The Enchanted Typewriter

ion pink. I felt as if I had committed some dreadful faux-pas, and instead of gazing steadfastly into the vacant chair, as I had been wont to d

ur pardon

a woman you've never had the honor of meeting, even if she is of the most advanced so

I explained. "R

our rudeness an even more reprehensible act. It is well enough to affect a good-fellowshi

should I? I supposed it was Boswell I was talkin

chine. "You're a chu

actly a chum,

th him?" inter

nt, yes," I

ce. I should not feel quite in my element in a house where the editor of a Sunda

t, and if I thought Boswell was merely a purveyor of what is known as Sunday literature, which

of relief emanat

s the remark rapidly cl

d may I ask whom I have

iate response. "My name is

d I had gone to the club. My first impulse was to call up-stairs to my wife and have her come down. She knows how to handle the new woman far better than I do. She has never wanted to vote, and my collars are safe in her hands. She has frequently observed that while she had many things to be thankful for, her greatest blessing was that she was born a woman and not a man, and the new women of

t that I should like to meet you, and here

derisively," such as we find in the daily newspapers interspersed throughout the after-dinner speeches of a candidate of another party. Finally, to my r

h?" I observed, when sh

k. Is he not the lord of creation? Is not woman his abject slave? I not the whole difference between them purely

this type-writer or this woman who manipulated its keys imparted to the atmosphere I was breathing a sniffing contemptuousness which I have never experienced anywhere outside of a London hotel, and th

g as Xanthippe answered my question, and the sniff saved me, just as it did in the London hotel, when

in anything you may choose to say, but as a gentleman I do not care

ely day we have had," as if any subject other than t

with whom to do it. I am not one of your latter-day sit-out-on-the-stairs-while-the-others-dance girls. I a

l, madame

t ago why I laughed,"

ere is no principle involved there; and as a problem, I have never cared enough about why women laugh to inquire deeply into it. If she'll just consent to laugh, I'm satisfied without inquiring into the cau

is no doubt of your superiority, and that she knows it. Appear to patronize her, and her own indignation will defeat her ends." It is a good principle generally. Among mortal women I have never known it

at list of problems

, and godets," I repeated, somewha

cuss them. I am surprised to find an able-bodied man like yourself bothering with such problems, but I'll help you out of your

dn't really know what to say, and so wisely said n

ow how fearfully shallow you are.

calling my feeble wit to my rescue, I added, "It's o

pe. "You haven't even ma

laughed, and th

come of Bosw

old Jonah," replied Xanthippe. "He printed an article alleged to have been written by Baro

chausen?

telling another one of his lies and acquitted him, so Boswell was sent up alone. That's why I am here. There isn't a man in all Hades that dared take cha

of the Sunday newspapers awhil

but I've fixed that. I get out t

d you like it

with a newspaper for scandal and gossip, and, besides, I'm an ardent advocate of men's rights-have been for centuries-and I've got my first chance now to promulgate a few of my ideas. I'm really a man in all my views of life-that's the inevitable end of an advanced woman who persists in following her 'newness' to

, with great glee, "that this new

e happy life. It is perfectly logical to say that the more manny a woman becomes,

to confront her with, not that I disagreed with her entirely, but because I instinctive

you are ri

view of woman. You want woman to be a mere lump of sugar, content to be left in a bowl until it pleases you in your high-and-mightiness to take her in the tong

ery fond of sugar, though one lump is my allowance, and I n

on your back, snoring as though your life depended on it; but when she asks to be allowed to share your responsibilities as well as what, in her poor little soul, she thinks are your joys, you flare up and call her 'new' and 'advanced,' a

-" I

ue, but nobody else ever can attain to your lofty plane. Now what I want to see among women is more good fellows. Suppose you regarded your wife as good a fellow

but that's just the point.

ome so very masculine myself. Both sexes should have their rights, and that is the great policy I'm going to hammer at as long as I have Boswell's paper in charge. I wish you might see my editorial page for to-morrow; it is simply fine. I urge upon woman the necessity of joining in with her husband in all his pleasures whether she enjoys them or not. When he lights a cigar, let her do the same; when he calls for a cockt

ou old chap when we first met," s

never met before, and, besides, doctor

e good fellows is what you're

ippe. "It's excellen

e in Hades. I think, however, that we mortals will stick to the old plan for

visitor that I suddenly became c

ather like to keep the two separate. Aren't yo

gone. It was evident that she consid