The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

the first Evening's Adventu

ell Street was over the way. 'Such,' thought Mr. Pickwick, 'are the narrow views of those philosophers who, content with examining the things that lie before them, look not to the truths which are hidden beyond. As well might I be content to gaze on Goswell Street for ever, without one effort to penetrate to the hidden countries which on every side surround it.' And having given vent to this beautiful reflection, Mr. Pickwick proceeded to put himself into his clothes, and hi

his neck, looked as if he were catalogued in some collection of rarities. This was the waterman. 'Here you are, sir. Now, then, fust cab!' And the first

ss,' said M

iver sulkily, for the information of his

red Mr. Pickwick, rubbing his nose with t

ied the driver, e

. Mr. Pickwick looked very hard at the man's face, but his features were immovable, so he noted down the fact f

e veeks,' re

k in astonishment, and ou

observed the driver coolly, 'but we seldom

kness!' reiterated the

him up werry tight, and takes him in werry short, so as he can't werry well fall down; and we've got a pair

y of life in horses under trying circumstances. The entry was scarcely completed when they reached the Golden Cross. Down jumped the driver, and out got

r. Pickwick, holding out t

n flung the money on the pavement, and requested in figurative terms t

d,' said Mr

,' said M

' said Mr

, sparring away like clockwork

kney coachmen. 'Go to vork, Sam! - and th

inquired one gentleman

ant my number for?' 'I didn't want your n

it for, then?' in

t,' said Mr. Pic

elieve as an informer'ud go about in a man's cab, not only takin' down his number, but ev'r

h?' inquired

reckless disregard of his own private property, and knocked Mr. Pickwick's spectacles off, and followed up the attack with a blow on Mr. Pickwick's nose, and another on Mr. Pickwick's chest, and a third in Mr. Snodgrass's eye, and a f

fficer?' said

he pump,' sugges

for this,' gasp

!' shouted

who had been sparring witho

they began to canvass with considerable vivacity the propriety of enforcing the heated pastry-vendor's proposition: and there is no saying w

, thin, young man, in a green coat,

shouted the

with it. 'Ain't you, though - ain't you?' said the young man, appealing to Mr. Pickwick, and making hi

hurried words explained

ense - this way, sir - where's your friends? - all a mistake, I see - never mind - accidents will happen - best regulated families - never say die - down upon your luck - Pull him UP- Put that in his pipe - like the flavour - damned

eye - nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient - damned odd standing in the open street half an hour, with your eye against a lamp-post - eh - very good - h

fering their thanks to their new acquaintance, Mr. Pic

closely up to his chin, at the imminent hazard of splitting the back; and an old stock, without a vestige of shirt collar, ornamented his neck. His scanty black trousers displayed here and there those shiny patches which bespeak long service, and were strapped very tightly over a pair of patched and mended shoes, as if to conceal the dirty white stockings, which were ne

had fortunately recovered), and to whom he proceeded, when his friends had exhausted

smart chap that cabman - handled his fives well; but if I'd been your friend in the green

rance of the Rochester coachman, to announce th

- leave you to pay for the brandy-and-water - want change for a five - bad silver

halting-place too; and having intimated to their new-found acquaintance that they were journeying to th

on to the roof with so much precipitation as to impair th

ng-cases, nailed up - big as houses - heavy, heavy, damned heavy,' replied the stranger, as he forced into his pocket as much

ork - other day - five children - mother - tall lady, eating sandwiches - forgot the arch - crash - knock - children look round - mother's head off - sandwich in her hand - no mouth to put it in - head

Pickwick, 'on the strange

at the window the next. Philosopher, Sir?' 'An o

e when they've little to do

s has a strong poetic t

nes - revolution of July - composed it on the spot - Mars by

hat glorious scene, si

te it down - back again - whiz, bang - another idea - wine shop again - pen and ink - bac

f Mr. Jingle's imagination; this dialogue occurr

r,' replied t

ir - fine pursui

now,' said

e - whistled - dog stopped - whistled again - Ponto - no go; stock still - called him - Ponto, Ponto - wouldn't move - dog transfixed - staring at a board - l

said Mr. Pickwick. 'Will you a

imal. - Fine girl, Sir' (to Mr. Tracy Tupman, who had been bestowi

said Mr.

ble creatures - jet hair - black eyes - lo

Spain, sir?' sai

'Many conquests, sir

jealous father - high-souled daughter - handsome Englishman - Donna Christina in despair - prussic acid - stomach pump in my portman

Mr. Tupman, on whom the description of her

the brief remnant of a very old cambric handkerchief. 'Never reco

' inquired the p

n the great square suddenly ceased playing - weeks elapsed - still a stoppage - workmen employed to clean it - water drawn off - father-in-law discover

little romance down, Sir?' sai

ike to hear 'em - strange life mine - rather cur

ses, did the stranger proceed, until they reached Rochester bridge, by which time the note-books,

with all the poetic fervour that distinguished hi

very words which fell from Mr. Pickwick's mo

ors - confessionals like money-takers' boxes at theatres - queer customers those monks - popes, and lord treasurers, and all sorts of old fellows, with great red faces, and broken noses, turning up every day - buff je

, Sir?' inquired Mr

ery dear - half-a-crown in the bill if you look at the waiter - charge you more if you d

ssed from Mr. Pickwick to Mr. Snodgrass, from Mr. Snodgrass to Mr. Tupman

,' said he, 'will you allow us to offer a slight mark of ou

dictate, but broiled fowl and mus

, referring to his watch, 'it is n

ched-up hat a few inches from his head, and carelessly replacing it very much on one side, the stranger, with ha

untries, and a close observer of

see his poem,' s

have seen that dog

Donna Christina, the stomach pump, and th

ms inspected, and dinner ordered, the party walked

Chatham, and Brompton, that his impressions of their appearance differ in any material point from tho

htful to a philanthropic mind to see these gallant men staggering along under the influence of an overflow both of animal and ardent spirits; more especially when we remember that the following them about, and jesting with them, affords a cheap and innocent amusement for the boy population. Nothing,' adds Mr. Pickwick, 'can exceed their good-humour. It was but the day before my arrival that one

ust be exceedingly delicious to those who are extremely fond of smoking. A superficial traveller might object to the dirt, which is

nner. He had divested himself of his brown paper parcel, but had made no

ired, as the waiter re

es,

ach proprietors get up political dinners - carriage of sole

m, and then with Mr. Snodgrass, and then with Mr. Tupman, and then with Mr. W

he stranger. 'Forms going up - carpenters coming d

r,' said

mbly,

Sir. Ball for the bene

do you know, Sir?' inquired M

ybody knows Kent - apples, cherries,

plied Mr. Tupman. The str

said Mr. Tupman, resuming the s

' interposed the waiter;

. Snodgrass, or the abstracted gaze of Mr. Pickwick, he applied himself with great interest to the port wine and dessert, which h

- through the button-hole - no heeltaps,' and he emptied his glass, which he had filled a

. Mr. Tupman felt every moment more disposed for the ball. Mr. Pickwick's countenance glowed w

les tuning - now the harp - there they go.' The various sounds which foun

ke to go,' said

confounded luggage - heavy smacks -

r. Tracy Tupman. The number of instances recorded on the Transactions of the Society, in which that excellent man referred objects of charity to the houses of other members for left-off

unted from the tub, and adopted kersey, eh? - not doubl

fluential member of the Pickwick Club being ignominiously compared to a dismounted Bacchus, is a fact not yet completely ascertained. He passed the wine, coughed twice, and looked at the stranger for se

ugh my apparel would be too large, a suit of my f

h his eye, and that feature glistened with

the ordinary transitions from the height of conviviality to the depth of misery, and from the depth of misery to the height of conviviality. Like a gas-lamp in the street, with the wind in the pipe, he had exhibited for a moment an unnatural brilliancy, then sank so low as to be scarcely discernible; after a

olly unacquainted with the place and its inhabitants, and the stranger seemed to possess as great a knowledge of both as if he had lived there from his infancy. Mr. Winkle was asleep, and Mr. Tupman had had suffici

and the additional stimulus of the l

I woke him now, but I know he has a dress-suit in a carpet bag; and supposing you wore it to the bal

ituation - fourteen coats in the packing-cases, and oblig

e our tickets,'

r both - I call; you spin - first time - woman - woman - bewitching woman,' and

amber candlesticks. In another quarter of an hour the stranger

ass; 'the first that's been made with our club button,' and he called his companions' attention to the lar

- old fellow's likeness, and "P. C."- What

gnation and great importance

l postman's coat - queer coats those - made by contract - no measuring - mysterious dispensations of Providence - all the short men get long coats - all the long men short ones.' Run

. Tracy Tupman was stepping forward to announce

nes - capital names for a small party, but won't make an impression in public assemblies - incog. the thing - gentlemen from Lon

elevated den, and quadrilles were being systematically got through by two or three sets of dancers. Two card-tables were made up

room, and Mr. Tupman and his companion statione

omen,' said

people of upper rank don't know dockyard people of lower rank - dockyard people of lower rank do

light hair and pink eyes, in a f

le boy - nonsense - ensign 97th - Honourable

eat sensation was created throughout the room by the entrance of a tall gentleman in a blue coat and bright buttons

shered Sir Thomas Clubber and family to the top of the room. The Honourable Wilmot Snipe, and other distinguished gentlemen crowded to render h

, and the Misses Smithie,'

hie?' inquired M

er acknowledged the salute with conscious condescension. Lady Clubber took a telescopic view of Mrs. Smithie and family th

nel Bulder, and Miss Bulde

d the stranger, in reply to

ady Clubber was of the most affectionate description; Colonel Bulder and Sir Thomas Clubber exchanged

ple in other parts of it. The less aristocratic officers of the 97th devoted themselves to the families of the less important functionaries from the dockyard. The solicitors' wives, and the wine-m

The doctor took snuff with everybody, chatted with everybody, laughed, danced, made jokes, played whist, did everything, and was everywhere. To these pursuits, multifarious as they were, the little doctor added a more im

th Mr. Tupman and his companion had been fixed

re the intelligible sentences which issued from his lips. Mr. Tupman looked

?' inquired

at countenance of the little old lady. Mr. Tupman looked on, in mute astonishment. The stranger progressed rapidly; the little doctor danced with another lady; the widow dropped her fan; the stranger picked it up, and presented it - a sm

in a moment, by a man whom nobody had ever seen before, and whom nobody knew even now! Doctor Slammer - Doctor Slammer of the 97th rejected! Impossible! It could not be! Yes, it was; there they were. What! introducing his friend! Could he believe his eyes! He looked again, and was under the painful necessity of admitting the veracity of his optics; Mrs. Budger was dancing with Mr. Tracy T

oquetting, that ensued; but, a few seconds after the stranger had disappeared to lead Mrs. Budger to her carriage, he darted swiftly from the

. He spoke in a low tone, and laughed. The little doctor

of the passage, 'my name is Slammer, Doctor Slammer, sir - 97th Regiment - Chatham Bar

- much obliged - polite attention - not ill

e me your card, sir!' 'Oh! I see,' said the stranger, half aside, 'negus too strong here - liberal landlord - very foolish - very -

man; 'you are intoxicated now, Sir; you shall hear from me in t

han found me at home,' rep

with an indignant knock; and the stranger and Mr. Tupman ascended to the bed

hole affair was an exquisite joke. His new friend departed; and, after experiencing some slight difficulty in finding the orifice in his nightcap, originally intended for the reception of his he

hensive mind was aroused from the state of unconsciousness, in which slumber had plunged it,

ts,

do you

an of your party wears a bright blue dress-

rgotten whom it belongs to.' 'Mr. Winkle,'he called out, 'next room but t

n, as a loud knocking at his door ro

inkle, sir?' replied

ling into the inner room. 'Hollo!' replied

g exerted himself to articulate thus much, Mr. Tra

and putting on a few articles of clothing; 'wanted! a

. Winkle opened the door and confronted him; 'gentleman says

Mr. Winkle; 'I'll

eaning the coffee-room, and an officer in undress uniform was looking out of the window. He turned round as Mr. Winkle entered, and made a s

is Wink

you that I have called here this morning on beh

mmer!' said

of last evening was of a description which no gentleman could endure;

d me to add, that he was firmly persuaded you were intoxicated during a portion of the evening, and possibly unconscious of the extent of the insult you were guilty of. He

Mr. Winkle, in the most emphat

he alternative,' repl

e?' inquired Mr. Winkle, whose intellects were hop

your card to Doctor Slammer, I was desired by that gentleman to identify the wearer of a very unco

the inquiries I made at the bar, just now, I was convinced that the owner of the coat in question arrived here, with three gentlemen, yester

room window, Mr. Winkle's surprise would have been as nothing compared with the profound astonishment with which he had heard

eplied the unw

bag. There was the coat in its usual place, but exhibiting, on a close

. The fact is, I was very drunk; - I must have changed my coat - gone somewhere - and insulted somebody - I have no doubt of it; and this message is the terrible consequence.' Saying which, Mr. Winkle re

the test, he shrunk back from the trial, beneath his leader's eye, his name and standing were lost for ever. Besides, he remembered to have heard it frequently surmised by the uninitiated in such matters that by an understood arrangement between the seconds, the pistols were seldom loaded with ball; and, furthermore, he

o the coffee-room, and intimated his inte

, to arrange the time and plac

e; 'name them to me, and I can procure

s evening?' inquired the o

. Winkle, thinking in h

ow Fort

saw it y

the left when you arrive at an angle of the fortification, and keep straight on, till you see me, I w

ruption!' thou

arrange, I think,

hing more,' replied Mr.

officer whistled a livel

evinced an unusual attachment to silence and soda-water. Mr. Winkle eagerly watched his opportunity: it was not long wanting. Mr. Snodgrass proposed a visit to the castle, and as Mr. Winkle was the only other member of the party disposed

d Mr. Snodgrass.

companion's unconsciously pledging himself not to give info

pirit of poesy, raised towards the clouds as he made

dear fellow, in an affair

plied Mr. Snodgrass, cl

the matter appear as solemn as possible; 'an affair with an officer, seconded

d you,' said

cool any party but the principal can be in such cases. Mr. Winkle h

may be dreadful,

,' said Mr.

ve, is a very good s

are you, ain't you?' Mr. Winkle replied in the affirmative; and perceivin

on, 'if I fall, you will find in a packet which I sha

affected, but he undertook the delivery of the not

he fact. Shall I involve my friend in transportation - possibly for life!' Mr. Snodgrass winced a little at this,

they walked silently along, side by side, for some minutes, each immerse

cal authorities - do not obtain the assistance of several peace officers, to take either me or Doctor Slammer, of th

s hand warmly, as he enthusiasti

he had nothing to hope from his friend's fears, and that he was

iments of powder, ball, and caps, having been hired from a manufacturer in Rochester, the two friends returned to their inn; Mr. Winkle t

wkward errand. Mr. Winkle was muffled up in a huge cloak to escape obser

ing?' said Mr. Winkle

e shots don't take effect. There's a quarter of a pound of powder in t

t grateful. The presumption is, that the gratitude of Mr. Winkle was too power

irst field;'the sun is just going down.' Mr. Winkle looked up at the declining orb

r. Winkle, after a few minutes wal

friend, and observed a figure, muffled up, as he had described. The officer evinced his consciousness of their pre

a distant giant whistling for his house-dog. The sadness of the scene imparted a sombre tinge to the fe

secluded field. Two gentlemen were waiting in it; one was a little, fat man, with black hair; and the

e a drop of brandy.' Mr. Winkle seized the wicker bottle which his fr

officer approached. Doctor Slammer's friend bowed, and pr

k,' he coldly remarked, as he opened the cas

odgrass, who began to feel

forward?' sai

s arranged. 'You will find these better than your own,' said the opposite sec

d him from considerable embarrassment, for his previous n

he officer, with as much indifference as if the p

any proposition, because he knew nothing about the matter. The offic

he, offering the pistol

,' said poor Winkle. 'All right,' said M

and win'- an admirable thing to recommend, if you only know how to do it. He took off his cloak, however, in silence - it always took a long time to u

s shutting his eyes when he arrived at the fatal spot; and that the circumstance of his eyes being closed, prevented his observing the very extraordinary a

er, as his friend and Mr. Snodgrass

said Doctor S

n!' said Mr

e gentleman with the c

ttle doctor. 'That's not the pe

inary!' exclai

e the individual who insulted our friend, Doctor Slammer, yesterday evening, whether he is really that individual or not;' and having delivered this suggestion, wit

ng by what he had afterwards said that there was, beyond all question, some mistake in the matter, he at once foresaw the increase of r

he person.

ol, 'is an affront to Doctor Slammer, and a

r's second. 'Why did you not communica

,' said the man with the

Payne,' said the other. 'May

nly person as wearing a coat which I have the honour, not only to wear but to have invented - the proposed uniform, Sir, of the Pickwick Club

honour your gallantry. Permit me to say, Sir, that I highly admire your conduct, and

mention it, Sir,'

your acquaintance, Sir,

and then Mr. Winkle and Lieutenant Tappleton (the doctor's second), and then Mr. Winkle and the man with the camp-stool, and, fin

djourn,' said Lie

,' added t

s Mr. Winkle feels himself aggrieved by the challenge; i

with the camp-stool, 'the gentleman's second may feel himself affronted with some observations which fell

last, which he was only induced to decline by his entire contentment with the whole proceedings. The two seconds a

Doctor Slammer of Mr. Winkle, as t

here the day after to-

rooms, and of spending a pleasant evening with you, after this awkwar

and I should not like to leave them to-night. Perh

tle doctor; 'will ten o'clock be to

ll be most happy to introduce you to m

am sure,' replied Doctor Slammer, l

re to come?' sa

certa

e party separated. Doctor Slammer and his friends repaired to the barracks, and