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Helena

Chapter 3 No.3

Word Count: 4159    |    Released on: 30/11/2017

tering white disappear into the corridor beyond her room; and she had nourished a secret hope that the appointment had been forgotten. But

three-tailed Bashaw' to know we are d

ay?" asked Mrs.

know by whom-my father used to quote it. We

in a white dressing-gown, and she had hastily tied a white scarf round her loosened hair. In the dim light of a couple of ca

t I can't help it. I won't be dictated to. If I'm not twenty-one, I'm old enough to choose my own friends; and if Buntingford chooses to boycott them, h

begged for a

e of Donald-or some nonsense of that sort. I was quite calm. I reminded him he had promised to let me invite my friends-that was part of the bargain. Yes-he said-but within limits-and Donald was the limit. That made me savage-so I upped and said, very well, if I couldn't see Donald here, I should see him somewhere else-and he wouldn't prevent

small hands entreatingly on the girl's knee. She looked so frail and pitiful as she did so, in her plain black, that Helena was momentarily touched. For the first time h

ood trying to stop me, when I've made up my mind. Well, now, for Donald. I know, of course, what Cousin Phil

was becoming altogether too much for her.

le-and she dared Donald to run away with her-for a lark. So he took her on. He didn't mean anything horrid. I don't believe he's that sort. They were going down to his yacht at Southampton-there were several other friends of his on the yacht-and they meant to give

while her great eyes challenged her companion to say a word

and foolish-" she began

. I'm not responsible for him. But he's done nothing that I know of to make me cut him-

on is a friend of L

asked Donald if I'd known. But I did ask him, and he accepted. And now Buntingford's goi

hours she had passed under Lord Buntingford's roof she seemed to herself to have been passing through a forcing house. Qualities she had never dreamed of possessing or claiming she must somehow show

uestions?" she said presently, a

it. What do yo

love with

a lau

n I like talking to. He amuses me. He's very smart. He knows everybody. He's no worse than anybody else. He did all sorts of

in Lord Buntingford's hou

rs-if I can possibly bear it. When Mummy begged me, I

her full height, her arms rigid by her side-a tragic-comic

attempted

coming for

n laughter. She came to perch herse

fellow you ever saw. He was aide-de-camp to Lord Brent in the war-very smart-up to everything. He's demobbed, and has gone into the City. Horribly rich already, and will now, of course, make another pile. He dreadfully wants to marry me-but-" she shook her head with emphasis-"No!-it wouldn't do. He tries to kiss me sometimes. I didn't mind it at first. But I've told him not to do

too

of his chief functions-and another is, to take a hand in my education-when I allow him-and when Julian isn't about. They both tell me what to read. Julian tells me to read h

. Friend, bewilde

echoes of the room. Bu

e said in a stage-whisper, looking round her.

ntingford. You must see I can't. He's my employer and your guardian. If I helpe

t. It's awkward. I suppose you promised and vowed a g

uld go out with you, make myself useful to you,

ly know French-and German?" The to

ar and a half in Germany when I was a girl

en you

he year bef

nd soft. Mrs. Friend gave a mute assent. Suddenly

arrived. Then when I saw you, I suddenly felt-'I shall like her! I'm glad she's here-I shan't mind telling her my affairs.' I suppose it was because you looked so-well, so meek and m

ive in the neighbourhood of the girl's warm youth and in the new sweetness

antly. "Wordsworth's Lucy-do you remember her?-'A violet by a mossy st

looked perempto

'm very fond of some things. But

ley? They're neve

them. But-I love Tenny

made

ed till I cried over 'Aurora Leigh.' But now-French things! If you lived all that ti

nd shook

learnt a great deal of

ause the people I bo

ran

lian does. I don't care-he gives me thrills down my back, and I love him. But then panache means a good deal to me.

hievously, her h

slipped out. Lu

urriedly caug

anything hasty-a

d by one's friends. One simply must. But I'l

e, you know-I

" said Helena, with a good-humoured laugh. "Well, w

of the voice wa

ht, Miss

them. I certainly never expected-there, I'll be frank!-that I should want to ask you-

d did as s

enough on your bed, and given you a hot water-bottle? If anything s

ich carried the roof. The bedrooms ran round the hall, and opened into the gallery. The columns were of yellow marble brought from Italy, and faded blue curtains hung between them. Helena went cautiously to the balustrade, drew one of the blue cur

therto as "Mummy's friend," always to be counted upon when any practical difficulty arose, and ready on occasion to put in a sharp word in defence of an invalid's peace, when a girl's unruliness threatened it. Remembering one or two such collisions, Helena felt her cheeks burn, as she hung over the hall, in the darkness. But those had been such passing matters. Now, as she recalled the expression of his eyes, during their clash at the dinner-table, she realized, with an excitement which was not disagreeable, that something much more prolonged and serious might lie before her. Accomplished modern, as

ed with amazement at the apparition rushing along the gallery towards him,-the girl's floating hair, and flushed loveliness as his candle revealed it. Helena evidently enjoyed his astonishment, and his sudd

eep his head with that

d amusement. "But, my

en nobody else could have dragged a word from him; and as a matter of fact she had known before she died practically all that there was to know about him. And she had been so kind, and simple and wise. Had she perhaps once had a tendresse for him-before she met Ned Pitstone?-and if things had gone-differently-might he not, perhaps, have married her? Quite possibly. In any case the bond between them had always been one of

t in any of the new professional and technical careers into which she saw women crowding. Sex seemed to her now as always the dominating fact of life. Votes did not matter, or degrees, or the astonishing but quite irrelevant fact, as the papers

romise of intelligence, of remarkable brain development, and it seemed to her o

ave missed her chance of being a woman, and a happy one; and thirty years hence she will realize it, when it is too late, and think bitterly of us both. Believe me, dear Philip, the moment for love won't last long in Helena's life. I have seen it come and go so rapidly, in the case of some of the most charming women. For after all, the world is now so much richer for women; and many women don't know their own minds in time, or get lost among the new landmarks. And of course a

that I have helped you-through difficult places. That makes me dare to ask you this thing. There is no one else I can ask. And it won't be bad for you, Philip,-it is good for us all, to have to think intimat

ke-believe is over. I am too near the end. The si

ars. Give her fun, and society,-a good time, and every chance to marry. Then, after tw

you-unless some things were-as they are. But that being so, I feel as if I were putting into your hands the chance of a good deed, a kind deed,-blessing, possibly, him that gives, and her that takes. And I am just now in the mood to feel that

chance to be kind, and did not wholly miss it, I should be making in

e, my best

ver. I have talked over the business side of it with my lawyer, and asked him to tell y

from her childhood to her last hour! He knew very well what he had owed her-what others had owed-to her genius for sympathy, for understanding,

child! How, in the name of mystery, had the child grown up so different from the mother?

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