Our Mutual Friend

ng house, and the Veneerings are to give the breakfast. The Analytical, who objects as a matter of principle to everything that occurs on the premises, necessarily objects to the m

aracter, no cultivation, no ideas, no manners; have Shares. Have Shares enough to be on Boards of Direction in capital letters, oscillate on mysterious business between London and Paris, and be great. Where does he come from? Shares. Where is he going to? Shares. What are his tastes? Shares. Has he any principles? Shares. What squeezes him into Parliament? Shares. Perhaps he never of himself achieved succes

they are older than himself. Veneering has been in their confidence throughout, and has done much to lure them to the altar. He has mentioned to Twemlow how he said to Mrs Veneering, ‘Anastatia, this must be a match.’ He has mentioned to Twemlow how he regards Sophronia Akershem (the mature young lady) in the light of a s

monogram from Mrs Veneering, entreating her dearest Mr T., if not particularly engaged that day, to come like a charining soul and make a fourth at dinner with dear Mr Podsnap, for the discussion

Anastatia’s unceremonious invitation is truly kind, and l

, as to believe that he has been intimate in the house many, many, many years. In the friendliest manner he is making himself quite at home with his back to the fire, executing a statuette of the Coloss

ll be glad to hear, my dear fellows, are going to be married. As my wife and I make it a family affair the entire di

es on Podsnap, ‘then there are onl

d Lady Tippins to meet you; but she is alway

yes wandering, ‘then there are th

tes, in his whimsical manner, that as we ask him to be bridegroom’s best man when the ce

eyes rolling, ‘then there are

whom you also know, I have not asked to-d

But here collapses and does not completely recover until din

int, of our little family consultation. Sophronia, having

y yourself,’

y friends to remember. Secondly, because I am not so vain as to think that I look the part. Thirdly, because Anastatia is

he did?’ Podsnap inq

first, he would never give away baby.’ Thus Mrs Veneering; with her open hands pressed together, and each of her eight aquil

gree with me, Podsnap, is the friend on whom this agreeable duty almost naturally devolves. That friend,’ saying

ly!’ Fro

s so readily confirmed by you, that other equally familiar and tried friend who stands in the proud position — I mean who proudly stands in the position — or I ought rather to say, who places Anastatia and m

play his distinguished part tomorrow. He has already been to the church, and taken note of the various impediments in the aisle, under the auspices of an extreme

d by the Reverend Dash Dash, united in the bonds of matrimony, Alfred Lammle Esquire, of Sackville Street, Piccadilly, to Sophronia, only daughter of the late Horatio Akershem, Esquire, of Yorkshire. Also how the fair bride was married from the house of Hamilton Veneering, Esquire, of Stucconia, and was given away by Melvin Twemlow, Esquire, of Duke Street, St

cted for candle-light only, and had been let out into daylight by some grand mistake. And after that, comes Mrs Veneering, in a pervadingly aquiline state of figure, and with transparent little knobs on her temper, like the little transparent knob on the bridge of her nose, ‘Worn out by worry and excitement,’ as she te

ess gentleman once had his fancy, like the rest of us, and she didn’t answer (as she often does not), and he thinks the adorable bridesmaid is like the fancy as she was then (which she is not at all), and that if the fancy had not married some one else for money, but had married him for love, he and she would have been happy (which they wouldn’t have been), and that she has a tender

a reputation for giving smart accounts of things, and she must be at these people’s early, my dear, to lose nothing of the fun. Whereabout in the bonnet and drapery announced by her name, any fragment of the real woman may be concealed, is perhaps known to her maid; but you could easily buy all you see of her, in Bond Street; or you might scalp her, and peel

s, turning the eyeglass about and about,

turns Mortimer, ‘I don’t

that the way yo

d at some point of the solemnities, like a principal at a prizefigh

y to be a funeral, and of being disappointed. The scene is the Vestry-room of St James’s Chur

gate, and lo the rest of the characters. Whom Lady Tippins, standing on a cushion, surveying through the eye-glass, thus checks off. ‘Bride; five-and-forty if a day, thirty shillings a yard, veil fifteen pound, pocket-handkerchief a present. Bridesmaids; kept down for fear of outshining bride, consequently not girls, twelve and sixpence a yard, Veneering’s flowers, snubnosed one rather pretty

apparently come prepared, if anything had happened to the bridegroom, to be married instantly. Here, too, the bride’s aunt and next relation; a widowed female of a Medusa sort, in a stoney cap, glaring petrifaction at her fellowcreatures. Here, too, the bride’s trustee; an oilcake-fed style of business-gentleman with mooney spectacles, and an object of much interest. Veneering launching himself upon this trustee as his oldest friend (which makes seven, Twemlow thought), and confidentially retiring with him into the conservatory, it is u

nots. Splendid bracelet, produced by Veneering before going down, and clasped upon the arrn of bride. Yet nobody seems to think much more of the Veneerings than if they were a tolerable landlord and landlady doing the thing in the way of business at so much a head. The bride and bridegroom talk and laugh apart, as has always been their manner; and the Buffer

t may also be referable to indignation and contempt. And this snort being regular in its reproduction, at length comes to be expected by the company, who make embarrassing pauses when it is falling due, and by waiting for it, render it more emphatic when it comes. The stoney aunt has likewise an injurious way of rejecting all dishes whereof Lady Tippins partakes: saying aloud when they are proffer

a pretty good profit out of this, and they almost carry themselves like customers. Nor is there compensating influence in the adorable bridesmaids; for, having very little interest in the bride, and none at all in one another, those lovely beings become, each one of her own account, depreciatingly contemplative of the millinery present; while the br

, falling asleep, and waking insensible), and there is hurried preparation for the nuptial journey to the Isle of Wight, and the outer air teems with brass bands and spectators. In full sight of whom, the malignant star of the Analytical has pre-ordained that pain and ridicule shall befall him. For he, standing

and take as much as possible out of the splendid furniture. And so, Lady Tippins, quite undetermined whether today is the day before yesterday, or the day after to-morrow, or the week after next, fades away; and

r time to come, and it comes in about a fortnight, and it comes to

ave not walked in a straight track, and that they have walked in a moody humour; for, the lady has prodded little spirting holes in the damp sand before her

o tell me, the

ilence, when Sophronia flashe

, sir. I ask you, do

nd bites her under-lip; Mr Lammle takes his gingerous whiskers in his left hand, and,

ime repeats, with indignation. ‘Putting

es his whiskers, and lo

without stopping, and withou

two, and he retorts, ‘That is not wha

if I

“if” in the c

en. And wh

mmle. ‘Have you the face

aring at him with cold scorn. ‘Pray, ho

ever

rown on the feminine resource of saying, ‘I

and a little more silence,

u claim a right to ask me do I mean to

re a man of

N

ried me on fa

mean to say. Do you mean to s

N

ried me on fa

ere so greedy and grasping that you were over-willing to be deceived by appea

ng, and he told

contempt.’ And what does

not your

And his trust is not a very difficult one, for it is only an annuity of a hundred and f

upon the partner of his joys and sorrows,

turn again, Mrs Lammle. What made

you will deny that you always present

ome, Mrs Lammle, admission for

ed Ven

of me as he knew of you, o

the bride stops short, to

orgive the Vene

I,’ returns

on the bare shore. A gull comes sweeping by their heads and flouts them. There was a golden surface on the brown cliffs but now, and behold they are only damp earth

of my marrying you for worldly advantages, that it was within the bound

the question, Mrs Lammle. Wh

d then insult me!’ cries th

nated nothing. The double

peats, and her parasol b

t his nose, as if the finger of the very devil himself had, within the last few m

as to the parasol; ‘you have made it

s the broken thing from her as that it strikes him in falling. The finge

on, he does not take her life with his own hand, under the present favourable circumstances. Then she cries again. Then she is enraged again, and makes some mention of swindlers. Finally, she sits down crying on a block of stone, and is in all the known and unknown humours of her

Lammle, and let us

r stone, and tak

, I tel

ptuously in his face, and repeats,

ed on her as she droops her head again; but her

s. Come! Do yo

walk again; but this time with their fac

been deceived. We have both been biting, and we have both b

ught me

. Why should you and I talk about it, when you and I can’t dis

I no

f you had waited a moment. You, too, a

jured

ually injured; and that therefore the mere word is not to the purpose. When I look back,

ack —’ the bride c

wonder how you can have bee

nly, with so

trust. But the folly is committed on both sides. I canno

ry,’ the bride

me your arm, Sophronia), into three heads, to make it shorter and plainer. Firstly, it’s enough to have been done,

s possib

he world? Agreed. Secondly, we owe the Veneerings a grudge, and we owe all other people

. Ag

n plain uncomplimentary English, so I am. So are you, my dear. So are many people. We

sche

money. By our own schemes, I me

little hesitation, ‘I

, because it is identical with the past knowledge that I have of you, and in twitting me, you twit yourself, and I don’t want to hear you do it. With this good understanding establi

le, Esquire, they denoted that he conceived the purpose of subduing his dear wife Mrs Alfred Lammle, by at once divesting her of any lingering reality or pretence of self-respect, the purpose would seem to