Then I'll Come Back to You

y casual whim, even though, when she turned her mount north into that mountain highway a scant two h

that the vague, crackling wood noises which disturbed it from time to time were not noises at all, but only a part of its very being; a solitude so breath

the unmasking, by Dexter Allison's perfectly cadenced announcement of his daughter's engagement. All in a breath the huge room had become stiflingly oppressive; the gaiety unbearable. And at the end of the first half-hour following her truancy she might have yielded to the impulse, pleading the first flimsy excu

irl, in spite of the terror which had been congealing her own heart since the moment of unmasking. Her vivid lips were still able to smile, stiffly, when she finally drew Barbara into a corner and under cover

to play the game this way, like the rest of them, why not be a good sport and play it for all there is in it? One owes it to one'

she had caught correctly the impossibly cynical, unbelievably unkind insinuation of this girl who was her closest friend. But Miriam's eyes silenced the demand for an

reathed. "What is the matter, dear

k of which Barbara had never known before, was gone from Miriam's tongue. She mois

she asked huskily. "Do

ind it, and yet Barbara, who had not so much as guessed at it until now, refused the t

r lips refused to phrase it, b

looking for him, but I was too late. Bobs, all evening his eyes have been mad-his mood insane! I heard just his last word or two to yo

ogical, was gone. Amazingly, all in an instant, the living dread disappeared from Miriam's face; she stiffened and threw back her head with that short laugh which contained s

"that the record of past performances are all against your finishing the distance without comi

ut attempting to answer the question. And during the next dance with Barbara he unburdened himself, rather posit

ept aside even Wickersham's habit of precision. And if the spur that brightened her eyes and quickened her laughter was, after all, nothing more nor less than a hot contempt

to close in upon her and hedge in soul and brain as well as body. It was the first time the girl had ever known the need-the driving desire-to be alone out of doors, where there was nothing but sky and skyline to bound her thoughts. And at last, when her restlessness became no longer bearable, while the remai

ell. Little by little her tense body relaxed; the line of her lips softened. Almost before she realized it that morning, she had relegated her anxiety over Garry Devereau and her astonishment at the confession which she had beheld in Miriam's eyes to a rather hazy background, and turned to those very thoughts against which she had fought so fiercely throughout the

loak beneath her rigidly upflung chin. And when the higher morning sun found her far beyond the rolling pasture land, miles in the heavy timber, she had dismounted, there where the highest loop in the road commanded its breath-taking sweep of country, and was sitting cross-legged upon the trunk of a fallen tree at the road edge. Frowning a little over the vexing uncertainty of details, Barbara was wondering just what their next meeting would be like; she had just finished picturing his man's

arness. It was not at all like the encounter which she had so ably managed in her imagination an instant before, and somehow that graciously kind greeting of hers was lost completely through the perversity of an utt

jaw and the light in the eyes that searched her face chilled her, even while they sent the blood singing in every vein. Only a few hours before she had seen that same cold fear in Miriam Burrell's eyes; and yet not the same, either, for hers had been a panic of lost hope, and the gleam in the man's eyes was already only partly

e you," she asked, "that anythin

to the tips of the absurdly small boots tucked up beneath her, he scanned her slim body. Barbara realized that he

eled, on foot or a-horseback!" And abruptly, accusingly, to her: "Do you know that I've been mon

ed. But whatever the reason behind it, Barbara's levity was a totally spontaneous, deliciously colored thing. She sat and tilted her head at him

y. "I'm sorry to-disappoint you

, petal-like, in a gurgling peal of

d thrown you; I'd already made up my mind, if there was one scratch on your body, to take that mare's head between my hands and break her neck! You see, I believed I knew already jus

, loose-limbed body. She had imagined him as just a little moody and sad-eyed, at least. And now she realized that she had never seen the latter so easy to read as they were at that minute. Gray as the shad

swing the conversation to a less personal quar

t he chose the ground at her feet. And after he had disposed his long length to his liking he answered her hurried question-a

the statement. "He found me. And it was the biggest stroke of luck that

isted in flitting. While he marveled, without any manifestations of sorrow whatever, at the curve of her throat and the satin texture of that cheek turned toward him, he told her drawlingly all there was to tell of the night before. And

she cried. "Why, you've got to find that out, before he

d boots and straight-lined coat. And the man laughed aloud up into her flushed face, softly and not quite steadily at he

you, only I don't like to accuse anybody until there is cause for it. But that's what brought me down here this morning-that and because I wanted to tell Miss Burr

ell her what it was. She was star

"Do you-you can't mean that

n't

shook h

blindly self-sufficient. For I never dreamed of such a thing, until something happened after I left you last night." Her voice faltered, but her eyes clung resolutely to his. "She came to me

our and five, for I had counted a clock striking four; and yet she was still dressed in her party costume. Have you guessed what she had been doing? Mr. O'Mara, she had been out looking for h

put her hands over her eyes,

m Burrell-and I'd never dreamed of her caring for anybody, until that minute. I sent her to bed and I think I hated

thing she had decided she must make clear to him, ever since he had surprised her there at the road edge; it was part of an explanation which, without quite knowing why, she felt was due to him. But she had not meant to employ that abrupt confess

ight one reopen a-a rather difficult subject with

ng his head h

ument is to take a running jump and land all spraddled out, right in the middle of it. He insists th

ghed a

r that I've taken-the-

her. Again his gravity was a totally gentle thing. It made her remember the self

special explanation. It's a trick one learns from living alone a lot with one's own thoughts. I told you, last night, that I w

ll me-what you have been saying to me, all morning. But it can't do any good. Why, I'm just realizing that something which has been hurting m

romi

ng time ago-and-and once last night. And on both occasions you had ju

then, whimsically: "Won't you call that explanation enough,

wouldn't have said if she hadn't been half mad with fear. It was unkind, unfair, but it made me wonder if, perhaps, you might not be thinking the same thing, too. Years a

head when she persisted

It was your own bargain. I'm not going to tell you one s

d trouble with this explanation, which grew more v

. For quite a long, long time it has been understood that I was to marry Mr. Wickersham. I have always admired him-found him above petty things. But, Mr. O'Mara, I have always been sure, for just as long a time, that the ability to care for anyone the-the way I think you believed last night I might care for you, w

waited, earnest, eager that he understand from her explanation that which she did not yet understand at all hersel

she falter

did come around she fou

turn now?"

was barel

ve it. But I've told

king at me, just a

ower over the restless finger

not.… I'm

ecklessly in sheer

miling in spite of the hopelessness. I'm smiling, ev

pted, no doubt. And if it were possible, I know I'd be loving you right now even more than I did before, just because you've been so entirely unsucce

mistakes before now! If he hadn't forced on me one condition which I would have liked to be different, I'd rather have had to mention no other man at all. This isn't the way I'd have chosen to tell you how much I care. I'd rather have told you, a l

-for all the kindnesses of all the other women in the world? I did believe that you didn't think me good enough, that first time. That was why I was cut deeper than you'll ever know, because I knew it was only the truth. I admitted it-remember? I admitted it when I said I was coming back

Her head leaped back; she half lifted one hand in pr

of reasoning concerning the way other women love, a lot of which I'll have to confess I didn't attend as closely a

of times when I didn't have anything else to look up to. I've been less hungry, for thought of you; less thirsty, when the road got pretty long at times. I-I worshiped you, do you hear? Why, I've prayed to you, dumbly, wordlessly, o

ng and quivering gasp. And yet he

I want to-listen any

at that-and then h

ve seemed half boy to me. And that is strange, too, isn't it-strange that I never knew how much I wanted you to be like that, until you taught me the wonder of it yourself? My-eyes are stinging. I don't talk quite plainly. My throat is too tight for easy speech. For it's just the old wonder of you, after all-just the same-reverence, isn't it? I'll never let you grow up now. You'll have to stay girl-Boy-all the rest of your life! I've learned to be fairly sur

rough that blind silence. He was on his feet then; he started forward, and remembered again. And as if that sli

. "Are you crying from pity? Beca

her head v

anything," she sniffed. "

e tree-trunk and swayed unsteadily, and groped out and found his arm. And it was the boy he had just tried

all along. But I'm not pitying-big Stephen O'Mara; it-it was just little Steve who made me cry, I t

ith the big, crisp square of linen with which Steve had answered the wailed announcement of the loss of her own handkerchief. Once or twice she caught her breath, unsteadily. And yet in spite of the fact that the actual desire was fur

is companion which was insistently boyish. For until then she had not glimpsed this side of that grown-up spirit which, in

ost vaguely detailed conquests which set his eyes afire but seemed to hold no place for the feminine of her. She had never understood that he, with quite masculine bindness [Transcriber's note: blindness?], had taken for granted her comprehension that each and every conquest was to be solely a glorification of her, any more than she understood now why his black discouragement awakened in her a sudden warmth a

am Burrell, were creed and code of conduct. That morning she only knew she was unaccountably glad because there was no malice in her mirth; had she given it thought she would have insisted that, in her heart, there no longer lurked a ghost, ignoble or otherwise, of what had once

ound logical, but all this time during which I supposed you were smiling upon my-my absurd tears with that benign surety of yours, it hurt-hurt like everything-just knowing that it was all so hopeless for you. But now that I have seen that you do understa

aking the corners of Steve's eyelids began to crinkle; before she had finished mocking at him in a voice that stil

nal mourners, could their expressions have been rendered permanent. I've seen men with straight flushes bow their heads in sorrow over the cards they held. And I think the one beatific visage it has been my good luck to behold belonged to Fat Joe, one night when the rest

lways, the hand I hold. Why, I told you I wasn't sure, even a little bit. I've been smiling just to make it easy for you to understand that I know how to lose, if it has to come to that. And do you suppose I'd have

planation which Steve had begun in half-assumed s

," he went on, even more slowly, when she failed to an

then, radiantly eloquent

that some day when I get involved with Miriam in a particularly erudite discussion, I'd empl

unt also to a standstill. Lightly Steve swung out and took bot

l the men I know!" He sat and looked at her. "And since I don't remember clearly whether I've said it already this morning, I'

eyed audacity, head poised on one side in that attitude of wholly hap

an amateur," she murmured, "I can o

s impetuously from his. She started her horse abruptly. And it was yards before he overtook

eeting flippancy with flippancy? For if that isn't the reason then how would you explain my-my persistent tendency toward frivolity with you? Because it exists, you know. Truly it does!

mission of guilt, but he sho

tion to everything you say. It just isn't an easy thing to do, that's all, when-when I'm looking at you, too. But I promised you that you wer

for his gravity now that she was n

understand what I'm trying to say? They always say it in-in books, Mr. O'Mara. They always agree to be the 'best of friends,' and it reads so funny and flat. But that is exactly what I am trying to put into words. It couldn't be anything more, ever, and yet I want this friendship which is different f

y it out," h

stiffly sober, but she ignored it-ignored,

some improvement over the girl I've been, isn't it? For I've never had to struggle very hard for anything I've wanted. I want to be friends, but I'm not silly enough to think you won't tell me again that you-care. I want to be friends, but not at the price of your heart-ache and disappoint

s and glanced with resolute brightness up at him, the film of hot tears in his eyes brought her hands to her throat. But even then in the face of that light wh

r me? Why, God bless you, girl, you refuse me whenever you want to-whenever you have to! I'm not asking you to help. And don't you suppose after last night I know how near to l

nd-and if some day after I've gone, you suddenly begin to wish, even the tiniest bit, that you hadn't made the last refusal quite-quite so final, you needn't let that worry you, either. Because I'll be back! You can know that I'll come back, next day-next month-next year-thirty miles or three hundred-oh, just to see if my chances haven't improved

r breath. Once she leaned toward him as if to speak, and then shook her head at the inadequacy of the words. They topped the last rise in the

e me feel very insignificant and petty at times. You've made me wish I might have been as-as wonderful as you say I am to you. But I know, you see." She lifted one slim ar

. She read amused anticipation in hi

t you did believe it was wonderful then. Uncle Cal has told me how breathlessly you called it the 'c

at day his attitude w

to stick to first conclusions," he finished, "and your inference is basically wrong. I do not need to look at other women to make me surer of

shed it, on a plane of thorough comradeship

o, how towns and people and-and things in general can improve, once

d to the small group on the veranda of the stucco and timber place halfway down the slope between them and town. And the

since daybreak, without saying a word that I was going. And it must

his hot face which made her aware of how surely her imperiously quic

hat was most unfair, to me. You

uption sur

e tell me so, and forget I asked the question? May

owly crimson, flushed

date," she answered kindly. "Ju

new how wholly unreada

he might have been talking to himself. "Late in th

And without one outward sign of animosity to give it ground, that other man sitting loose-thighed upon Ragtime's back knew that he was wondering where she had been-why she had chosen to go alone. Without exhibiting a trace of it upon his long face, Wickersham still radiated a swift and chilling jealousy which, now that he saw it again, Stephen O'Mara knew had never been entirely absent from the face of the Archibald Wickersham he

to-night?" she asked. "I've kept you loitering for hours

ve understood. He

e asked her quiet

wheeling

e-Mr. Elliott promised to show us the works this afternoon," she

went skimming up the drive toward the

f the lawn. But Miriam Burrell saw and understood the black rage that shadowed his face. Long before then she had penetrated to the layer of vanity beneath his air of bore