The Hohenzollerns in America / With the Bolsheviks in Berlin and Other Impossibilities

oirs, and I only add to them now because things have

turned out that there was no difficulty at all. Uncle's mind was always so wonderful that he could find a way out of anything provided that he wanted to. So he conferred on Mr. Peters an Order that raised him right up in birth so that he came level with me. Uncle said that h

poor Uncle William is gone-that my

at once. All the people got to know him by sight and they would say when they saw him, "Here comes the Emperor," or "Here comes Old Dutch," and very often there would be quite a little crowd round him buying his things. Uncle regarded himself always as conferring a great dignity on any one that he sold a badge to, but he was very capriciou

of our apartment, except just at the time when our little boy was born. We both think he is a very wonderful child. At first I wanted to call him after the Hohenzollerns and to name him William Frederick Charles Mary Augustus Francis Felix, but somehow it seemed out of place and so we have called him simply Joe Peters. I think it sounds better. Uncle William drew up an act of abn

f a new monument. It is called the Lusitania Monument and it is put up in memory of the people that were lost when one of our war boats fought the English cruiser Lusitania. There were a lot of soldiers lining the streets and regiments of cavalry riding between. And it seems that when Uncle William saw the crowd

but one. My husband would not let me go to see him, as he was not conscious and it

lump of clay that it seemed strange that he could

least I couldn't help thinking so, by a sort of confusion of mind, as it is hard to get used to things

except one little notice, which I cut out of an evening p

MPEROR

r of the East S

e sold souvenir buttons and various little trinkets. The old man appears to have been the victim of a harmless hallucination whereby he thought himself a person of Royal distinction and in his fancy converted the box of wares that he carried into Orders of Chivalry and decorations of Knighthood. The effect of this strange fancy was heightened by an attempt at military bearing which, comic though it was in so old and ragged a figure, was not without a touch of pathos. Some fancied

e Bolshevik

means whereby I made my way across the frontier. I therefore adopted the familiar literary device of professing to have been transported to Germany in a dream. In that state I was supposed to b

ventures and disclosures. In this they proved (1) that all entry into Germany by dreams had been expressly forbidden of the High General Command; (2) that astral bodies were prohibited and (3) that nobody else but the K

's Revolution had taken place in Berli

frontier whatever. I simply put on the c

the peasants standing about raised a cheer. It was my first view of the marvellous adaptability of this g

conducted at once to the

shes to go to Berlin?"

nt to see something of

aster looked

ution is ov

d!" I e

Revolution that we have had. It is called-Johann, hand me that

t about?"

said the stationm

Fundamental Gro

ey hanged all the

ion yes

get a train?

ee sons enlisted in our German Navy. For four years they have been at Kiel, comfortably fed, playing dominos. They are now at home all safe and happy. Had your brave navy relaxed its vigilance for a mo

rts of our talented newspaper correspondents. The food situation seemed particularly perplexing. A well-to-do merchant from Bremen who travelled for some distance in my train assured me that there was plenty of food in Germany, except of course for the poor. Distress,

s amazed at the number of commercial travellers, Lutheran ministers, photographers, and so forth, and the odd resemblance they pres

h Berlin to pay much attentio

ed the capital, I arrived

rt. "The Revolution of which you speak is over. Its leaders were arrested yesterday. But you shall not be disappointed. Th

sible for me to

" he continued as a tear rose

your four sons are

an you take me

the German People, once usurped by the Hohenzollern Tyrant. The doors are guarde

aze of little stairways, and passages into the heart of the gre

o not knock," said

elf face to face with the chi

he looked at me, but ins

sheepskin cap was shaggy, and his beard stubbly and unshaven. His dress was slovenly and there was a big knife in his b

answer: "When you speak don't call me 'Excellency' or 'Sereneness' or anything of that sort; jus

you,"

"No good comrade ever says 'thank you

"I was here writi

he middle o

I speak of it. If you write anything about me be sure to say that I cried when the war was mentione

s pocket and began to sob. "To think of th

y," I said, "it's all

o think that unfortunately we are not able to help pay for it; but you English-you are so ge

subsided into

t the door. The Bolshevik hastily wiped the te

asked anxiously. "

so

I said, "q

answered. "That's

OU

ed his hands th

hand me that piece

en. Co

or swu

into the room. He had a bundle of papers in his hand

ith easy familiarity. "He

aders of the late Revolution? Excellent! And a g

gning the warrants,

tary in a surly tone, "yo

d the leader, "or, at lea

with what seemed to me an evident d

the Brothers that you chewed no tobacco all day yesterday. Be warned, comrade. This is a free and independent republic. We will stand for no a

a representative of the foreig

A representative of the great and enlightened press of the Allies, I pres

e," I said, "it's

e to your paper, that I offer

wung on his heels with something between a military bow and a drunken swagger. "Rem

ooked after him with s

said, "while I go and g

gure. Conceal it as he might, there was still the stiff wooden movement of a Prussian general beneath his assumed swagger. The poise of his head still se

he re-entered the room, I

y hand, "pardon me for not knowing

vik. "Don't speak! I ne

r. And you it was who conducted me through Germany two years ago when I made my war vi

is chair, his face pale be

"If they learn

said, "not a word

irit," he said, "the true English comrade

ut tell me, what is the meaning of

ancholy. "It's the only thing to be. But come," he added, getting up from his chair, "I took you on

only too hap

ange my costume a little. To appear as I am would excite too much enthusiasm. I shall walk out with

l-shaped purple coat, the simple scarlet tie, the pea-green hat an

I said, "you look j

ount. "Don't menti

rl

e doing?"

on. They say he's the very man for it. But come along, and, by the way, when we get into the

rways of the great building. All about were little groups of ferocious looking

ople?" I said to the

ispered. "At least

t group in

h the long kn

Opera. They are now the Bolshevik Music Commission. They are here

the first

ubtedly favoured the war: one, at least, of them openly spoke in dispara

ended across the streets. I realised as I read them the marvellous adaptability of the German people and their magnanimity towards their enemies. Conspicuous in huge lettering was HOTEL PRESIDENT WILSON, and close beside it CABARET QUEEN MARY: ENGLISH DA

he men that one saw retained indeed their German stoutness, their flabby faces, and their big spectacles. But they were now dressed for the most part in the costume of the Russian

we stood a moment looking at the motle

ll first summon a taxi. It will be

laughter but for the seriousness of the count's face. The top of the conveyance had evidently long since been torn off

r tires, still used by the less progressive peoples. Our chemists found that riding o

able,"

pered to the chauffeur an address which my ear failed to ca

id, "what does it all mean, the fore

s of peace: Those people, for example, that you see in Scotch costumes are members of our Highland Mission about to start for Scotland to carry to the Scotch the goo

rful,"

. They claim that already four million German voters are pledged to forget the war and to forgive the Allies. All that we now ask is to be able to p

e added. "I want to drive you about the city and show you a few of the le

peak of the people who made the war;

it! We were al

aiser," I

with tears in his eyes, 'this war must be stopped.' 'Which war, your Serenity,' I asked. 'The war that is coming next month,' he answered, 'I look t

n thoroughfare into the quiet of a side street. It now drew up at the door of an unpret

ate Tuition, English, Nav

evidently a Lutheran minister, was seated in a corner at a writing table. He turned on our entering

Admiral," said Cou

is not real

excuse me. The sight of that uni

recognized the grand old seaman, perhaps the greatest sailor t

you were out of the country. Our papers said

regret to say that I find

ple? You noticed the cabman of our taxi? He was the former chancellor Von Hertling. You saw that stout woman with the apple cart at the street corner? Frau Bertha Krupp Von Bohlen. All are here, helping to m

as this gallant old seaman, having just lost an entire navy, setting vigorously to work to make anot

on having ships in the navy. Ships, as the war has shown us, are quite unnecessary to the German plan; they are no

of shouting and sudden tumult cou

said the admiral hasti

rm. "The sound comes from the Great Square. T

d me from

om the excited demeanour of the crowd and from the anxious faces of peo

milar to the one in which we had driven, forced their way as best they could through t

, clutching me by the arm, "or we sh

I said; "what'

said the count, "to

n. And in this cos

med moving in the same direction, the count, evidently a prey to the grav

nt Building, holding a paper in his hand. His appearance was evidently a signal for the outburst of cheers, accompanied by the waving of handkerchiefs. The man raised his hand in a gesture of authority. German training is deep. Silence fell instantly upon the assembled populace. We had time in the momentar

oice that resounded through the square. "I have to

r woke from

overthrown. The Bolsheviks ar

n murmur at my side. Then he seized his pea-green hat and

s the cry w

he shout, "Down with Bolshevism!" To my surprise I observed that most of the men had on blue overalls ben

in. "We have not yet decided wh

eer from t

to state who will b

ed ch

an say. It is to be

Governmen

ee

ll be hanged. A proclamation of Brotherhood will be posted all over the city. If anybody dares to t

es of the people, to my great astonishment, seemed filled w

to disperse quietly and go home. Move quickly, swine that

ll sides were expressions of joy and satisfaction. "Excellent, wunderschoen!" "He calls us dogs! T

the burly figure reap

t one of the leaders of the late government are already caught. As soon as we

in the air. Then in a whisper to me: "Let us

, turned into a side street, and on a sign from the count entered a small cabaret or

deep sigh of re

ed him, of co

u mean the big work

is

al Hindenburg. It means of course that the same old crowd are back again. That was Ludendorf standing below. I saw it all

ep thought, his fingers beating a tat

, "the old times of long a

erman waiters, or rather, one of the German officers di

nd opened oysters behind a screen. It was a wunderschoen life.

reinstated at once. It will be some small

unt. "Let us sail a

since you left there are no longer beer waiters in

myself," said the c

be

what

e, t

drinking, except of

ure seemed to regain all its old-time P

e said. "I bid

you going t

here are worse things than death. I am about

oon Tea wit

Reconstruct

lighted to receive a telegram which read "Come on to Constantinople and write US up too.

the circumstances of my departure had been such that I should have scarcely ventured to repeat my vis

though I believe the actual railroad is the same, through the Thuringian Republic, Czecho-Slovakia and Magyaria. It was a source of deep satisfaction to see the scowling and hostile countenances of Germans, Austrians and Hungarians

se at once from his cushioned divan under a lemon tree and came shuffling in his big slippers to meet me, a smile of welcome on his face. He seemed,

urkey?" I asked as we sat dow

"I suppose you've hear

t!" I ex

together with positive enjoyment, "we can't p

ned attendant appeared with wine on a tra

r have tea

It's part of our Turkish thrift movement. We're taking champagne instead. Tell me, have

d, "we have one

ff, isn't it?" continued the Sult

t an idea

ld acquaintance Toomuch Koffi, the Royal Secretary. But to my surprise he no longer wore his patriarchal beard, his flo

," said Abdul. "I've reconstru

salaam. "What wish sits behind thy forehead that thou shouldst ring the bell for this humbl

t ancient courtesy business won't do, not if this country is to reconstruct itself and

in your tablets and see how much our pub

re scribbled on them. "Multiplication," I heard him murmur, "is an act of the grace of heaven; let me invoke

his eyes turned, as if in supplic

got it?" a

es

owe, adding it

on dollars,"

e. "Who would have thought that before the war! Forty billion dollars! Aren't we th

can't. We don't ow

are only a young country yet. You'll do better later on. And in any case I

said, "we c

present situation. Here we are, bankrupt-pass me the champagne, Toomuch, and sit down with us-the very first nation of the lot. It's a great feather in the cap of our financiers. It gives us a splendid start for the new era of reconstruction that we are beginni

before that you e

med in a

After all," said Abdul, lighting a big cigar and sticking up his feet on his pile of papers with an air of the deepest comfort, "what

ou working

tle man, puffing a big cloud f

of recons

y. I half hoped you would. We're having no luck with them. The last one was thrown into the Bosphorous on Monday. Here's the report on it-no, that's the one on the shooting of the Mi

bother to read it. Just t

very cheerfully, "a delegatio

labour troubles h

he whole of Turkey is bubbling with labour unrest like the rosewater in a narghile. Loo

s notes and began to murmur-"Truly

ningly, "that won't do. Say

ikes of to-day comprise-the wig-makers, the dog fanciers

dly. "That represents some of th

ly necessary trades, the coal miners, the steel workers, the textil

cushions in a paroxysm of laughter, in which

don't think we are so behind hand in Turkey as all that! All those worker's stopped absolutely months ago. It is d

n," I asked,

tablets, Toom

"tablets," which I now perceived on a closer view to be

ets, the missionaries, the Salvation Army, and the instructor

y this situation is desperate? What can yo

. Everybody in Turkey, great or small, holds bonds to some extent. At the worst they

st," said the aged man

aking," I asked, "to reme

bdul. "We appoint one for each new labo

," answered

?" said Abdul a little anxiously. "T

mmissions, wh

of conversation were fatiguing his intellect, "excellent reports. We have had some tha

We don't read them for that. We li

do you do with them? W

oke, "to Woodrow Wilson. He can deal with them. He is the great conciliator of the world. Let him hav

pened his eyes. "Is there anything else you want to k

nd. How do you stand internationally? Are

an shook

coming in. We are starting

ho are

ee-the Irish, are they not, Toomuch-and th

ecretary "of the Yugo-Hebro

they?"

to us. They seem all right. Haven't you got a lot

at is the scheme that yo

es its WORD to all the other members. Then they all take an OA

hions in an evident state

u don't think that a league of

NOT! Our league is for WAR. Every member gives its word that at the first conve

ded. Then he rose, with some

ake him anywhere." He paused to whisper a few instructions into the ear of the Secretary. "You understand," he said, "well, take him. As for

" I said.

oes of

oy Who C

l sides we are assured that the problem of the retur

e back bloodthirsty and brutalised, soaked in militarism and talking only of slaughter. In fact, a widespread movement had sprung up, warmly supported by the business men of the cities, to put him on the land. It was thought that central Nevada or

tions turn out to

more than a school boy, only in his first year at college; in fact, a mere child. You remember how he used to bore us with baseball talk and that sort of thing. And how shy he was! You recall his awful fear of Professor Razzler, who used to teach him mathematics. All that, of course, w

as very proud of his dinner jacket. He had never had one before. He said he wished the "boys" could see him in it. I asked him why he had put off his lieutenant's uniform so quickly. He explained that he was entitled not to

cal fear were written on his face. When I tried to lead him into the drawing room I realised that he was as shy as ever. Three of the women began talking to him all at once. Tom answered, yes or no,-with

war editorial writer, took three cocktails and talked all the more brilliantly for it through the opening courses of the dinner, about the story of the smashing of the Hindenburg line. He decided, after hi

y move at all. I could see that he was ashamed of its clumsiness and afraid that someone might notice it. So he kept silent. Professor Razzler did indeed ask him straight across the table what he thought about the final breaking of the Hindenburg line. But he asked it with that

rraine sector (Tom served there six months, but he never said so) and high explosives and the possibiliti

tening. The strange thing was that the girl was a mere slip of a thing, hardly as old as Tom himself. In fact, my wife was almost afraid she might be too young to ask to d

alking about his war experiences and the other talk

a regular peach, a former parade ground of the French barracks. On being asked WHICH port it was, Tom said he couldn't remember; he thought it was either Boulogne or Bordeaux or Brest,-at any rate, it was one of those places on the English channel. The ball ground they had behind the trenches was not so good; it was too much cut up by long range shells. But the ball ground at the base hospital (where Tom was sent for his second wound) was an A1 ground. The French doctors, it appears, were perfectly rotten at baseball, n

Tom's w

or three direct questions about fighting in the trenches, and wounds and the dead men in No Man's Land and the other horrors that the civilian mind hankers to hear about. Perhaps they thought, from the boy's talk, that he had seen nothing. If so, they were mistaken. For about three minutes, not more, Tom gave them what was co

e got

silent and looked into his face with the realisation that behind his simple talk and qu

again and when Tom talked of the amateur vaudeville

xis, Tom said he'd walk to his hotel; it was only a mile and the light rain that wa

urned soldier. Only let him return, that's all. When

Sacrifices

en members of the

ugg by sight until

that he intended to

the

group of listening members of the club and when he said that he had decided to send his chauffeu

has come to a showdown and we've got to recognise it. I told Henry t

he members "you're certainly

n a man do?"

hauffeur leave?"

the firing line just as qui

" said a third member, "but do you real

y mind: If my chauffeur is killed, I mean to pay for him,-full and adequate compensation. The loss must

steners, with a look that meant that even

y for. The loss shall fall

company take a hand in it. We're making a special rate now on chauffeurs, footmen, and house-servants sent to the war, quite below the rate that actuarial figures justify. It is our little war contribution," he added modestly. "We like to feel that we'

yes on the insurance man and facing the brutal facts of things without flin

said his friend.

loses, we ma

e round a policy. I'm going to s

ratulations to those of the others. I told him that I felt, as all the other members of the club did, that he

ight and we agreed that we can run the car ourselves,

ice are you putting your

end him up in the air. It's dangerous, of co

itself. We knew then,-everybody in the club knew that Mr. Spugg's chauffeur might be killed at any moment. But great as the strain must have been, S

iness," I said to him one day at

Mr. Spugg, "was right

was,

ll burst in the air so near h

it. Here was a man who had nearly had his chauffeur's wings blown off and yet he never

er bad news ca

bad news about Spu

, w

feur's bee

he tak

f his gardener to take

Spugg's answer

d togethe

know. He must have come down out of the air. I told him

sending yo

den yesterday. I said, 'William, Henry's been gassed. Our first duty

putting Willia

the Germans want give and take in this business they can have it. They'll soon see who can stand it best. I told William when he left.

with his meal. Not a nerve of it moved. If he f

pened to meet him. "The war looks bad," I said to him one day as I chanced

"William was tor

nd drove away, as quietly

illiam,-my gardener. I have both a chauffeur and a gardener at the war. William was picked up on a raft. He's in pre

rdener has been torpedoed," they said, "but Spugg refuses to h

news from time t

m and

I told him not to mind the expense but to get William fixed up right away. It seems that one arm is more or less paralysed. I've wired back to him not to hesitate.

the great offensive. But Spugg went about his daily business unmoved. Then came the worst news of

g?" I r

em both. I suppose I shan't have either o

nly sign of complaint that e

was Spugg's answer to the Germa

is doing?" the members of

ha

over Meadows

he thing spoke for itself. Meadows,-Spugg's own man,-his

for anything that Meadows may do over there. It was a simple matter of duty. My son and I had him into the dining room last night after dinner. 'Meadows,' we said, 'He

ou get along with Meadows, you

it all over. My son will help me dress and

adows

ge it, and taking turns with his son in driving his

elves. We're too busy. We've talked it over and we've both decided that it's impossible to get away from the office,-not with business as brisk as it is now. We're busie

den of the war. I found him in the lounge room of the club one afternoon among

ns, 'For Conspicuous Courage"' (Mr. Spugg drew himself up with legitimate pride). "I shall keep one and le

He was pointed out as having done more than any other one man in the institution to keep the flag flying. But pres

rously in one of the telephone cabinets in the hall. "Hello, Washington,

om, still flushed with indignation and excitement.

he matter

my son Alfred,

ed Alfred! 'Great Caesar' I said to them! 'Look here! You've had my chauffeur and he's gassed, and you've had my gardener

they say

ed as well. Alfred won't go, of course, but it makes one realise

ely not!

ermany

s of liberty, its occasional corruption and the faults that we now see were the necessary accompaniments of its merits. But let us set beside it a picture

ivine. The subway cars will be stopped while the General is praying. All subway passengers are enjoined (befohlen), during the thus-to-be-ordered period of cessati

s Excellency the audience will spontaneously rise and break into three successive enthusiastic cheers. Mr. Al Jolson will remain kneeling on the stage till the Gubernatorial All Highest has seated itself. Mr. Jolson will then, by sp

on from the Battery to the Bronx. They will then be inspected by Governor Boobenstiff. If the Governor is delayed in arriving at the hereafter-to-be-indicated

s. Smiles of cordial welcome shall appear on every face. Animated crowds of eager citizens shall move to and fro and shouts of welcome shall, by order of the Chief of Police, break from the lips. Among those who are e

e name Frederick Wilhelm Amelia Mary Johan Heinrich Ruprecht. The whole city of Albany is thrown into the wildest rejoicing. The legislature has voted an addition of $400,000 per annum to the civil list for the maintenance of the young prince. Joy suffuses every home. This being the tenth son born to their Highnesses in ten years it is felt that the future of the dynasty is more or less secured. Even the hum

is declared closed to the public until further notice. We are proud to state the Field Lieutenant at once cut down his cowardly assailant with his saber. It has pleased His Unspeakable Lofti

it to the filled-with-wonder eye of the public have been immediately awarded the first prize in each class. While it would be invidious even to suggest that any one of Her High Incipiency's pictures is better than any other, our feeling is that especially the picture Night on the Hudson River is of so rare a quality both of technique and of inspiration that it supersedes the bounds of the hitherto-thought-to-be-possib

to the betrothal of the Royal Younglings is that the Prince had never even seen the Princess Amelia until the day when the legislature of the Provinz of Maine voted her a marriage portion of half a million dollars. Immediately on this news a secret visit was arranged, the Prince journeying to Bangor incognito as the Count of Flim-Flam in the costume of an officer of the Imperial Scavengers. On receipt of the Emperor's telegram the

the turbulence and disorder in which our coun

te (formerly Harvard University) is to be opened next autumn. By express permission of

s imprisonment to imprisonment for life. We hope, in a special supplement, to be able to add the full list of sentences, exe

Peace at th

ace Deficit of the Club, has just ended. For three weeks our club house has been a blaze of illumination. We have had

have time, as our lady memb

our treasurer's statement. As we hear it we realise that this Peace K

xplain from

do something for the relief of the Belgians. At the same time we felt that our members would rather re

ture in the club, and engaged the services of P

educed his lecture fee, which (he assured us) is generall

owed that it represented the conflict of the brachiocephalic culture of the Wendic races with the dolichocephalic cul

ather. The treasurer was compelled to announce to the Committee a net deficit of two hundred dollars. Some of the ladies

interesting speaker, who reduced his fee (as the thing was a war charity) by one-half, leaving it at three hundred dollars. Unhappily the weather was against us. It was too fine. Our members scarcely care to listen to lectures in fine weather. And it turned out that our members are not interested in what will c

was prohibitive. It was better to invite the services of the members of the club themselves. A great number of the

the whole thing for us at cost, merely charging us with the labour, the material, the time, the thought and the anxiety that they gave to the job, but for nothing else. In fact, the who

it was felt to be more suitable than a more ambitious thing. The tickets were placed at one dollar, no one being admitted free except the performers themselves, and the members who very kindly acted as scene shifters, curtain lifters, ushers, door-keepers, programme sellers, and the general committee of management. All the performers, at their own sugge

ty per cent to each. A motion in amendment from the ladies' financial committee to giv

s, it seemed, did not care to go to see a play except in a theatre. A great number of the

a net deficit of twelve hundred dollars. He moved,

l effort must be made to remove it. It was decided to hold Weekly Patriotic Dances in the club ball room, every S

e, and for the dancing after supper a charge was made of one dollar, per person. This again was an error. It seems that after our members have had supper they prefer to go home and sleep. After one winter of dancing the treasurer announced a total Pat

us that we had been "undermined by overhead expenses." The word "overhead" was soon on everybody's lips. We were told that if we could "distribute our o

eral feeling that it would have been better if we could have had a rather longer notice of what was coming. It seemed, as many of our members said, such a leap in the dark to rush into peace all at

ooked like ruin. But presently it was suggested that it might still be possible to save the club by turning the whole affair into a Peace Kermesse and devoting the proceeds to some suitable for

n a certain sense, it has been the wildest kind of success. The club, as I said, has been a blaze of light for three weeks. We have had four orchestras in attendance every evening. There have been booths draped with the flags of all the Allies, except some that we were not

were not in it. Peace had somehow taken away all the old glad sense of enjoyment. As to spending money at the Kermesse all the members admitted frankly that they had no heart for it. This was especially the

ial report that there would be no question of profits

ng out to a general meeting the financial

te it, at fifteen thousand dollars, though he has stated, with a

it, both net and gross, be now forwarded to the Red Cross Society (sixty per cent),

ar as I am aware, is prepared to protest against the peace, or is anything but delighted to think that the war is over. At the same time we do feel that

at our feeling i

News as I

ense this is already being done. But some of the minor things are apt to be neglected. When the record of the war has been rewritten int

little samples of it, selected of course absolutely at ra

begin

LE NEWS F

the end of the war some people began to complain of it. They said that they

14. Word has reac

ured enormous qua

ainian

mans have capture

er. The countr

body in Petrogr

is no lack of fo

th of General Kor

d this

redibly reported

orniloff

credibly repor

vering between

Bolsheviki a

e Bolsheviki

he Czar die

Czar did not d

al Kaleidescope

oving

al Kaleidescope

oving

al Kaleidescope

oving

al Kaleidescope

oving

ported that the Co

revolted. They d

eidescope h

onal Pan-Russian C

this morning at

wenty-five min

reached with deep

et fit for the ble

hama Constitution

years yet under the

mis

F SPECIAL C

rid, our special correspondent, writing from "Somewhere near Somewhere" and de

ated with the fierce glare of the bursting shells, while the ground on

deur of the scene. Streams of fire rose into the sky, falling in bifurcated crystallation

nflict. While not stating that the whole bombardment was

ggs every morning, in the days when a man could eat bacon and eggs without being labelled a pro-German. Later on I came to pre

noticed signs of a light bombardment ap

CHNICAL WA

m, used to come from the Italian fro

it would be, is now very strong. The mountains bordering the valley run-just as I foresaw they would-from northwest to southeast. The country in front is, as I ant

WAR PRO

into sudden prominence last November by her startling announcement that the seven letters in the Kaiser's name W i l h e l m represented the seven great beasts of the apocalypse; in the next month she electrified all Paris by her disclosure that the four l

st. A Russian pe

s foretold that t

st excitement pre

k but in the

he prophecy of Ram Slim, a Yogi of this district, who has foretold that the war will be at an end in September.

eople are flocking into Midgeville in lumber wagons from all parts of the country. Jones, who bases his prophecy on the Bible, had hitherto

nne tribe has foretold that the war will end in Dece

ATIC REV

h Stockholm. After reading them with feverish eagerness for nearly four yea

icate and in a language which I am forbidden to use)-that Austria-Hungary is about to take a diplomatic step of the highest importance. What this step is, I am

GERMAN PE

ion of all ethnographic categories, but would predicate the political self consciousness (politisches Selbstbewusztsein) of each geographical and entomological unit, subject only to the necessary rectilinear guarantees for the seismograp

FINANC

inance or held any official position in regard to it. But I watched it. I followed it in the newspapers. When the war began I knew nothing

rose and it fell. But the reason was always perfectly obvious.

of the Soviet, has declared that Russia will

cretary of the Soviet, was thrown int

ast night, said that Russia was

dent, who has just

at nothing will in

les

Commons last night, paid a glowing tribute t

Congress held in Murphy's Rooms, Fourth Avenue, voted un

off and such people were going to say, and who would be thrown into the Neva, and the rise and fall of the rouble could be foreseen to a kopeck. In s

d and yet infinitely more successful. That at least I gathered from the little news items in rega

thronged the banks, with tears in their eyes, bringing with them everything that they had. The bank managers, themselves stained with tears, too

Complaints

now to anything in the way of criticism. But the complaints which were presented below came to me, unsought and unsolicited, and represented s

y reached me, without mo

my tailor, as expressed while measuri

uller in the chest, please, Mr. Jephson) is better able to serve his country than the man who goes about in an old suit. The motto of our trade is Thrift with Taste. It was made up in our spring convention of five hundred members, in a four day sitting. We feel it to be (twenty-eight) very appropriate. Our feeling is that a gentleman wearing one of our thrift worsteds under one of our Win-the-War light ov

ed incidentally in the palm-room of The Slitz Hotel, over a cup of tea (one dol

tax ze poor artistes? We are doing our beet, hein? We seeng, we recite! I seeng so many beautiful sings to ze soldiers; sings about love, and youth, and passion, and spring and kisses. And the men are carried off their feet. They rise. They rush to the war. I have seen them, in my patriotic concerts where I accept n

em ten thousan' dollars, when I make only seexty thou

ncome tax payer, as imparted to me

if YOU were to raise a complaint about the income tax, you'd find the whole country-I mean all the men with incomes-behind you. I don't suppose they'd want you to mention their names. But they'd be BEHIND you, see? They'd all be there. (Will you try one of these Googoolias? They're the very best, but I guess we'll never see them again. They say the rich Cubans are buying them up. So the war hits us there, too.) As I see it, the income tax is the greatest mistake the government ever made. It hits the wrong man. It falls on the man with an income and lets the other man escape. The way

arber, as expressed in the

ess is the most necessary business in the whole war. A man'll get along without everything else, just about, but he can't get along without a shave, can he?-or not without losing all the pep and self-respect that keeps him going. They say them fellers over in France has to shave every morning by military order: if they didn't the Germans would have 'em beat. I say the barber is doing his bit as much as any man. I was to Washington four months last winter, and I done all the work of three senators and two congressmen (will I clip that neck?) and I done the work o

t of Mr. Singlest

Theatre

it's in the matter of the theatres. I think it would be much better for the Government not to attempt to cut down or regulate theatres in any way. The theatre is the people's recreation. It builds them up. It's all part of a great machine to w

rmer, as interviewed by me, incognito, a

on the war for all the nation is worth. That's sound and I'm with 'em. But they ought not to take the farmer offen his farm. There I'm agin them. The farmer is the one man necessary for the

ess we won't have another, eh? Two of

this sort that rose on every side, I was glad

taxing the profits of the poor book writers under the absurd name o

ling Side Eff

ffect the most profound uplift and changes, not only in our political outlo

where. At any rate, there is no doubt of the fact that our literature has moved-up or down. Yes, the war is not only destined to affect our lite

of our fashionable novels or by looking at the columns of

it least, admitted this most willingly; in fact, perhaps all the more so. In its pages to-day one finds an equal dignity of thought, yet, somehow, the wording seems to have undergone an alteration. One canno

ord for word (indeed some of the words actually we

OM THE LONDO

ulating Effect o

rary

rown Prince and a number of other guys were eye witnesses of the fight. If so, they got the surprise of their young lives. While we should not wish to show anything less than the chivalrous consideration for a beaten enemy which has been a tradition of our na

l on a wide front. We cannot make the position clearer to our English readers than by saying that our new lines occupy, as it were, the form of a baseball diamond, with Soissons at second base and with our headquarters at the home plate

thankfulness. As the Archbishop of Canterbury so feelingly put it in his sermon in Westminster Abbey last Sunday, 'Now t

rds should, and will, re-e

re the war, few people in the United States, even among the colored population, spoke French with ease. In fact, in some cases the discomfort was so obvious as to be almost painful. This is now entirely altered. Thanks to our military guide-books, and to the general feeling of the day, our citizens are setting themselv

we wonder that our best magazines

ing in one of our best periodicals: for all I know the rest of the sentences

MERE

of Old

le chaumiere in which she dwelt. From time to time her eye

" she murmured (h

he came out again, dehors. "Il ne vient toujo

ns twittered while the soft roucoulement of the bees

(perfect tense, third singular

oubt he was still studying his acti

ly the magazines, but the novels themselves, tha

R MOST POPUL

her mother to remain in her trenches, and had driven her father to the shelter of his dug-out. Her younger brother he had camouflaged with the present of a new fishing rod, thus inducing him to retire to the river. The communications with t

rl started as at the sound of an air bomb; for a moment she elevated her eyes and looked him full in

eated, "I have a d

estioned quietly. Edwin dre

aid. Then, emboldened by her passive attitude,

l that my path is altered. I have a new range and an angle of elevation such as I never experienced before. I have hidden my love as best I could till now. I have worn a moral gas-mask before

hesitate. She rai

other so little

s failing. He therefore hastened

e income of my

about to surrender. But at this moment her mother's voice wa

ge had br

f. Pick up that tennis racket and let us

ation," urged

id, "as from eleve

Impossi

rt of Co

DUCE TWO PEOPL

mitted to memory and may be utilized as occasion requires. I pass over such rudimentary formulas as "Ed, shake hands with Jim Taylor," or, "Boys, this is Pete, the ne

d Avenue

circles, New York, as, for instance, at a fifty-cents-a-head da

th equal clearness "Miss Summerside." In this circle a mark of exquisite breeding is found in the request to have the name

must be put over again. The peculiar merit of this introduction is that it lets Miss Summerside

ore elaborate, more flattering, more unctuous. It re

erical

he "lady workers" of the congregation (meaning a lady too rich to work) who is expected to endow a crib in the Diocesan Home for Episcopal Cripples. A certain

itout? The Canon, Mrs. Putitover, is one of my DEAREST friends. Mrs. Pu

st of soul the Bis

me, I'm afraid I

any other situation than just about to run. Where they run to

e Room of

an who, for the life of him, can't remember the names of either of the two club men whom he is introducing,

course, you two fellows knew one another p

r two, surreptitiously from the hall porter. But it makes no difference. They forget them

H.E. the Viceroy

.I.,

Viceroy of India. An aide-de-camp in uniform at the foot of a grand staircase shouts, "Mr. Tomkins!" An aide-d

"Mr. Torpentine." Then he throws him out by the neck into the crowd beyond and calls for another. The thing is done. Mr. Tomkins wipes the perspiration from his ha

Introductio

slipping past whoever keeps the door with

osition vidge I am introduzing is one vi

two thi

ut twenty minutes later, bowing profusely as he goes, and leaving us gazing in remorse at a s

he S

he stage introduction not known in the chilly atmosphere of everyday society. Let me quote as an example of a stage introduc

nce I laid her mother in the ground five Christmases ago-" The speaker is slightly overcome and leans against a cardboard clock for strength: he recovers and goes on-"Hope, this is Neighbour Jephson's son, new back from ov

dian F

ch of savage life. Such persons will find useful the usual form of introduction (the shorter form

comrades wh

with all yo

your sense

h your app

ds, O trees,

tling, corn,

ear and giv

f the run

ment in yo

ing you,-

d, "Here is Henry Edward Eastwood," or, "Here is Hal McGiverin, Junior," or anything else. All names fi

form Int

iously called in newspaper reports the "genial chairman" of the meeting. While he is saying it the victim in his l

studies it, turns it upside down and adds) "in many directions are familiar to all of you." There is a feeble attempt at applause and the chairman then lifts his hand and says in a plain business-like tone-"Will those of the audience who are leaving k

OPEN A C

er the top." It may best be studied in the setting and surroundings of the Evening Reception, where people stand upright and agonise, balancing a dish of ice-cream. Here conversation reaches its highest pitch of soc

hardest problem. Other communi

inese

ow old are YOU?" This strikes me as singularly apt and sensible. Here is the one thing that is common

etentia

yards of the American penitentiaries. "What have YOU brought?" asks the San Quentin or Sing Sing convict of the new arrival, meaning, "

te S

" This admits of no answer. Convention forbids us to reply in detail that we are feeling if anything slightly lower than last w

edical diagnosis, or it leads the two talkers on into a long and miserable discussion of the weath

r, of a conversation t

l Friends

people who are supposed to have some special link to unite them at once with a

s. "I think you and Mr. Sedley are from the sa

y. "It's good to hear from anybody who comes from our little town." (If

Miss Smiles. "I'm

to meet you to as

re my greatest

" asks Mr

ns-on Selki

nk I do. I know th

course you

t think I ever heard of the Prices. You don'

arsons. The Prices live

know them. The Pearsons l

ege? Is it near th

I know the Wi

conversation goes

d Miss Smiles are

xed. Their sentenc

now the P

u know the

know the Wil

N

One of them happens to mention Beverley D

east, I don't KNOW him, but I used oft

exclaims with

, but I used to hear the Willie Jo

are s

are still standing there

iquett

I got but little light or help from it. It was written by the Comtesse de Z-. According to the preface the Comtesse had "moved in the highest circles of all the European

is-a-vis may be in ignorance. Nor are the mere words alone to be considered. In the art of conversation much depends upon manner. The true conversationalist must, in opening, inv

means, but I know that personally I cannot "invest myself with an atmosphere of interest." I mig

the last part, and confined myself merely to the proposed selection of a topic, endeavouring to pick it with as much care as if I were selecting a g

any mathemati

said t

er some good puzzles about the squares

d gave myse

I asked, "on

she said. Evidently s

ed the principles of

as

She an

rest, when another man was introduced to her, quite evidently, from his app

I've just heard that Harvard beat Prin

lking like old friends. How

ssed Hog

ions, is where one of the two parties to it is too surly, too stupid, o

This kind of person, as viewed standing in his dress suit, mannerless and stupid, too rich to have to talk and too dull

is a winsome and agreeable woman, tr

ber that in one of my nursery books of forty years ago there was a picture entitled "The Lady in Love With A Swine." A willowy lady in a shimmering gown leaned

Lady in love

d she, "will

d you a s

t you sh

!" sa

gness of the Lady that was singularly appealing, and con

he pretty advances of the Lady were rebuffed b

ellated sty being represented by the hardwood floor of a fashionable drawing-room. His face is just the same as the face of the pig

such tremendous power. Our hostess was just telling me that you own practically all the s

says M

y (she really knows nothing and cares less about

says M

dreadful strain, do you not? I mean, so

says M

ee one of your factories. T

ng, or wants a block of his common stock, or his name on a board of directors. So he leaves her. Yet if he had known it she is probably as rich as he is, or richer

es and

other day of a blue-eyed boy of te

the book f

mong the Canniba

citing?"

ld in a matter-of-fact t

m him and read alou

dy, while with a back stroke of his dirk he stabbed another to the heart. But resistance against such odds was vain. By sheer weight of numbers, Ned was borne to the ground. His arms were then pinioned with stout ropes made of the fibres of the boobooda tre

rly exciting, i

led," said the little

ready taken his first steps in

, passes unhurt through a thousand perils. Cannibals, Apache Indians, war, battles, shipwrecks, leave him quite unscathe

o, the boy Ned, is the way in which he turns up in a

saddle to General Meade and said quietly, "General, the day is ours." "If it is,

d was present at t

ith Washin

hington, as they peered from the

American General, and a tear froze upon his

King John with his pen in hand w

in his hand, while his crafty, furtive eyes indicated that he

ailed hand upon

d sternly, 'or tak

King

moved his iron vizor from his bronze face

nced on page three hundred and one that at the close of Ned's desperate adventures in the West Indies he married the beautiful daughter of Don Diego, the Spanish governor

e returned to his native town, all sunburned, scarred and bronzed from battle (the bronzing effect of being in battle is always noted): he had changed

s the familiar threshold of the dear old house? Can this tall,

f every experienced read

ars and can look back upon thirty or forty years of fiction reading. "Ned," flourishes still, I understand, among the children of today.

hing softer was needed than Ned with his howlin

the Romantic Heroine of the Victorian Age and the Lo

her Fenimore Cooper or Walter Scott began them, I cannot say. But

ay in her physical feebleness. She was general

fitted to fulfil its bodily functions...she appeared rather as one of those ethereal beings of the air who might visit for a brief momen

uspect there was something wrong with

when we introduce her to our readers, she was intimately conversant with the French, Italian, Spanish, and Provencal tongues. The abundant pages of history, both ancient and modern, sacred and profane, had been opened f

d Law School, with five minutes preparation. Is it any wonder that there was a wild rush for Madeline? In

utation had shamed even the most licentious court of the age, and had led to hi

e been very rough on him to have been banished from the p

dnight, her innocence being such and the gaps left in her education by the Abbe being so wide, that she is unaware of the danger of ruined towers after ten thirty P.M. In fact, "tempted by the exquisite clarity and fulness of the moon, w

eline turns upon him and says in such icy tones, "Titled villain that you are, unhand me," that the man is "cowed." He sli

ity for fifty years can best be described as the Long-winded Immaculate Hero. Entirely blameless in his morals, and utterly virtuous in his conduct, he possessed at le

ve evinced are so greatly at variance with the title that you bear and the lineage of which you spring that no authority that you can exercise and no threats that you are able to command shall deter me from expressing that for which, howeve

Lord Rip sank into a chair, a hideous convul

assed off the scene. Where they went to, I do not know. Perhaps Markham got elect

leggings. She ate beef steak. She shot with a rifle. For a while this Boots and Beef Heroine (of the middle nineties) made a tremendous hit. She climbed crags in the Rockies. She threw steers in Colorado with a lariat. She c

and who had learned every art and craft of savage life by living among the wild Hoodoos of the Himalayas. This Air-and-Grass-man, as he may be called, is generally supposed to write the story... He was "I

h "I" and Kate figure in a desperate adventur

of a lofty crag, our sole chance of escape (and a frightfu

sured the fearsome

t a projecting rock. (Please note that the Air-and-Grass Hero in these s

of the buckskin line. 'All right, Mr.

l responded to the strain. I lowered a hundred fathoms of the

iddleton,' I called. (Here was

voice floated up t

she called

it is that Kate in her turn comes out strong, at the evening encampment, frying bacon over a blazing fire o

t the reader knows that it is all right, because the hero and

just getting back again to the confines o

her aunt, Mrs. van der Kyper of New York, and the Air-and-Grass Man to start for the pampas of Patagonia to hunt the hoopoo. The Air-and-Grass Man is about to say

she an

I was thinking of when I held the line

d, while a flush s

Kate,' I said, 'th

be very

!' she e

ed her i

half an hour later, as I tenderly unclasped the noble girl fr

nnyson says, they "passed," or as less cultivate

ouldn't do. The truth was, if one may state it openly, Kate wasn't TOUGH enough. In fact she wasn

ariat and his Winchester rifle, he was presently exposed as a fraud. He was jus

ed in its books is wickedness. Fiction was recog

nd settings with which the fiction of to-day has replaced the Heroes and Heroines of Yesterday. The Lure of the City is its theme. It pursues its course to the music of the ukalele, in the strident racket of the midnight cabaret. Here move the Harvard graduate in his dinner jacket,

ica; Being Done into Mov

Shurman the other day, "has come among us durin

hat I come to think of it, I don't believe it WAS Shurman. In fact it may have been ex-President Eliot. Or was it, perhaps, President Hadley of Yale? Or did I say it myself? J

wards the possibility of utilising moving pictures for the purpose of education. It is being freely said that history and geography

e. I have therefore prepared, or am preparing, a film, especially designed for the

s imagination. But let me first give the plain, unvarnished account of

y of Genoa. His mother, Teresa Colombo, seems to have been a woman of great piety and intelligence. Of his father, Bartolomeo Colombo, nothing is

t as we go on. Let the reader therefore imagine himself seated before the curtain in the lighted theatr

HORIZED BY THE BOARD OF

ckground right away. Now what goes on next? Let me see. Ah,

R COLUMBUS

n a bowler hat) is thrown on

ow him

ERICA.. Miss

nest. Let us make the scenario to

s was the son of poo

chairs with carved backs-two cardboard beams across the ceiling (all this means the Middle Ages)-a long dinner table-all the little Columbuses seated at it-Teresa Colombo cutting bread at one end of it-gives a slice to each, one slice (t

omeo Colombo, was a man of no especia

st we announce h

COLOMBO.. M

of important characters. If a movie character-one of importance-is plotting or scheming, he seats himself at a little round table, drums on it with his fingers, and half closes one eye. If he is being talked to, or having a letter or document or telegram read to him, he stands "facing full" and working his features up and down to indicate emotion sweeping over them. If h

for Bartolomeo Colombo.

at com

a passion for study, and especially for astronomy, g

head. This shows that the boy never rises from his books. He can't. On a table in front of him is a little globe and a pair of compasses. Christopher spins th

opher-poor, honest, stu

the boo

tion at the monastery of the Franciscan m

t that on the scre

on th

ra with triangle and stick)-procession of movie friars-faces more like thugs, but never min

the bo

monastery, delighted with the boy'

a m

O... Mr. E

e with compasses-benevolent friar bending over him-Christopher turns the compasses and looks up with a what-do-you-know-about-that look-astonishment an

rs of study, reaches the firm co

rs round and round the globe-registers the joy of invention-seats himsel

overy Christopher sets

show Christopher "fired." We can't. Perhaps he'll be fir

sets

rd with iron across it)-Christopher leaving-carries a wa

ing his discovery at the courts of Europe, in vain, though asking nothing in ret

creen. In reality this is exactly where the trained movie man sees his chance. Here he can put in anythin

h Avenue evening dress for short coats and knee breeches, heavily wadded and quilted, and wear large wigs. Quilted pants and wigs register courtiers, the courtiers of anybody-Charlemagne, Queen Elizabeth, Pe

ise it is the cabaret scene with the familiar little tables, and the ukaleles going

appealingly in their faces. All laugh at him. His part is just the same as that

m shows Columbus vainly soliciting fina

minute,

AGNIFICENT...

refusing aid to the boy genius who has invented a patent pea-rake. The only change is that Lorenzo wears a huge wig, has no tel

enes of this sort turn out the

s to the

past the prime of life, is presented at

alf a

LLA.. Miss

the hall. Miss Briggs was here last week, or her astral body was-as Maggie

consort, King Fer

ck him on

ARAGON.. Mr

s-same make-up as for Ferdinand of Bulgaria, F

enthusiasm for the marvellous dis

e with their faces, well-what-do-you-know-about-this. Ferdinand makes a circle with the compasses on a table-the courtiers, fickle creatures, crowd around. They are still dressed as in Sardinia eighteen

ce place three ships at t

oks just like Palos, or near enough). Notice Queen Isabella on the right, at the top of a flight of steps, extending her hand and looking

gain to t

sets out upon his memorable voyage accompanied by a hundred compani

es always means a sailor, and black whiskers mean Spaniards). Now we see the caravel a little way out-whoop! How she bobs up and down! They give her that jolt (it's done with the machine itself) to mean danger. There are all thre

Sleeping at the prow, his face towards the new world, he s

engthwise over them). Columbus sits up, peers intently into the darkness, his hand to his brow-registers a look. Do I see America? No. Lies down, shuts his eyes a

ERICA... Mis

wears nothing except mosquito netting, but she has got on enough of it t

loating over the sleeping figure of Columbus. The dance they do is meant to typify, or rather to signify,-as a matter of fact we needn't worry muc

ossed voyage of

picture again and toss t

he food supply thr

e. Columbus surrounded by ten

g the banner of Spain, stepped first ashore. Surrounded by a wondering crowd of savages he p

e movie savages hopping up and down around him. Movie savages are gay, gladsome creatures anyway, and hopping up and down is their chief mode of ex

icture is needed t

the world he had discovered, fell presently under the disfavour of the court

l him if all else failed-Teresa Colombo his aged mother alone at his bedside-she offers him medicine in a long spoon-(this shows, if nothing else would, that th

nexorable film, like the reel of

is th

next

GIE

n

ER C

T WO

persing, and the now educated children going

eat picture show

s mother, "and

t he'd got but nobody wouldn't look at it till at last one dame gave him three oyster boa

re did h

natives and he'd have sold his invention all right but one old

run. When it is finished I must get President

tics fr

l, a Conservative Liberal with a strong dash of sympathy with the Socialist idea, a friend of Labour, and a believer

so many people of exact

the lights and shadows that flicker over the surface, and am not trying

e, there is more clap-trap, insincerity and humbug on the surface o

about ninety per cent are pure buncombe. But, oddly enough, out of the silly babel of talk that accompanies popular government, we get, after all, pretty good govern

ortune to walk round at the heels of half a dozen of them in different little Canadian towns,

n, a man with but little joy in the company of his fellows. Fate had made him a

man passed driving a horse and buggy, "

to me and say in

biggest skunk in thi

hand over a little hedge in friendly s

's a fine lot of cor

we were well past the house the ca

he meanest whel

l down the street w

ward! Giving the

gree

an un

n he'd take a do

from house

It made me wish to be a Liberal. Especially as the Liberal voters, by the law of the perversity of human affairs, always seemed to be the finer lot. As they were NOT voting for our candidate, they were able to meet h

im in the street and shake hands

d like to be able to wish you success, but of course you know I

l right, John, I don't expect you to. I can r

ent friends, the Candidat

s one of the straightest

e woul

for a minute. There's a dirty pup i

Liberal voters higher, till it so happened that I went one day to an old fr

this constituency you've got all the decent voters; o

buggy, and looked sourly at

manufactured hilarity, "got the

gru

my friend, "the lowest pup i

date to me one morning, "I w

s we started down the street towards the c

aid, "what's w

one you'll meet first is the chairman-he's about the worst dub of the lot; I never saw a man wi

ng Committee men. Committee men in politics, I notice, have always a heavy bovin

r. Frog. Mr. Frog is our old battle horse in this constituency. And this is

t have been

s sounded like when one wa

eaders, standard bearers, flag-holders, and so forth. If he had introduce

went out and I was lef

hink of our ch

hook their heads

on wishing HIM on us." He pointed with his thumb ov

ng with him

hook his h

NCH,"

agreed all th

ughouse, a voluble man, with wandering eyes-"the tr

e," I

iberals have got hold of," continued Mr. Bug

er Committe

d, "magnetism, Our man ha

aid, 'You're on the other side but what does that matter?' Well, we went up to his room, and there he had whiskey, and gin, and lager,-everything. 'Now,' he says, 'name you

one called Mr. Dope, "I wouldn't mind that so much. But the ch

t?" I ex

ittee shook

it. I suppose there has been better speaking in this Constituency than anywhere else in the whole dominion. Not lately, perhaps; not in the last few

d at the circle

assented Mr. Mudd, "a

nued Mr. Dope, "I'

here in the Odd F

nodded and gurgled

tell you he was plastered for fair. We ALL were. I remember I was so pickled myself I cou

who would scorn to drink lager beer in 1919, take a grea

, you remember the old Doc) was in the chair, and he was pretty well spifflocated. Well, sir, Sir John A. got up in that hall and he made the finest, most moving speech I ever listened to. Do you remember when he called old Trelawney an ash-barrel? And when h

ittee shook

e, one way or the other. We've certainly worked hard enough,"-here he passed the box of cig

aying to the wife when I got up this morning that I begin to

pretty hard proposition here. This riding really is Liberal: they've got the majority of voters though we HAVE once or twice swung it Conservative.

greed on this. A little

en and to my intense surprise the riding was

se. But apparently

gnetism. He had, so they said, "punch." Shortis, the Liberal, it seemed, lacked punch absolutely. Even h

w the election was carr

despised their candidate so much that they voted

ried the

day for Ottawa. Except for paying taxes on his house, he wil

Illusions

h one foot up on a chair. On a brass table beside him are such things as Mr. Sims needs. But they are few. Wealthy as he is, the needs of Mr. Sims reach scarcely further than Martini cocktails and Egyptian cigarettes. Such poor comforts as these

o gentle a current upon so smooth a surface that they have been without adventure. It is the stormy period of his youth that preoccupi

t exists in his mind under the name of the "old gang." The same association, or corporate body or whatever it should be called, is also designated by Mr. Sims, the "old crowd," or more simply and affectionately "the boys." In the recollection of my good friend this "old gang" were of a devilishnes

quent. McGregor of the Class of '85 graduated with a gold medal in Philosophy after drinking twelve bottles of lager before sitting down to his final examination. Ned Purvis, the football half-back, went str

d frenzied sense of a speculative fortune, begetting care and breeding anxiety, but in the warm and comfortable inheritance of a family brewery, about as old and as well-established as the Constitution of the United States. In this brewery, even to-day, Mr. Sims, I believe, spen

, silent residence, where a noiseless butler adjusts Mr. Sims

y, and with them the current of M

ving him stranded in a club chair wit

e been. There was, as there always is, one girl in particular. I have not heard my friend speak much of her. But I gather that Kate Dashaway was the kind of girl who might have made a fit mate even for the sort of intellectual giant that flourished at Mr. Sims's college. She was not only beautiful. All the girls remembered by Mr. Sims were that. But s

man so prone, as is my friend, to spend his time in modest admiration of the prowess of others is

med them. It is not merely that they are scattered to the four corners of the continent. That might have been expecte

thing of McGregor now

head quietly. "I understand

was t

is a quiet finality about the

ng of another of his classmates. "I guess

he troubl

deways as he sits. It is e

e," h

in life does not sav

day, "that they ha

hief Justic

ve a hard time holding it down. I imagine he's

iting them off. There is a melancholy satisfaction in it. As the years go by Mr. Sims is coming to regard himself and a few others as the lonely surviv

nd about the old gang, it seemed almost incredible that one of them sh

contrary to his wont. And with him was a friend, a sallow, insignifi

Tommy Vidal," said

with Aristotle," he couldn't

e age of Pericles. He took the prize in Latin poetry absolutely "without opening a book." Latin to Tommy Vidal had been, by a kind of natural gift, born in him. In Latin he was

characteristic of Mr. Sims's idea of the old gang that the only way

lown in" to bring his second daughter to a boarding school-a thing no doubt contemplated months ahead. But Mr. Sims insisted in regarding Tommy's movemen

Vidal shook his head. He hadn't had a drink, he said, for twenty years. He found it affected his hearing. Coffee, too, he refused. It affected, so it seemed, his sense of smell. He sat beside us, ill at ease, and anxious, as I could see, to get back to his second daughter and her schoolmistresses. Mr. Sims, who is geniality itself in his heart, but has no grea

so later he mentioned to me in conversation that Tommy Vidal had "turned into a kind of stiff." The vocabulary of M

For years no member of the "old gang" had come in touch with Mr. Sims. Yet the visit of

at the deferential waiter brought upon a tray. "This beats all! Old N

an assortment of gin cocktails and Scotch highballs to run a distillery, and enough Vichy water

d, as in deep confidence, that there

d shape, and rested on a chair. At his request I went from the

d football-as did all Mr. Sims's college chums-"plastered." "Old Ned," so Mr. Sims would relate, "was pretty well 'soused' when the game started: but we put a hose at him at half-time and got him into pretty good shape." Al

said Mr. Sims, "by

downs

e black clothes with a waistcoat reaching to the throat, a white tie and a collar buttoned on backwards. Ned

ht him

f light of the room, Mr.

e thing dawned upon him. Nor did the three gin cocktails, which Mr. Sims had had stationed ready for the reunion, greatly help its geniality. Yet it ha

hat night wa

ear women" he called them-who had recently affiliated their society with the work that some of the dear women in Mr. Purvis's own town were car

ould we made

at you were marri

them, he told us, were a great blessing. So, too, was his wife-a great social worker, it seeme

"Mr." after the first five minutes), "you may remember my wife. I thi

plate, as another of his lost i

d spoke out his mind-once and once

aid, "that old Ned

SS

urned somehow into a "complete mutt." Jake Todd, who used to write so brilliantly in the college paper, as recollected by Mr. Sims, was now the editor of a big New York daily. Good things might have been expected of him,

e thought much about them. They set him wondering. There were c

ene of the exploits of the old gang. In the thirty years since he had graduated, though separated from it only by two hundred miles, Mr. Sims had never revisited it. So is it always with the most faithful of the sons of

g." We would, he said, "blow in" u

e leaves are out on the college campus, and when Commencement d

h a coloured ribbon, and light grey suit, and a necktie with the garish colours of the college itself. Thus dres

n would necessitate, said Mr. Sims, the closing of the plant. The prospect, in the financial sense, occasioned my friend but little excitement. I was given to understand that prohibition, in the case of Mr. Sims's brewery, had long since been "written off" or "written up" or at least written somewhere where it didn't matter. And the movement itself Mr. Sims does not regard as permanent. Prohibition, he says, is bound to be washed out by a "turn of the tide"; in fact, he speaks of this returning wave of moral regeneratio

hrough the little town and

ment and leaning on his stick, "we

o walk up

ere more trees to

Si

en said that the avenue was

used to be,"

he campus. "A dinky looki

"that the Arts Building w

answered. "Looks like rough

f his undergraduate soul had returned to his body. Although he had never seen the President (this one) in his l

e, see? If the old fellow gets talking, he'll go on for ever. I remember the way it used to be when a fellow had to go

cant men who had evidently come out from one

are," said Mr. Sims. "Loo

ct told me that they were pr

ntinued his

t. If he says he wants to introduce us to the Faculty or anything like that, then you say that we have to get the twelve-thirty to New York, s

f this I

inquired where to

ation Building, e

on me. The buildin

nk

n ante-office. "I'm not sure whether you ca

im that" he said. On the card he

where there was a young man, evidently the Pres

oung man, in a consulting-room voice, "and

nt people went and came. Mr. Sims, speaking in whispers,

ng man touched hi

will see you no

was at least ten years younger than either of us. He was, in fact, what Mr. Sims and I would almost ha

always pleased to see our old graduates, Mr. Samson-No, I beg pardon, Mr. Si

omething that seemed to cont

t the place, I'm sure, Mr. Samson, great changes. I'm extremely sorry I can't offer to take you round myself," h

our hands agai

e outside the door. The

the building and

-came out, jostling and shouting. They swarmed past us, accidentally, no doubt, body-checking Mr. Sims, whose s

ou oughtn't to let young roughs like that come into the

the janitor. "T

Sims. "And what are the

eir professor is ill, and so

Mr. Sims. "Are

nitor. "That's the Seni

ed to limp more than his custo

d much of crude alcohol and the possi

date has been the two dollars that he gave to

m Recollections of Childhoo

s, with long lonely roads and snake fences buried in deep snow, and with cedar swamps where the sleighs could

nce such as people who live

metimes fell the sudden alarm of illness, and the hurrying drive through

ilies-would hitch up the horse by the light of the stable lantern, eager wit

stinct that something was amiss, and so mile after mile, till we

and deep in sleep, except where the light showed red against the blinds

d, as we burst in

's

for all the sixty winters that he carried. There he sat playing chess-always he seemed t

boys; here, let me brush that snow off you-it's my mo

t our hurried exclama

"ill nothing! Mere

call it supergastral aesthesia now. In a city house, it sounds better. Yet how we hu

ook, thrown on a huge, battered fur coat that doubled his size, and

e up," he said. "W

ve me a han

ly and quietly he moved, the lantern swinging on his arm, as he buckled th

he doctor almost filling the seat of the cutter, the two of us crushed in beside him, wi

ent against the storm: the long stride of

see the light in the sick-room wind

" says the doctor.

r closed. No word of comfort has come forth. He has sent out for hot blankets.

consultation, no wisdom of the colleges to call in; only his own unaided strength, and his own firm purpose and that strange

d fear, a phantom at the window pane: so must we wait

the fatigue of his long vigil. But as he speaks the tone

now. Give him th

we shudder back into the warm sunshine of life, while the sound

ned room: only there came to our listening ears at times the sound of a sob o

aused a moment on the threshold and we heard him say, "I have done all that I can."

is forty

illness and for every subdivision of it. If I fall ill, there is a whole battery of modern science to be turned upon me in a moment. There are X-

d eager-though it be only in the paths of an expiring memory-fast and eager, through the driving snow to bring him to my bedside. Let me hear the sound of his hurrying sleighbells as he comes, an