Walking To The Target

CHAPTER 01

Instagram notification beep on her cell phone, it was a Friday night, she just looked that even though it was early, her friends were in a bar drinking, she decided to open the post, seeing that they all seemed to be fine, on all faces the smile was stamped , none of them looked unhappy, tired and stressed as Valeria felt, "Ah" she thought "and unloved" remembering that her husband had not praised her for months and whenever he looked for her instead of loving each other they were always offended which always generated great fights, she couldn't take that situation anymore, but she pushed with her belly the lost ones, the fights, the emotional tiredness and the psychiatric treatments to which she was submitted.

Enduring all this not for her, but for the children, a sixteen-year-old teenager named Julia, a beautiful and angry girl who was closing herself off from everything every day, and eight-year-old Julio, a beautiful, short, chubby, lively and loving boy , being his best friend and greatest company, as he was the person he spent most of his time with when he was at home and they had a lot of fun.

Valeria thought it incredible how the two were such different people, she believed that she and João, her husband, were to blame for the isolated behavior of their daughter, who understood and witnessed her parents' fights and offenses for years. Also accompanying even without wanting to the treatments that Valeria had to do to contain her anger, being considered a dangerous person by society, since she had discovered her husband's first betrayal.

Valeria felt that every day she fought with all her might not to drown to death, her children and medication being her lifeboat.

Again, she heard the sound of a notification on her cell phone and looking at it, she saw that the night wouldn't end so soon for her friends, while she would have to stay at home finishing dinner for the children not knowing if that Friday her husband would arrive early or not, Valeria fidgeted rice while looking at their stories , the way they drank it would soon go bad, Valeria couldn't even remember when the last time she consumed alcohol was, because the medicines she took were strong and sometimes she even felt drugged, but she thought that I didn't need to drink either, I never liked it, being the one who always got her drunk friend home safely in her teens. What she really wanted was to go out and have a good laugh, receive a whistle or a catcall, be served by someone instead of serving as she did every day, but she knew that wouldn't happen.

Valeria finished dinner and went up to her room on the top floor to take a shower, she and her husband came from an upper middle income, they had a large and luxurious house, they lived in a condominium, but she felt that she was more loved when she had than sharing a room with her sisters in adolescence,

She felt like doing something different that night, she thought about taking the medicine to contain her anxiety and end that feeling in her chest with the accelerated beating causing her discomfort, sadness and shortness of breath, but if she took it she knew it wouldn't take long to end up sleeping and doing nothing, but it couldn't be like that.

Valeria looked at herself in the mirror, felt that that day she was beautiful with her straight black hair and Chanel, shiny, remembering that at school she was called snow white, because of her white skin color and the short black hair she wore, a A small white girl, five feet tall, she had thick legs and wide hips, a small waist and small breasts. Valeria observed that her body had barely changed since that time, she was still cute even at her forty-four years old, but her face was marked with black and deep dark circles, at the corners of her eyes that revealed a little more of her age. "Nothing that a good make-up" thought "can't solve".

Valeria stopped looking at herself in the mirror, not all encounters with her were as good as that one, most of them didn't see her as a pretty or attractive woman. Then she took a long shower, when she left the bathroom she checked her makeup, but there was almost nothing on it, she thought about borrowing her daughter's before she and Julio got home from school, she also saw that the nail polish was peeling and leaving her little hands of scary crumbled nails.

She ran to her daughter's room still in her bathrobe, she went in thinking about being quick and just touching her makeup, it had been a long time since she had entered that room, since her daughter decided to adopt a rock style she never allowed her mother to enter, who cleaned there was the maid who came once a week and as all the main rooms had a bathroom the girl only went out to eat. Valeria watched the posters on the wall, they were all from rock bands, some older than Valeria herself, on the computer table she found a lighter and several silk papers scattered around the room, she didn't want to believe it, but her sixteen-year-old daughter smoked marijuana, Valeria didn't know what to do, she thought about exposing her daughter to her father, making him come in and see all that arsenal of drug addicts, but it would probably kill her relationship with her daughter for life, thinking that her husband would force her daughter giving treatments like the mother's and also bringing her joy, I had to know what to do, I had to maintain control, I couldn't even freak out or have an anxiety attack in the girl's room, because it wouldn't be long before the children arrived from school. Valeria was leaving when she remembered that her intention was to put makeup on her face, she didn't know if she still wanted to do it, that lot of things happening had messed with her mind, she thought it was better to take the medicine and stay on her own until sleep knocked her out, she was stopped thinking and decided to go to her daughter's bathroom, at least everything was ok there, there was just a necklace of skulls hanging, nothing that she hadn't seen on her daughter, she saw her makeup was open and spread out, Julia was never an organized girl and not very careful, probably wouldn't notice if Valeria put on her makeup and she did, looking in the mirror feeling beautiful, the daughter also had perfume that she borrowed a little and decided to leave quickly before she arrived.

Valeria felt that she was not well, as soon as the children arrived it was the usual thing, Julia went into the room and locked herself in while Júlio ran non-stop and told his mother how the day was, no one noticed that she was tidy and sober on her meds, she sent a message to her daughter who was in the same house and asked her to go to the movies but Julia refused, so Valeria, tired of that sadness and routine, painted her bitten nails, put on a black dress, with the hem a little above the knees in front and long ago, he put on heels that he hadn't worn in years and threw an overcoat over it, with the intention of hiding the children's clothes, he went to Julia's room and knocked on the door, but she didn't answer, so she knocked harder and even so there was no answer, so he opened the door, startling the girl with his presence and said:

"Take care of your brother for me".

"Not me, you take care of him".

"I'm not asking Julia, I'm telling you, take care of your brother, I'm going to run some errands, dinner is ready, just serve him and you, I'll be back later".

"And if I don't take it?".

"So honey go say goodbye to your allowance, the internet and everything that doesn't involve basic care for the children, I'm leaving when I get back I'll want to know if you took care of him or if you're going to be locked in the room and leave the boy abandoned".

"Mom, where are you going?" Asked Júlio while hugging her "Why can't I go?".

"I'm going to solve something at your great aunt's house" She replied lying "Maybe I'll take a while and maybe not, but obey your sister and remember that I love you".

Valeria kissed her son and went to the garage, she had a car, but her husband used it to carry the supposed lovers, the children did not find it strange that their mother left, because in the past she always had to help an aunt from a psychotic break , because her aunts didn't have children and everything was left to her, Valeria was forbidden to drive because of the medication so João checked between one car and another; as it was night Valeria knew she would get to her destination faster if she drove, her license was expired, but she still decided to take the risk, that car had been an achievement that she had loved for a long time, but it seemed that adult life was taking away all her conquests, the joys she knew were fading away, but that wasn't the time to dwell on anything, but to think about where she was driving, while she was stopped in traffic, she looked again at her friend's story, who seemed to be the poster girl for the little bar where they were , then looked for the address and put it on the gps , heading there.

They weren't far away and she went happily to the place, parking the car a little ahead, she saw how full the place was, she hadn't seen her friends in person in years, she hadn't been in an environment like that for years, she didn't know what was going to happen. tell them, finding it strange to speak the truth that accompanied their posts on the internet with envy of their perfect lives and decided to drop everything to follow them that night.

Valeria started to feel the weight of having left home and alone, she started to question herself about what she was doing there and if that was really what she wanted, because she was afraid, she put her head on the steering wheel, she couldn't say that, she didn't have how to introduce himself, he felt his heart begin to beat faster while a pain took the chest region, recognizing that sensation, it was anxiety and he knew he was about to have a crisis, his hands were sweating cold and the pain squeezed still leaving the sensation that her chest was being crushed, she started to shake and wanted to cry, she took her bag to see if she had any medication, but she didn't find anything, she had forgotten to take it, becoming even more terrified because she knew that the crises were long and not she wanted to spend the night there locked in the car, she was afraid, she could call someone to pick her up, but she was tired of hearing sermons about things she had no control over, having the impression that the same people who took her to the doctor thought that what he felt nothing but a freshness and that's why he gradually began to sever the bond, just that immense pain and the confusion of thoughts that crowded his mind, not to mention the voices that started as a simple thought and were now getting louder and clearer. , she didn't need voices and pointing fingers, so she was trapped in the car feeling unwell, trying to focus her thoughts on just one thing because at that moment a lot of things were coming to her mind and her concentration was dispersing because of the pain in her chest, she started to beat with her head on the steering wheel, keeping her concentration on the pain in her head to forget about the one in her chest when it was interrupted by a big crash in the passenger side car, it was a couple making out who found themselves with everything in the car not even seeing that she was inside , when he calmly looked at what they were doing, he noticed that they were kissing and one was passing his hand over the other's body, he looked at the guy sticking his tongue in his mouth with everything in the girl's mouth while she pushed him slowly and the tongue hit the cheek, at first he thought it was disgusting, but then it was funny the girl trying to escape at any cost from the guy's mouth, the two seemed to be very drunk and Valeria laughed at that situation not realizing that the illness was gone; she decided to show that she was in the car with the intention of helping the girl to get loose and activated the alarm seeing that the two started laughing leaving there and going back to the bar she walking fast in front while the guy called her but she ignored it.

Valeria looked in the mirror, a red spot was left on her forehead from the beating, she looked a little strange but didn't want to waste the makeup she had put on, she took off her coat, feeling cold and laughing, because when she was young, the cold never bothered her, so she took a deep breath opening the car door, noting that some men watched her leave and made naughty comments, "maybe they think I'm a little nymphet" she thought walking feeling her self-esteem at a maximum while laughing to herself, with each step she took the sound became louder, she heard the beats of the dance floor recognizing one of her friends in it, but going to look for the rest, the place was big and it was full, but Valeria didn't find it difficult to find them because of the photos, they were in the same place, only one danced on the dance floor, they were drunk, but they recognized her right away, running towards her, hugging her and saying a lot of things that Valeria could not understand because of the loud music, but she noticed their joy in finding them, seeing them in person they weren't as pretty as they were in the pictures, she thought they should use the filter that everyone used to change their appearance, she sat between two of them who asked her questions about how life was going, the family, but especially her husband, because they themselves knew that in that environment not many married women went.

"I took a break" He said happily "Today is my day, but how are you?".

Valeria was listening excitedly to how her friends were doing, they seemed to be there because one of them had separated and they had taken her away to have fun, that was the one who was lost on the dance floor, dancing in a crazy way completely drunk, they still lived in the same house. neighborhood that's why they always saw each other, of the other two who were at the table, one had been married, but she also couldn't stand the relationship ending ten years later, saying she couldn't deal with someone in charge, but in fact she couldn't stand to change the phase of life, I had to wake up early and work and then work again at home, in the beginning everything was fine, until her husband's ex- wife won the right to shared custody of the children in court and she finds herself working non-stop and still having to putting up with crying and being poorly raised by other people's children, she thought that her self-respect was greater than the love for her husband and their poorly educated children and even though she liked him a lot and was treated well by him, she preferred to stay with herself, that way she was free from so much noise and mess, she worked and paid someone to clean her house once a week, she had two meals at work and the third either bought or eaten out, she liked the life she was leading and would not change it for a new one marriage, when she felt alone and depressed she contacted another friend to vent and everything was fine. At least that's how it worked in the first days apart, until then she hadn't felt the need to add anything to her life, she was content with what she had and secure about it.

Valeria felt her heart warm to be there talking to them and knowing about their adult lives, she realized that she was not the only one who had problems to solve, but that even though she was in control of herself, she was the only one with a sick mind and I feared that her husband would return to the house and not find her, I wonder if being there would be a reason to commit her.