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Who hez bin Alderman uv his native village, Guvner uv his State, Member uv the lower house uv Congress, And likewise uv the Senit, Vice President and President, and might hev bin Diktater, But who is, nevertheless, a Humble Individooal; Who hez swung around the entire cirkle uv offishl honor, without feelin his Oats much; The first public man who considered my services worth payin for;
Chapter 1 No.1
After the New Jersey Election, 1865.
Saint's Rest
(wich is in the State uv Noo Gersey),
November, 9, 1865.
Never wuz I in so pleasant a frame uv mind as last night. All wuz peace with me, for after bein buffeted about the world for three skore years, at last it seemed to me ez tho forchune, tired uv persekootin a unforchnit bein, hed taken me into favor. I hed a solemn promise from the Demekratic State Central Committy in the great State uv Noo Gersey, that ez soon ez our candidate for Governor wuz dooly elected, I shood hev the position uv Dorekeeper to the House uv the Lord (wich in this State means the Capital, & wich is certainly better than dwellin in the tents uv wicked grosery keepers, on tick, ez I do), and a joodishus exhibition uv this promise hed prokoored for me unlimited facilities for borrerin, wich I improved, muchly.
On Wednesday nite I wuz a sittin in my room, a enjoyin the pleasin reflection that in a few days I should be placed above want & beyond the contingencies uv fortune. Wood! oh wood! that I hed died then and there, before that dream ov bliss wuz roodly broken. A wicked boy cum runnin past with a paper wich he hed brot from the next town where there lives a man who takes one. He flung it thro the window to me and past on. I opened it eagerly, and glanced at the hed lines!
"NOO GERSEY-5,000 REPUBLIKIN!"
One long and piercin shreek wuz heard thro that house, and wen the inmates rushed into the room they found me inanymate on the floor. The fatal paper lay near me, explainin the cause uv the catastrophe. The kind-hearted landlord, after feelin uv my pockets and diskiverin that the contents thereof wood not pay the arrearages uv board, held a hurried consultation with his wife as to the propriety uv bringin me to; he insisting that it wuz the only chance uv gittin what wuz back-she insistin that ef I was brung to I'd go on runnin up the bill, bigger and bigger, and never pay at last. While they was argooin the matter, pro and con, I happened to git a good smell uv his breath, wich restored me to consciousniss to-wunst, without further assistance.
When in trouble my poetic sole alluz finds vent in song. Did ever poet who delited in tombs, and dark, rollin streams, and consumption, and blighted hopes, and decay, and sich themes, ever hev such a pick of subjects ez I hev at this time? The follerin may be a consolation to the few Dimokrats uv the North who have gone so far into copperheadism that they can't change their base:-
A WALE!
In the mornin we go forth rejoicin in our strength-in the evenin we are bustid and wilt!
Man born uv woman (and most men are) is uv few days, & them is so full uv trouble that it's skarsely worth while bein born at all.
In October I waded in woe knee-deep, and now the waters uv afflickshun are about my chin.
I look to the east, and Massychusets rolls in Ablishun.
To the west I turn my eyes, and Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and Illinoy ansers Ablishun.
Southward I turn my implorin gaze, and Maryland sends greetin-Ablishun. In New York we had em, for lo! we run a soljer, who fought valiantly, and we put him on a platform, wich stunk with nigger-yea, the savor thereof wuz louder than the Ablishun platform itself.
But behold! the people jeer and flout, and say "the platform stinketh loud enough, but the smell thereof is not the smell uv the Afrikin-it is of the rotten material uv wich it is composed, and the corrupshun they hev placed upon it"-and New York goes Ablishun.
Slocum held hisself up, and sed, "Come and buy." And our folks bought him and his tribe, but he getteth not his price.
Noo Gersey-Ablishun!!
Job's cattle wuz slain by murrain and holler horn and sich, and, not livin near Noo York, the flesh thereof he cood not sell.
But Job hed suthin left-still cood he sell the hides and tallow!
Lazarus hed sores, but he hed dorgs to lick them.
Noo Gersey wuz the hide & tallow uv the Dimocrisy, and lo! that is gone.
What little is left uv the Dimocrisy is all sore, but where is the dorg so low as to lick it!
Noo Gersey wuz our ewe lamb-lo! the strong hand uv Ablishnism hez taken it.
Noo Gersey wuz the Aryrat on wich our ark rested-behold! the dark waves uv Ablishnism sweep over it!
Darkness falls over me like a pall-the shadder uv woe encompasseth me.
Down my furrowed cheeks rolleth the tears uv anguish, varyin in size from a large Pea to a small tater.
Noo Gersey will vote for the Constooshnel Amendment, and lo! the Nigger will possess the land.
I see horrid visions!
On the Camden and Amboy, nigger brakesmen; and at the polls, niggers!
Where shall we find refuge?
In the North? Lo! it is barred agin us by Ablishnism.
In the South? In their eyes the Northern copperhead findeth no favor.
In Mexico? There is war there, and we might be drafted.
Who will deliver us? Who will pluck us from the pit into wich we hev fallen?
Where I shel go the Lord only knows, but my impression is, South Karliny will be my future home. Wade Hampton is electid Governor, certin, and in that noble State, one may perhaps preserve enough uv the old Dimokratic States Rites to leaven the whole lump.
"I'm aflote-I'm aflote
On the dark rollin sea."
And into what harbor fate will drive my weather-beaten bark, the undersigned can not trooly say.
Noo Gersey-farewell! The world may stand it a year or two, but I doubt it.
Mournfly and sadly,
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
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Chapter 1 No.1
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Chapter 2 No.2
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Chapter 3 No.3
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Chapter 4 No.4
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Chapter 5 No.5
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Chapter 6 No.6
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Chapter 7 No.7
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Chapter 8 No.8
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Chapter 9 No.9
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Chapter 10 SONNIT
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Chapter 11 No.11
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Chapter 12 No.12
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Chapter 13 No.13
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Chapter 14 No.14
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Chapter 15 No.15
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Chapter 16 No.16
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Chapter 17 No.17
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Chapter 18 No.18
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Chapter 19 No.19
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Chapter 20 No.20
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Chapter 21 No.21
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Chapter 22 No.22
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Chapter 23 No.23
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Chapter 24 No.24
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Chapter 25 No.25
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Chapter 26 No.26
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Chapter 27 No.27
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Chapter 28 No.28
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Chapter 29 No.29
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Chapter 30 No.30
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Chapter 31 No.31
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Chapter 32 No.32
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Chapter 33 No.33
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Chapter 34 No.34
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Chapter 35 No.35
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Chapter 36 No.36
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Chapter 37 No.37
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Chapter 38 No.38
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Chapter 39 No.39
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Chapter 40 No.40
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