Rebirth Of Anushka

I stared at my desk's flickering candle, the little light quivering as if it felt the same uneasiness as me. My thoughts were interrupted by his calm but tense voice.

"Niki, I need you to talk to me," Cassian continued, his intense stare holding me firm.

"Speak with you? What is it about? With a forced grin that stopped short of my eyes, I asked. "There isn't anything incorrect."

"Yes, there is. I can tell because you don't look at me. His words pierced me even as his voice became softer. "Niki, you can't keep acting like that. We are both aware that a shadow now separates us.

The quiet between us became thicker, and I gasped. That growing gap, that silent but indisputable emptiness that none of us understood how to traverse, was something I could sense as well. Glancing down, I ran my fingertips down the edge of the desk as if the answers were hidden in the weathered wood.

"I... I don't know what you want me to say." I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, so I hardly spoke. He would see the anger and embarrassment that tore at me day and night if I did.

He ran a hand over his jaw and groaned. "Niki, you're my Luna. My friend. We deal with everything collectively, or at least we should. However, you've felt... aloof during the last several months.

"How far away?" I repeated, letting out a sour chuckle before I could control it. "Cassian, I've been here every day. By your side, every evening. I'm not necessarily not here just because I'm silent.

"It's more than that," he said, his voice becoming less abrasive as he approached. "You refuse to allow me in, even when you're in pain. Niki, I feel your anguish as if it were my own. But day after day, you keep me out. Why?

I clenched my hands and stared at the candle, doing everything to escape his intense look. His enquiries weighed heavily on me, eroding the barriers I had up around my humiliation with each one.

"Is it because of..." His voice was no more than a whisper as he drifted off. "Is the child to blame?"

More powerful than any charge, the question lingered between us. A familiar aching began to blossom within me as my chest clenched. With the wordless response stuck in my throat, I closed my eyes.

I eventually managed to say, "Two years, Cassian," in a hoarse whisper. "I still haven't given you a child after two years."

"That's not-" said Niki.

"Don't say it's not important," I cut in, sounding harsher than I meant to. "You are the Alpha. It's an obligation, not simply a desire. The group as a whole anticipates it. They gaze at me as if I'm failing them.

Cassian's hand extended towards me as his gaze became softer. His fingers wrapped around mine, anchoring me in a manner that was both painful and reassuring. I could feel the warmth of his touch. But the sensation of inadequacy that had taken root so firmly inside of me was still eating at my gut.

With a steady warmth that permeated my armour's gaps, he replied, "You're not failing me, Niki." "My Luna is you. The only Luna I will ever need.

I wanted to believe him, to let his words ease the pain that had been ingrained in my body. However, how could I? How could I ignore the pack's silent judgement, the sidelong stares, and the whispers? I could see the question remaining in their eyes whenever they glanced at me, even if they didn't say it out loud. Worse, I sensed it. This inadequacy and emptiness tore at me from the inside out.