A Society Clown

iety

vate life, They'd none of them be missed-t

ied in the very arduous duties of taking notes of an important case, and jotting down suggestions for a new song or sketch at the same moment-at all times a difficult task, involving a deal of confusion. While purchasing my modest meal a little dog entered the shop. I

ou do, Mr

u do, Mr.

se days as we do now, and were naturally

at this sort of thing was done (I must have been very ignorant, I fear), and in reply to my questions he enlightened me on many points which were of the utmost interest, and subsequent importance to me. I remember asking him if the work was agreeable, and if the people were nice. His answer, I reco

I think I shall t

ould if I were

departed with his dog into Covent Garden, and

piano was turned as I wanted it, and a little table (supposed to represent the supper table), with wine decanter and glass, was placed to my right. All these preparations, instead of causing the proceedings to flag as one would naturally suppose, only increased the excitement-such as there was, or could be at a private party. I was more than pleased at the result-I was astonished. For instance, I felt sure the

tried "The Puddleto

hespis Lodge," wi

in Bond Street, and told him I intended trying the private work. He said it was a capital idea, and he would, in all probabil

se; and it is with great satisfaction that I record the circumstance that I was recommended by Corney Grain, who was first applied to, but unable, for some reason, to accept

e to me personally. At first I found it terribly uphill work. If the people do not know the singer they wont listen, on the paradoxical principle that they sometimes wont listen if they do know him. Some are wonderfully well-known and have a facility for clearing the room almost as remarkable as have

t him go professionally to a dull after-dinner party, where no one knows him, and he finds eight or nine elderly ladies yawning and wondering when the gentlemen will come up and join them. Let him try that audience. If he can amuse them, he will

e in the morning. If it had followed a funeral, it would have accounted for the general depression and gloom which prevailed. I played the piano and the f

osed to be a comic entertainment. I don't expect you to laugh at it in the least; but if, during the next s

roar, and for a time I could not proceed with the sketch. They were transformed into a capital and en

when I have a nice piano on a dais, and a seated audience of educated and well-dressed people, in a handsome drawing-room. It is a pleasure to me to sing to

ave been extended towards me by people who are utter strangers, and whose associations with me have

wd round the grand piano and exclude the rest from any chance of seeing or hearing the unfortunate singer. In half or three-quarters of an hour the rooms will be empty again. But I must say a "smart" party is at all times an interesting sight: the beautiful dresses, the array of diamonds, the stars and garters, especially if a Royal function is taking p

fashionable process of spitefully digging your way through people, you may get near the piano, and even a glimpse of the singer. Yes, there he is-a well-known drawing-room tenor, perhaps, who has received fifty guineas to sing a couple of songs. You see him simply indulging, apparently, in a dumb-show performance. The windows are open behind him, and the

or for supper below. The chairs are suddenly produced in a semi-circle round the piano, and I am turned on to wind up the evening, having previously wound up myself. And I do wind up myself sometimes, even to the extent of getting the livelier and mor

expression there. The Duke, who is tolerably well-known for his brusque and autocratic manner, addressing her Grace in my presence, said, "Has that fellow arrived yet?" The Duchess looked terribly confused, and glanced at the Duke and myself alternately, but I did not answer. As the Duke repeated the question with the amount of severity that a husband is always privileged to use towards his wi

h any rudeness, still I have been ofte

ng daughters. I was so immensely tickled by this, that, also rightly or wrongly, I replied that my entertainments were as they should be; for I was rece

olemn-looking ladies and their daughters, who generally attend such gatherings early. The young men never turn up till about five or half-past. In order to avoid this, I write to my hostess to tell her of the time I shall arrive, which I fix at about half or three quart

few weeks in July it is no joke. I have arrived punctually at a "four to seven" party, and have not commenced my first sketch till a quarter to six; the day having been fine and the guests all driving

the people could sit down; but on my arrival only one chair was occupied, and that was by a boy in an Eton jacket, who was seated himself at the extreme end of the room. I waited a full three-quarters of an hour before a single person arrived. In the meanwhile t

uired

, "The litt

Oh yes, t

. "It seemed to me you placed it

essness," I assured h

ies arrived, and at five the

ow? Some of the audience hav

to the Eton boy at the back of

meet some friends at another party before half-past five. I therefore continued the next twenty minutes of the sketch to the solitary boy, whose totally immovable face gave me no idea as to whether he was enjoying the entertainment or not. The room soon began to

hed and

I see it's

the Eton boy with the serious face. He

ored with all the ro

rep

jolly. I wish there

t the boy, and his simple ans

has been talking on the staircase at the top of her voice, who has never once listen

w can you think of all these thin

ople when handing me the honorarium. Sometimes the hostess will thank me

bye, and thank you so much." Then s

my husband to-morrow." This at first sounds rather awful; b

an elderly gentleman paying me in specie in the middle of

inating parent "closed" with him. I do not mean in the pugilistic sense of the word, but that he accepted the terms on my behalf. I fulfilled the engagement; and when I saw the lovely mansion, with its magnificent drawing-room, I wondered a little at my host having suggested a reduction in the fee. I do not wonder now: I have experienced still

trouble; her

my host and about four liveried s

into the hand as you depart. You cannot, under such circumstances, shake hands naturally or with comfort; and there is always the chance of a sovereign falling on the oilcloth, to say nothing of the risk of banging your heads to

replied that I had not the honour of the lady's acquaintance, and, though appreciating her kind invitation, did not exactly see how I could very well avail myself of it. He sa

rofessionally, that is another matter, and, if

e impression that if she includes you in her dinner-par

not pay me to do so. I only consume about ten shillings'

nd not give the entire entertainment myself; and it is astonishing to wh

ction of old china, there was no outward display of wealth. Her guests at her afternoon parties I should not imagine exceeded forty in numbe

violinist. On another occasion she engaged several well-known singers, also Madame Norman Neruda (who, I remember, played exquisitely on that occasion), while th

n (the most talented and most popular of drawing-room reciters) and I, have been engaged together-a combination which has been most agreeable to me

aying, "Besides yourself,

was. I found it was an oval-shaped instrument, of jet black, which emitted sounds the notes of a fl

ve ever fulfilled in private was at the residence of Mr.

. A suggestion came eventually from Mr. Fred Leslie, the clever actor, that the screen scene from The School for Scandal should be performed in a dumb show. Barrington and Leslie discussed the matter, and it was arranged that there should be no costumes, and that t

e ... ... ... M

... ... ... M

... ... ... Mr

.. ... ... Mr

... ... Mr. GE

... ... Mr. RUT

o ... Mr. M

tended all the rehearsals in the most business-like manner, and gave some valuable suggestions. The pe

e, but it was the only one he could get. Although our actions were at times extravagant, still we played with great seriousness. There was no ridiculous "mugging," which always spoils a burlesque performance. There was no conventional comic walk, strut, or pantaloon gait. We discarded the usual knowing grin which always seems to say, "I'm the funny man; prepare to laugh." An audience never requires to be told in this fashion that a man is funny; they are quite capable of discovering the fact for themselves. A carroty wig and a red nose ca

that in their last quarrel, Lady Teazle almost hinte

, then quietly rose from his chair and lay

ered, and Charles Su

ngton

, ''Sdeath, blockhea

action b

r the day." Observe, ladies and gentlemen,

ed an imaginary partner, and began wal

e was eventual

s. Please observe, ladies and gentl

ay be imagined better than described. In fact, it is quite impossible to describe the performance. All I can say is, that it had t

down-for which, of course, there was no necessity; for through the glass could distinctl

en satisfactor

ithout any action to justify i

ch prevails in revivals of old comedi

inuet, in a most skilful manner; and to this we danced and made our bows, with the ex

r way to help us, and were so interested themselves that I know I can say, on the part of the players, that our

s produced and handed round to all the guests to kiss. It stood this trying ordeal with perfect good humour; but the darling little boy was obliged to draw the line somewhere, and so he drew it at me. He set up a series of howls which alarmed the whole party-especial

htened by an

children are fond of me, as a rule. But there are ex

t a year and a half, took a sudden dislike to my pince nez, and began to squall the moment I entered the room. From a humorous spirit

h;" or, "If you do not eat your food, I shall

a bogey to frighten children. As a sequel to the story, I may say the boy is a little older now, and we are very good friends; in fact,

r, who was desirous of obtaining my services for an evening party, to be given in honour of the coming of age of young Mr. A--, at the family mansion in Kent. I invited the head clerk to my dressing-room; for, as we were about to close the theatre for a short time, I knew there was a possibility o

g to the business poi

know how much yo

ed him on t

- means to spare no expense. But the great thi

he piano, and chatted, played, and s

tumes? Don't you require a

e one of the guests, except that

ne of the guests? I must see Mr. A-- about

ter see that he understands that

a gait that seemed to hit the happy medium between the wa

ating that Mr. A-- of course would receive me as a gue

est, in fact-and no mistake about it. My reception was enormous. Young Mr. A--, who had come of age, was, comparatively speaking, nowhere. I was introduced to nearly everybody-or, more strictly speaking, eve

ed it i

and am positive their di

r than I was. An elderly clergyman quoted from my entertainment in proposing the health of young Mr. A--, on the auspicious occasion of his coming of age. Yo

and proposed the health of the host and hostess, on the plea that I was the oldest friend of the family, and had known them all their lives. This observation was recei

ain, and then came the hour for my departu

the middle of the

. All those who have

ease hold up

he displaced partners. Mr. A--, with much forethought, for which

is thanks, M

e rest, we shall give you a hearty welcome if you like to stay here; and"-here he seized my right hand, and I felt an envel

que, I found it was written for

s infinitely to be preferred to the reception I once received from a lady of title who invited me to her party, who had not engaged me prof

u are! Will

o song; but there was a supper,

which occurred in my

d which is indeli

rtainment. The butler, an elderly, pompous, and exceedingly stupid man, produced a pi

: "Can Mr. Grossmith g

en on

ly prevent my accepting an engagement at Aberdeen. I could only

Scotch accent, which I ne

ss to answer this ques

entertainment at A

annot,"

r continu

ll be his

nnot go,"

time if ye'll answer

be the

n't go," I answered, endeavouring to restrain

note of the term

tertainment b

I ejac

tertainment b

life of me, I could

consi

little, an

the question? I do not u

utler

the laird is a stric

ts will

wants to know if you

iste

rtainment will be quite consistent. I am always very c

mark in the most seriou

ll write to say if he

n years ago, and the la

s, and have often devoted several hours a day for a week or so in arranging and composing a musical illustration which will only occupy a few minutes in performance, and which may pass almost un

kly journals of the coloured paper or wrapper type, and I suppose they

ance; how a duchess was horrified at discovering she was dancing with me instead of Lord Adolphus; my injured feelings because a hostess did not shake hands with me; and my having called upon the butler at Marlborough House, and spr

I do for the poor "Norfolk Howard," who can only do its work in the dark, and cuts such a terrified figure when the light is suddenly flashed upon it. The anonymous letter-writer is, perhaps, the worst of

that hunger was not the raison d'etre of the following ex

rd in police-courts and penny gaffs. When Master Grossmith was not vulgar, he was simply stupid; for which reason his attempts at amusing an intelligent audience by a wretched imitation of the Christy Minstrels and a badly-arranged rehash of Albert Smith's 'Evening Parties' were, as

, I "received information" that the article had been written by a gentle of position, who had just beforehand been charged at Bow Street with a very seri

adverse criticism. But whenever I read a notice like the above, I am consoled by the thought that its author, at some time

to the uninitiated, I am not always expected "to oblige with a song;" nor is it a sine qua non that if I accept an invitation to dinner, it is on the distinct understanding that I should be fun

ions precede them. Still, there are people who cannot understand why I should appear in propria persona i

doing here? Are you going to give u

u going to sell any of y