The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies

replied, his tone showed even more respect than had been infused into it by the statement of the aspirant's income. Manasseh was not of those to whom money is

you would thereby have approved yourself a king of Schnorrers, of a rank suitable to my

g powers?" demanded Yankelé, spreading o

PROOF DO

to have some instance of your powers. The only

claimed Yanke

you asked young Weinstein fo

given them away!"

lly be above rebuffs of that kind, Yankelé, if you are to be my son-in-law. No, no, I remember the di

me schnorr mid success,"

ested Manasse

ft

m wh

" said Yan

with infinite contempt. "What does that prove? I am

a miser!" announced

u w

oose you

to you," said da

azarus, de b

he once gave a Schnorr

incredulously m

t a Schnorrer. He made the man give him a penny change though. 'Tis true the man afterwards laid out the shilling at Laza

re vould be no difference

but by that same token a miser is not

you make

s the man who indulges himself in every luxury and gives away nothing who is the hardest to schnorr from. He has a use for his money-himself! If you diminish his store you

name yo

gain with his stately bow. "Whomever you select I will abide by. If I

to Mendel Jacob

s married! A married man cannot

ure comfort? P'raps also she c

it. I will not ha

tski, de vi

uff-box. I have myself been offered a

, but Manasseh barred them all, and

unity whose stinginess is proverb

singenuously, while his heart

there-Rabb

stared him in the face-his

-Rabbi Haddock-no it isn't.

it was all o

se Red-herring," he said fee

e never seen the man-a king of guzzlers and topers, and the meanest of mankind.

ng. "But he is married!" he

REMBLI

e fares extra royally on the Sabbath. Obtain admission

the man-it is impos

rrer. You have heard my ultimatum. N

be?" asked Yankelé,

she gets from the Synagogue. Our Synagogue gives considerable dowr

s eyes g

tlemen you S

hand over to my son-in-la

ty in de Holy La

tle. And, of course, I would give you s

gasped

r! Ah, here is my door. It is too late to ask you in. Good Sabbath! Don't

vy-hearted to Dinah's Buildings, Tripe Yard, Whitechap

beard, and his spiritual consolations drew tears. His clients knew him to be vastly self-indulgent in private life, and abstemious in the matter of benevolence; but they did not confound the r?les. As a

infrequently happened, the person deceased was a stranger to him, he would enquire in the passa

he misheard the replies in the passage, and dilated on the grief of a departed widower's relict, the results were not fatal throughout. The few impossible passages might be explained by the mishearing of the audience. Sometim

reach from an English Synagogue pulpit resulted in a nickname. His the

't part with them at that price, so I went on, thinking I'd meet another woman with a similar lot over the water. They were lovely fat herrings, and my chaps watered in anticipation of the treat of eating them. But when I got to the other end of the bridge there was no other fishwife to be se

HAVE TORN

hat the congregation calle

was not, however, to be stifled, and there was one illustration of

of old breeches, sen

defalcating bankrupt. He, for his part, had a countervailing grudge against the world, fancying the work he did for it but feebly remunerated. "I get so little," ran his bitter plaint, "that I couldn't live, if it were not for the fasts." And, indeed, the fasts of the religion were worth much more to him than to Yankelé; his meals were so profuse that his savings from this source were

ed. Though she had only two to cook for, his wife habitually provided for

other man's best, approached the house of Rabbi Remorse Red-herring about a qu

rriage!" was da C

elf the grandiosity of a wedding feast! Deborah da

eps, breathing as painfully as if they were three hundred, and wondering if he would ever get merely as far as the other side of the door, he was assailed by the temptation to go and dine peacefully at home, and represent to da Costa that he had feasted with the Rabbi. Manasseh would never know, Manasseh had taken no

for there would be plenty of time to sa

apprehension, Yankelé lifted the knocker. He ha

d-herring half

abbi," he said, put

TO SEE DE

creature who had been plump and pretty. "

t I can

will be having

fter dinner," said

Rabbi sits lo

lé with undiminished placi

rplexed. "I'll tell my h

anxious moment

ow what you want," she

" said Yankelé with an

and doesn't

no

ion into households," sh

ied midout him," Yankel

out came Rabbi Remorse Red-herring, curiosity and cupidity in his eyes.

What is this about y

as your good vife told me your dinner

a few minutes befor

couldn't tink of keeping yo

. I don't fee

self laid up mid rheumatism, and you vill have Remorse," said Yankelé with a

n its most flattering sense, and his little eyes beamed.

have to say to you, Rabbi, is no

Rabbi muttered, "You

get married,"

been called upon

oo late to me

" murmured the Ra

is st

just to-day. But why did y

elé with contempt. "Vere voul

why

goes to him," sai

more select marrier. Come in, then, I can give you five m

or, and led the way

y carried, and his heart beat high with hope. But at

and dominating the room was Manasse

d Sabbath!" said

bath!" stamm

each other!"

h, "an acquaintance of

o see me about somethi

the Rabbi, Mr. da Costa?" Ya

f an hour ago. I met him in the street as he was coming home from

oments when the easy magnificence of the man overwhelmed him, extorted his re

Was it fair of Manasseh to handicap him thus? Naturally, there would be infinitely less chance of a fourth being invited than

Manasseh, "and I shouldn't

marked Rabbi Remorse Red-herring cordially, "I coul

e people," said Manasseh

t: he turned to Yankelé and asked, "Wel

e Mr. da Costa," replie

said anybody

ight hear. But Mr. da Costa isn't a stra

do, then?" murm

said Yankelé, with good-nature

lar as clockwork, and as unthinking, produced the black bottle of schnapps. It was her husband's business to get rid of Yankelé; he

erring took up her position at the foot. The Rabbi himself sat down at the head, behind the dish. He always served, being the only person he coul

rceived Yankelé. "Will you do as we

ild, mad throb of joy. He laid h

o," he said, with re

have your dinner

ME AND HAVE

of death. A shiver ran down his spine. He darted an agonis

t a tird man for grace," he said, in tones of prophetic

red; he was not able to repudiate such an opportunity of that m

stay," said the Rabbi, "but, unfortuna

ish vill

then!" sai

took the fourth chair, darting a triumphan

heaped his own plate high with artistically coloured potatoes and stiff meat-less from discourtesy than from life-long habit-then divided the rema

ft," he said simply. "We did

erved Manasseh, with his sphinx

blankly at the dish, his b

or two as in a dream, the music of knife and fork ringing mockingly in his ears, his hungry palate moistened by the delicious savour. Then he sh

journal at Grodno," said t

ive of Grodno?" i

t I left there twenty years ago." His mouth was

reacher everybody speaks of. I do not remember you myself, for I

d kept a brandy shop

don't know your real name) alluded to my fame as a boy-Maggid. At the age of five I preached to audiences of many hundreds, and my manipulation of texts, my demonstrations that they

give it up?" en

on) sermon occasioned no more sensation than those of the many other lads whose sermons I had written for them. I struggled along as boyishly as I could for some time after that, but it was in a losing cause. My age won on me daily. As it is said, 'I have been young,

KI.'""'SOL

ejaculated Yankelé, "after

egradation. But there is always balm in Gilead. I lost so much money over it that I had to emigrate to England, where,

op," said Yankelé; "it vas sval

fork. Manasseh reached for the unoffered bottle, and helped himself liberally. The Ra

been in England?"

g," said

he cantor still suf

sad. "No-he is

m. His blowing of the ram's horn got wheezier e

ad!" said

so robust. Has Mendelssohn, the

ad!" said

ing his knife and fork. "Why, I hea

ad!" said

l. "But his sons and daughters are all doing well, I hope. The eldest, Solomon, wa

dead!" sai

s a corpse himself. He laid down

thed in an awestr

ame cholera too

s. "Then poor Solomon's wife is a widow.

esn't matter,"

great deal," c

ead," sai

he had once loved the maiden himself, and, not ha

z," repeated Yan

holera?" falt

vas hea

leaned his elbows upon the table and his face upon his palms,

NFUL MED

g, Rabbi," said Ya

y appetite," s

od get cold and spoil

ook his head

ed Yankelé indignantly.

ng speed, pausing only to wink at the inscrutable Manasseh; and to cast ye

e quite sure all these people are dea

tested Yankelé, dislodging the bottle, and vehementl

e produced four plates for these, and so Yankelé finished his meal in the unquestionable status of a first-class guest. The Rabbi was by this time su

AND PI

d, "And what was this way you were suggesting to

mong the Spanish Jews," replied Manasseh gravely. "But after what we have just heard

ish Jews. They are all well-to-do. They may not die so often as the Russians, but they die better, so to

n dignified astonishment. "You do not

uggested it!" cried

ime, it struck me to enquire why you did not carry your consolations into the bosom of my community where so much more money is to be made.

Rabbi, though his heart was ho

y, Yankelé?" said

d hastily to hi

nt me to marry

ried me," rep

Rabbi. It was

Yankelé. "Hasn't

it-a-pat as he p

id Manasseh wit

summer. Only two of the quartette

e cried exultantl

ath!" adde

" dazedly murm

ath," adde

cried Yankelé whe

?" asked

future son-in-l

artily." The two Schnorrers shook hands. "I thought

n't it de

Manasseh ma

lé, his heart sinki

u kill so m

ust die dat

chnorrer would not have slaughtered so many for his dinne

they are not dead

ingly. "A first-class Schnorre

as far as a lie-if you had

came to encourage you by showi

e it much harder for me.

he Rabbi had already invited one person, he co

urself," protested Yankelé. "You be

acle for my son-in-law a

ould get a miracle," said Yankelé soothingly.

"and I think you might therefore be

t be content to break your promise. I suppose I sh

y daughter-without fail. Surely

money your daughter g

t from the Synag

ch vill

and fifty pounds," sa

s eyes s

," added Manasseh a

?" enquired Ya

y pounds," repeated

to say I may

d you was the money she gets from the Synagogue

eo! Vat

. By winning her you stand to win a hundred and fifty pounds. It is a handsome amount. There are not

, shifting his standpoint. "I don't vant to g

be able to live on it

ject to my sel

sordid, if you have no

come into p

ding day if

sire to rub his hands in glee. "As de Talmud says, 'One peppe

ill bring it to

peated Yankelé in amaze. "Oh,

I waste my substance on solicitors?

can you

ith withering contempt. "Surely a child could

our property in Jerusale

" retorted Manasseh, with gathering wrath. "To a true Jew a cas

property is a frau

circulation, and that many a dead man who has clods of it thrown into his tomb is nevertheless buried in unholy soil. B

dan a crown for it," said Yankel

hillings! I will not withdraw my promise, but I am disappointed in you-bitterly disappointed. Had I known this earth was not to cover your

't sell it," said

ah says, 'He who marries a wife fo

NSCIOUS B

DO

ones. He had never believed in that, but now, behind all his despair and in

in streets and a dozen byways and alleys-which shall be marked off in blue pencil, and whatever province of my kingdom you pick, I undertake not to schnorr in, from your wedding-day onwards. I need not tell you how v

, reduced to somnambulism by hi

topping short. "Won't you come in a

After all there was always da Costa's beautiful daughter-a solid, s

ous bride op

ight of her loveliness. "You will be not only a king, but a rich ki