LAS SALVATORE

Olivia Fernandes

I woke up with a start. I sat up in bed, breathless, rubbing my hands over my face in a desperate attempt to shake off the tormenting thoughts that haunted me.

For seven days straight, I'd been waking up like this. Dazed, disoriented, sweating, and ashamed.

Whenever I closed my eyes, the vivid, lifelike dream that had been plaguing me all week came rushing back. I could recall every detail-the intensity of his touch, his scent, the overwhelming sensations that took over me when I allowed myself a taste of what could be... if I weren't so damn scared.

That's exactly how I felt every time I saw him.

Lucas. My best friend from college. The popular guy every girl in high school dreams but unlike all the boys I'd known back then, he was different. Handsome, smart, kind.

Which is why I always believed it had to be some sort of trap. There had to be something lurking beneath the surface. Something Lucas was hiding behind all that charm and perfection. Some toxic trait, an annoying habit, poor hygiene- anything to prove he wasn't so... flawless.

But after a year of being around him, I'd found nothing. Nothing to kill the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach every time he smiled at me. Nothing to stop the sharp, aching pull in my chest when he was near.

And that infuriated me. Not because I wanted to find something wrong with him, but because I wanted to stop feeling this way. I wanted to get rid of the helplessness that came with being too afraid to admit how I felt.

It wasn't just cowardice. It was this gut-deep fear that telling him would ruin everything. That he'd laugh, or worse, pity me.

It was hard not to believe my looks would get in the way again.

My brother had done a pretty good job convincing me no one would ever find me remotely attractive. And even though people constantly told me otherwise-even though I was often considered one of the prettiest girls in class despite not being a size zero-I still doubted it.

I always wore dresses that flattered my curves, mostly pastel shades, adorned with bows and lace, romantic and vintage all at once. I turned heads, sure.

But emotional scars from abuse don't fade so easily.

And throughout the day, while I got ready for Lucas's 24th birthday party, all those thoughts clung to me like fog.

Love, insecurity, courage-they tangled in my mind like a web I couldn't escape from. And as I stared at myself in the mirror, I knew the choice to untangle it all rested entirely in my hands.

The door creaked open, and I jumped slightly. My roommate stepped in, eyes widening as she took in my appearance.

"Damn, Liv!" Natália whistled. "If I were single, I'd hit on you." She winked, and I gave her a shy, sheepish smile.