The Transvaal from Within: A Private Record of Public Affairs

the fact out, the poignancy of her suffering subsided; even by degrees she realised that, after this, her leaving the town was inevitable, and her th

ost its proportion as he stared; the clouds of the sky and t

ill lying clasped on her knee. He watched her for a moment, striving to connect the woman with her words. Something seemed bearing on his

idn't tell you any falsehood in London. Don't think me

swered dully; "I ha

that she had said anything requiring belief. Her assurance appeared juvenile to him, incongruous. There was an air almost of unreality a

them with sidelong inquisition. She rose nervously, and, rousing himself, he went with her through the crowd of children as fa

man waited beside her seemed eloquent of disgust, and she mused bitterly on what she had done, how she had abased herself and destroyed his respect

tranger told him this thing of her, she would have pitied and understood; told him by herself, she understood only that she was being despised. They s

did not know he heard them-he did not actively pursue any train of thought. It was only in momentary intervals that he became aware that h

e had said she was; he knew it. But he could not see her so; he could not imagine her the woman that she had said she used to be. He saw her always as she had been to him, composed and self-contained. The demeanour had been a mask, yet it clung to his likeness of her, obscuring the true identity from him still. He strove to conceive her in her past life, contemning himself because he could not; he wanted

it all-seen every mood of her

st in the consciousness that ac

began to wonder what he had been like indeed. It was too soon to question who he was-he wondered only how he looked, in a dim mental searchin

l to view any one of them as such; but his brain had been groping for a man, and these familiar men obtruded themselves vividly. The lurking horror of her defilement materialised, so that the sweat burst out on him; the signifi

hed the herbage of cottage gardens somnolent in Sabbath calm. Out of the silence came the quick yapping

n told Mrs. Kincaid that

the announcement witho

she said meditatively; "but I'm

t go. I'm sorry too, but

top with me always; we g

irst day; I shall never forget how kind you have

as the stumbling-blo

ckly; "I hope you'll be lucki

you best, you know; don't stay on to give me time to make fresh arrang

s we

ell; let it

following afternoon, Mrs. Kincai

ss Brettan?" she inquired. "H

ry hesitating

motive made plain spe

h," she added, "that

s! What a pity it

t; I'm not worth it. You know-you know, so many women in the world ha

gerating the necessity? I don't ask you your reasons, I never meddle in people's private aff

ppose I don't shiver at the prospect? Do you suppose it attra

er woma

w as my son?" she thought. "Then there would

e said gently. "Anything I can d

you," s

refer to me; it's your only ch

ell how indispensa

. I shall say I should have l

e doctor might have something to say; and she was loath to be indebted for testimony from the mother which the son would know to be undeserved, whether he interfered, or not; she wanted her renunciation to be complete. Yet, without this source of

had been seventeen, she would have knelt at the old woman's feet, for it is not so much th

u must know? You

lour sank from her face, and Mary had never heard her speak with so mu

n," said Mary; an

a message to the hospital, asking

hat Mary heard the order given. She supposed, however, that it was given in her pre

unexpected is always the portentous, but in which one waits, nevertheless, for something unlooked-for to occur. He did not

arlour, and replied to his mother's

has ha

rtance has happened. I

as the matter," he said,

dismayed to observe the alteration in him. S

s anxious to tell me something; she was anxious to

"And you wouldn'

on I had no more idea of sending for you than you had of coming. But I have been thinking it

be my wife," he

o. And she r

s because she refused me. To have spoken of it to you wou

caid con

it for myself." She turned her eyes from him and looked ostentatiously in anothe

thought it likely, but I didn't know

cross to her, and ki

" he repeated. "What a tender little moth

r, she could not see how

ng to let h

oked h

t her go, mother, as sh

fere, then? You won't do

t it," he rejoined coldl

Kincaid. "It seems I mig

ad you have spoken to me-or rather I'm very glad to have spo

ut, Ph

ust go mother, beca

truck me as the sort of man, somehow; but now that you do care, you can't surely mean that you think it right for the woman to

I do think it right for her to leave the place; I think every woman would wish

a thing to be comfortable. And I'll tell you what is greater still-your pride. Don't imagin

g on the hearth, but he did not attempt to foll

I know. But you're mistaken, for all th

of her-I should have preferred to see you marry someone who would have been of use to you and helped you in your career. You might have done a great deal better; and I am sure I understand your having a proper pri

e not to marry?" he said wearily

y. You don't follow me a bit. Since the dread of her loss can m

a princess, and you would have viewed that with a little pang too. You would give me t

et-heart is always a mother's rival just at first, Phil; and I suppose it's always the mother's fault. But one day, when you're married to Mary, and a boy of your own falls in lov

Don't! I shall never

d a thing he wanted to slip through his fingers. And a woman-women often say 'no,' to begin with. It's not the girls who are to be had for the asking who make the best wives; the ones who are hardest to win are generally the worthiest to hold. Don't accept her answer, P

be. It's no misunderstanding to be made up; it isn't any courtship to be aided. I tell you you can

d of the monkey that's up your back. It's a full-grown monkey to-night and you're too obstinate to listen to reason. By-and-by you'll see you were wrong. She is suited to you; the more I think about it, the more convinced I am she would make you co

f! You mustn't ask Miss Brettan to stay, and you are not to think that it is her going that makes me unhappy. My hope is over. Betwe

e did speak, his tones were under control; anyone from whom his face had been hid

t's not pleasant to me. If you want to prove your affection, prove it by that! Whil

ords themselves, hushed her into a conviction of his sincerity, which was disquieting because she found it so inexplicable. She smoothed the folds of her dres

oth very queer notions of what is right, that's cert

uired Kincaid. "What help

ht, when I mentioned the matter to-day. I suppose

? She won't ma

nce, what on earth will become of you?' And she said, 'Yes, she un

sane!" he said

your companion, and you have had no fault to

clear of the ash that had fa

ffect her right to your testimony to the two years that sh

irmed his mother. "Wha

inds another home, at the best; she mustn't think I have anything to do with it, but I want he

her to take some money,

ty pounds-to keep her from distr

s to him and wound he

pare so mu

ing by," he said,