn't got? But where is it, when it comes to? What have you got, more

ess and inscrutab

" he said, in a

s there to it?" A

say about me. But there's a bit of something else. There's just a bit of

wha

ight like a drop of water falli

ach-but without ceasing to love, or even to hate. One loves, one hates-but somewher

and when you've got to live-you don't possess your soul, neither in patience nor in peace, but any devil that like

y possesses her own soul in patience and peace as well-and if in this we understand each other at last-then there we are, together and apart at the same

But I don't understand a

ess your own soul in isolation-and at the same time,

p, back to back with somebody

ot of fighting and a lot of sensual fulfilment. And it never does away with the fighting and wit

woul

d the being together with someone

u've go

of the real quie

a dog on

believ

man in

don't b

efer th

ay

lence for a

man in the pu

he dog on the

on the mountain top,

me like a w

talk to ME,

w d

potatoe

c light. Everything changed. Aaron sat still before the

illy went out on to the landing, and set the chops to grill on the gas stove. Hastily he put a small table on the hearth-rug, spread it with a blue-an

the same district, from the same class. Each might have been born into the other's circumstan

ally unaware that he assumed this quiet predominance over others. He mashed the potatoes, he heated the plates, he warmed the red wine, he whisked eggs into the milk pudding, an

en-shaded electric lamp on the table, and the two men drew up to the meal. It was good food, wel

small chair, so that his face was in the green shadow. Aaron was handsome, and always had that peculi

ght only: but it was like a small eternity. Aaron was well now-only he s

looking up at Lilly, whose face hovered in

'll send me a telegram.

rd to going?" The que

get a new tune

ough of

es

nger came on

nd easily off," he s

lly. "What make

es," replied

ared away the plates, and put the pudding

r see you again, once y

e. I will leave

pudding was ea

ether you see anybody again or not? You want to be amused. And now you're irritated because you think I am not going to amuse you a

And supposing I am as you

osephine Ford confessed to me? She's had her lovers enough. 'There isn't any such thing as love, Lilly,'

that?" sa

agr

on the

aid with a woman it wasn't fear, it was just boredom. A woman is like a viol

ing as much amusement out of

me-and I'll

st abou

. "I'm not going to amuse you,

somebody els

a, an

y else-in the ne

that

nd good lu

good luck t

urning over a score of Pelleas. Though the noise of London was around them, it was far bel

his knee. He had not played since his illness. The noise came out a little tremu

tting forth again,

id Aaron,

s rod is putti

at

te, for t

ut forth my br

he buds it's g

t el

t flowers do you imagine came ou

should think if he'd

enough, I

ly finished the wiping of the dishes, then too

aid Aaron suddenly, "whether w

his spectacles. "I very much wish there m

wish it, why

e to put out scarlet-runn

nd it would be

hat followed was extrao

ss one another again s

write you an address that will always find

ress. Aaron folded it and put it into his w

y?" he said. "You can shift

your flute-and your charm-yo

wh

te and yo

t ch

ot it. I don't really like charm myself; too much of

news t

t i

t, i

ancy to you. And you can live on t

lways speak s

houldn

right to despi

it go by

ot wit

me like a wo

silence. And again it was

nt positions, you

ow

ur writing-but I've

all?" s

You've got the

patches on my breeches than you: neat patches, too, my poor mother! So what's the good of talking about advantages? You ha

got your

it and I

nces make

you

a man justic

a man

mi

he's n

gain, old

said Lilly,

posite, and seemed to ruminate. Then he went back to his book. And no sooner had he forgott

fference between your position

darkly over h

d. "I should be in a

t the advantage-your JOB

e it out with my job,

ur way of

itious advantage given to me by my job. Save for my job-which is to write lies-Aaron and I a

Aaron. "That

my dear chap. You are just recovering fro

nt to be rid of

mean that,"

said

unding from below, Lilly read on about the Kabyles. His soul had the faculty of divesting itself of the moment, and seeking further, deeper interests. These old Africans! And Atlantis! Strange, strange wisdo

himself, Aaron reappeared in his pyj

ce then between you a

n hands on it-a d

lieve that, t

eckon you're

know you don'

elieve then?

etter than me-and that you are so

U beli

ha

ter than you, and that I

I don't see i

to bed and sleep the sleep of the just and the

ring you?"

ed yo

n the wro

ore, my

lmighty in your

uch better sleeping the sleep of the just. And I'm going out

h the post," he

e there was time to speak, Lilly had slipped int

He liked being out of doors. He liked to post his letters at Charing Cross p

r failed to soothe him and give him a sense of liberty. He liked the night, the dark rain, the river, and even the traffic. He enjoyed the

a taxi standing outside the building where he lived,

an called

ed Herbertson, as Lilly drew near

's had flu. I should t

st come up for a couple of minutes." He laid his hand on Lil

al

I come up for a minute? I'm not going to see much more of you, app

t upstairs. Aaron was in bed, but

asleep? Captain Herbertson

f the few surviving officers of the Guards, a man of about forty-five, good-looking, getting rather stout. He settled himself in the

n play, you know-but passes the time

Sauterne-the only

soda? Thanks! Do you know, I think that's the very best drink in the tropic

ange," sa

njoyable, particularly in winter, with the opera. Oh-er-how's your wife? All right? Yes!-glad to see her people again. Bound to be- Oh, by the way, I met Jim Bricknell. Sends you a message hopi

front hell of the war-and like every man who had, he had the war at the

fully nice, almost too nice. Prince Henry smart boy, too-oh, a smart boy. Queen Mary poured the tea, and I handed round bread and butter. She told me I made a ver

ttens," s

were Guelfs, why not remain it? Why, I'll tell yo

oyalty and the Guards, Buck

. I'm afraid I'm not in the humour.' But she would have him do it. And it was really awfully funny. He had to do it. You know what he did. He used to take a table-napkin, and put it on with one corner over his forehead, and the rest hanging down behind, like her veil thing. And then he sent for the kettle-lid. He always had the kettle-lid, for that little crown of hers.

is only, to talk war to Lilly: or at Lilly. For the latter listened and watched, and said nothing. As a man at night helplessly takes a taxi to find some woman, some prostitute, Herbertson had almo

sat in a cowshed listening to a youth in the north country: he had sat on the corn-straw that the oxen had been treading out, in Calabria, under the moon: he had sat in a farm-kitchen with a German prisoner: and every time it was the same thing, the same hot, blind, an

in the common men of all the combatant nations: the hot, seared burn of unbearable experience, which did not heal nor cool, and whose irrit

d it. When nearly all our officers were gone, we had a man come out-a man called Margeritson, from India-big merchant people out there. They all said he was no good-not a bit of g

't stand bombs. You could tell the difference between our machines and the Germans. Ours was a st

When you shout like mad for the men to come and dig you out, under all the earth. And my word, you do feel frightene

e firing short, and killing our own men. We'd had the order to charge, and were running forward, and I suddenly felt hot water spurting on my neck-" He put his hand to the back of his neck and glanced round apprehensively. "It was a chap called Innes-Oh, an awfully decent sort-people w

hated Chelsea, and parades, and drills. You know, when it's drill, and you're giving orders, you forget what order you've just given-in front of the Palace there the crowd don't notice-but it's AWFUL for you. And you

. I'd rather be at Chelsea. There isn't hell like this at Chelsea.' We'd had orders that we were to go back to the real camp the next day. 'Never mind, Wallace,' I said. 'We shall be out of this hell-on-earth tomorrow.' And he took my hand. We weren't much for showing feeling or anything in the guards. But he took my hand. And we climbed out to

ch he obviously did-and not vice versa. Herbertson implied every time, that you'd never get killed if you could keep yourself from having a presentiment.

he morphia before he got over the stunning, you know. So he didn't feel the pain. Well, they carried him in. I always used to like to look after my men. So I went next morning and I found he hadn't been removed to the Clearing Station. I got hold of the doctor and I said, 'Look here! Why hasn't this man been taken to the Clearing Station?' I used to get excited. But after some years they'd got used to me. 'Don't get excited, Herbertson, the man's dying.' 'But,' I sa

brain," said Lilly. "It'

aid Herbert

n the back of the head-and a bit of blood on his hand-and nothing else, nothing. Well, I said we'd give him a decent burial. He lay there waiting-and they'd wrapped him in a filthy blanket-you know. Well, I said he should have a proper blanket. He'd been dead lying there a day and a half you know. So I went and got a blanket, a beautiful blanket, out of his private kit-his people were Scotch, well-known family-and I got the pins, you know, ready to pin him up properly, for the Scots

y good. You know when you thrust at the Germans-so-if you miss him, you bring your rifle back sharp, with a round swing, so that the butt comes up and hits up under the jaw. It's one movement, following on

l, you know. They'll be wiped out.... No, it's your men who keep you going, if you're an officer.... But there'll never be another war

re too methodical. That's why they lost the war. They were too methodical. They'd fire their guns every ten minutes-regular. Think of it. Of course we knew when to run

m their trenches-you know, those things that burst in the air like electric light-we had none o

Lilly, depressed, remained before the fire. Aa

ellyache, that dam

," said Lilly.

those that had

llenly. "Not as real as a bad dream. Why t

aid Aaron. "They'r

hypnotised. The war was a lie and is a lie and

ust that. You can't bust t

appened to me. No more than my dreams happe

pen, right enough,"

e in the automatic sphere, like dreams do. But the ACTUAL MAN in every

'em so," s

n't wake up now even-perhaps never. They

is, supposing they are asleep, which I can't see. They are what they are

at Aaron wi

em less than I do, Aa

want to beli

illy was almost wist

to believe in myself than in them," h

e: humanly quite false. I always knew it was false. The

?" asked Aar

mother or me or what they liked: I wouldn't have joined the WAR. I would like to kill my enemy. But become a bit of that huge obscene machine they called the war, that I never would, no, no

made a fine nose. It seemed to him like a lot

and you've got the machines of war-so how are

I want to get myself awake, out of it all-all that mass-consciousness, all that mass-activity-it's the most horrible nightmare to me. No man is awake and himself. No man who was awake and in possession of himself w

ake ones that invent the poison gas, and

d, went stif

said, looking into Aaron's fac

d aside hal

s on the face of it

face of things. If that's how you feel, put your things on and follow Herbe

at him in c

rning, won't it?" he

oldly. "But please

Aaron. "Everybody's got to agr

his satirical smile under his nose. Somewhat su

ng the matter, Lilly came once more to

t one with me in matters of life and death. And if you're at one with all the rest, then you're THEIR friend, not mine. So be their friend. And please leave me

hen they come home. Bah, your Herbertson! The only justification for war is what we learn from it. And what have they learnt?-Why did so many of them have presentiments, as he call

have seen, anyh

e got to live and make life smoke.'-Instead of which he let Wallace be killed and his own heart be broken. Always the death-choice- And we won't, we simply will not face the world as we've made it, and our own so

haughty face, he realised that something had happened. Lilly was courteous and even affable: but with a curious cold space between him and Aaron. Breakfast passed, and Aaron knew that he must leave. There was something in Lilly

n. "I suppose we

ing from his chair. "We are su

ou going?"

ew days

in and see you bef

s,

stairs, shook hands, and then returned into

tain call on his, Aaron's soul: a call which he, Aaron, did not at all intend to obey. If in return the soul-caller chose to shut his street-door in