Above whispers

Life becomes more meaningful when you realise the simple fact that you'll never get the same moment twice.

-limitless victory

The first drop of rain landed right on my cheek as I stood before his grave, avoiding a lingering gaze at his boldly written name on tomb stone

I held on tightly to the flower in my grip, almost crushing the stem as I raised my head up out of instinct to stare longingly at the raging sky. The cloud is slowly changing to a dark grey colour and the wind is gradually picking up, roaring wildly and making the weather even more chilly. I found myself shivering involuntarily, wrapping my pashmina scarf tightly around me but made no move to leave.

Not even a tornado could break my resolve at this point.

I know I must look totally crazy, standing all alone in a deserted cemetery on a cold July evening, dressed in complete black from head to toe like the grim reaper but that happens to be the least of all my concern.

'We should leave Siesie! it is starting to drizzle'

His voice calls from behind as he came closer. I closed my eyes and sigh, choosing not to answer him, I didn't want to talk to anyone, don't want them to pretend they understand how messed up my life had become over the last few weeks.

There comes a time in every human life when we just want to be left alone to wallow in our own darkness and sorrow, times when all the love and care can't lift our spirits because we are just too broken. I know without a doubt I have gotten to that point in my life.

I ignored his warnings like they don't exist, carefully squatting instead with great difficulty instead, I dropped the flower on the grave with much effort as I should have earlier while relishing in the irony of my gesture. I used to be that sort of girl who found the whole "dropping a flower on the grave" thing too dramatic and utterly senseless but here I'm, doing just that... The one thing I never envisioned myself to do.

Fate is just so cruel.

'Hi there... I don't even know if you can hear me or not, I'm probably rambling off to the wind like a lunatic...' I paused letting out a bitter chuckle, even I am starting to doubt my own sanity but what do I care

No one is perfectly sane

'...It been three whole weeks since you left. You know! they say time heals all wounds but I doubt I would ever recover or get healed from this, I doubt things will ever be the same again without you ' I started talking as I felt a presence beside me, arm going round my shoulder in a supportive gesture but I didn't stop, I kept on.

'... This whole thing feels like one big bad nightmare and I just want to wake up from from it........' I trail off with a faraway nostalgic look, reminiscing on all those beautiful memories we made in our little fucked up way '... Wake to see you right by my side with that permanent scrowl on your face, teasing me for always having stupid dumb nightmares' my body shook from the intense cold and different unexplainable emotions cursing through me.

Letting my guard down for a moment, flashes of that dreadful evening which will alway remain in my memory assaults me again, for a moment I was transported back in time and all I saw was red, blood everywhere, making my chest tighten in grief, I stumble, losing my balance but a pair of hand caught me before i could hit the floor.

'Shit! are you alright?'

I nod my head frantically without a word in response, to assure him while desperately trying to fight the wave of dizziness and migraine creeping on me.

'...This is not right Siesie, you shouldn't be doing this to your self' he scolds turning me around to face him but my gaze stubbornly lingers on the grave, The symbol of my misery.

'...we are leaving right now, I think you've had enough for the day' he declares, tugging my hand, trying to pull me along but I remain fixed in the spot. I didn't want to leave so soon, I wanted to stay right where I was, I wanted to scream, shout, curse and cry out at this unfair universe to my heart content. Something I haven't been able to do for the past three weeks.

'You can leave if you want to, i'm not going anywhere' I snatch my arm from his, my voice devoid of any emotions.

'If you think i'm going to leave you here all alone, by yourself, then you don't know the first thing about me' he replies in a stern, no nonsense voice. His tone showed he has now had enough of my uncooperative attitude and decided to take the high road with me, but rather unfortunately I'm just as stubborn as he is, if not worse.

'Go!' I dismiss him once more, turning away but he isn't having it, he grabs me by my arm and makes me face him again .

'Can you stop being stubborn and unreasonable for a slight moment, it starting to rain and you might catch a cold'

I scoff at his feeble attempt to get me to comply. At this point, it will take much more that that to make me do anything against my will.

'I doubt the cold will hurt as much as I'm hurting right now' he opens his mouth to speak, probably to defute my claim but I cut him off, beating him to it

'Even if it does, I've becoms too numb to feel any more pain'

There was silence for a while and I thought he had finally given up, finally realized I wasn't going to move just because he said so but I was wrong

'Doing all this won't bring the dead back to life, if it would, I would have since joined in your pity party' His word sent a stab of pain through me which I gladly welcome, allowing it pierce through me without a fight.

Yes! I need it

'I don't expect you to understand'

I snap at him

'But I do understand, you're not the only one who has had the misfortune of losing a loved one, you seem to be forgetting i've been there once, I know exactly how it feels but what's important is that you shouldn't let it get the better of you'

His mom

He was talking about his mum, he lost her very early in life and battled with depression for long, guilt creeped into heart very slowly for being inconsiderate, but then it vanished just as fast as it came.

The wind is starting to get really strong and showers of rain suddenly came down hard and unexpected on us, carrying debris of all kind in our direction. I shield my eyes with my arm to protect it from the flying objects.

'It's not the same' I shouldn't have said that and I knew it but that part of me craving for pain dominated my good sense of reasoning to the point I was ready to hurt others as long as it would hurt me in return

'For the love of God! Will you stop being selfish for a moment and stop to think of others for once, of how this is affecting them as well! Do you want to help them snap out of it or add to their endless list of worries with your stubbornness'

Selfish...

He called me selfish...

That got my attention, I'm a lot of things but selfish isn't the word to describe me. It so far fetch from who I'm I could feel my blood boiling at his unfair accusations, how dare he call me that?

'Did you just call me selfish?...' l bawl, needing to vent all my pent up anger, God knows I do.

'...So i'm selfish for feeling the way I do? I'm human for God sake and have lost someone who meant a lot to me. I want to cry, scream, shout but all I feel is this numbness like a thick fog, I can't even feel the pain I want, the pain i deserve to mourn properly and you dare call me selfish!!! How could you? ' I yell gesculating wildly.

'It somewhere in your heart, all you need to do is let it out before it consumes you. Cry, scream, shout, do anything you want but just stop mopping around like a freaking zombie, it scary' he yells back at me

'You've been like this ever since it happened, you won't cry or talk to anyone. You are dying silently and it's driving me crazy, it's driving everyone crazy' he continues.

'What do you expect me to do? break down like a weakling for the satisfaction of those who want to see me crack out of sadistic pleasure?' life has dealt me with a heavy blow and I refuse to break down and crumble to dust, I'm standing strong even if it tears me apart from inside. I need to stay strong for my own sanity or I will lose it totally.

'Even the strongest of us have a limits. Crying isn't a sign of weakness, it just a way of letting out pent up emotions which could be disastrous if we refuse to let go. It's a way of leaving our terrible past behind and starting afresh, it's the only way you can cut ties with these consuming bitter memories and experience' he urges in a softer tone coming closer with cautious steps

My resolve was slowly breaking, the calls I put up so high to protect myself is crumbling and I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, begging to be freed and allowed to run flow

'I know you are scared, because you think you might breakdown and never recover from it, scared because you think you have no one to turn too but that where you have it wrong. You will always have me and I will always be there for you, even at the darkest hour because i'm never leaving you alone to fight this demon'

He took by the shoulder, boring his words into my heart so that it never erases.

A single tear runs down my cheek and just like that the flood gate of heaven was opened, as if on cue, more tears pours down uncontrollably, leaving me breathless as a whacking sob excapes me, his hand draws me into a right embrace and I clutch on to him like my life depends on it.

'Let it out, punch me! hit me! if it will make you feel better...' he says rubbing by back in a soothing motion while I continue to cry unable to stop or control my self.

'...but don't stop until it's all out of your system'

One of my initial fears

The rain beats down hard on us as of testing our resolve but neither of us seem to take note as we remain in the same positions for what seems like hours, locked in each others embrace as if it's all that matters .

'You are shivering, I need to get you home'

He broke the trance, sounding concerned as always

Home

That single word sends a wave of nostalgia cussing through me. A home is supposed to offer peace, love, tranquillity, comfort and sense of belonging which mine had unfortunately lost a long time ago, how couldn't still call that a home?.

'I do not have a home' my voice is barely audible against the loud clattering of my teeth from the cold, but my pride won't let me admit it was getting to me

I never did, it was just mere structure that finally came crashing down because the foundation was undoubtedly faulty

'Then come with me to mine, though I won't call it a home either but we will have each other'

..................................

Okay guys......

This is just the prologue and I hope you really enjoyed it......

I'm trying as much as possible to inject lots of emotions into this book cause this book will have to do with lots of emotional rollercoster.

Please don't forget to vote and comment. Constructive criticism is allowed.