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Moonbeams from the Larger Lunacy

Chapter 4 No.4

Word Count: 33924    |    Released on: 01/12/2017

uffled human beings might have been perceived, or seen, moving noiseles

wrapped the Statue of Liberty. Beside the steamer customs officers and deportation officials mo

ld presented in sil

ting his party per

the imbecility cla

erce

tion was

huge steamer was slipp

-class cabin luggage, directed a last sad look through their heavy bl

them, clasping their hands, thus

f!" h

ling the mind of the reader with a sense of something like awe, is only ap

g Public. A Bo

said. Then as he rubbed his hands together in an urbane fash

rints-Universal Knowledge from Aristotle to Arthur Balfour-at seventeen cents. Or perhaps you might like to look over the Panthe

d to an assistant and dism

, and a sporting tie done up crosswise with spots as big as nickels. These little adornments can never hide the sou

to the store, as all professors go to book stores, just as a wasp comes to an open jar of marmalade. He knew that I would hang around for two hours, get in everybody

its worth a dollar-fifty novel of last month, in a spring jac

usiness that a professor standing up in a corner buried in

it was that I had an opportunity of noting something of his methods with his real customers-methods so successful, I

ted in a new translation of the Moral Discourses of Epictetus. The book was very neatly printed, quite well bound and was offere

hapters when my attention was diverted by a c

TEST?" a fashionably dressed l

nager. "I assure you this is his very late

f books, gayly jacketed in white and blue. I could ma

"This is Mr. Slush's latest boo

I came in here last week and took two that seemed very nice, and I never noticed

in an apologetic tone, "I'm extremely sorry. Pra

se I didn't read them. I gave them to my maid. Sh

en sometimes. We had a very painful case only yesterday. One of our oldest customers came in in a great hurry to buy books to take on the steamer, and before we realised what he had done

ady, idly turning over the leave

er paused, and somehow his manner reminded me of my own when I am explaining to a university class something that I don't know myself-"It has a-a-POWER, so to speak-a very exceptiona

a great many of th

is bound to make a sensation. In fact, in certain quarters, they are saying that it's a book that ought not t

think I'll take it then. One ought to see wh

her feather boa with which she had been knocking the Easter

ouse for Mr. Rasselyer at the same time? He's going down to Virgini

. "Mr. Rasselyer generally reads works o

hat sort of thing

and he pointed to the counter on th

a, seven dollars; Six Months in a Waggon, six-fifty net; After

. Rasselyer. "At least there are a go

hink he has had-Among the-that, too, I think-but this I am certain he would

on a pile of new books, apparently as nu

s," he repeated,

er expensive,"

ual photographs"-he ran the leaves over in his fingers-"of actual monkeys, taken with the camera-and the paper, you notice-in fact, madam, th

and of course everybody likes to know that a bookseller is losing mo

r moment Mr. Sellyer was directing a clerk to write down an address on F

his counter his manne

urmur to his assistant, "is going

time for furth

lady e

Sellyer's, the deep, expensive mourning and the

Golden Dreams"-he hung lovingly on the words-"a very sweet story, singularly sweet; in

y. I began to realise that

wonderfully charming. Indeed, the reviews say it's the most charming book of the mo

ok, is it?" asked the widow. "I

ike the dear old books of the past-quite like"-here Mr. Sellyer paused with a certain slight haze of doubt vi

received it wrapped up in green

called out the next customer in a loud, breezy voice-

an excellent thing-Golden Dreams-quite the most humorous book of the season-simply scr

nd the customer was gone. I began to see exactly where professors and college people who want copies of Epicte

t reading, no doubt, when the brain is overcharged as yours must be. Here is the very latest-Among the Monkeys of New Guinea, ten dolla

every man was given a copy of the Monkeys of New Guinea. To one lady Golden Dreams was sold as exactly the reading for a holiday, to another as the very book to read AFTER a holiday; another bought it as a book for a rainy day, and a fo

wo hours, the store gr

books running as hard as you can. We'll try them for another day and then cut them right out. And I'll

long enough. I drew near wi

a few second-hand things in the alcove there that you might care to look at. There's an Aristotle, two volumes-a very fine thing-practically illegible, that you might like: and a Cicero came

growing in me and that I couldn't resist, "That book-Golden

He knew I didn't want to buy the book, and perhaps, li

ok his

they look to us to help them. They're advertising it largely and may pull it off. Of course, there's just a chance. One can't tell. It's just po

ou read it

ffered a glass of his own milk. "A pretty time I'd have if I tried to R

eply perplexed, "who bought the b

h, no," he said; "you see, the

nsisted, "your wife th

yer smil

arried, sir

ADVENTURES

dotes of Dr

e. I merely call him that

short anecdotes of his profe

n, which is, that you never know what the doctor is talking about. Beyond

. .

e room of the club the other

hing or oth

nks," I

ything?"

tha

to me. He eviden

r weeks ago-and said, 'Doctor, I feel out of sorts. I believe I've got so and so.' 'Ah,' I said, tak

uch and such in my note-book, such and such a date, symptoms such

fectly, docto

'Mr. So and So is here. Very anxious to see you.' 'All right!' I went down. There he was, wit

doctor," I said

e got so and so.' He fell back as if shot. 'So and so!' he repeated, dazed. I went to the sideboard and poured him out a drink of such and such. 'Drink this,' I said. He drank it. 'Now,' I said, 'listen to what I say: You've got so and so. There's only one chance,' I said, 'you mus

sed a minute a

so and so in front of him-quart bottle of so and so on ice-such and such and so forth. I stepped over to him-tapped him on the

ppened to hi

ied. I've just been filling in the certificate:

disease,"

ered Health

aid, as I sat down in a l

big eyes sideways at me in his flabby face (it w

I was feeling pretty good part of the time, but yesterday abou

igarette?

d they affect the

e?" I

" he a

d one. "So you find the weather

. Yesterday afternoon it was only about sixty-one, and I felt fine. But after that it went up. I gu

"But why don't you just sl

ing into hypersomnia. There are cases where it's been known to grow into

," I murmured. "What d

e, or nearly black, every morning at from eleven to five minutes past,

," I said, "of its

all. The other night I went to bed about half-past ten, or twenty-five minutes after,-I forget which,-and I simply couldn't sle

k sleep matters as long as one eat

"I ate a plate of soup at lunch,

FEE

still feel it. I oughtn't to have eaten it. It was some sort of a bean soup, and of cou

y nitrogen?"

ight, but I have to keep right away from all carbons and nitrogens. I've been dieting t

nice change," I

ered in a gratef

ching face, and listened to the heavy wheez

said, "I want to give

ut w

your

ce about his health was right

ther about anything of the sort. Forget it. Eat everything you want to, just when yo

" he panted, his eyes

shook hands with a warm feeling about my he

, Podge's usual chair

decent exercise,

av

next day, nor the

t in the open getting a little air and sunlight,

clothes glide into the club in that peculia

him, "you look as solemn as i

very quietly, an

dg

I asked with sud

ses of champagne and two hundred havanas, and had his housekeeper cook a dinner like a Roman banquet! After being under treatment for two years! Lived, you know, on the narrowest margin conceivable. I t

o myself, "there ARE s

. And, of course"-here the doctor paused to ring the bell to order

of the valetudinar

considered tha

was a nuisanc

ng Travels o

nd with Mr. Yarner till he m

sturbed his brain and unfitted

r of a man opening an interesting conversation, "I was just

just reckoning that eleven da

n over there," he said.

same way with Poughkeepsie,

ent on musingly, "a

n P'Keepsie," I adde

ecially dangerous if he was found with a newspaper in his hand; because

ng his travels. Any man who has bought a ticket ro

of discussion that I c

forget in what connection-of speaking of lions. I realized at once that I had done wrong-lions, gira

f lions," b

f course; I HAD

r bad scrape I got into in the up-country of Uganda. Imagine yourself in a wild,

id

too hot to sleep-when all at once we heard, not ten feet in front of

p of bubbling whiskey and soda and looked a

wn in the strangest way, and his voice c

n country with no idea of going higher than Mombasa. Indeed, our going even to Mombasa itself was more or less an afterthought.

your THIRD p

he talk was now getting really interesting, "let me see, o

es," I

st circumstances. We were sitting, Gallon and I, on the piazz

," I said ver

zza watching a snake charmer who was seate

led itself into a coil, its eyes fastened with hideous malignity on poor Gallon, and with its he

sing drink of whiskey and soda: and the

he went on, very q

original party. W

lia, going by the

Yushen

se, is the bes

route, which was our first plan. In fact, but for Gallon we should hardly have got through China at all. The Boxer

as before we reached China), and had spent the night at a small Yak about four versts from Kharbin, when all of a sudden, just outside the miserable hut that w

, "and that was h

must b

ook but little interest in lions, and even less in Yarner, I have still to learn

tual Outlook

s of the library of the club. If not there, he was to be found star

ut of place as he was one o

s perpetually concerned with thinking about the next w

ening to speak to him of the recent de

I said, "Pod

, "very shocking. He was

I said, "I'm awfull

onfusion,-nothing signed,-no proper power of attorney,-codicils drawn up in blank and never witnes

or Podge didn't realise

d here as if seeking a phrase-"to meet his Financial Obligations, face to face. At any time, sir, he may be hurried before the Judge,-or rather his estate may be,-before the Judge of the probate court. It is a solemn thought, sir.

fall in with his mood, "death and d

ed the tobacco people, and they've dissolved the oil

hen resumed, speaking in a tone of h

a contract inter vivos drawn in blank he may not obtain redemption; any man if he thinks death is near may at least divest himself of his purely speculative securities and trust himself e

occupied still with idle talk and amusements instead of reading the financial newspapers,-and at the

ery sad,

haps, is the sense of the irrevocability of d

silent a

se things a great

sa

-"I cannot but realise that the time will come when I am no longer a managing director and wonder whether they will keep on trying to hold the dividend down by improving the rolling stock or will declare profits to inflate the securities. These mysteries beyond the

is all beyond our

ives one a sense of smallness. It makes one feel that in these days of drastic legislation with all one's efforts the individual is lost and absorbed in the controlling power of the state

ing on the vanity of life and on things, such as the fu

d come to look. It seemed as if the chafings of t

later that I learned

e club one afternoon, over two

ng that I have ever attended. I knew that Doomer was fa

can do for you is done; you are going to die. I have to w

faintly but firmly,

t most business-like-he does all the firm's business with the dying,-and we two sat

rvis took the book and read aloud very quietly and simply the part at the beginning-'Whenever and wheresoever it shall a

t my faith in that.' After that he was silent a moment and then said: 'I wish I had already crossed the river. Oh, to have already crossed the river

y it was

aid, 'it is f

to pay your account now without it being a charge on the estate. I will pay it as'-he paused for a

we laid his cheque-book before him on the bed. Jarvis thinking him too faint t

m,' he said. 'I can see

d Jarvis,-much mov

red and thirty?'

d feel the tears rising in

ing, with his eyes closed, of the new federal banking law, and of the prospe

the last

firm voice, 'to do something

yes,' w

d, are you not,' he murm

knew of course that he

us faintly and

l,' said Jarvis. Bu

tock,' he said, 'is g

ice gre

im (there were tears in both our eyes),

mured,-then his eyes

s,' I sai

ws and his soul passed. And we never knew which way it was going. It was very sad. L

niscences o

isn't it?" I said as

m behind a newspaper and I saw it was old M

ter of 1866," he said,

about the sides of it. He had a pink face with large blue eyes

cold winte

ve never told you, have I, of

ration. But it was certainly colder than any winter that YOU have ever seen, or that we ever have now, or are likely to have. In fact the winters NOW are a mere nothing,"-here Mr. Apricot looked toward the club window where the driven snow was beating in eddies against the

on me the full beam of his benevolent sp

his chair and speaking with a far-away look in his

now it well,"

t was a mere stream scarcely more than a few feet in circumference. The life we led there was one of rugged isolation and of sturdy self-reliance and effort such as it is, of course, quite impossible for YO

ible!"

ed not to notice

t on in a peculiar singsong voice, "and there was nothing nearer

f he would go

ng of your fathe

nks, both banks, of the Wabash. He was like so many o

War or of the Ci

ot, hardly heeding the questi

der Lincol

nge to me the way in which the present generation regards Abraham Lincoln. To u

66?" I

d the evening talking with my father over the interpretation of the Constitution of the United States. We children used to stand beside them listening open-mouthed beside the fire in our plain leather night-gowns. I shall never fo

claimed, "how ever cou

. We had nothing to read but the law reports, the agriculture reports, the weather bulletins and the almanacs. But we read them carefully from cover to cover. How few boys have the industry to do so now, and yet how many of our greatest men were educated on p

it better

" I said, "of the winte

in spite of it. No boys of to-day,-nor, for the matter of that, even men such as you,-would think of attempting it. But we were keen, anxious to learn. Our school was our delight. Our teacher was our friend. Our books were our companions. We gladly trudged five miles to school every morning

it best to

ually get off the

as

at the door of fortune till it opened. I shall never forget how my first chance in life came to me. A man, an entire stranger, struc

as that?

er forget my feelings when I found myself in Minneapolis wit

d you do

I bought an overcoat, for twenty-five I got a hat, for ten cents a pair of boots, and with the rest of my money I took a room for a

, Mr. Apric

rally in attendance on old Mr. Apricot when

thering up his newspapers and his belongings, "that my u

lling me all about his early life i

oung man. "Too bad. You see h

here!"

has been very well to do all his life. But he found that it counted against him: it hurt him in politics. So he got

e," I

r. Apricot

soon. I must tell you about my first trip over the Plains at the time when I was surveying the line of t

uncle," said

st Man ou

hadn't seen me for a year. In reality I had seen him

arded tone, for I saw at once that the

t down on the edge of an arm-c

calls a cigarette

anks,"

on, "they're Hung

through with me o

face twisted up into a sort

rt of foolish little coat, short in the back, and the kind of bow-tie

in the club that same afternoon. In fact they were sitting all over it in Italian suits and Viennese overcoats, striking German matches on the

Parkins, was going to say, and all

n the war zone. By Jove, I never want t

in the pose of a man musing in silence

him muse till he burst before I would ask hi

decided to

" he said, "in th

just made a walkin

and bac

u come back

k wh

explained, "afte

nnecessary, but, n

d that Russia was beginning to mobilize," (at this word be blew a puff from his ci

se not,"

calling out the Honveds, but w

ly not,"

hen we

as calling out the Trombonari, and that German

oked

u know that

over here,"

hing we knew we heard that

avens!" I

miles away. The very place we'd

u were there, or if the Russians had been a hundred miles away from whe

h shud

then, I tell you, our trouble began. First of all we couldn't get any money. We went to the bank at I

ouldn'

sed. They said t

. "Isn't war dreadful? W

across to the railway station to buy

get them?

ty closely; asked where we wanted to go to, what class we meant to travel by, how much

those cloth

, "but I guess he s

ee, we couldn't e

ct we spoke noth

give him a c

n a way. We asked when was the next train to

ns?" I r

ked when the train would go and he said there wouldn't be one for two hours. So there we were waiting on that wretched little platform,-no place

a half late

So when we got on board the train we asked a man when it was

heav

ortal hours! Nothing to eat, not a bite, except just in the middle of the day when they managed to hitch on a dining-car for a while. And they w

tion full of people, trains coming and going, men, even women, buying tickets, big pile

t have,

well used up with it all. However, we

id you

nged our Hungarian paper into Italian gold,

g it?" I

for Italy and there our troubles began all over again:-train stopped at the frontie

baggage!

bled chalk marks over it. Yes, and worse than that,-I saw them take two fellows a

for?"

ckets. In war time you know, when they're mobilizing, t

tyranny,"

t last, only to find that not a singl

cated?"

Italy just like a soldier) said it was because we'd forgotten to check them in Vienn

the statio

legraphed to Vienna for them and managed to get t

I suppose, you ha

er! They said there was none sailing out of Genoa for New York for

earth did

el. Poor old Jones was pretty well collapsed! Couldn't do any

our steamer at

t I never want to go through anoth

with it?" I aske

lassy, with little ripples on the

rong with t

sed tight at eleven o'clock,-decks all washed down every night-officers up on the bridge all day looking out over the sea,-no, sir, I w

two newcomers into the room. One of them had on a little Hungarian s

r and square right in the war zone. We were at

oked

describing his e

ia of Mr. Jink

near to me that I couldn't avoid hearing what they said. In any

to do,"-Jinks was sa

hat he had the prev

as commanding a

of bread and two olives and a dessert knife the

rn impassive face, modelled on the Sunday

he said, pointing to Jinks' bread. He sp

Jinks, moving two pepper pots

what he OUGHT to do: it's exactly the tactics of Kuropatkin outside of Mukden

vely. Anybody who

quietly accepting t

artillery fire, wi

to a

what can be got from reading Uncle Tom's Cabin and seeing Gillette play Secret Service. But this is part of the mania.

were almost brutal in their severity. As they passed out of the door,-one at a time to avoid crowding,-they were still talking about it. Jinks was saying that our whole generation is overfed and soft. If he had his w

Blinks always together in the club, an

en Blinks and Jinks at the head of vast levies of Cossacks threatened to overrun the whole of Western Europe. It was dreadful to watch the

properly trained. He converted himself on the spot into a Prussian Field Marshal, declared himself organised to a pitch of organi

r over the map of Europe, carrying death an

st the wild excitement

ld pop his periscope out of the water, take a look at Blinks merely for the fraction of a second, and then,

l in the side, sunk him with all hands, and then lined his yards with men and cheered. I have known Blinks sink Jinks at two miles, six

et under water quietly smiling at Blinks through his periscope. In fact the numbe

he is looking at him through his periscope. Now is the time for Blinks to watch out. If he relaxes his vigilance for a moment he'll b

on land. But Jinks, whether as a submarine or a battleship, controls the sea. No doubt this grew up in the natural evolution of their conversation. It makes things easier for both. Jinks even asks Blinks how many men there are in an ar

ght it out to a finish. If Blinks thought to terrify Jinks by threatening to burn London, he little knew his man. "All right," said Jinks, taking a fresh light for his

he grimness of the struggle as

clergymen they laughed to scorn. As for moving-picture men and newspaper cor

me of mind the war I suppos

usly, as all great wars are apt to. And by a

down the steps of the club, and as they came they were

nd pain. We wilt at a bayonet charge, we shudder at the thought of wounds. Bah!" he continued, "what does it matter if a few hundred

e spoke

s neglected his training. As Jinks waved his stick in the air to illustrate the glory of a bayonet charge, he slipped and fell sideways on the stone steps. His shin bone smacked against the edge of the stone in a way that was pretty

ulance attitude towards pain which is getting so popular. They had evident

, both more or less bandaged, sitting in a corner

t of chivalrous enthusiasm was refusing to take it. They were disbanding troops, blowing up fortresses, sinking their warships and offering indemnities wh

turned and beckoned to

and soda, and one

er

this, I knew that

Groun

ore, at the time when he used to borrow two dollars and a half fr

ed up at the club one day a

is spectacles had the same glittering magnetism as in the days when he

politics just as he used to in the

the whole Balkan situation was only a beginning. We are on the eve of a great pan-Slavonic upheaval." And then

jaculated. "Do you really thin

a means to reach out and take all she can get;"

"but I doubt if she'll get anyth

inued, his animation just as eager as before. "The

nk a sip of tea and

it ten till Satu

his over-brushed clothes. Not even the magnetism of his spectacles could conceal

at ten dollars

as he pocketed the money, "is

you still in insurance?" I had a vague recol

the outlook. It was too narrow. The atmosphere c

ost their jobs. It is generally the cramping of the atmosphere t

went on, "I am in finance

I had seen compan

matter of taking hold of the cod fisheries of the Grand Banks,-practically amalgamating them-and perhaps combining with them the entire herring output

ady many friends sitting on it; and others

nk you," and

ome new and wild idea of making money. He was talking to me the other day of the possibility of cornering all the huckleber

th la

n't see Elleswor

b again. How he paid his

foreign newspapers with a cup of tea and a

d. "I get them specially. They are mil

ertain

a stability that it never had." He seemed greatly excited about it. But his voice changed

fish and the sardines w

ries thing?" I asked.

ned were too shy, too timid to tackle it. I finally had to put it to them very straight that

are themselves

w on a much bigger thing,-something with greater possibilities in i

him and

at he regarded Albania as unable to stand by itself.

tell me that the whole of Asia Minor would have to be re

said that Persia was disintegrating,

sy amalgamating Chinese tramways. It appeared that

habbier than the last. Then one day he called m

joined him was f

a commanding tone, "to write me y

he matter

o put you in on the ground floor of

"the ground floor

. It's a certainty. I can get you shares now at five dollars. They'll go to five hundred when we put them on the market,-and I can run you in for a block of sto

mil

oney? There's nothing in it. The business world has grown too shrewd for it. Take an ordinary decent job and stick to it. Let me use

"steady job" sounded to him

about and secured for him a job as a canvassing agent for a book firm at a

his good luck, when I chanced

ooked tr

very heavy men in morning coats, upstairs towards the private luncheon rooms. They moved like a fu

"and the horizon of some of its members rather narrow," here he no

as they disap

d a man near me. It was the same m

I ans

irectors, I suppose," sa

ectors?"

erries. Isn't it amazing what shrewd ideas these big business men get hold of? They say they're unloading the stock at five

ented

the ground floor I am going to take it, eve

there is such a

lucination

At whatever cost of time or trouble to himself, he does it. Whether

not only of those who seek them but of those who, in t

ubles of life. Whenever Mr. Butt learns that any of his friends are moving house, buying furniture, selling furniture, look

ng on his raincoat and his galoshes with a peculiar beaming loo

liards." I saw from his general appear

d. I wish I had the time. I am sure it would cheer y

" I asked, for I knew

know them? no?-just come to the city, you know, m

in the suburbs, is it not, a m

ke that," ans

or ten o'clock and i

good. As to their house. I've not been there yet but I can easily find it. I've a very simple syst

late to go ther

nto their new house, everything probably upside down, no one there but themselves, no one to cheer them up,"-he was wriggling into his raincoat as he spoke and wor

forth into the rain, his face shining

him again at the

d, "did you fi

twenty houses at least to get it,-very dark and wet out there, -no street lights yet,-however I simply pounded at the doors until some one showed a light-at every

'Hullo,' I called out; 'it's Butt.' 'I'm awfully sorry,' he said, 'we've gone to bed.' 'My dear boy,' I cal

ast ten, through sheer dullness! By George, I was glad I'd come. 'Now then,' I said

t the coffee. However, I made it at last. 'Now,' I said, 'drink it.' They said they had some an hour or so ago. 'Nonsense,' I said, 'drink it.' Well, we sat and chatted away till midnight. They were dull at first and I had to do all the talking. But I set myself to it. I can talk, you know, when I try. Presently about midnight t

I left them I promised that I'd come back to-day to he

ut to the suburbs and put the

up first-they'd been trying to put them up by themselves in the morning. I had to take down e

d straightened out but I don't like it. There's a lot of it I don't quite like. I half feel like advi

ch occupied and I didn't see

eses?" I asked. "Are they co

m moving Jones in nearer to town. I've been out all morning looking for an apartment; w

After that Mr. Butt was very busy selecting a pia

in their new home when fr

eigh-Jones?" said Mr. Butt

I an

and they never told me or sent for me-just like their grit

rts from Mr. Butt of the p

while,-mind wandered-quite delirious-I could hear him from the next room-seemed

He turned over and groaned. Mrs. Jones begged me to leave him. 'You look quite used up,' she s

no doubt to Mr. But

h-Jones

is so worried for fear that my strength has been overtaxed that she wants me to take a complete rest and go on a long trip somewhere-suggested first that I should go south. 'My dear Mrs. Jones,' I said laughing, 'that's the ONE place I will not go. Heat is the one thing I CAN'T stand.' She wasn't nonplussed for a moment. 'Then go north,' she sai

very gratify

I have. I can't tell you how it goes to my heart when I think of all my friends, here in the club and in the town, always glad to see me, always

here the first thing he does is to sing out, 'Is Mr. Butt in the club?' It warms me to think of it." Mr. Butt paused, one would have said there were tear

narrow, meek man with a hunted face. He came in wit

club?" he whispere

t gone into the clo

-

d made a dive for the fro

that?"

ir, Mr. Everleigh-Jones

w World Singer. Is

At Any Rate We

rk Life. He is already recognized as superior to Tennyson and se

of whose work we give specimens below, we feel that we reveal to our readers a genius of the first order. Unlike one of the most recently discovered English poets who is a Bengalee, and another who is a full-blooded Yak, Mr. Spudd is, we believe, a Navajo Indian. We believe this from the character

have had, apparently, some. Mr. Spudd has had, evidently, none. We lay stre

ogist, we are sure he has not. As a clear lucid thinker he is undoubtedly in the first rank; while as a mystic he is a long way in front of it. The specimens of Mr. Spudd's verse which we append herewith were selected, we are happy to assure our readers, purely

vation of nature becomes an almost scientific process. Nothing escapes him. The green of the grass he detects as in an instant. The sky is no sooner blue than he remarks it with unerring certainty. Every bird note, every bee call, is

TSIC WOODS, NEAR PASPEB

ic in this title like the sound of falling water, or of chopped

s standing this m

decima

it is freezing

awing in

in amount of sno

urse not

you would call

able to

ding I find mys

nded b

nishing the numbe

ies on

se I can tell ea

ng it g

fails I simply

and l

pose it is only

per

'm getting to tel

und of th

ced all the trees

w in

ill and look all

are an

lose where I was

brush on

practically absol

arly

r so close and w

when

ok one look at m

pebble in the surf. Gusts of emotion blow over him with such violence as to hurl him pro and con with inconceivable fury. In such moods, if it were not for the relief offered by writing verse we really do not know what would happen to him. His verse written under

O

o

, full, rich,

ifully manicur

o

g, panting, rapi

cting

perfectly ordinar

-jacke

s to

r t

s

a

r h

not un

rich feather from

iced

uar

e

ter

tiara I

se

gle d

I ke

i

t inside the vesti

rter

I ha

il

e nation. They are in every sense comparable to the best work of the poets laureate of England dealing with similar themes. As soon as we had seen Ram Spudd's work of this kind, we cried, that is we said to our stenogra

TION OF THE UNIT

the very gravest c

the business

ed S

und reduction of

d valorem or a

without a serious

rial situation

laureate poems of Ram Spudd. It appears to us to be a matchless specimen of its class, and to settle once and for all the vexed q

: OR, THE FEDERAL RESER

is that it will take its rank beside Mr. Spudd's Elegy on the Interstate

of a profound psychologist, a questioner of the very meaning of life itself. His poem Death and Gloo

breathe

or, and whi

t if I live,

boo

realize that these questions, especially

necdotes or Littl

op

way thence into the columns of the daily press. There is something about them so deliciously pointed, their humour is so exquisite, that I think

is an excellent t

y, from the vivac

h de Ch

THE DUKE O

nelagh

he was hospitable. I recall a most amusing incident that happened the last time but two that I was staying at Strathythan Towers. As we sat down to lunch (we were a very small and intimate party, there being only forty

t to roar with laughter and the inciden

found it in the book "Shot, Shell and Shrapnell or Sixty Years as a War Corresponden

OF LORD

enemy were about to open fire on us. Suddenly we found ourselves the object of the most terrific hail of bullets. For a few moments the air was black with them. As they went past I could not refrai

ds), watched the bullets go singing by, and then, with that i

we stay here w

d away laugh

ts' aide-de-camp was shot in th

is recent memoirs was awaited with profound interest by half the chancelleries of Europe. (Even the other half were half excited over them.) The tangled skein in which the politics of Europe ar

ON THE LIF

lons of the Elysee Palace (I often used to sit there) playing vingt-et-un together with Count Cavour, the Duc de Magenta, the Marquese di Casa Mombasa, the Conte di Piccolo Pochito and others whose names I do not recollect. The stakes had been, as usual, very high, and there was a large pile of gold on the table. No one

paused in his play, opened the telegram, read it and then with the most inconceivable nonchalance, put it in his pocket. We sta

r, 'What was in the telegram?' 'Nothing of any consequence,' he answered. From that day to this I have never known what it co

ey will not

ueen". The writer, Lady de Weary, was an English gentlewoman who was for many years Mistress of the Robes at on

ESS OF

e W. w

ss of her heart broke forth on all occasions. I well remember how one day, on seeing a cabman in the Poodel Platz kicking hi

nly take a little more pains to resuscitate anecdotes

e Agreeable or th

fes

lass being asleep) I sat reading Draper's "Intellectual Developme

o poetry. By this means he made it attractive, and h

f it, all over the United States and Canada. To make education attractive! There it is! To call in the help of po

ject and already I have enough r

d mathematics, which retains all the romance of the latter and l

po

LIN'S D

esse

M IN TRI

ransport is a boat, of which the boatman, if squared, is able to row at a rate proportional to the square of the distance. The boat, however, has a leak (S), through which a quantity of water passes su

to the Hig

atman do

ive you a

e o'er t

m raged th

from side

e hardy Hig

my chief,

or your sil

our winso

e seemed

in hesi

s sunk upon

led cal

the riv

l the d

we thus th

e dare, d

power expre

+ 4

ee, haste," t

mpests rou

he raging o

cut out t

left the st

y C bef

C2

st gather

lls, the light

in falls a

aged boatm

sides reve

water ga

sides and ha

sits, he s

e of his

advanced

eached the f

at sank fro

Y**2,

esented in too dry a fashion. They don't make the most of themselves. Very often the situation implied is inte

ing in a perfectly prosaic way all in s

C etc., etc.," just as if it were the most ordinary occurrence in the wo

PENDICULAR FALLS HEAD

said to be com

the Line ma

etc.

d very special edition of my friend Professor Daniel Murray's work on the Calculus. This is a book little known to th

ted home, and will be among the best sellers of the year. All that is needed is to give to this real

er, and on it is a picture of a girl, a very pretty girl, in a summer dress and sunbonnet sit

CALC

that "Professor Murray's views on the Calculus were the most daring yet published." They said, too, that they hoped that the professor's unsound theories of infinitesimal rectitude wou

give this book its

. All that is needed is to adopt the device, familiar in novels, of clothing the theories in personal form and putting the propositions advanced into the mouths of the characters, ins

r

er by a parabola approach one another, the rectangle included by the revolut

ot, is at least as brilliantly original as even the best of our recent novels. But I find it necessary t

d a tennis-racket in his hand, carried himself with a beautiful erectness and moved with a firmness such as would have led Professor Murray to exclaim in despair-Let it be granted that A. B. (for such was our hero's name) is a straight line. The othe

r attention to the dog Vi (his full name was Velocity but he was called Vi for short) that her wayward footsteps carried her not in a straight line but in a direction so

the two magnitudes presently met with su

on," said the fi

gi

ed," said the seco

ed Vi right o

espairingly for th

disappeared in

ase pick him u

t I tell you what I'll do, if you'll stand still, perfectly still whe

at a lovely idea! You describe a circle all around me, and then

magnitude who clasped it with an ass

scene:-a huge oblong, angular figure, very dif

, "Emily, what

d the second magni

MA

ar in the next number of the "Illuminated Bookworm", the great adult-juvenile vehi

very-Day

e in the semi-silen

er hand at bridge l

wered, and picke

interested you, I

aid, and moved

ntinued, following me: "I

d see what time it is." I went out and lo

and the ten-"

econd; I want to ri

he waiter c

nd two small on

ll what?

yway, I remember very well indeed that I had the king an

I said, "I want t

to him, he was

nd the queen. The jack was out, but

?" I said i

in surprise, and

round once, and s

y partner was lead

eve it," I said-

me to me. Now, what should I have done? Finessed

d out at me repeatedly and with provocation, as I gather from what you say, though I myself do not play bridge, I should le

Oratory, or Wh

t to

TS OF A DISTINGUISHED GUEST AT THE FIF

ished that fish, I could have gone home satisfied. Honestly I could. That's as much as I usually eat. And by the time I had finished the rest of the food, I felt simply waterlogged, and I do still. More than that. The knowledge that I had to make a speech congratulating this society of yours on its

that there must be good business reasons of some sort for belonging to this society. There's money in it,-mark my words,-for some of you or you wouldn't be here. Of course I quite understand that the President and the officials seated here beside me come merely for the self-importance of it. That, gentlemen, is about their size. I realized that from the

STATE GOVERNOR AFTER VISITING THE FALL

come round again. I don't mind telling you straight out that of all the disagreeable jobs

were rich enough to bring me up in the city in a rational way. I didn't have to do chores in order to go to the high school as

of hogs. What was it that they were called-Tamworths-Berkshires? I don't remember. But all I can say, gentlemen, is,-phew! Just

l merit in that than all the rest of the show put together. You apologized, if I remember rightly, for taking me into the large tent of the Syrian Dancing Girls. Oh, believe me, gentlemen, you needn't have. Syria is a country which commands my profoundest admi

apital of the State, I must leave this banquet at once. One word in conclusion: if I had known as ful

I

STRICT POLITICIAN TO A

go on record before this gathering as being strongly and unalterably opposed to Woman Suffrage until you get it. After that I favour it. My reasons for

re making,-in getting votes, I have thought it best to come. Al

this gathering I see one or two of you that are not so bad, but on the whole not many. But my own strong personal predilection is and rem

our movement to this extent. If you ever DO get votes,-and the indications

Litera

uthor in the New York Century. It leaped into such i

ER FIRST AID FOR T

STE REQUIRED NOTHING B

ho, on account of the pressure of his brain power and the rush of his business, found it impossible to read the fiction of the day for himself. He therefore caused

ng the plot and pointing out such parts as he may with propriety read. If he can once find time to send us a postcard, or a postal cablegram, night or day, we undertake to assume all the further effort of reading. Our terms for ordinary fiction are one dollar per chapter; fo

engaged in silver mining in Colorado, who wrote us that he was anxious to get "a holt" on modern fiction, but that he had no time actually to read it.

Y INST

olite

, Canon

ora

r S

re is a very fine passage describing the Cambrian Hills by moonlight, we enclose herewith a condensed table showing the mean altitude of the moon for the month of December in the latitude of Wales. The character of Miss Plynlimmon we find to be developed in conversation with he

RY INS

r S

ou at length. We think it well, however, to apprise you of the arrival of a young Oxford student in the neighbourhood of Miss P

g gentleman there is no ground for any apprehension on your par

rise on the slopes of Snowdon. As the description of the mee

INST

r S

a fortune of 100,000 pounds, which we are happy to compute for you at $486,666 and 66 cents less exchange. On Miss Plynlimmon's arrival at Charing Cross Station, she is overwhelmed

INST

r S

in evening dress was most gratifying: we can safely recommend you to read in this connection lines 4 and 5 and the first half of line 6 on page 1OO of the book as enclosed. We regret to say that the Marquis of Slush and his eldest son Viscount Fitzbuse (courtesy

INST

r S

that we think it best to ask you to read them in full. You will note also that young Viscount Slush who is tipsy through whole of pages 121-125, 128-133, and part of page 140, has designs upon her fortune. We are sorry to see also that the Marchioness of Buse under the guise of friendship ha

INSTA

r S

ted his approaches. At the height of the struggle a young man, attired in the costume of a Welsh tourist, but wearing the stamp of an Oxford student, and yet carrying himself with the

!" he ex

," she

e second son of the Marquis, Viscount Radnor

read, so we enclose a file

INSTA

rm you that the M

on. We grieve to s

that he will ne

ill he has a fortun

sorry to say, he

T INS

t is seekin

BER IN

t is lookin

R INST

t is huntin

ER INS

e to the old family lawyer who acts as her trustee. She will thus become as poor as the Viscount and they can marry. The scene with the old lawyer who breaks into tears on receiving the f

ER INS

awyer, who was moved to tears at the sight of the bright, trusting bride, and the clergyman who wept at the sight of the cheque given him by the Viscount. After the ceremony the old trustee took Lord and Lady Radnor to a small wedding breakfast at an hotel (we enclose a list). During the breakfast a

he (meaning him, himself) had now succeeded to the title. Lord and Lady Fitz-buse had hardly time to reach the town house of the family when they learn

their ancestral home in London. Their lives are an example

UDING

Mr. G

h many thanks your cheque

story placed with us at your order. But we note with pleasure that you propose to have the

g your

in, etc

ding Up

r inner room, quietly writing up our week's

ss by the practice of perpetually sitting down and standing up again? Do you realize that every time you sit down and stand up you make a dead lift of"-he looked at us,-"two hundred and fifty pounds? Did you ever reflect that every time you sit down you have to get up again?" "Never," we said quietly, "we ne

t. "Very good," said the Stranger. "Now, all American business men ar

th of it at once. W

didn't ev

h a light of wild enthusiasm in his face, "I'm out for a new campa

?" "Seen it, sir," he exclaimed, "I should say so. It's everywhere. It's a new movement.

the air. We had never even looked there. "Now," continued the Stranger, "I w

are, the progress, if one may so phrase it-" "Stop," said the visitor. "You talk too much.

r circulars to fifty thousand representative firms, explaining my methods. I am receiving ten thousand answers a day"-here he dragged a b

ppines, from Porto Rico, and last week I had one from Canada." "M

an, and even admitting of an answer. The great art of answering questions," he continued, "is to an

" we

hest point by infusing into it everywhere the spirit of generous rivalry, of whole

?" we asked, puzzle

ey all

isten. Here is an answer to my circular No. 6, Efficiency and Recompense, that came in th

r S

mulus. They now roll out rails like dough. Work is a joy to them. Every Saturday night the man who has rolled most gets a blue ribbon; the man who has rolled the next most, a green ribbon; the next most a yellow ribbon, and so on through the spectroscope. The man who rolls least gets only a red ribbon. It is a real pleasure to see the brave fellows clamouring for their rib

er paused

here is no doubt the stim

nly part of it. An item just as big that makes for efficiency is to take acc

levators. Yes,-and every time they went up they had to come down again. I went up to the manager. I said, 'I can understand that when your guests ring for the bell-boys they have to go up. But why should they come down? Why not have them

rtainly marvellous. "You are most

ness,-and they do in hundreds, lots of them,-almost in tears over their inefficiency,-I'd say, 'Young man, never tal

e said, please

o the mason in hods. Madness! Think of the waste of it. By my method instead of carrying the bricks to the mason we take the mason to the brick,-lower him o

aid, "is lit

. As soon as I sent out my circular, No. 4, HAVE YOU ORGANIZED YOUR BUSINESS! I got answers in thousands! Heart-broken, many of them

said, "q

e is what

r S

n to the house and I said to my wife, "Jane, I'm going to organize myself." She said, "Oh, John!"-and not another word, but you should have seen the look on her face. So the next morning I got up early and began to organize myself. It was

of letters like that. Here's another, also from a man,

r S

er. He cuts the wood and does odd chores about the place. So I realized that the best I could do was to try to speed up father. I started in to speed him up l

pault. As soon as a customer comes in an attendant puts him on the board, blindfolds him, and says, 'Where do you want to go?' 'Glove counter.' 'Oh, all right.' He's fired at it through the air. No time lost. Same with the railways. They're installing the Method, too. Every engineer who breaks the record from New York to Buffalo gets a glass of

e entered. The Stranger's voice was hushed at once. The excitement d

st coming

man; "better come along and no

e Stranger, with meek aff

lingered behin

he said, and he t

ean-"

ut harmless. I'm engaged to look after h

delusions?"

eces,-thinks it must be reorganized. He writes letters about it all day and sends the

f an hour over the new efficiency. We turned

ho. A Companion V

ave out the really Representative People. The names that they include are so well known as to need no commentary, while those that they exclude are the

n out of it (April 1882); decided to follow the law; followed it (1882); was left behind (1883); decided (1884) to abandon it; abandoned it; resolved (1885) to turn his energies to finance; turned them (1886); ke

er Hancock, Burnside, Meade, and Grant; fought with all of them; mentioned (very strongly) by all of them; entered Confederate Service (1864); attached (very much) to rum department of quarter-master's staff; mentioned in this connection (very warmly) in despatches of General Lee; mustered out, away out, of army; lost from sight, 1

entered Sing-Sing, 1890; resident there, 1890-1893; Auburn, 1894, three months; various state institutions, 1895-1898; worked at profession, 1898-1899; Sing-Sing, 1900; profes

nd humorist; well known in Scotland; has standing

society, written in revenge for not being invited to dinner; other works-"The Sewerage of the Sea-Side," an arraignment of Newport society, reflecting on some of his best friends; "Vice and Super-Vice," a telling denun

in less than two years by a poem in six lines "America"; rested a year and then produced "Babylon, A Vision of Civilization," three lines; ha

(or words to that effect); organizer of the Boys' League of Pathfinders, Chief Commissioner of the Infant Crusaders, Gra

lays all night; address 4,570 West

sionate

ating the new beauties of language and ideas that are

ned towards her was

with agony. She had angled into a seat

Then presently as he stil

ned, her voice fi

omed, still gazing

rd half-didn

en afterglow of iridescent saffron shot with incandescent carmine lit

ey both sat si

o be," sh

d to have been or (more hopefully) even be to

ered into

to sting her (i

not-quite-moaned. "You m

down and

rowling and angling and sensing one another, it turned out that

urse she

Pet Dog. An Idy

e verandah of the Sop

I said to my host and h

e, the pet dog, took a sharp nip

ed his mistress wi

w dare you,

n't hurt you,"

answered cheerfully. "

think he means any

Sop

E he doesn't

g nearer to me a

my hostess, "na

a stranger,-now, yesterday, when the butcher came, there was a new driver on the cart and Weejee knew it right away,-grabbed th

nip at my other trouser leg. There w

Go and lie down, sir. I'm so sorry. I think, you know, it's your white trousers. F

"it's nothing on

on and picking up a little chip of wood,-"chase it, fetch it

o nearly drowned. Mr. Van Toy was in swimming, and he had on a dark blue suit (dark blue seems simply to infuriate Weejee) and Weejee just dashed in after him. He don't MEAN anything, you k

n a tone to indicat

Weejee, look Weejee-here, good dog-look! look now (sometimes Wee

ys between his legs and wa

ey in a stern tone,

l, Charles,"

r-it was about six inches deep,-and threw him in,-with much the same force as

Sopley. "I think he'd better not swim. The water in the evenin

come out of the water and w

id my hostess. "I think he mu

h

ve himself a rotary wh

am. He's wetted you. Weejee, lie down,

aid. "I've another wh

o in. It's getting late, anyway, isn't it?" And then she added to her h

e we

y room, "and, by the way, don't mind if Weejee comes into your room at night

d cheerfully, "I'l

ght Wee

the lake and the trees were hushed in sleep, I took Weeje

ee has gone to, and waiting for him to come ba

ejee is, no one f

on the Supermen.

l Bern

is head very erect, his neck tightly gripped in his forty-two centimeter collar. He had on a

e that it was Ge

a splendid fullness about his chest and shoulders, and a suggestion of rugged power a

ed. For it was late at night, and my room

answered carelessl

ve a

the general went o

country your jani

led him?

kill the janitor. It is quicker: and it makes for efficiency. It impresses them w

a livery stabl

r. It seemed in a sort of way-I admit that I ha

," I said

ed the General, but

t," I sai

he repeated,

id. "Perhaps you

himself up higher still-"never sit down. Our uniforms do not permit of it

st," I

it-an Unverschamtheit-with an

tting excited, "but pray tell me, General,

s manner cha

to a fellow author, known and honoured not merely in England, for that is

say anything but "Sittlichkeit" for weeks; that good old John Burns had been betrayed by a single dinner at Potsdam, and that the Sultan of Turkey had

ed, "they know my

man

yours (I think I see it on the shelf behind you), The Elements of Political Scienc

," I said. "But tell me, General

book," he answered

t War, in its glaring yellow cover-the ver

You have really r

ith great

say that. But I have TRIED to read it.

ral's fa

on the table, they talk of it at dinner,-they say 'Bernhardi has

id, "you get

ernment will not allow the treacherous publis

matter, the

its intention. It is not meant as a book of strategy. It is what y

so!" I said i

ugh, to this, where I speak of Germany's historical mission on page 73,-'No nation on the face of the globe is so able to grasp and appropriate all the elements of culture as Germany is?' What do you say to tha

ou will forgive my not laughing out

German character,-'Moral obligations such as no nation had ever yet ma

loriously funny; r

chiefly to make laugh our naval men and our Zeppelin crews,-'A surprise attack, in order to be justified, must be made only on

l broke into ro

id. "Your book ou

in Yarmouth. R

right by an attack on Belgium and about the sharp measures that ought to be taken against neutral ships laden

e loosely-joined British Empire will break into pieces, and the colonies will consult their own interests,'-excellently funny,-and this again,-'Canada will not permanently retain any trace of the English spirit,'-and this too,-'the Colonies can be completely igno

okes. They are facts. It is only through the folly of the Canadians in not reading my book that they are

?" I

ze, your great C

er of

it. Meantime we can see from his speeches that he has read my book. Ach! if only your other leaders in Canada,-Sir Robert Laurier, Sir Osler Si

n looking over the

anal,' you write in Chapter XII, 'is of great importance as it will enable our largest battleships to appear un

his eyes flashing and his clenched fist striking in the air-"What sort of combatants are these of the British Navy who refuse to read our war-books? The Kaiser's Heligoland speech! They never read a word of it. The Furchtbarkeit-Proklamation of August,-they never looked at it. The Reichstags-Rede with the printed picture of the Kaiser sha

r be known. For at this second

t on the point of his Pickelhaube which he had laid on the sofa. There was a sudden sound as of the ripping of cloth and the burst

he cried, "f

neral," I said, "w

aned, "it has burst

shrivelling into a tattered heap. He appeared as he lay there, a very allego

hnapps,"-

napps here," I sa

ersi

the janitor

led him,

should have killed him, but I don't think it di

d, and started

ave sworn had been lying in a tattered heap on the sofa on the

with the fire burned low in the grate, and in

other reader,-have f

rvival of

drug store as I entered it; which seemed

n the centre and dark in the corners wa

man behind the counter, reading my

was stooping under and behind his counter and his voice came up from below. "I've got some somewhere-" A

light by the meterfull I should no sooner have said "tooth brush," than one of the ten clerks in white hospit

on't know why, to the li

at the level of the counter with a flat box in his hand. They mu

" he said, and started looking ov

price of th

est-know. I guess it's written on them li

ay the words "what price?" would have p

eventy-five cents," he

d tooth brus

he said, "you'd th

p talk, no pa

t the brush agai

-five," he muttered, "I think

is well to take an occasional step towards the Kingd

ht is not so good now. I've had too much to

rail he looked as he bent over his

g wax," he said

," I answered, "just

ously, in white enamel paper, sealed at the end and stamped with a label, as fas

very busy,

ing up the place,"-here he glanced about him. Heaven only

e when I came to it. But I've been getting things fixed. First thing I did I put those

hree or four feet from the jar. But for the streaming light from the great sto

Any one could have told him that it wa

is high. The first two weeks I was here I was losing five dollars a day. But I got those lights in the window and g

better,"

get it going. This last two weeks I'm not losing more than say two and a half a day or something like that? The custo

o months' work of piling dusty boxes now this way, now that, and putting little candles behind the yellow carboys to try the effect, some in

nto shape here, fix it up a little more and soon I'll have it,"-here his

So humble an ambition it had

ke it, but it takes it out of you. You've got to be alert and keen all the time; thinking out

mausoleum of an eastern king, and wondered by what alchemy of

nd go away for a spell. Perhaps I'll do it. The doctor was saying he thought

he cheek, the hopeful mind, the contrast of the will to live and the need to die, God's little irony on man, it was all there plain enough to read. The "spe

ooked across at the little store and I read the sto

urney had been no further than to the cemetery behind the town where he lies now, musing

f his whole business to the great Pharmacy ac

Newspaper. A S

rneyman, spreading out the news sheet on a smooth oake

f the name, "let me but adjust my glasses and peruse it furth

urneyman, "'tis the fourth

sheet before him. "Let us grudge no care in this. The venture is a new one and, meseems, a very parlous thing withal. 'Tis a venture th

eather apron. He had moved over from the further side of the room where a little group of apprentices stood bes

presses, yonder benches and tools, all new, yonder vats of ink straight out of Flanders, how think you you can recover the cost of all this out of yonder poor sheets? Five and forty years have I followed this mystery of printing, ever since thy grandfather's da

traffic and the street cries of the London of the seventeenth century. Two vast presses of such colossal size that their wooden levers would tax the strength of the stoutest apprentice, were ranged against the

inters, and workers-have participated in the same scene, can form some idea of the hopes and fe

aker the undisturbed look of the eye that sees

nd there shall stand one at the door and whosoever cometh, to whatever part of our task his business appertains, he shall forthwith be brought to the room of him that hath charge of it. Cometh he with a madrigal or other light poesy that he would set out on the press, he shall find one that has charge of such matters and can discern their true value. Or, cometh he with news of aught that happens in the realm, so shall he be brought instant to the room

ets in a few days! Where indeed if you search the whole realm will you find

ys indeed, but in the compass of a single day, I warrant you, shall we find the matter withal." Master Nicholas spoke with the sa

d it chance that there is nothing of greater import, no boar hunt of his Majesty to record, nor the news of some great entertainment by one of the Lords

no worthier thing for this our news sheet than the talk of the Burgesses, then shall it fail indeed. Had it been the speech of the King's great barons and the bishops 'twere different. But dost fancy that the great barons would allow that their weighty discourses be reduced to comm

, "the time shall come, Master Edward, when

hat he makes, or some happenings in the New Land found by Master Columbus. Aye," he went on, warming to his words and not knowing that he embodied in himself the first birth on earth of the telegraphic editor,-"and why not. One day we write it out on our sheet 'The Grand Turk maketh disastrous war on the Bulgars of the North and hath burnt divers of their villages.' And that hath no sooner gone forth than we print another sheet saying, 'I

Should the Grand Turk make war and should the rumour of it come to these isles, then will we say 'The Turk maketh war,' and should the Turk be at peace, then we will say 'The Turk it doth appear is now at peace.' And should no news come, then shall we say 'In good sooth we know not whether the Turk destroyeth the Bulgars or whether he doth not, for while some hold t

irth of the Leading Article, but there was something in the strangely fascinating way in which their chief

shook h

e thou givest them, the better pleased they are and thus doth the news sheet move from hand t

d it. But if it speak always the truth, then sooner or later shall all come to believe it and say of any happening, 'It standeth written in the paper, therefore it is so.' And here I charge you all that have any part in this new venture," continued Master Brenton, looking about the room at the listening faces and speaking with great seriousness, "let us lay it to our he

et before him, he began to scan its columns with

fairly and truly spelled. Lower down it standeth Kyng, and yet further in the second induct Kynge, and in the last induct where t

in but one and the same way?" as

uly," sa

e who likes it written King may see it so, and yet also he who would prefer it wr

e will seek to speak dutifully and with all reverence of the King his Majesty: let us also speak with all respect and commendation of His Majesty's great prelates and nobles, for are they not the exalted of the land? Also I would have it that we say nothing harsh against our wealthy merchants and burgesses, for hath not the Lord prospered them in their substances. Yea, friends, let us s

the future made itself felt in every mind. Here for the first time in history was be

re also this likes me, 'tis shrewdly devised," and here he placed his finger on a particular spot on the news sheet,-"here in speaking of the strange mishap of my Lord Arundel, thou useth a great S for strange, and setteth it in a line all by itself whereby the mind of him that reads is sudd

Then suddenly Cax

n faith, Master Nicholas, whence hast thou so marvelous a t

angers and perils of the journey from a far distant land. This wonderous balm shall straightway make the sick to be well and the lame to walk. Rubbed on the eye it restoreth sight and applied to the ear it reviveth the hearing. 'Tis the sole invention of Doctor Gustavus F

gazed at Master

hadst th

Nichola

doctor, who was most urgent that we

axton; "thou hast it of a

laughed

hat we should print it that he gave me two golden laurels and a new so

ep silence f

t printed!" said Cax

e. The fellow hath other balms equally potent. All of th

to make, if I may borrow a phrase of Alber

," said

them. Then hath he more money. He payeth us again. We advert the goods more and st

ther wares until belike a large part of our news sheet,-who knows? the who

silent in d

ere child, as he seemed, with fair hair and blue eyes filled w

ick?" said the master p

he tale of the won

Nicholas, hath even said,

boy, "that all that went under our hand into

hether this is true or not we cannot tell. But it is PAID FOR, and that lifts it, as who should say, out of the domai

ith a twinkle in his shrew

that doth not concern us. But if one cometh here with any strange tale of a remedy or aught else and wishes us to make advertisement of it and hath no money to pay for it, then shall h

proval went ro

at the moment the sound of a bell was

ou to your task. Lay me the forms on the press and speed me the work. We start her

of the master printer were calling in the str

Good Time

act from a London

F COMMO

the attention of the House. Members, however, would, perhaps, be glad to learn incidentally that a new and more comfortable cage had been supplied for the ex-German Emperor, and that the ex-Crown Prince was now showing distinct signs of intelligence

g the Nationalist and Ulster members. A number of members were seen to rise as if about to move to the

ll surely recall that this form of discussion was one of our favourite exercises only a year or so ago. I trust that memb

say, it was an act of parliament, or I should say a bill, in fact, Mr. Speaker, I don't mind confessing that, not having my papers with me

aw, with a view to inspect the new national training camp. I had the Home Rule Bill with me along with the Welsh Disestablishment Bill and the Land Bill, and I am af

am sure that after all that we have gone through together, the House is qu

w it. I separate or distinguish in any degree the men of Ulster from the men o

eme of government. If the financial clauses are intricate, get one of your treasury clerks to solve them. If there's trouble in arranging your excise on your customs, settle it in any way you please. But it is too late now to separate England and Ireland. We've

no forget Scotland, me lad, when you talk of unity! Do you mind the Forty-Second, and the London Scottish in the trenches of the Aisne? Wha carried the flag of the Empire then? Unity, ma friends, ye'll never

never forget Wales." Mr. Trevelyan Trendinning of Cornwall has started singing "And shall Trelawney Die?"-wh

ake. I have just learned that there is at the Alhambra in Leicester Square, a real fine moving picture show of the entrance of the Allies into Berlin. Let's all go to

House empties, si

, but the way la

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