Merrie England In The Olden Time, Vol. 1 (of 2)

t promise, we have introduced Benjamin Bosky and Uncle Tim. We would now bespeak thy courtesy for others that are soo

le Timothy through this livelong day, would exhibit him, like "Patience," not sitting "on a monument, smiling at grief," but lolling in Mr. Bosky's britschka, laughing (in his sleeve!) at t

is a nymph we

aid the hypoc

rascals thr

and infam

guilt's most

vice she ne

meekness, grav

upon the ma

kept on the windy side of the law. They were vastly prone to measure other people's morality by the family bushel, and had exceedingly grand notions touching their s

nd when Mr. Muff, who was no herald, hearing something about Mr. Bosky's arms being painted on the panels, innocently inquired whether his legs were not painted too?-at which Uncle Timothy involuntarily smiled-the scarlet-liveried pride of the Fubsys rushed into her cheek

pplementary complaint, by way of errata, that there "was no pickles!"-and the carving-until the well-bred Mrs. Flumgarten snatched the knife and fork out of Uncle Timothy's hands-was "awful! horrid!" Then she never tastes such sherry as she does at her cousins' the Shufflebothams; and as for their black am

est their diminutive dignities; but as the fond sisters had the good fortune to be Fubsys, and as the Fubsys enjoyed the exclusive privilege of abusing one another with impunity, the sarcastic compliments and ironical sneers they so lovingly exchanged passed for nothing after the first fire. The absence of Mr. Flumgarten, a scholar and a

? Why, your greeneyed illiterate prejudices to mar all that makes the domestic hearth intellectual and happy!

and drinking organs, with a winning smile that would have made his fortune through a horse-collar, emerg

said Mrs. Flumgarten, soothi

nt," snuffled the self-

ig

the lump of living lumber, he did not venture to suppose,) "t

pping-rope, and

you p

s my time at du

to Mr. Timtiffin, do, dear

he effort, Mr. Brutus

ng in each hand

n this pic-tur

nter-co

p!" whispered

"Fit prese

r. Muff, as you always

er M

wo bro

ace was seate

-H

about curls and fr

y, which was bushily redolent of both; she darted a fierce f

er M

's to threaten

down, upon which Mrs. Flumgarten took his voice under her patronage, and having prevailed on him to try a song, the "young idea" began in an excruciating wheeze, as if a pair of b

s a litt

hung in

orning, May

n't sing

this rea

le, great

e pussey,

im, bones

is a song! None of your frothy comic st

cended to adulterate the patrician blood of St. Giles's in-the-Fields with the plebeian puddle of the City Gardens, the sometime suburban retreat of the Fubsys, where they farmed a ma

ing, Mr. Timwig," chimed t

e greater novelty. Come, my good sir

quite top-heavy! It must only be a half

l purple stream" till it kissed, without flowing over, the brim. Mr. Muff brought the bumper to a

?" cried the am

s?" ejaculated the bew

her," whispered the sat

glanced his little peering eyes across the table-Mrs. Muff having a voice too in the affair-for an assenting nod from the fierce black velvet turban of his better and

t lived up

is room by a

all M

ckete

k as he

tors s

nocker near Bl

b was not

ort, we

fair

e had

at, we

now-whi

ry vei

, Brutus!" vociferated Mrs. Muff. But the Cock

er Pott, "As I

atent pill on Tib

svallow, if di

ick the bucket,

r

rubbishing song? A man, too, after

Mu

r knew that a lee

nd could not, vhe

y

at her he opes hi

it vouldnt kill, n

my poor nerves?" remonstra

e stoical Brutus. "Vhat compass

id he, "I sve

and chattel

ig and

nocker

n vhich I cut

e pill (a pi

if Mrs. Po

thisic she'll

nt to take p

it

e newe

h laughing was

od reason-it fin

lumgarten, furiously, "fo

ivision!" shouted the valiant Mr. Muff, aspi

Teddy O'Blai

quite at i

my nose and th

the roots o

le you two or three!" And Mr. Muff, with admirable coolness and precision, filled himself a bumpe

-of-his-vife-and-a-broomstick Jerry Sneak and Pollycoddle, that the Vhitechapel pin-maker v

id Uncle Timothy,

Mrs. Flumgarten, "to s

ng, or I shall let the cat out of the bag, and the kittens

fectionate and blubbering first-born! When a chimney caught fire, it was a custom in Merrie England to drop down it a live goose, in the quality of extinguisher! And no goose ever performed its office better than the living Guy. He opened the flood-gates of his gooseberry eyes, and played upon pa so effectually, that Mr. Muff's ire or fire was speedily put out; and when, to prevent a coroner's inquest, the obedient child was motioned by the ladies to relax his filial embra

mwiddy!" screame

Timwig!" ech

, so aggravated the possible kickings, plungings, takings fright, and runnings away of that terrible left-wheeler, that the accommodating middle-aged gentleman was easily persuaded by the ladies to lighten the weight and diminish the danger, by returning to town by some other conveyance. And it was highly ente

ed his by humming the following, in which he encored himself s

splash along

nty periwigs

tough yarn tw

rry Sneak, and sa

a mare, and a c

all day long has

a

the fiddle I l

caper from the m

her tantrums,

r

ve her change, ho

y

her pretty fist, a

ow

gh her fingers, if

o

splash along

an gallop as a wom

ve heard my gran

l dr

nstead of me, this

ve