Average Jones

the favored visitor may see the two red-ink dots on a dated sheet of paper, framed in with the card of

million dollars; facing the call for a trombone-player which made a mayor, and the mathematical formula which saved a governor. But nowhere does the observer find any record of one of the Ad-Visor's most curious cases, running back two thousand years; for its owner keeps it in his desk drawer, when

Club, where small tables overlook a gracious fountain shimmering with the dart and poise of goldfish, was deserted save for himself, a summer-engagement star actor, a specialist in carbo-hydrates, and a famous adjuster of labor troubles; the four men being fairly typical of the clu

an exercise," said a languid voi

ss of his occasional coadjutor, Robert Bertram. "Sit down and keep me awake till t

auchery have you been up to now?" inquired

a promising lead which failed to pan, out. '

y untutored ear,"

or perhaps facetious printer, who sets up the Trumpeter's

ems far from

Rosicrucians. I suppose you know that th

sicrucians, sure

know what's on your mind. You made an observation when you came in, rather more interesting than your usual output of table

ar, do you speak Latin?"

to be goss

give a job to a man who c

ualificati

He is a good military

the 'but,' is it?" said Aver

en I read this, I couldn't resist the notion that somehow or other it was in your l

straightened

of it. Can our blind friend, J. Alden Ho

lassical Weekly, a Baltimore publica

ed Average Jones with a prolonged drawl. "

clipping, study

ere bene scio. Stipendia multa emeritus, scientiarum belli, prasertim muniendi, sum peritus. Hac de re pro me spondebit M. Agrip

e it out?" a

ying. Apply to Agrippa for references. Since he describes his conversation as being confined to Latin, I take it he won't find many jobs reaching out eagerly

it? Besides, my informant tells me that Mr. Livius, who seems to have been an all-around sort of person, helped organize fire brigades f

The man's actuall

iew as per advertis

an the Place-as-Isn't," he said plaintively. "Martyrdom by fire! However, I'm off

People came and went; people of all degrees and descriptions, none of whom suggested in any particular the first century, B. C. One individual only maintained any permanency of situation. He was a

" said the

the Roman?" ask

Livius, son of Ma

tive of this rather pec

cally. "I've seen very many peculiar persons lately by the simple process of coming here day after

me," said Average Jones. "I was

ced young man. "Yet you do not look like a Latin sc

ed Jones; "if the ap

gain more recognition if I didn't have a skin like Bob Fitzsimmons and hands like Ty Cobb. Nevert

e, Jones. Profession, advertis

better known as Aver

ow all about it."' The new-comer eyed his vis-a-vis.

ne, with a grin. "I'd heard of your exploits through Bertram, and t

" inquired Average Jones with mock anxiety. "Now

with Colonel Ridgway Graeme in his a

el Graeme a fr

s method of Latin pronunciation and his construction of the ablative case. He's got a theory of

olar,

gh a faddist of the rankest type. Speak

ld

seve

ic

n for buying all kinds of old and rare books. He's got, perhaps an income o

fam

ncient colored servan

nd from B. C. con

ashington to see the prodigy in 'the Park of the Boar,' after the advertisement appeared. He wouldn't have anything to do with any of us. Pretended he didn't understand our kind of Latin. I offered

asm on the part o

t which bore out the old boy's contention. I bel

erage Jones. "Does our early R

le on his constructions, and he's apt to be-well-

the toga viril

tory, and he's got a the scar to show for it-and when he came to, he'd lost ground a couple of thousand years and returned t

er 'The Greatest Story in the World; the reincarnated galley

d by the Classicist Press, which

his fads,

voted one pam

was making a laborious spiral ascent of his cane. Not until it h

three of 'em. As for the ablative absolute, its reconstruction and regeneration have been the inspiring principle of my studious manhood. Humbly I have

eman and my friend, Mr. Jones," he said wi

u, as his friend, that-er-a close daily association with the psychic remnant

have you Latin enough to sustain the part? He's shrewd as a weasel in all matt

mute. A shock in early childhood paralyzed my centers of

know the deaf-

hing to me requiring an answer, and you'll give the proper reply.

Caesar, an auditor of Cicero and a contemporary of Virgil, Horace and Ovid come back and speak in the accent

who've seen Livius, think o

got Colonel Graeme's private ear. The colonel has kept it quiet. 'Don't want

or the Roman. Well, arrange to ta

erial and a dreamy eye, who, on Warren's introduction, made him free of the unkempt old place's hospitality. They conversed for

arren said

your visitor f

books," answered

t going to

. "The fact is, Professor Warren, Liviu

orry.

scholar's eye. "He says your Latin ac

ignal from his accomplice, "I'll stroll in the

ing-room, but now the repository for thousands of books, which

to arrange my books but myself. And my efforts, I fear, serve only to make con

w forehead running high into a mop of grizzled locks. Diagonally across the front part of the scalp a scar could be dimly perceived through the hair. Average Jones glanced at the stranger's hands, to gain, if possible, some hint of his former

n made a curious gesture of the hand, addressing Average Jones in an accent whic

Colonel Graeme, indicating the younger man, an

x hath stepped on my tongue,' it hasn't trodden out my eyes, praises

n which Warren had sedulously coached him for the occasion, and withdrew to the front room, where he wa

y to study in the library," whisp

ther

tight," ad

ust inside stood Livius, an expression of startled anger on his thin face. Quickly recovering

his withdrawal, "for a man who understands no English. Also does me the hono

as much time as he chose, studying among the books. The old man-servant, Saul, had orders t

at tainted atmosphere in the fresh air and free English of a splendid Audubon "first"-and all the time he was conscious that the Roman watched, watched, watched. More than, once Livius offered aid, seeking to apprise himself of the supposed mute's line of investigation; but the other smilingly fended him off. At the end of four days, Average Jones had satisfied himself that if Livius were seeking anything in particular, he had an indefinite

to the listening Ad-Visor, to be reversed. Livius, in the far corner of the room, was speaking in a low tone. To judge from the older man's impatient manner the Roman was interrupting his host's current of queries with interrogatio

lonel's small study just in time to see Livius, who was alone in the room, turn away sharply from the desk. His elbow was held close to his ribs in a peculiar manner. He was concealing something under his coat. With a pretense of clumsiness, Average Jones stumbled against him in pass

om than Average Jones scanned the desk. His face lighted with a sudden smile. Colonel Graeme never read a newspaper; boasted, in fact, that he wouldn't have one about the place. But, as Aver

aid Average Jones to himself, "I'll set a tr

tween them was long and exhaustive, covering t

quired Average Jones, "whether Livius, aff

ish classicism. Apparently he considers that the flower of British

ented Average Jones. "That-er-gives, us a

He said he remembered only two, besides an occasi

kind o

One wanted to cat

d he loo

d a worse tall hat than the c

the o

Colonel Graeme's collection. Youngish, smar

en," murmured Average Jones.

t came on the day of the last snowfal

, "I sometimes think that part of your talent

in the pursuits of a musty pedant," admitted the other, crackling his large knuckles

in-pen as if he'd been brought up on them, and humming the spinning chor

nibus horis sapit,

e. But our problem is not to catch Livius, but to find o

ing that it was he who appl

't know, perhaps, that I have a corps of assistants who clip, catalogue and file all unusual advertisements. Here is one which they turned up for me on my order to send me any queer educational advertisements: 'Wanted-Daily l

theory of accent was about what a Spaniard would have. B

crook, specializing in rare books and prints. His name is Enderby; you'll find it in the Harvard cata

must have put in a deal of work perfecting

caliber doesn't concoct a scheme of such ingenuity, and go into

rofessor stared

now going to telegraph for aid from old Millington, who seldom misses a book auction and is a human bibliography of the wanderings of all rare volumes. I'm going to find

rk early in March," volunteered Warren, "but he told

ng to take advantage of our Roman's rather un-B.-C.-like habit of r

ly and tossed the result

ok printed i

a little faded

ned Average J

to owner. Ret

e, 11 Cartere

ve re

pages of the Baltimore paper of the following day. That eveni

to the bait?" a

cat all day and hardly has looked at the library. But what

which he missed because it was put up out of turn in catalogue. Barclay auctioneer thinks it was one of Percival privately bound books 1680-1703.

, ROBERT

" said Warren. "It isn

Finally he drawled: "There are-er-books and-er-

with collar wilted, but spirit

I'm a c

wha

end your boot

u in ea

'm not really a practical cobbler, but a proprietary one. Our friend, Bertram, will dress and act the pract

he

rse ratio to the poetic quality of its name? There I've hired the shop and stock of Mr. Hans Fichtel for two days, at the ha

the

ding the papers pretty keenly now. And in t

a sheet of paper which

in foreign lan

Percival.' Owne

y description of p

nding for advert

mine S

and obscure feature,

n't k

u know the

ut in four months of work on the chance of stealing it. And it m

he other. "What could it b

h century book-making, which I'm going to study to-

ce appropriately to his trade. His protests, waxing vehement and eventually profane, as he barked his daintily-kept fingers, in rehearsal for giving a correct representation of an honest artisan cobbling a boot, di

iplomacy," said

work. To you the outer shop: to Warren and me this rear room. And,

, such as came to call for their promised footgear. By a triumph of tact he had just disposed of a rancid-tongued female who demanded her husband's boots, a

Fichte

am, landing an agonizin

that you had fou

ody left it in t

New York," said the other glibly. "From the advertised descri

expect me to give it up wit

It was the De

read La

he visitor with rising exasperation. "Come

I want to be sure it's your book. There's something about it

nted the other with a slight sneer.

h-swish," sounded

not ceased from his pretended work.

Jones, his face alight, held up a piece of

out of him. Tell him you've a b

ht up a strip of cal

, "the split cover

idn't get it out?" he cri

afe enough. But some o

ou didn't r

a little."' This was thin ice, but Bertram went forward with assumed

returned the other impatiently. "Therefore,

dged, and a strip of cobbler's wax beneath the tipper lip, puffed and distorted the firm line of his mouth

e drawled thickly. "But a letter-er-from Lord Bacon-er-

imaginable character of manuscript from the philosopher scholar-politician could have value enough to tempt a thief of Enderby's calibr

hades of the departed gl

's gaunt frame appeared in th

he drawled, "as an-er-Ancient R

or Warren, bunched into a highly competent fist, flicked across and caught the assailant under the ear. Enderby, alias Livius, fell as if smitten by a cestus. As his arm touche

you, Averag

ork," drawled the Ad-Visor. "We've got o

Bertram's solid knee,

l quiet down and confess. Ease up a little on him,

up paint; a clever job," pronounced

ed," said Av

, twelve thousand, fifteen thousand dollars-anything you want to ask, if yo

arked Average Jones. "Exactly w

hat Shakespeare, 'this vagabond and humble mummer' would outshine and outlive in fam

g one could demand," said Wa

n you were examining it at the auc

together while no one was watching, and had gone to get cash to buy the book; but the auctioneer put it up out of turn an

lied Average Jones. "The advertisement

he Graeme house," he cried, beating on the f

ke you," said

im back to Carteret Street. Colonel Ridgway Gr

said, with relief. "I ha

" began Average

old gentleman. "And you a

Enderby Livius. "There's

"English from you, Livius!" he cr

hile, you have a document of the utmost importance and value. Do you

his brows down in a

airly good condi

y eagerly. "Where is it?

rd, breathless. "Oh, I remember. It slipped from my pocket an

en silence. Then Average Jones

at a smile, "what's the past participle, pas