Child of a Century, Complete

lt so degraded in my own eyes that a horrible temptation assailed me. Then I sat down and looked gl

ent physical horror in the act of touching the cold steel of some deadly weapon; the fingers stiffen in anguish, the arm grows cold and hard. Nature reco

in order that the one should not leave us alone with the other. Once relieved of the presence of that woman, my heart would have become calm. There would remain only repentance, for the angel of pardon ha

o my chair; and, while I was thus a prey to dangerous delirium, the creature, standing before my mirror, thought of nothing but how best to arrange her dress and fix her hair, smiling the while. This lasted more than a quarter of an hour, durin

precipitately, and had only time to open the closet door and motion t

in life. Fatality, Chance, Providence, what matters the name? Those who quarrel over

t heroes merit the attention which Heaven shows them, and

r thought. For something in our ordinary actions resembles the little blunted arrows we shoot at targets; little by little we make of our successive deeds an abstract and regular entity that we call our pruden

f the world, that sword of man in the combat of life, in vain do we brandish it over our heads in wrath, in vain do we seek to ward off with it a blow

ted, perhaps to inflict the penalty, at the very instant when a great horror

aff me about my appearance, which indicated, he said, that I had not slept we

dly as she had treated me; the poor boy, having discovered her inconstancy, made a great ado and all Paris knew it. At first I did not catch the meaning of Desgenais's words, as I was not listening attentively; but when he had repeated his s

r own house between two lovers, and a scene ensued that all Paris knew by heart. Sh

ection with this woman, but from my whole conduct in regard to her. To say that she deserved severest censure, that she had

was prepared to treat my disease heroically. A long friendship, founded on mutual services, g

, he pressed me the harder. My impatience was so obvious that he could not con

wished to hear it again. I tried to assume a smiling face and tranquil air, but in vain. Desgenais suddenly became silent after havin

iction, the only one I had ever loved, for whom indeed I might sorrow till death, should become suddenly a shameless wretch, the subject of coarse jest

head and saw a cold smile or a curious glance. Desgenais did not leave me; he knew very well

to the desired point, he did not he

oon was shining brightly. While the two lovers were quarrelling over their fair one, and talking of cutting her throat as she sat before the fire, down

asked, "who saw m

e tell you her story. She claims that you love her still, that you keep guard at her door, in

, the shame of confessing my weakness before witnesses induced me, however, to make the effort. "It is very true that

nctly; I attempted to deny it. A deep flush suffused my f

he, "take care,

"how did I know it

ressed his lip

new en

ant of my sentence. My blood becam

ounter within! What! that very night! Mocked by her! Surely, Desgenais, you

d an irresistible feeling of wrath began to

ave been leading for the last two months has made you ill; I see you have need of distrac

a sacred but frightful grief. O God! it is that grief, that sacred relic of my sorrow, that has just crumbled in my hands! It is no longer, my love, it is my despair that is insulted. Mockery! She mocks at me as I weep!" That appeared incredible to me. All the memories of th

ntre of my life, my heart itself, was ruined, killed, annihilated. What could I say when the woman for whom I had braved all, ridicule as well as blame, for whom I had borne a load of misery, whom I loved, and who loved another, of whom I demanded no love, of whom I desired nothing but permission to weep at her door, no favor but that of vowing my youth to her memory and of writing her name, her name alone, on the tomb of my hopes!-Ah! when I thought of it

that an inordinate desire for vengeance entered into my soul. How could I revenge myself on a woman? I would have paid any price f

g behind the curtain before the c

eserve all the ridicule you have subjected me to. But, by Heaven! I will show

nd exposed the interior of the closet. The gi

-? But that is not all," I added, "that is not all I have to say. You give a supper to-night and to-morrow go to the country; I am with you, and shall not leave you from now on. We

to learn that, from that day, I completely changed my course of life does not know the heart of man, and does not un