Combed Out

us were pitching a marquee in leisurely fashion

report and a whizzing, rustling noise that died down gradually. Then another puff and another pop. The bright flames flashed out again in rapid succession. The little speck moved on and on. Grouped closely round it were compact little balls of cotton-wool, but trailing behind were thin wisps and semi-transparent whitish blurs. Above a belt of trees in the distance we observed a series of rapid flashes followed by an equal number of detonations.

'e'll be over to-night. I reckon w

'e wouldn't b

ell as what we do that there's so

d. Didn't yer see it in the papers? 'E bombed a Fren

ies-yer can't believe noth

Fritz yerself, always stickin' up fer the bastard. Everythink what's in the paper

'e makes mistakes sometimes like anybody else-'ow do 'e

knows what's what, you

of a distraction that would help to pass the

ops is always detrainin'. Then there's a gas dump over yonder. An' if we're bloody fools an' leave the lights on at night, 'ow can 'e tell what's what when everything's mixed up together? Why

uzz of propellers, that often went on for hours, and the dull boom of bombs explod

r two from the station, had been bombed and fifty men had been killed and many more wounded. One of the "cases" brought into the theatre had been hit on the forehead. The bomb-fragment had not penetrated the skull,

e our helplessness. We were compelled to remain in our tents during a raid and there was no possibility of taking shelter. We could have put on our steel helmets-

had nearly finished our day's work when we noticed a few clouds on the horizon. We fe

"They don't put my wind up a bit, but they interfere

in the war from the

ught me in the shoulder and knocked me down. When it was all over I got up and went back, although my shoulder hurt like anything. A lot of our fellows were running about and shouting. Where my tent used to be, there was a big bomb-hole and my mates were lying dead all round-fourteen of them. I didn't recognize most of them, they were so smashed up. Fritz had dropped one right on the tent. I reckon I was lucky to get off with a Blighty! I was in hospital six weeks and

louds on the horizon had vanished. One by one the

overhead. It lasted for several seconds and then with a deafening, reverberating thunder-clap that shook the entire theatre, the first bomb fell. Before our ears had ceased drumming another bomb exploded and then another. The orderly, who had held his hands in front of his face, now gave way to fear. He darted madly to and fro and then scuttled beneath a table. The Sister, who had remained quite calm, said in an amused voice: "Pull yourself together, it's all over now." The orderly got up trembling, his face very white. The surgeon had n

sed loudly and the Sister fetched an electric torch which she held over the knee. The operation continued, but it was not long before anti-aircraft fire broke out once more. Then there was a weird bustling, rushing sound, followed by a roar that again shook the theatre and rattled the windows.

. The wound was dressed and band

on, trying to find out where the bombs had fallen, but nobody knew. I went to the marquee and found Private Trotter sitting there, breathless

couldn't see nothin' at first, but I sees some fellers runnin' about wi' lights. There was a noise in one o' the wards, so I goes in. A bomb must 'a' burst on the roof-there was a big 'ole in the canvas. The bed underneath was all twisted an' torn, but there wasn't nobody in it. There was some wounded lyin' in beds at the fur end of the ward, an' one of 'em was cryin' somethin' chronic. Then someone brings a light

uckiest man I ever knew and capable of any piece of foolha

ears to catch the sound of firing or the drone of German propellers. But no s

ned blue all day. Not a cloud could be seen. "Our t

floor of the marquee, wrapped up in our blankets, we

op in front of the C.C.S., hissing and puffing, and throwing up a great sha

rain so that we could lie in bed without being oppressed by an

the raid, had acted as a warning example to us. At nightfall the windows of the theatre were

would halt somewher

rrounding fields. They made three great heaps of it and set fire to them.

e huddled, sprawling mass of human bodies shook and squirmed with terror. The droning of propellers could be plainly heard, then it grew weaker and weaker, until it passed away. One by one the men got up. Someone lit a candle. Tables, benches, and prostrate bodies had been thrown into confusion. Cards and coins and overturned beer-mugs littered the floor. The smell of spilt beer mingled with the smell of stale tobacco. A few of us stepped out into the open air. We inhaled a pungent, sulphurous stench. We were sure our camp had been bombed this time and were fearful lest any of our friends had been hit. We walked past the Church tent-it was full of rents and holes. And just beyond it was a huge pit with fresh soil heaped up in a ring around it. Loose earth and stones and

ss the darkness. For a time it seemed to paw the sky in a

e is!" someone shoute

A number of anti-aircraft guns opened fire simultaneously, and all around the shinin

' a lot o' wounded! If I get 'old of a Fritz up the line, I'll mu

denly seemed to env

'e's comin' down, look, look, 'e's c

smaller. Then the white beam swung back and w

n't 'it a Zep 'alf a yard orf! Th

its. My friend Private Black came in after us, s

ht on my stomach and a tightness round my chest and throat, and my knees kept on giving way all the time. The third one burst and I fell down and crawled under some ropes and lay flat against some sand-bags, trembling all over and feeling as though I was going to choke. I waited for a long time, but nothing happened, so I got up and looked round. Lucky escape for us! There's

oon the silence was broken by the di

's comin' again-O God, wh

the sullen roar of distant explosions sounded. Then there came the familiar rushing, whistling noise of a descending bomb. We flung ourselves down in the wet grass. I felt every muscle in my body contract as though I were trying to

master these sensations. It occurred to me that fear is merely a physical reaction that cannot be avoided. If a man reacts so violently that he is overcome and rushes about as though he were demented, it is no more his fault than if he shivers with cold. A man can stop shivering by an effort of the will, but only to a certain extent. And no effort of the will can prevent him from feeling cold. In the same way, no effort of the will can prevent him from feeling fear, and only to a limited extent can the will control the outward manifestations of fear. Nevertheless, some distraction may enable a man to forget his fear for a while, just as it may enable him to forget the cold. I was so intent upon self-analysis that I lost consciousness of everything except my mental concentration, even of those sensations I was trying to analyse, for the very act of analysis was destroying them. As they grew weaker, the effort of my will increased. It became so great that I gre

great agitation. One man picked up his blankets in a bundle and wen

exploding at intervals. Then fourteen burst in rapid succession as though a gigantic ball of solid iron had bounced fourteen times with thundering reverbe

ear. All day we kept looking at the

downward rush and the deafening thunder-clap that would destroy us all. One man was groaning loudly. Another shivered. I could hear the chattering of many teeth. My neighbour trembled violently and cowered beneath his blankets. But his fear grew so strong that he could not bear it any longer. He got up and said in a strained voice, trying to appear calm, "I'm goin' to 'ave a look at 'em." He ran out of the marquee and disappeared. I found my powers of resistance ebbing. I was unable to control my imagination. I saw my comrades and myself blown to pieces. I saw the clerk in the office of the C.C.S. write out the death-intimations on a buff slip and filling in a form. I saw a telegraph boy taking the telegram to my home. He stopped on the way in order to talk to a friend. Then he whistled and

ove th

gesture pro

ike a t

t the beat of the blank verse carried me on. Sometimes it seemed to blend with the buzzing of those angry wasps above and sometimes the two rhythms would vie with each other for speed, so that they hurried

ve the

time until my head throbbe

lying on the far side of t

this, I'm going to

amed of my fears. I cursed the German aeroplanes and thought, "Let them do their worst, I don't care." I made up my mind to go to sleep and resolutely buried my fac

ll buzzing. Another ma

ul-why the bloody 'ell c

impression by appearing calm and philosophi

qual to the effort and his voice trailed away and then seemed to catch in his throat. But he recovered and with a kind of gasp he squeezed out a few more words: "Bill,

of the darkness. "Yer always bleed'n' well preachin'-it's bad enough 'avin' Fritz over us without you blo

made itself heard, that of a good-natured, elder

nocked out like this. You're so helples

self at all, but I can't help thinking about my wife.... They're going away now, thank th

propellers was

s though he was so absorbed by his own fear that he had not noticed the disappea

went to sleep in the end and felt drowsy all the following day-a clear day. Casualties came in from a camp that had been bombed overnight, and we saw

s so weary that I went to sleep a few minutes after lights out

horizon. In the evening the entire sky was overcast and not a star was to be seen. And as we went to bed we heard t

nk God. I never had the wind up so much in all my life, and I

ter keep it raw. It didn't 'alf 'urt, but it gave me a extra week or two in 'orspittle. I 'ad to go in the end though-the M.O. didn't 'alf give me a tellin' orf. Jesus Christ, didn't I 'ave the wind up when we went up the line! An' now I'm scared at the slightest sound, an' I sometimes wake up out o' me sleep shiv

k at 'im. They wasn't cowards, it was us who was bloody fools. They knew summat about it, we didn't. All the same, I know one or two old reg'lars 'oo was in it from the

't always the one who deserves it that gets it. I'm quite certain the refined, sensitive, imaginative kind of man is no good as a soldier. He may be able to control himself better than the others at first-educated people are used to self-control-but in the long run his nerves will give way sooner. Moral courage is a thing I admire more than anything, but there's no use for it in the army, in fact it's worse than useless in the army. The man who's too servile to b

we 'ad a bloody parson spoutin' to us-'e said war brings out a man's pluck an' makes an 'ero of 'im. I reckon that's all bloody tosh! War makes cowards of yer, that's the 'ole truth o' the matter, I don't care what yer say. I didn't know what fear was afore I joined the army. I know now, you bet! I'm a bloody coward now-I don't mind admittin' it. There's things I used ter do what I wouldn't dare do now.

who works in the theatre get his Military Medal-he

he ground, but I rushed away into the fields with a lot of others. When it was all over we went back and heard the wounded crying out in a way that was dreadful to hear. This fellow was still lying on the ground by the duckboards, trembling all over and p