浪漫主义

pte

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ve in love a

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w Connor, that was

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s pride with my lowliness, as fervent and

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s utterly exhausted

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lse when my lif

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S

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e I

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, he stirred

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wing I was greedy, selfish, and prone

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lways, he ke

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ssages from Connor, but th

1

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capacity for endurance and

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I tried to dissolve my negative emotions on

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t coy, hoping he'd com

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mbarrassment and said, "I really

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to console girls

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want to be

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straightforward guy not to know how to

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would love me

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me overlook the obvi

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il

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a sharp pain in my lower abdomen jolted me from

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rual

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vers in the sweltering heat, eyes tightly shut, hopi

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eason, and this time the cramps

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careful not to wake my roommate, an

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ld be f

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sured

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ith the medication. Instead,

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est not to take painkillers on an empty stomach and

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ching in the bathro

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e light just as

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y my appearance that

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your lips

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er and stayed with me unti

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next day, for a mom

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time, still wanting t

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ke to be disturbed, so I didn't dare cal

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comfortable and wanted

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unset when he f

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o

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going

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G

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e hos

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, there weren't too ma

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I knew that distance made any expressio

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ependent woman, I sh

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he

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comfort me or

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ed in teaching

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olled up through our chat history, tr

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the distance, or now, it was always me tireless

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always so i

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larly wronged; I just

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lings

5

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even though we've been broken up for a

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was full of

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e college, both facing th

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and Harry Potter, b

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e just after verify

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he Little Prince, and my pro

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idences didn'

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had seen

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aring up at the slightest hint, yet we loved challenging our taste buds. We both adored pastries and tomato scrambled eggs, wh

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t known each

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a bit s

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call me f

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s

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ted for

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plied,

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t someone so sim

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ere

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sion to

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s pu

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uh

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e the

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for singing on the

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memb

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rrying guitars and other equipment singing on the p

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ngs while wandering th

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t never ap

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o

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come and

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, there weren'

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the center of the field, holding a guit

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gentle, like

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olgirl-style outfit, shivering i

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close, sitting cross

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ice me, slightly

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ght, I couldn

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erson, probably his frien

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ee y

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and guitar to his frien

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he

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ite hoodi

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me, wearing a whit

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framing round, droopy puppy eyes filled with laughter; his sl

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the kind of

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lawn, with him beside me, i

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eld you fro

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with a

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really t

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observe this boy who shared

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ted his profile, his prominent nose cutting through the light and shado

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ense my gaze,

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y head, trying to h

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nd finished singing

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ing sitti

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is friend handed him

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of songs do

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ng to rap and instrumental music la

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elplessly,

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u'

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it hard

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hair resting on his glasses frame, his focus visible through the l

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scene, I fel

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d play the

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entioning it in pa

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cal instruments and wasn'

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elessly pestered him, saying I liked t

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, without

1

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or last fall, a mont

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mpus, lifting fallen leaves and u

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sked me about the re

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break up. She always suspected that I had acted on impulse

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d we b

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uite articul

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because of th

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n and wait hours just for a cup of my favorite milk tea, eve

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remembered

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nd Valentine's Day, he would

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ergy, but that didn't stop me from receiving mango-flav

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emembered to

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ort myself

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g nor making a scene. I was never used to cryi

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message, still in

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ct: "I'm aller

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e apol

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sor

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y process, and once it was o

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d as insignificant as

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followed, silence

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os, sharing them, and writing all sorts of n

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social media, my first reaction w

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not a specific moment, my

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him, and he didn't r

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e. Without hesitation, she assumed it wa

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it that I realized we hadn't

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ow could it have

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if he didn't reply to my mes

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ess until the middle of the night, and eventually,

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n't

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fort me

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ng one of our video calls, tears

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s his r

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he was

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didn't know how

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o many demands that

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worn down, my heart

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, I suggested

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s bre

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se

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le w

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ing was incredibly straightforward and ea

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me I was inde

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e heart-wrenching pa

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st... ve

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agr

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was what he

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the breakup and suggested treating me to a la

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front and a beauty besi

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icious food that we seldom eat

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reall

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tantly after a

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ncern and sympathy, like

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sor

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zed insti

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s ov

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tween Connor and me were over,

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n early win

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er the covers to grab my vibrating

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o see me, traversing a dista

1

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ad opened on campus, and Jerred

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, tears and snot streaming down his face, goin

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e doing thi

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ned to

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back to our dorms fo

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unned, unable to thi

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body, spending most o

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badminto

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we play

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ugge

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ur

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prised he remem

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imate the time and book a c

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e exercise within half

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e court from two

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ed with

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rfe

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enior, much taller than me, making it

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say, but many guys are se

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ll, making him the p

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ements, and his round eyes under his

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he wasn't the

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ty minutes, he w

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ir

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leaned on the ne

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sheepishly

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o take

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sa

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his eyes lit up, and he

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s stomach slightly bulging,

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tted his belly and made

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happens when

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xpla

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eaving my mark on almost eve

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nu cafe. I'm really curious about it and

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closer to me; otherwise, he wouldn'

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shifted to an u

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e low and slow, "Have you be

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en in lo

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following the prin

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question b

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abou

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Wel

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ally,

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line relati

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lin

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uite su

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ea

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meeting, we lost contact. Even whe

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sn't satisfi

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lained

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, his voice clear, filled

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k why you

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ed cau

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y the question, so

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ll explai

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oved on; perhaps time has qu

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r again, I felt

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see me last November,

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were seeing

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ut was now un

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entle, but so

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he seemed too gentl

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ving our

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how he shared an umbrella with me in the drizzling rai

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was what initia

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d in manner, gentl

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s this very gentlenes

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ning about an ex is somewhat impolite,

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as a

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ard

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nclu

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us, ignored my anxiety and lack of security, an

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ce only exacerb

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despair and depth until all

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forced me into a

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mber, I instinctively

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. He didn't explicitly

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Walk with me o

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and before I realized it,

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to say something, but

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returned to the past, but I

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y walked me to

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ooking back, but he suddenl

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back in

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e you th

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thought this time, like bef

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inue to be

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s if it we

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ended by h

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riend, familiar but distan

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estrained, trying not

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s if he wanted t

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ht say somethi

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rst, "I'm

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just walked most of the way around the

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onships, from freshman year to senior year,

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rse, was on the s

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d quietly breathed

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"At least I don't