My life in a book

I'm here in my room thinking about everything is going to be okay. Positive in my mind could be healthy im trying.. At times I feel alone is so bad you wish you could talk to somebody but at the same time you feel like you're going to be bothering them. Like im not going to her house anymore I'm not calling her anymore or doing both because she's always crying and talking about him (my husband).

Now they acting differently, not like they used to before and I feel that my husband when he was here and everybody used to come to chill we had good time we cook have party's occasionally and now that my husband have passed away nothing is the same people have changed like they back on me. I feel so destructive inside me an so angry i been praying to God so much and Jesus and even the Virgin Mary that I could be a normal person because is hard enough that you be dealing with this inside you, feeling angry or mad you're not trying to cause any problem with family or friends but it's the situation that happened to me that make me act and seen the actions of people towards me it irritate me. But at the same time I feel like it was something that I never saw coming and which it like scary You know... the feeling is call PAIN YES, DEEP PAIN. I have a heart break so big no other man could ever, never repair only God, Jesus, Virgin Mary but after all you start thinking about how everything is going to be so different from now on that you feel afraid it's likes something inside you that you cannot calm yourself down because the hurt you got and timing passing in your head could get you feeling some type of way like I'm trying to figure out what it is that's going with me. How my life is supposed to continue with out my partner. Because i wasn't undependable. I depend on him. And then people repeatedly talking to me about what i gonna do when im living what i gonna do with all the materials how and when or what i should do and not do. The opinions or the >saying<...like they say. How i should live my life I know how to >read< My own life I mean like I said it could be something in me because I don't have my husband with me anymore and the one that used to handle everything about me. But it bothers!!!! The woman im now day he made.. that now that hes not here presently i have to depend on my own which i wasn't prepared to do all by myself. He were my strength he were my will Power my nurse my happiness my joker my plate of food my lesson's my imperfections my Rightness that when I used to get mad because sometimes things happens or when I needed something or whatever it was, he were there with out saying (NO) We can negra oh mami like he use to call me lets do this but with calm...that things calmly comes out good or better this is my husband voice to relax me in regards of what i was passing thru in any situation. And i tell you he were right. Things got better. He was the one that made always the IMPOSSIBLE TO POSSIBLE.. IN MY BOOK Is an honor i having and calling for 34 years husband my all Mr Agustin Gomez a husband that gave his all to make me the happy woman on earth, to have and feel the glorious blessings and love he brought to this proud wife right here which i will never regret not a second of my life having him.. May you rest in peace babe I love you Papi. See you my love. *10-10-69* *11-