Martin Chuzzlewit

AMILY AFFECTION BE PLEASANT TO CONTEMPLATE, THE CHUZZLEWIT

boundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily summoned to the bedside of his penitent and remorseful relative, whom, in his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to forgive unconditionally, and to love on a

t solicitude in the progress of the obdurate invalid, in so much that Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for he often particular

s, admitted to his presence. So surely as she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall asleep. It was only when he and the young lady were alone, that he would utte

ay visible; and it happened that Mr Pecksniff, when he had felt his way to the chamber-door, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by personal inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused this keyhole to be stopped on the inside, brought his head into such violent contact with another head that he could not help uttering in an audible voice the monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, sharply unscrewed and jerked out of him by very anguish. It happened then, and lastly, that Mr Pecksniff found

gh conflict between his braces and his straps, that they appeared every moment in danger of flying asunder at the knees. His coat, in colour blue and of a military cut, was buttoned and frogged up to his chin. His cravat was, in hue and pattern, like one of those mantles which hairdressers are accustomed to wrap about their clients, during the progress of the professional mysteries. His hat had arrived at such a pass that it would have been hard to determine whether

at that door, you vagab

orge might have repudiated the Dragon

n the good woman possibly be awar

eman. 'Wait a bit. She

know, sir, that I am the friend and relative of that si

posed the stranger, 'I'll be swo

cksniff, with indignant surpri

'Perhaps you are a cousin-the c

ives in this place,' r

ecksniff?' said

t

ly diving behind his cravat for a shirt-collar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the s

and pulling off his hat, began to search inside the crown among a mass of crumpled documents and small pieces of what may be call

cried, giving it

Chevy Slyme, Esquire

Esquire, I believe?'

though he would say 'I know there is

terest and business here.' With that he made anothe

'It is very distressing to me, to be compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to be. I kno

arm, which was so tightly wedged into his threadbare sl

ack towards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under his left arm,

at man is my friend Slyme. For he is, without an exception, the highest-minded, the most independent-spirited, most original, spiritual, classical, talented, the most thoroughly Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same time the mo

d Mr Pecksniff, holding o

ting round the corner. He is perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round the corner at this instant. Now,' said the gentleman, shaking his forefinger before his nose, and planting his legs wider apart as he looked attentively in Mr Pecksniff's face, 'th

sniff c

rs for leave to search among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my poor way, of some of that man's proceedings-my adopted brother, sir,-which would amaze you. He made use of an expression,

Mr Slyme's business here, if I may be permitted to inquire, who am compelled

antly protest against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you will give me leave to introduce myself. My name, sir, is

f gently sh

name. I am consequently proud-proud as Lucifer. Excuse me one moment. I d

in an old blue camlet cloak with a lining of faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and nipped by long waiting in the cold, and his straggling red whi

never will; which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable thing, or there would be none but family parties, and everybody in the world would bore everybody else to death. If you were on good terms, I

point towards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged

he expression of Mr Pecksniff's face by no means betokened that he shared this certainty, Mr Tigg laid his finger on his nose again for that gentleman's private and especial behoof; calling upon him thereby to take notice that the requisition of small loans was another instance of the peculiarities of genius as develo

wish I may die, if this isn't the queerest state of existence that we find ourselves forced into without knowing why or wherefore, Mr Pecksniff! Well, never mind! Moralise as we will, the world goes on. As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with his club in every possible direction, but he can't prevent the cats from making a most intolerable row on the roofs of the houses, or the

premises recited, Mr Tigg roused himself by a g

d to him than we are. Very good. If so, so be it. But you can't get at him, neither can we. I give you my brightest word of honour, sir, that I've been looking through that keyhole with short intervals of rest, ever since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation of receiving an answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly applications for a little temporary

instance; say me-with exactly that amount of Christian love which should subsist between us. I may feel grieved and hurt at the circumstance; still I may not rush to the conclusion that Mr Chuzzlewit is wholly without a justification in all his coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr Tigg,' continued Pecksniff even more gravely and impr

ned Tigg, 'it certainly

ore mindful, suddenly, of the moral gulf between himself and the creature he addressed. 'Undoubtedly it is a very diffic

Spottletoes are here, I

tletoes?' asked Pecksniff, stoppi

ily; shambling with his legs the while. 'Spottletoe married my father's brother's child, didn't he? And Mrs S

, looking upwards. 'This is dreadful. The rap

eaking at Mr Pecksniff. 'Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son have got wind of it, and have come

cried Mr Pecksniff,

f the interruption, 'are his brother

designing favourite. Everybody who is interested feels it, sir. The whole family is pouring down to this place. The time has come when individual jealousies and interests must be forgotten for a time, sir, and union must be made against the common enemy. When the common enemy is routed, you will all set up for yourselves again; every lady and gentleman who has a part in the game,

corner. Mr Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as he could be reasonably expect

upon the little eccentricities of our

niff had

my answer

niff had

, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an extra

iff made

g; 'and to be punctually repaid next wee

ff had not

the thing sir. I never knew that man fail to redeem a pr

cksniff, 'thank

u.' With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapse

ther not lend Sly

ther not,' Mr Pe

ed to him at that moment for the first time, 'it's very possible you may be right.

do it, indeed,' s

-crown, perhaps?

n half-a

g, 'to the ridiculously small am

ecksniff, 'would be e

end Slyme, of which he could by no means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration of the great pleasure he himself had that day enjoyed in his social intercourse with Mr Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more

ccasioned such a vast sensation that Mrs Lupin, scenting their errand before they had been under her roof half an hour, carried the news herself with all possible secrecy straight to Mr Pecksniff's house; indeed it was her great caution in doing so which occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who entered at the front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from the back one. Moreover, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were economically quartered at the Half Moon and S

promise of capitulation. Meantime the family forces were perpetually encountering each other in divers parts of the neighbourhood; and, as no one branch of the Chuzzlewit tree had ever been known to agree with another within the memory of man, there was such a skirmishing, and flouting, and snapping off of heads, in the me

ecognition of his high character and influential position. Thus, by little and little, they made common cause of Martin Chuzzlewit's obduracy, until it was agreed (if such a word can be used in connection with the Chuzzlewits) that there sh

that man was he. And, oh, the two Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the serene expression on the face of Charity, which seemed to say, 'I know that all my family have injured me beyond the possibility of reparation, but I forgive them, for it is my duty so to do!' And, oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy; so charming, innocent, and infant-like, that if she had gone out walking by herself, and it had been a little earl

eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious perspiration, that he may be said to have been in a kind of moist meekness! And the company; the jealous stony-hearted distrustful company, who were all shut

hey stood winking their red eyes, side by side, and whispering to each other softly. Then there was the widow of a deceased brother of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, who being almost supernaturally disagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony figure and a masculine voice, was, in right of these qualities, what is commonly called a strong-minded woman; and who, if she could, would have established her claim to the title, and have shown herself, mentally speaking, a perfect Samson, by shutting up her brother-in-law in a private madhouse, until he proved his complete sanity by loving her very much. Beside her sat her spinster daughters, three in number, and of gentlemanly deportment, who had so mortified themselves with tight stays, that their tempers were reduced to something less than their waists, and sharp lacing was expressed in their very noses. Then there was a young gentleman, grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark and very hairy, and apparently born for no particular purpose but to save looking-glasses the

ig

f's best parlour, agreeably prepared to fall foul of Mr Pecksniff or an

d. We thank you for assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a blessed distinction that you

rs in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming too much to yourself, sir. W

choed this inquiry

ving a violent rap on the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this assembly separates, the better. I

who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence was fain to sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head most wrathfully, and giving Mrs

little incident has happened. It is good to feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good

yet to learn that a red nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people neither made nor coloured their own noses, but had that feature provided for them without being first consulted; though even upon that branch of the subject she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than other noses, or indeed half as red as some. This remark being received with a shrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity Pecksniff begged with much politeness to be informed whether any of those very low observations were levelled at her; and receiving no more explanatory answer than was conveyed in the adage 'Those the cap fits, let

nting words that the poor lady, before the engagement was two minutes old, had no refuge but in tears. These she shed so plentifully, and so much to the agitation and grief of Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman, after holding his clenched fist close to Mr Pecksniff's eyes, as if it were some natural curiosity from the near inspection whereof he was likely to derive high gratification and improvement, and after o

ves to look as if there were no such beings-not to say present, but in the whole compass of the world-as the three Mis

e withdrawn himself so very hastily, though we have cause for mutual congratulation even in that, since we are assured that h

ching the whole party with peculiar keennes

d sir?' demande

ypoc

dlestick to-night, remind me to be more than usually particular in

sed to his daughter's private ear. With a cheerfulness of consc

ng as it were beyond our reach, we are met to-day, really as if we were a f

t all sure that this was a bless

it may, here we are; and being here, we are to consi

strong-minded lady, 'that any means are

ainted by any means with the real character and purpose of that young female whose strange, whose very strange position, in reference to himself'-here Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an impressive whisper-'rea

usin with the toothache advocated Botany Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, notwithstanding his extreme shabbiness, was still understood to be in some sort a lady's man, in right of his upper lip and his frogs, indicated a doubt o

all the inflictions which have been so very forcibly and hilariously suggested;' one of his ornamental sentences; 'nor will I, upon the other, on any account compromise my common understa

e strong-minded wom

I appreciate and thank you for your discriminating objection-our respected rela

Pa!' cri

indred, 'that I am at a loss for a word. The name of those fabulous animals (

zzlewit sugge

. 'Not swans. Very like

ance, speaking for the first and last ti

sposing our respected relative to listen to the promptings of nature, and not to the siren-like delusions of art. Now we must not lose sight of the fact that our esteemed friend has a grandson, to whom he was, until lately, very much attached, and whom

he strong-minded woman, sternly, 'I beg him to speak out like a m

e I hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, to look at a person who only came into it by marriage. As to eati

t!' cried the str

by this retort, 'I think it would occur to me that a lady who had outlived three h

nded woman im

family by getting on the blind side of some of its members before marriage, and manslaughtering them afterwards by crowing over them to that strong pitch that they were glad to die, would refrain from acting the part of vultures in regard to other members of this family who are living. I think it would be f

disdainful smile as she moved towards the door, followed by her three daughters. 'Indeed I wa

ze at me, ma'am, if you please,' interp

strong-minded woman, during her second widowhood

he United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I so degraded myself. Now, my dears, if you're quite ready, and have sufficiently improved yourselves by taking to heart the genteel example of these two young ladies

er daughters, who, as with one accord, elevated their three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter. As they passed the parlour window on the outsid

immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe burst into the chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he had gone out a man of snow or ice. His head distilled such

r!' cried M

ertainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, of course!

tter?' cried s

gasping. 'Nothing at all! It's of no

iff, looking about him in utter amazement. 'I as

hat has happened! That you haven't decoyed us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will you ven

as the ge

! Nobody knew he was going. Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the very last moment that they were merely

mpany for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden silence, the irritated g

ise to him as to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and denunciations that were ever heaped on one unlucky head, none can ever have exce

the proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually scraped her shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressi

e, for his part, had not distributed among them any more love than, with his ample capital in that respect, he could comfortably afford to part with. This view of his affa