The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

existed) of the Disinterestedne

the abiding and booking-places of country wagons. The reader would look in vain for any of these ancient hostelries, among the Golden Crosses and Bull and Mouths, which rear their stately fronts in the improved streets of London. If he would light

speculation. Great, rambling queer old places they are, with galleries, and passages, and staircases, wide enough and antiquated enough to furnish materials for a hundred ghost stories, supposing we should ever be reduce

was habited in a coarse, striped waistcoat, with black calico sleeves, and blue glass buttons; drab breeches and leggings. A bright red handkerchief was wound in a very loose and unstudied style round his neck, and an old white hat was car

en space. A double tier of bedroom galleries, with old Clumsy balustrades, ran round two sides of the straggling area, and a double row of bells to correspond, sheltered from the weather by a little sloping roof, hung over the door leading to the bar and coffee-room. Two or three gigs and chaise-carts were wheeled up under different little sheds and pent-houses; and the occasional heavy tread of a cart-horse, or rattling of a chai

chambermaid in the upper sleeping gallery, who, after tapping at one of the d

ed the man wit

ty-two wants

he’ll have ’em now, or vait t

id the girl coaxingly, ‘the gent

elongs to number six, with the wooden leg. The eleven boots is to be called at half-past eight and the shoe at nine. Who’s number twenty-two, that’s to put

hite hat set to work upon a to

tling old landlady of the White Hart mad

that lazy, idle — why, Sam — oh, t

nswer, till you’d done tal

nteen directly, and take ’em to private

r of lady’s shoes into t

alk from his pocket, made a memorandum of their destination on the soles —‘L

er the railing of the gallery, ‘with a gentleman in a hackney-coach, and i

a lady too! If he’s anything of a gen’l’m’n, he’s vurth a shillin’ a day, let alone the arrands.’ Stimulated by this inspiring reflection, Mr. Samuel brushed away with such hearty good-will, that in a

the presence of a lady and gentleman seated at breakfast. Having officiously deposited the gentleman’s b

said the

ing his hand on the knob of the lock. ‘Do y

s,

re i

side, bookseller’s at one corner, hot-el on the other

cences!’ said

s their hats ven you walk in —“Licence, Sir, licence?” Queer sort, the

do?’ inquired

large,” says he. —“Not a bit on it, Sir,” says the touter. —“Think not?” says my father. —“I’m sure not,” says he; “we married a gen’l’m’n twice your size, last Monday.”—“Did you, though?” said my father. —“To be sure, we did,” says the touter, “you’re a babby to him — this way, sir — this way!”— and sure enough my father walks arter him, like a tame monkey behind a horgan, into a little back office, vere a teller sat among dirty papers, and tin boxes, making believe he was busy. “Pray take a seat, vile I makes out the affidavit, Sir,” says the lawyer. —“Thank’ee, Sir,” says my father, and down he sat, and stared with all his eyes, and his mouth vide open, at the names on the boxes. “What’s your name, Sir,” says the lawyer. —“Tony Weller,” says my father. —“Parish?” says the lawyer. “Belle Savage,” says my father; for he stopped there wen he drove up, and he know’d nothing about parishes, he didn’t. —“And what’s the lady

at once;’ said the gentleman, whom w

said the spinster

e church — call you mine, to-morrow’— said Mr.

!’ said Rach

,’ repeated

ost-haste fo

ing dong I

un on,’ sa

, when we’re united — run on — they’ll fly on — bolt — miz

le — can’t be — notice at the church — leave the licence to-day — ceremony come off

— gave up the post-chaise — walked on — took a hackney-coach — came to the Borough

affectionately, as Mr. Jingle stu

skipped playfully up to the spinster aunt, imprinted a

spinster, as the do

Mr. Jingle, as he wal

ate, that escaping the snares of the dragons in white aprons, who guard the entrance to that enchanted region, he reached the vicar-general’s office in safety and having procured a highly flattering address on parchment

ke a few inquiries. Mr. Samuel Weller happened to be at that moment engaged in burnishing a pair of painted tops, the personal property of a farmer who was refreshing himself

said the th

ght Sam, ‘or you wouldn’t be so wery fond o’

h a conciliatory hem —‘have you got many

ere playing a perpetual game of peep-bo with that feature. He was dressed all in black, with boots as shiny as his eyes, a low white neckcloth, and a clean shirt with a frill to it. A gold watch-chain, and seals, depen

eh?’ said th

d we shan’t make our fort’ns. We eats our biled mutton without

ttle man, ‘you’re

that complaint,’ said Sam; ‘it may be

se of yours,’ said the lit

oming, we’d ha’ had it repaired

ts conclusion, the little man took a pinch of snuff from an oblong silver box, and was apparently on the point of renewing the conversation, when

‘that my friend here (pointing to the other plump gentleman)

ses, is this: if you place the matter in the hands of a professional man, you must in no way interfere in the progress of the business; y

le, for it was no other t

CURIAE, but you must see the impropriety of your interfering with my conduct in this case, with such an AD CAPTANDUM argument as the o

, ‘was to bring this very unpleasant m

uite right,’ sai

use of the argument which my experience of men has

’m quite certain you cannot be ignorant of the extent of confidence which must be placed in professional men. If any

inion, mind you, that the young ‘ooman deserved scragging a precious sight more than he did. Hows’ever, that’s neither here nor there. You want me to accept of half a guinea. Wery well,

know —’ said

y dear sir,’ interpos

ged his shoulder

question of you, in order that we may not awaken apprehensions

ich came under his immediate superintendence. ‘There’s a vooden leg in number six; there’s a pair of Hessians in thirteen; there’s two p

e?’ said the

self. ‘Yes; there’s a pair of Vellingtons a good dea

o, together with Mr. Pickwick, had been lost in b

make,’ re

aker’s

ro

ere

ggl

ed Wardle. ‘By heaven

e Vellingtons has gon

id the l

or a li

Wardle. ‘Show us the room;

on, caution.’ He drew from his pocket a red silk purse,

ned expr

without announcing us,’ said t

through a dark passage, and up a wide staircase. He paus

torney, as he deposited the mo

s, followed by the two friends and the

m?’ murmured the

dded a

into the room just as Mr. Jingle, who had that moment r

Jingle crumpled up the licence, and thrust it into his coat pocket. The unwelcome visitors advanced into t

hat on the table, ‘pray, consider — pray. Defamation of char

y sister from my hou

ittle gentleman, ‘you may ask th

e, in so fierce a tone, that the little gen

ime of life when you ought to know better, what do you mean by running away with a vagabond, disgracing your family, and making yourself miserable? Get on your bonnet and come back. Call a hackney-coach there, directly, and bring this lady’s bill, d’ye hear — d’ye

bonnet,’ re

he room, Sir — no business here — lady’s free t

jaculated Wardle contemptuous

, her indignation getting the bet

ardle; ‘you’re fifty

uttered a loud shriek

the humane Mr. Pickwick

. ‘Bring a bucket, and throw it all over her;

t give way so — there’s a love,’ etc. etc., the landlady, assisted by a chambermaid, proceeded to vinegar the forehead, beat the hands, titillate the nose, and unlace the stays o

ir,’ said Sam, app

d Wardle. ‘I’ll ca

ter a very violent protest against this proceeding, and had already given vent to an indignant i

d he, ‘get m

ttle Mr. Perker. ‘Con

he’s her own mistress — see who dares t

e spinster aunt. ‘I DON’T wish it.’

kward situation. It’s a distressing case — very; I never knew one more so; but really, my dear sir, really we have no power t

s a shor

e would you recommend?’

leasant position — very much so. We must

his disgrace, and let her, fool as she is

ustling little man. ‘Mr. Jingle, will you s

d the quartette walked

re we can be alone — there, sir, there, pray sit down, sir. Now, my dear Sir, between you and I, we know very well, my dear Sir, that you have run off with this lady for the s

d something distantly resembling a wink

had made. ‘Now, the fact is, that beyond a few hundreds, the lady has lit

Jingle briefly b

every sense of the word. The founder of that family came into Kent when Julius Caesar invaded Britain; — only one member of it, since, who hasn’t lived to

cried Mr

— expensive habit — well, my dear Sir, you’re a fine young man, ma

id Mr. Jin

compre

qui

ou don’t you think — that fifty pounds and liberty

lf enough!’ said M

him by the button. ‘Good round sum — a man like you could treble it

hundred and fifty,’ re

litting straws,’ resumed the little man, ‘say

t hurry,’ said the little man. ‘Eighty;

,’ said M

the little man, still detaining

nine pounds; licence, three — that’s twelve — compensation, a hundr

a knowing look, ‘never mind the last two items. T

y,’ said M

e,’ said the little man; and down h

ttle man, with a look towards Mr. Wardle; ‘and we can get t

’ said the

y,’ said M

remonstrated

erposed Mr. Wardle

the little gentleman, an

se instantly!’ said

,’ urged the

not even a regard for my family — if I had not known that the moment you got any money in

urged the lit

resumed Wardle. ‘L

itle of this work, during the latter part of this conversation, he would have been almost induced to wonder that the indignant fire which flashed from his eyes did not melt the glasses of his specta

the licence at Mr. Pickwick’s feet; ‘get the n

rated through his philosophical harness, to his very heart. In the frenzy of his rage, he hurled the inkstand madly

ink, that ‘ere; it’s wrote your mark upon the wall, old gen’l’m’n. Hold still, Sir; wot’s the use

rful reasoner; and a moment’s reflection sufficed to remind him of the impotency of his rage. It subsid

asterly description of that heartrending scene? His note-book, blotted with the tears of sympathising humanity, lies open before us; one word

vy coach. Dimly and darkly had the sombre shadows of a summer’s night fallen upon all around, w