The Water-Babies

me, O ye

r you at

stions that

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ts are singi

ooks of mo

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re all our

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GFE

y to the Other-end-of-Nowhere; which all good little children are requested to read; that, if ever they get to the Other-end-of-Nowhere, as they m

housand fathoms deep; where she makes world-pap all day long, for the steam-giants to knead, an

rned into a fossil water-baby; which would have astonished the Geolog

umping, as of all the steam-engines in the world at once. And, when he came near, the water grew boiling-hot; not that that hurt him in the least: but it al

scramble over, Tom had to walk round him three-quarters of a mile and more, which put him out of his path s

enough to work all the engines in the world at once; so clear, indeed, that it was quite light at moments; an

the sides of the hole, and hurled it up into the sea in a shower of mud and gravel and ashes; and then it spread all around, and sank again, and covered in the d

e piece of ground on which he stood was torn off and blown upwards, and

imself tight in the legs of the most

er the top of a fountain. And for every wing above it had a leg below, with a claw like a comb at the tip, and a nostril at the root; and in the middle it had no stomach and one eye;

ing in my way?" and it tried to drop Tom: but he held on

hat his errand was. And the thing

n in that way. You are come

Tom did not know; but the suspici

then, when they steamed up through them against his wings, they were changed into showers and streams of metal. From one wing fell gold-dust, and from another silver, and from another copp

down rushed the water into the hole, in such a whirlpool that the bogy spun round and round as fast as a teet

to get down, if you are in e

as bold as Baron Munchausen, and shot down th

e Other-end-of-Nowhere; and he found it, to his surprise, as most other people d

eaves in a winter wood; and there he saw people digging and grubbing among them, to make worse books out of bad on

an get them. But the fairies hide them out of the way in that country as fast as they can, and very hard work they have, and of very little use it is. For as fast as they hide away the old trash, foolish and wicked people make fresh trash full of lime and poisonous paints, and actually go and steal receipts out of old Madame Science's big book to invent poisons for little children, and sell them at w

Pump-lighter, nor the Narrow Narrow World, nor the Hills of the Chattermuch, nor the Children's Twaddeday, why then they were something else. And, all the rest of the little people in the world read the books, and thought themselves each as good as the

b, they call it there), which lies in latitude 42.

ey had had one such Lincolnshire nobleman among them as good old Lord Yarborough, he would have called for the fire-engines before he hanged other people's dogs. But it was of no use, and the dog was hanged: and Tom couldn't even have his carcase; for they had abolished the have-his-carcase act in that country, for fear lest when rogues fell out, honest men should come by their own. And so they would have succeeded perfectly, as they always do, only that (as they also

it out long ago). There every one knows his neighbour's business better than his own; and a very noisy place it is, as might be expected, considering that all the inhabitants are e

aving cats, dead dogs drilling live lions, blind brigadiers shelfed as principals of colleges, play-actors not in the least shelfed as popular pre

ch ought to have set the Thames on fire. There cobblers lecture on orthopedy (whatsoever that may be) because they cannot sell their shoes; and poets on AEsthetics (whatsoever that may be) because they cannot sell their poetry. There philosophers demonstrate that England would be the freest and richest country in the world, if she would only turn Papist again; penny-a-liners abu

iis placuit, sed

show him his way; or rather, to show him that he did not know his way; fo

, and another poked him t

I tell you; it is de

ng west, as you m

ies here, my dear; I ass

want to go ea

e-which was the only thing which they ever agreed about; and all pointed at once to all the thirty-and-two

ey were going to pull his master in pieces, and tackled them so sharply about the gastrocnemius muscle, that he gave them so

all the year. And he found them bricking up the town gate, because it was so wide that little folks could not get through. And, when he asked why, they told him they were expanding their litur

d long, for meddling with matters which they do not understand, as Lucius did in the story. And like him, mokes they must remain, till, by the laws of development, the thistl

h are no less than thirty and odd kings, beside hal

l, against what do you think? One thing I am sure of. That unless I told you, you would never know; nor how they waged that war either; for all the

a musty lot for the most part), they ran round and round the shore for ever, which (as the island was exactly of the same circumference as the planet on which we have the honour of living) was hard work, especially to those who had business to look after. But before the

up, and had a good dinner given him, and a good wife found him, and been set to play with little children; and then he wou

a great pair of spectacles on his nose, and a butterfly-net in one hand, and a geological hammer in the other; and was hung all over with pockets, full of collecting boxes, bottles, microscopes, telescopes, barometers, ordnance

nd and dodged between his legs; and the giant, when he had passed hi

, like all the rest?" But he had to take his specta

giant pulled out a bottle and a c

d between his legs and in front of him; a

ld, and up to Mother Carey's haven, beside being caught in a net and called

ce with him at once, and would have kept him there to this day to pick his brain

stest, kindliest old Dominie Sampson of a giant that ever turned the world upside down without inten

r head under water for a few hours, as I did, and turn into a w

then, and be at rest. But I can't; I can't be a little child again; and I suppose if I could, it would be no use, beca

these poor people?" said Tom,

eat a Venetian and traduced the State-goodness only knows what they mean, for I never read poetry-and hunting me round and round-though catch me they can't, for every time I go over the same ground, I go the faster, and grow the bigge

ou turn round an

of the sons of Epimetheus, and must

stop, and let the

should catch no more new species, and should grow rusty and mouldy, and die. And I don't intend to do t

care?"

, is my motto; and I have thriven by it for some hundred years. Now I must go on. D

great idol temple (for they are all idolaters in those parts, of course, else they would never be afrai

between his legs, he poked and peered among the falling stones, and s

le Roi des Papillons (though he, like all Frenchmen, is given to hasty induction

lae. Whereon (as was to be expected) the roof caved in bodily, smashing the idols, and sending

of the dust flew a bat, and t

illiwaukie Brown insists is confined to the Buddhist temples of Little Thibet; and

ple ran, being in none the better humour for having their temple smashe

y quarrel, with a good deal to be said on

ht ear; which you will never have, unless you be a baby, whether of the water, the l

running, unto this day for aught I know, or do not know; and will run till either he, or they, o

hall ha

shall

e his mare again,

great traveller Captain Gulliver, the Isle of Laputa. But Mrs. Bedonebyasyou

le must be ringing little pigs, or cropping puppies' ears, or drowning kittens: but when he came nearer still, he began to hear words a

y lesson: the ex

he only song w

round for the people of the island: but instead of men, women, and children, he found nothing but turnips and radishes, beet and mangold wurzel, without a single green leaf among them, and half of them burst and decayed, with toad-stools growin

me the distance between α

de and longitude of Snooksville,

f Mutius Scaevola's thirteenth co

hool-inspector of average activity to tum

hat nobody ever heard of, where nothing ever happen

pelessly corrupt passage of Graidiocolosyrtus Tabenn

have thought they were all trying for tide-waite

will it do you if I di

that: all they knew was

p you ever saw filling a hole in a crop of swedes, and it cried t

what?"

em again. So my mamma says that my intellect is not adapted for met

n the army; only he had a friend once that went for a drummer: but he cou

listened very carefully; and the more he listened, t

alked, the unhappy turnip streamed down all over with juice, and split and shrank till nothing was left of him b

ple? But there was a still more foolish couple next to them, who were beating a wretched little radish, no bigger than my thumb, for sullenness and obstinacy and wilful stupidity, and never knew that the reason why it couldn't learn or hardly even speak

bled over a respectable old stick lying half covered with earth. But a very stout and worthy stick it was, for it be

and dance round the gooseberry bush, as little children should, kept them always at lessons, working, working, working, learning week-day lessons all week-days, and Sunday lessons all Sunday, and weekly examinations every Saturday, and monthly examinations every month, and yearly examinations every year, everything seven time

it she would send them a lot of tops, and balls, and marb

had better get away, I warn you, or he will examine you and your dog into the bargain, and set him to examine all the other dogs, and you to examine all the other water-babies. There is no escaping out of his hands, for his nose is nine thousand miles long, and can go down chimneys

ips, binding heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and laying them on little children's shoulders, like the Scribes and Pharisees of old, and not touchi

dog too. And really it was time; for the poor turnips, in their hurry and fright, crammed themselves so fast to be ready for the Examiner, that they bur

onebyasyoudid had taken away the epitaph about talents and precocity and develo

n sore long

ming was

did please m

er on th

the sea, and swam o

toddies all; I

now save those

iting sure, w

of sense through

no more was John Bunyan, though he was as wise

heathens, and worshipped a howling ape. And there he found a li

u crying for

as frightened as I

little chap: but, if you want t

s very kind of you; but I don't fe

ttle him over the head with a brick, or anything else

se himself; and cried on till his papa and mamma came, and sent off for the Powwow man immediately. And a very good-natured gentleman and lady they

s. But he soon saw his mistake: for Grimes always looked a man in the face; and this fellow never did. And when he spoke, it was fire and smoke; and whe

you can't feel frightened, my little dear-eh? I'll do that for y

he touched a spring in the thunderbox, and out popped turnip-ghosts and magic-lanthorns and pasteboard bogies and spring-heeled Jacks, and sallab

as soon as they had taken him up, the pole stuck to their shoulders, and they could not set him down any more, but carried him on willynilly, as Sinbad carried the old man of the sea: which was a pitiable sight to see; for the father was a very brave officer, and wore two swords and a blu

convert those poor heathens, and teach them no

to be frightened, my little dear? For I can see plainly th

nd cried "Boo!" Tom ran at him in return, and cried "Boo!" likewise, right

for his life, screaming, "Help! thieves! murder! fire! He is going to kill me! I am a ruined man! He will murder me; and break, bu

ey had nothing to shoot, hang, or burn him with, for the fairies had hid all the killing-tackle out of the way a little while before; so they could only pelt him with stones; and some of the stones went clean through him, and came out th

till they had worked between them the loveliest wedding veil of Chantilly lace, and hung it up in their own Crystal Palace for any one to buy who could afford it; while the good old sea never g

that I ever saw, any part of any other building whatsoever-is cased with nine-inch brick inside and out, and filled up with rubble between the walls, in order that any gentleman who has been confined during Her Majesty's pleasure may be unconfined during his own pleasure, and take a walk in

ind Mr. Grimes inside it, till he saw running toward him, and shouting "Stop!" three or four people, who,

n the water move nobody knows how, a hundred times, without arms, or legs, or anyth

ye in the middle of his upper end, so that when he looked at anything, being quite stiff, he had to slope himself, and poke himself, till it was a wonder why he did not tumble over;

o objection, for such company was both respectable and safe; so the truncheon coiled its thong neatly round i

eman to carry you?" as

hich cannot go without having a whole man to carry them about. We do our o

a thong to your h

up by, of course, w

they came up to the great iron door of the prison. An

rass blunderbuss charged up to the muzzle with slugs, who was

sked in a deep voice, out

a young gentleman from her ladyship, wh

nd he pulled in his muzzle, perha

said from inside. "So the young gen

r get up: but, when he hinted that to the truncheon, it settled the matter in a moment. For it whisked roun

leads, till he met another tru

unremorseful, hard-hearted, foul-mouthed fellow I have in charge; and thin

not stick to his feet, or dirty them in the least. Neither did the live coals, which were lying about in plenty, burn him; for, being a water-baby, his radical humours

stuck poor Mr. Grimes, so sooty, and bleared, and ugly, that Tom could hardly bear to look at him.

id the truncheon; "here is

ds; and kept grumbling, "My pipe

over the head with itself, that his brains rattled inside like a dried walnut in its shell. He tried to get his ha

suppose you have come here to laug

had not, but only

hat I can't get; and a light to this both

live coal (there were plenty lying about) and p

looking on. "I tell you, it is no use. His heart is so cold that it freezes

Now don't go to hit me again" (for the truncheon started upright, and looked

e personal insult, like a well-trained policeman as it was, though he

her way? Can't I help you to ge

place where everybody must help themselves; and he w

lighted straw put under me to make me go up? Did I ask to stick fast in the very first chimney of all, because it was so shamefully clogged up with soot? D

nd. "No more did Tom, when you beh

tention!-and made such a low bow, that if it had not been full of the spirit of justice,

d times and bad times and all times pass over. But may not I help poor Mr. Gri

y, of cours

could not move one. And then he tried to wipe M

way, through all these terrible places, t

rgiving little chap, and that's truth; but you'd best be off. The hail

t ha

close to me, it's like so much warm rain: but then it turns

was your mother's tears, those which she shed when she prayed for you by her bedside; but your cold h

ent awhile; and the

good woman she was, and might have been a happy one, in her little

he story of his going to her house, and how she could not abide the sight of a

n away from her and took up with the sweeps, and never let her know where I was, n

e a great baby, till his pipe dropped

tle chap, and don't stand to look at a man crying, that's old enough to be your father, and never feared the face of man, nor of worse neither. But I'm beat now, and beat I must be. I've made my bed, an

ew voice that Tom looked up at her; and she was so beautif

Tom's could not do, and nobody's on earth could do for him; for they washed the soot off his face and off his clothes; and

crown a tremendous thump, and drive him down again like

me if I give

I know too well also. And, as for being my own master, I've fared ill enough with that a

ut remember, disobey me again, and

at I know of. I never had the honour of setting e

o you, Those that will be

over. "I gave you your warning then: but you gave it yourself a thousand times before and since. Every bad word that you said-every cruel a

nly known

hing, though you did not know it was me. But come ou

it had not been for the scars on his face, he looked

to the truncheon, "and giv

is he to d

there, who will teach him his business: but mind, if that crater gets choked again, and there is

off Mr. Grimes, looking a

ot know, he is sweeping the c

om, "your work here is done. Y

, "but how am I to get up that great hole

ust bandage your eyes first; for I never al

ell anybody about them,

rich and poor, crying to you, 'Only tell us the great backstairs secret, and we will be your slaves; we will make you lord, king, emperor, bishop, archbishop, pope, if you like-only tell us the secret of the backstairs. For thousands of years we have been paying, and petting, and obeying, and worshipping quacks who told us they had the key of the

backs

us bac

ble bac

te back

ry back

ured bac

itan bac

nsive ba

ating ba

ed back

ial bac

cal bac

al back

l back

ve back

able ba

backs

ble bac

ught ba

d back

atic bac

able ba

anlike b

ke bac

ox bac

le bac

le bac

able bac

able bac

backs

nipotent b

c

cruel fairy, Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid!' Do not you think that yo

airs?" asked he, being a little frightened at the long words, and not under

ut too likely to come there of themselves. So come-now I must bandage your eyes." S

as he thought, moved a single step. But, when he looked round him, there could be no doubt that he was safe up

ng the eaves: the sea-birds sang as they streamed out into the ocean, and the land-birds as they built among the boughs; and the air was so full of song that it stirred St. Brandan and his hermits, as they slumbered in

you too young to understand it. But have patience, and keep your eye single, and your hands

t ever was seen, looking down, with her chin upon her hand, and paddling with her

," said he, "ho

she, "how you

ite grown up-he into a tall man,

ough; for I have been sitting here waiting for you many

shed; and, indeed, he could think of nothing but Ellie. So he stood and looked at Ellie, and Ellie looked at him; a

: "Attention, children. Are you

ll this while," they said. And

t me once mo

hem cried out at once, "O

ar Mrs. Doasyou

onebyasyoudid; but you are

the fairy. "B

e; for he had found out something which made him very happy,

grown quite

d the fairy.

an who met me the day

was neither of them, an

my eyes, if you have

yes, and they changed again and again into e

name," said

zing light: but the children could not read her name; f

yet," said she, smiling; a

won his spurs in the great battle, and become fit to go with y

electric telegraphs, and rifled guns, and so forth; and knows everything about everything, except why a hen's egg don't turn into a crocodile, and two or thre

rse Tom mar

u know that no one ever marries in a fairy t

Tom's

that there have been no dog-days since; so that they had to take him down and put Tom's dog up in his place. The

RA

e man, what should we

ump out of the glass into somebody's work-box, and so come to a bad end. For these efts are nothing else but the water-babies who are stupid and dirty, and will not learn their lessons and keep themselves clean; and, therefore (as comparative anatomists will tell you fifty years hence, though they are not learned enough to tell you now), their skulls grow fl

ething better once more. For, perhaps, if they do so, then after 379,423 years, nine months, thirteen days, two hours, and twenty-one minutes (for aught that appears to the contrary), if they work very hard and wash very hard all that tim

they do no good-any more than some thousands of their betters. But what with ducks, and what with pike, and what with sticklebacks, and what with water-beetles, and what with naughty boys, they are "sae sair hadden

and wash in it too, like a true Englishman. And then, if my story is not true, something better i

all a fairy tale, and only fun and pretence: and, therefor