Confession

fections were divided, entirely, if not equally. I lived for no other

seasons, when, in truth, there was no obvious cause. When Julia was most gentle-when William was most generous-even then, I had learned to repulse them with an indifference which I did not feel-a rudeness which brought to my heart a pain even greater than that which my wantonness inflicted upon theirs. I knew, even then, that I was perv

lection, am compelled to think that it was the strict result of moods growing out of the particular treatment to which I had been subjected. It does not seem unnatural that an ardent temper of mind, willing to confide, looking to love and affection for the only aliment which it most an

with myself, refusing the sympathy that I most yearned after, and resolving not to be comforted. Let me do the dear child the justice to say that the only effect which this conduct had upon her, was to increase her anxieties to soothe the repulsive spirit which should have offended her. Perhaps, to provoke t

ful, could have disarmed the humor of that particular mood of mind which shows itself in the blindness of the heart under which it was my lot to labor. I did not want knowledge of my own perversity. I knew-I felt it-as clearly as if I had seen it written in characters of light, on the walls of my chamber. B

aginative nature is one singularly sensitive in its conditions; quick, jealous, watchful, earnest, stirring, and perpetually breaking down the ordinary barriers of the actual, in its struggles to ascertain the extent of the possible. The tyranny which drives it from the ordinary resources and enjoyments of the young, by throwing it more completely on its own, impels into desperate activity that daring of the imaginative mood, which, at no time, is wanting in courage and audacity. My mind was one singularly imaginative in its structure; and my ardent temperament contributed largely to its activity. Solitude, into which I was forced by the repulsive and unkind treatmen

rsity of heart made me not blind-the sweet creature to whom the task of ministering was a pleasure infinitely beyond any other which I knew. But, as she grew up to girlhood, other prospects opened upon her eyes, and other purposes upon those of her parents. At twelve she was carrie

time prompted her foolish mother to another step which betrayed the humiliating regard which she entertained for me. When I was seventeen, Julia was twelve, and when neither she nor myself had a solitary thought of love, the over considerate mother began to think, on this subject, for us both. The result of her cogitations determined her that it was no longer fitting that Julia should be my companion. Our rambles in the woods together were forbidden; and Julia was gravely informed that I was a poor

ust when she first tasked me to solve the mystery of her mother's strange requisitions, I did not think of this. I was too much filled with indignation-the mortified self-esteem was too actively working in my bo

nly daughter-that you have servants to wait on you, and a carriage at command-that you can wear fine silks, and

w, and I hear mamma often say the

understand it, and act upon it, too, as promptly as the wisest among them. Don't you know that I am the object of your father's charity-that his bounty feeds me-and that it would not be seemly tha

uld not suffer

hing. But though he would keep me from beggary and the highway, Julia, neither he nor your mother would spend a sixpence or mak

ng her head

you too, Julia, will shrink as promptly as themse

think of such a thing?" she

our mother, Julia. Go! leave me now. Begin, once the lesson

tonness of my mood, and heeded not the bitter pain which I occasioned to her gentle bosom. Her little hand grasped mine, her warm te

It was necessary that I should begin the business of life. On this head I had already reflected somewhat, and my thoughts had taken their direction from more than one conference which I had had with William Edgerton. His father was an eminent lawyer, and the law had been adopted for his profession also. I determined to make it mine; and to speak on this subject to my uncle. This I did. I chose an afternoon, the very week in which my conversati

ible to do something for myself. His answer signified that such was his opinion also. So far we were agreed; but when

preparations have you made to study the law? You know n

ome slight knowledge of Latin-suffici

! where did

ammar and dictionary,

you to live while prosecuting your studies? No, no! I have been thinking of something for you, Edward

rcely liste

t I have no dispositi

f idleness. I have done, and will do for you what I can-whatever is necess

as possible from your income and resources. I would not rob Julia Clifford of a single dollar. Nay, sir, I trust before

id ha

npromising in every respect. Your clothes already call for a considerable sum, and such

such as shall not trespass upon your incom

pted me to

rother's son should be dresse

ith tolerabl

y genteel clothing, nor do I think that the vocation wil

ou? Well, it is fortunate that the

th an effort to preserve my voice and temper, in which, th

and I will try now to explain myself clearly in others. H

olved, s

s,

go on

nsome and expensive to you-believing, too, that I can relieve you of th

port yourself-that is relieve me of the burden of

e to do so. I propose to apply for a clerkship in a mercantile establishment which I know stands in need of a

t and dry. Why do you come to me, the

tion, and to request that I may be permitted to refer to you the merchants

th the merchants. It does not need much genius or attainment for such situations. But, if you'll take my counsel, you'll go to the bricklayer. We want bricklayers sadly. To be a tolerable lawyer, pa

speech, and with a proud swelling of indignation at my heart. Thus our conference ended. A week after, I was ensconced behind the