Knife on His Lap

Author's Note

Dear Reader,

Greetings, and heartfelt thanks for discovering one of my literary endeavors. I want to apprise you, dear reader, that this book is crafted as a slow burn romance with themes of forbidden relations. If this genre isn't to your liking, consider this fair warning.

Furthermore, within the pages of this story, you will encounter references to mature content, including explicit language, violence, bullying, substance abuse, gang-related activities, and an age gap.

I sincerely appreciate your engagement and, if you find my writing resonates with you, I invite you to follow me. Explore my other works on Wattpad for more literary adventures.

Warm regards,

Mai

XOXO

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~Nariya Patel~

The brisk wind brushed against me, carrying with it the crisp scent of autumn. The leaves swirled and pirouetted in a mesmerizing dance, accompanied by the distant hum of joyful voices. Amidst this lively scene, I found myself perched on the rooftop of a five-story college building, contemplating a haunting question. As I peered down, the idea of a swift demise crossed my mind, prompting a shiver down my spine. Yet, a deeper fear lingered – the prospect of surviving, but in a state of irreparable damage. The contrast between the exuberant faces passing by and the tumult within my mind was stark. I couldn't help but reflect on the limbs that currently granted me mobility and the freedom to go wherever my desires led. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I grappled with the sequence of events that had brought me to this desperate juncture. It wasn't the first time I had stood on this precipice; three years ago, the edge felt less daunting, with a support system to lean on and a home to return to. Now, the absence of those anchors left me feeling adrift and alone.

A mere week had passed since my return from the monotonous routine of classes-a daily grind that seemed to erode my goals and hopes, bit by bit. Despite the persistent sense of diminishing prospects, a solitary ember of determination flickered within me. "Just one more year," I whispered to myself, clinging to the belief that I could escape the drudgery. In that time, I vowed to transform my life and rescue my father from the depths of despair. A vision formed in my mind-a future where we could once again revel in the glory we had known three years ago, when both my mother and my father's peace of mind were still with us. The promise of that radiant past fueled my perseverance, casting a dim light against the encroaching shadows of uncertainty.

The hollowness of the house greeted me with a chilling silence as I tentatively called out, "Dad?" My voice reverberated through the vacant halls, the absence of our furniture accentuating the desolation. "Dad, I'm home." Anxiety tinged with fear crept up my spine; he wasn't supposed to go out, especially not in his condition and certainly not when he was so close to liberation. The police had issued their final warning. With a heavy heart and reluctant steps, I ventured into his room. It was devoid of life, a stark emptiness where a mattress used to be. A lone envelope lay on the bare floor. My hands trembled as I opened it, and tears welled up in my eyes as I began to read.

"Dear Nari,

Forgive me, my child, for I have failed you and, most especially, your mother. These past three years, since her departure from this world, have been nothing but a series of trials for you. As your father and the only family you have, I should have been there to support you, helping you blossom into the woman your mother envisioned. Instead, I dragged you along with me, burdening you with sufferings that had nothing to do with you. The anger I harbored over her loss was unjustly directed at you, and I became a monster, realizing the pain in your eyes on the day I woke up in the hospital after an overdose. They told me you were the one who saw me and saved me from my addiction.

At that moment, I should have cherished you, and acknowledged you as the angel you are. Yet, Nari, I never even thanked you, consumed by self-loathing for allowing a young girl of just 16 to endure such hardships. I detested myself even more when you sacrificed your dreams because of me, and I lost everything your mother had built for you.

Over this past year, I witnessed your suffering as you carried not only your own burdens but mine as well. I am not just a terrible father and husband; I feel I am a terrible man. I know you are a bright child who will navigate the challenges of this world. You wished for me to be there, but I understand I am a burden dragging you down. You cannot sever ties with me, for I am your only one, and you love me. However, for the sake of your love and Matilda's, I must sever myself.

Do not search for me; tell the police I ran away, and you had no knowledge of my whereabouts. Don't worry, baby; I will be fine. For just one year, I have entrusted your guardianship to a trusted young man. He was my assistant intern at the academy, and I have never seen a boy work so hard. I realize it is selfish of me, but please do this for yourself. I have noted down his contact information and address on the paper at the back.

P.S. After you have read and noted the address, burn this letter somewhere far from home and bury the remains.

Love,

Dad"

Tears cascaded, falling onto the already tear-stained paper, causing the ink from my father's shaky hands to blur. I knew he cried as he penned this farewell, compelled by a decision that had to be made. Yet, the audacity of it infuriated me; how dare he make such a monumental choice without consulting me even once. We could have talked, found a resolution, but he chose to flee like a coward. My knees trembled, giving way beneath me as I wept throughout the night. I didn't bother reading the contact information he had left me; for the past three years, I had survived on my own without seeking his assistance. Fueled by determination, I set out to fulfill his request, burning his final goodbye as instructed. In the end, I couldn't keep anything; his gambling addiction had claimed everything of my mother's, and whatever I had of him had to be hidden away. Alone, I bit my lips, watching the flames devour the last remnants of my ties to my family.

This brings us to the present, where I find myself pondering life-altering decisions. If there was nobody clinging to me, why was I holding on so tightly to life? Perhaps my father was right; I had inherited my mother's stubborn will. If life pushed me ten steps back, I was determined to surge forward with twenty steps and a defiant flip of the middle finger. While my peers chatted about love and future plans, I gazed at the sky, wondering where I would sleep tonight. Just yesterday, the police and bank officials had come, demanding information about my missing father. Despite my assertion that I had no clue of his whereabouts, backed by the police complaint I had filed, I held a glimmer of hope that they would find him. Unfortunately, that hope was dashed, and the unforeseen blow came when the bank decided to seize our one-room apartment, forcing me to vacate our home this morning. Now, I understood why my father had entrusted my guardianship to another; as a minor, I couldn't continue living in that house or rent a decent place. It seemed my only option was to seek refuge in one of those shady motels that might provide temporary shelter. "Maybe I should have noted down his acquaintance's contact," I mused, acknowledging that, for now, shady motels offered more security than sleeping on the streets. A sigh escaped my lips as I perched on the ledge of the rooftop, contemplating the uncertain path ahead.

"You know, jumping is not a pleasant way to go. In fact, you'd think it would be rather painful," a deep voice startled me as I lost my balance and footing. Just as I was about to slip, just when the life I was so determined to fight for seemed on the brink of ending for a senseless reason, just as the possibility of the last words of this man were about to come true, I clutched my eyes shut in reflex. A strong arm swiftly caught hold of mine, stabilizing me. After what felt like an eternity, I blinked my eyes and turned my head to look at the man.

"Good, I see you still have the will," he smirked. My eyes were instantly drawn to his perfect teeth framed by plum lips, their light pink hue tempting my thoughts. An insect-like notion flickered through my mind, causing me to bite my lip. Slowly, my gaze traveled up his impeccable nose, meeting the piercing grey eyes that now narrowed with a slight smirk, suggesting he found my escalating attraction amusing. A red blush crept onto my face, and I coughed, gripping the railing with my other hand before standing up. His grip on my arm persisted, and the wind tousled his beautiful straight hair like leaves as he tilted his head. Gradually, he pulled my body weight towards himself, his other arm snaking around my waist.

I froze; male affection or touch was a new sensation for me, and the sensual feeling of his muscular arms was an unconventional introduction. Gulping, I managed to mumble, "Um..."

"Alright, now slowly put up your leg on this side and come this way," he instructed, his voice authoritative, compelling me to comply.

Pushing one of my legs forward almost mechanically, I realized I wouldn't be intimidated by this stranger. In fact, I was having quite an eventful time until he took it upon himself to intervene, making any mishap, if it occurred, his responsibility. In an attempt to break free from his guiding hold, rather than slowly lowering and sliding my other leg, I jumped down, surprising him. For my landing, he had to take a few steps back to give me the space I needed. What I hadn't anticipated in the heat of the moment was the fact that the rush of air during the descent would lift any lightweight objects, causing a delay in their fall, like my skirt. This unintentionally provided the man next to me with an unexpected view, exposing a part of me I had never shown anyone except my mother.

Embarrassment surged through my head like a teapot whistle, and my instinct was to dash away. However, mustering the little composure I had left, I willed my body to move slowly towards the door. Just as my fingers touched the cold metal knob, his deep voice chuckled, "That was a nice view, I might add better than this," gesturing towards the expansive sky.

Lifting my beetroot-colored face, I met his amused gaze. He leaned against the same railing, ready for a comeback. A retort poised on my tongue, I blurted out, "Well, take it as payment for your generosity," before scurrying away, my heart pounding against my chest. His laughter echoed through the stairs as he remarked, "How disobedient."