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The Newcomes

Chapter 2 Colonel Newcome’s Wild Oats

Word Count: 5952    |    Released on: 06/12/2017

hero of the following pages, we had best begin our account of

ry. It was but in the reign of George III. that Mr. Newcome first made his appearance in Cheapside; having made his entry into London on a waggon, which landed him and some bales of cloth, all his fortune, in Bishopsgate Street; though if it could be proved that the Normans wore pigtails under William the Conqueror, and Mr. Washington fought against the English under King Richard in Palestine, I am sure some of the present Newcomes would pay the Heralds' Office handsomely, living, as they do, amongst the noblest of the land, and giving entertainments to none but the very highest nobility and elite of the fashionable and diplomatic world, as you may read any day in the newspapers.

t Liberal candidate, had a picture of the old workhouse placarded over the town as the birthplace of the Newcomes; with placards ironically exciting freemen to vote for Newcome and union-Newcome and the parish interests, etc. Who cares for these local scandals? It matters very little to thos

was taken into the house of Hobson Brothers, cloth-factors; afterwards Hobson and Newcome. This fact may suffice to indicate Thomas Newcome's story. Like Whi

most gifted missionaries, the most interesting converts from foreign islands, were to be found at her sumptuous table, spread with the produce of her magnificent gardens. Heaven indeed blessed those gardens with plenty, as many reverend gentlemen remarked; there were no finer grapes, peaches, or pineapples in all England. Mr. Whitfield himself christened her; and it was said generally in the City, and by her

ad promised to marry. What seemed an imprudent match (for his wife had nothing but a pale face, that had grown older and paler with long waiting) turned out a very lucky one for Newcome. The whole countryside was pleased to think of the prosperous London tradesman returning to keep his promise to the penniless girl whom

creasing his business, was held in very good esteem by his former employers, and invited sometimes to tea at the Hermitage; for which entertainments he did not, in truth, much care at first, being a City man, a good deal tired with his business during the day, and apt to go to sleep over the sermons, expoundings, and hymns, with which the gifted preachers, missionaries, etc., who were always at

. N. was a very personable, fresh-coloured man himself; he wore powder to the end, and top-boots and brass buttons, in his later days, after he had been sheriff indeed, one of the finest specimens of the old London merchant); Miss Hobson, I say, invited him and little Tommy into the grounds of the Hermitage; did not quarre

f the Rev. Athanasius O'Grady, that eminent convert from Popery, who, quarrelling with each other, yea, striving one against another, had yet two sentiments in common, their love for Miss Hobson, their dread, their hatred of the worldly Newcome; all these squabbles and jokes, and pribbles and prabbles, look you, may be omitted. As gallantly as he had married a woman without a penny, as gallantly as he had conquered

the truth; to convert Jews, Turks, Infidels, and Papists; to arouse the indifferent and often blasphemous mariner; to guide the washerwoman in the right way; to head all the public charities of her sect, and do a thousand secret kindnesses that none knew of; to answer myriads of letters, pension endless ministers, and supply their teeming wives with continuous baby-linen; to hear preachers daily bawling for hours, and listen untired on her knees after a long day's labour, whil

dle Street and at home-when the clerical gentlemen prayed they importuned Heaven for that sainted woman a long time before they thought of asking any favour for her husband. The gardeners touched their hats, the clerks at the bank brought him the books, but they took their orders from her, not from him. I thi

The rooks in the elms cawed sermons at morning and evening; the peacocks walked demurely on the terraces; the guinea-fowls looked more Quaker-like than those savoury birds usually do. The lodge-keeper was serious, and a clerk at a neighbouring chapel. The pastors who entered at the gate, and greeted his comely wife and children, fed the little lambkins with tracts. The head-gardener was a Scotch Calvinist, after the strictest order, only occupying himself with the melons and pines provisionally, and until the end of the world, which event, he could prove by infallible calculations, was to come off in two or three years at farthest. Wherefore, he asked, should the butler brew strong ale to be drunken three years hence; or the housekeeper (a follower of Joanna Southcote) make provisions of fine linen and lay up stores of jams? On a Sunday (which good old Saxon word was scarcely known at the Hermitage) the household marched away in separate couples or groups to at least half

ce. The housekeeper called her an Erastian: Mrs. Newcome's own serious maid informed against her for telling Tommy stories of Lancashire witches, and believing in the same. The black footman (madam's maid and the butler were of course privately united) persecuted her with his addresses, and was even encouraged by his mistress, who thought of sending him as a missionary to the Niger. No little love, and fidelity, and constancy did honest Sarah show and use during the years she passed at the Hermitage, and until Tommy went to school. Her master, w

Old Mr. Hobson and his brother had been educated at that school of Grey Friars, of which mention has been made in former works and to Grey Friars Thomas Newcome was accordingly sent, exchanging-O ye Gods! with what delight!-the splendour of Clapham for the rough, plentiful fare of the place, blacking his master's shoes with perfect readiness, till he rose in the school, and the time came when he should have a fag of his own: tibbing out and receiving the penalty therefore: bartering a b

very day); by going to sleep during the sermons, and treating reverend gentlemen with levity, he drew down on himself the merited wrath of his stepmother; and many punishments in this present life, besides those of a future and much more durable kind, which the good lady did not fail to point out that he must undoubtedly inherit. His father, at Mrs. Newcome's instigation, certainly whipped Tommy for

n (for the lashings of whose brethren she felt an unaffected pity) to operate together in the chastisement of this young criminal. But he dashed so furiously against the butler's shins as to draw blood from his comely limbs, and to cause that serious and overfed menia

domestic quarrel; and no doubt the good sense of Mrs. Newcome-who, though imperious, was yet not unkind; and who, excellent as she was, yet could be brought to own that she was sometimes in fault-induced her to make at least a temporary submission to the man whom she had placed at the head of her house, and whom it must be confessed she had vowed to love and honour. When Tommy fell ill of the scarlet fever, which afflicting event occurred presently after the above dispute, his own nurse, Sarah, could not have been more tender, watchful, and affectionate than his stepmother showed herself to be. She nursed him through his illness; allowed his food and medicine to be administered by no other hand; sat up with the boy through a night of his fever, and uttered not one single reproach to he

authority; many and many a time had his own father, the old weaver, whose memory he loved and honoured, strapped and beaten him. Seeing this instrument in the parent's hand, as Mr. Newcome thrust out the weeping trembling Sarah and closed the door upon her, Tommy, scared out of a sweet sleep and a delightful dream of cricket, knew his fate; and, getting up out of bed, received his punishment without a word. Very likely the father suffered more than the child; for when the punishment was over, the little man, yet trembling and quivering with the pain, held out his little bleeding hand and said, "I can-I can take it from you, sir;" saying which his face flushed, and his eyes filled, for the first time

his return, but was quite gentle and affectionate with him, and that

nt to Epsom races, and was discovered after that act of rebellion. Driving from a most interesting breakfast at Roehampton (where a delightful Hebrew convert had spoken, oh! so graciously!), Mrs. Newcome-in her state-carriage, with her bay horses-met Tom, her son-in-law, in a tax-cart, excited by drink, and accompanied by all sorts of friends, male and

an's future career being thus determined, and his stepmother's unwilling consent procured, Mr. Newcome thought fit to send his son to a tutor for military instruction, and removed him from the London school, where in truth he had made but very little progress in the humaner letters. The lad was placed with a professor who prepared young men for the

g the poor lad into yet further trouble at home. His tutor, an easy gentleman, lived at Blackheath, and, not far from thence, on the road to Woolwich, dwelt

rprising with what assiduity he pursued his studies. Mademoiselle Leonore, the Chevalier's daughter, would carry on her little industry very undisturbedly in the same parlour with her father and his pupil. She painted card-racks: laboured at embroidery; was ready to employ her quick little brain or fingers in any way by which she could find means to add a few shillings to the scanty store on which this exiled family supported themselves in their day of misfortune. I suppose the Chevalier was not in the least unquiet about her, because she was promised in marr

tever? No doubt Mademoiselle Leonore was a young lady perfectly bien elevee, and ready, as every well-elevated young Frenchwoman should be, to accept a husband of her parents' choosing; but while the elderly M. de Florac was fiddling in London, there was that handsome young

g lesson of M. de Blois. Thither Tom's stepmother followed him, and found the young man sure enough with his instructor over his books and plans of fortification. Mademoiselle and her card-screens were in the room, but behind those screens she could no

replied fiercely, denying the accusation with scorn, and announcing his wish instantly to marry the most virtuous, the most beautiful of her sex. To marry a Papist! This was all that was wanted to make poor Tom's cup of bitterness run ov

bdurate as before. He would have her; nothing should prevent him. He cocked his hat and walked out of the lodge-gate, as his father, quite beaten by the young man's obstinacy, with haggard face and tearful eyes, went his own way into town. He was not very angry himself: in the course of their ta

old fiddler in London scarcely seemed to him to be an obstacle: it seemed monstrous that a young creature should be given away to a man older than her

selle de Blois to marry your son, Mr. Thomas! No, madam, she comes of a race which is not accustomed to ally itself with persons of your class; and is promised to a gentleman whose ancestors were dukes and peers when Mr. Newcome's were blacking shoes!" Instead of finding his pretty blushing girl on arriving at Woolwich, poor Tom only found his French master, livid with rage and quivering under his ailes de pigeon. We pass over the scenes that

nt Tom liberal private remittances to India, until the boy wrote to say that he wanted no more. Mr. Newcome would have liked to leave Tom all his private fortune, fo

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1 Chapter 1 The Overture—After which the Curtain rises upon a Drinking Chorus2 Chapter 2 Colonel Newcome’s Wild Oats3 Chapter 3 Colonel Newcome’s Letter-box4 Chapter 4 In which the Author and the Hero resume their Acquaintance5 Chapter 5 Clive’s Uncles6 Chapter 6 Newcome Brothers7 Chapter 7 In which Mr. Clive’s School-days are over8 Chapter 8 Mrs. Newcome at Home (a Small Early Party)9 Chapter 9 Miss Honeyman’s10 Chapter 10 Ethel and her Relations11 Chapter 11 At Mrs. Ridley’s12 Chapter 12 In which everybody is asked to Dinner13 Chapter 13 In which Thomas Newcome sings his Last Song14 Chapter 14 Park Lane15 Chapter 15 The Old Ladies16 Chapter 16 In which Mr. Sherrick lets his House in Fitzroy Square17 Chapter 17 A School of Art18 Chapter 18 New Companions19 Chapter 19 The Colonel at Home20 Chapter 20 Contains more Particulars of the Colonel and his Brethren21 Chapter 21 Is Sentimental, but Short22 Chapter 22 Describes a Visit to Paris; with Accidents and Incidents23 Chapter 23 In which we hear a Soprano and a Contralto24 Chapter 24 In which the Newcome Brothers once more meet together in25 Chapter 25 Is passed in a Public-house26 Chapter 26 In which Colonel Newcome’s Horses are sold27 Chapter 27 Youth and Sunshine28 Chapter 28 In which Clive begins to see the World29 Chapter 29 In which Barnes comes a-wooing30 Chapter 30 A Retreat31 Chapter 31 Madame la Duchesse32 Chapter 32 Barnes’s Courtship33 Chapter 33 Lady Kew at the Congress34 Chapter 34 The End of the Congress of Baden35 Chapter 35 Across the Alps36 Chapter 36 In which M. de Florac is promoted37 Chapter 37 Return to Lord Kew38 Chapter 38 In which Lady Kew leaves his Lordship quite convalescent39 Chapter 39 Amongst the Painters40 Chapter 40 Returns from Rome to Pall Mall41 Chapter 41 An Old Story42 Chapter 42 Injured Innocence43 Chapter 43 Returns to some Old Friends44 Chapter 44 In which Mr. Charles Honeyman appears in an Amiable Light45 Chapter 45 A Stag of Ten46 Chapter 46 The Hotel de Florac47 Chapter 47 Contains two or three Acts of a Little Comedy48 Chapter 48 In which Benedick is a Married Man49 Chapter 49 Contains at least six more Courses and two Desserts50 Chapter 50 Clive in New Quarters51 Chapter 51 An Old Friend52 Chapter 52 Family Secrets53 Chapter 53 In which Kinsmen fall out54 Chapter 54 Has a Tragical Ending55 Chapter 55 Barnes’s Skeleton Closet56 Chapter 56 Rosa quo locorum sera moratur57 Chapter 57 Rosebury and Newcome58 Chapter 58 “One more Unfortunate”59 Chapter 59 In which Achilles loses Briseis60 Chapter 60 In which we write to the Colonel61 Chapter 61 In which we are introduced to a New Newcome62 Chapter 62 Mr. and Mrs. Clive Newcome63 Chapter 63 Mrs. Clive at Home64 Chapter 64 Absit Omen65 Chapter 65 In which Mrs. Clive comes into her Fortune66 Chapter 66 In which the Colonel and the Newcome Athenaeum are both lectured67 Chapter 67 Newcome and Liberty68 Chapter 68 A Letter and a Reconciliation69 Chapter 69 The Election70 Chapter 70 Chiltern Hundreds71 Chapter 71 In which Mrs. Clive Newcome’s Carriage is ordered72 Chapter 72 Belisarius73 Chapter 73 In which Belisarius returns from Exile74 Chapter 74 In which Clive begins the World75 Chapter 75 Founder’s Day at the Grey Friars76 Chapter 76 Christmas at Rosebury77 Chapter 77 The Shortest and Happiest in the Whole History78 Chapter 78 In which the Author goes on a Pleasant Errand79 Chapter 79 In which Old Friends come together80 Chapter 80 In which the Colonel says “Adsum” when his Name is called