Doctor Pascal

rden, engaged in planting leeks; and, as she sometimes did, she went over to the servant to h

nd she was becoming perverted to such a degree that for a month past she had not been seen in Church. Thus she returned to her first idea, to get Clotilde away and win her son over when, left alone, he should be weakened by solitude. Since she had not been ab

tine. How is e

clay, lifted up her pale face, protected again

madame, p

had come that morning. He had come, but they had talked only about indifferent matters. This put her in despair, for she had seen the doctor on the previous day, and he had unbosomed himself to her, ch

s morning, even, he would not venture to demand a positive answer. And I have come to

more c

s feet now; he d

over the bed, planting her lee

hat fo

of his illness he had kept her at a distance, accepting her services less and less every day, and finally closing altogether to her the door of his room and of the workroom. She ha

f mademoiselle. I am quite a

e house was large, but when one was not afraid of work, one could manage to do all there was to be done. And then, when mademoiselle should have left them, that would be a

ught to wish for such a separation. Only, madame, I agree with you that it is necessary, for I am greatly afraid that mademoiselle will end by going to ru

elicite. "I will go up and see them, and I wil

y that this wish seemed to him very natural. Clotilde, herself, ceasing to smile, seemed to listen to him with deference. But she manifested some surprise. Why did they press her? Master had fixed the marriage for the second week in June; she had, then, two full months before her. Very soon she would speak about it with Ramond. Marriage was so serious

way, and she seems only to wish not to act hastily, like a girl who desires to examine her

s, was looking fixedly on th

in some corner. You speak to her, and she does not answer you. That is the way people are when they are breeding a disea

for work; while old Mme. Rougon went away, somewhat tranquil

, the rare allusions which they made to it between themselves, in their hourly conversations, left them undisturbed; and it was s

ned to the solitude of his chamber at night, after she had retired. He shuddered and turned cold at the thought that a time would come when he would be always alone. Was it the beginning of old age that made him shiver in this way? He seemed to

as he turned them over. And no living woman's breast to lean upon, no child's warm locks to kiss! He had lived the cold, solitary life of a selfish scientist, and he would die in cold solitude. Was he indeed going to die thus? Would he never taste the happiness enjoyed by even the common porters, by the carters who cracked their whips, passing by under his windows? But he must hasten, if he w

ell back into his natural timidity. Then, on the next night, the fear of solitude drove sleep away as before, his blood kindled again, and the sam

own before him in an attitude of submissive adoration, and he would marry her. She was one of those pilgrims of love such as we find in ancient story, who have followed a star to come and restore health and strength to some aged

reasure of dead hours, to which memory lent its charm; there was also the determined will to enjoy, now, his health and strength, to lose nothing of the joy of loving! Ah, youth! how eagerly he would taste of its every pleasure, how eagerly he would drain every cup, before his teeth should fall out, before his limbs should grow feeble,

blooming cheeks, a delicate neck, above all, rounded and satin-smooth, shaded on the back with down; and youthful womanhood always presented itself to him tall and slight, divinely slender in its chaste nudeness. His eyes, gazing into vacancy, followed the vision, his heart was steeped i

time that he had gone out since his illness, and she led him to the threshing yard, along the paths in the pine wood, and back again to the terrace crossed by the

t spirits and so full of pleasant excitement that she went up to the workroom without

pid I am, not to have taken off my things

he scarf on a ch

mpatient when she tried to untie

e knot. I cannot undo it, and y

the walk, rejoiced to see her so beautiful and

if you keep moving like that,

rt of the throat whose warm satin he involuntarily touched. She had on a gown cut sloping in the neck, and through the opening he inhaled all the livi

o it," he said, "un

sh girlish beauty. It was the vision of royal youth, the bright eyes, the healthy lips, the blooming cheeks, above all, the delicate neck, s

is done!"

face, shaking back her golden curls laughingly. Then he was seized with a fear that he would catch her in his arms and press mad kiss

hall. Wait for me; I wa

irst time to the cry that he had always loved her madly, passionately. Yes, ever since she had grown into womanhood he had adored her. And he saw her clearly before him, as if a curtain had been suddenly torn aside, as she was when, from an awkward girl, she became a charming

s. Good God! what was to become of him? A girl whom his brother had confided to him, whom he had brought up like a good father, and

w her such as he had made her, with her great heart, her passionate frankness, her triumphant reason. And she was always present with him; he did not believe that he could exist where she was not; he had need of her breath; of the flutter of her skirts near him; of her thoughtfulness and affection, by which he felt himself constantly surrounded; of her looks; of her smile; of her whole daily woman's life, which she had given him, which she would not have the cruelty to take back from him again. At the thought that she was going away, th

ifty-nine years, when he thought of her twenty-five years. His former chill fear again took possession of him, the certainty that she had subjugated him, that he would be powerless against the daily temptation. And he saw her giving him the strings of her hat to untie; compelling him to lea

drawing. She did not even look around at hi

o think that Martine must have made a mist

kfast time. A great sweetness bathed him and calmed him, now that he was near her. He ventured to look at her, and he was touched by her delicate prof

them, "how hungry I am! You shall se

im, and took him b

ster; you must be

; he would turn her from the marriage, and keep her with him, without ever allowing her to suspect his passion; he would take her away, and they would go from city to city, occupying their minds with endless studies, in order to keep up their companionship as master and pupil; or even, if it should be necessary, he would send her to her brother to nurse him, he would lose her forever

Where, then, was he going, great God? To knock at the door of this sleeping child? to break it in, perhaps, with a blow of his shoulder? The soft, pure respiration, which he fancied he heard lik

lotilde to give her word. When she should have formally promised to marry Ramond, it seemed to him that this final solution would calm him, would forbid his indulging in any false hopes. This would be a barrier the mo

so long, she seemed at first astonished. She looked straight into his eyes, but he had sufficient command over himself not to show confusion; he insisted me

, you wish me

ure you that this is becoming ridiculous

e some papers which were on it. Then

They, too, are persecuting me to end this matter. I thought I

e did not press her to ex

me to tell Ramon

se me to see him. But don't trouble yourself. I will let

artyrdom; he had crises of anguish and rebelliousness when she was not present to calm him by her smiling freshness. And he i

e with it. I warn you that I will send word to Ramond

on, which was irrevocable. When she looked up again he trembled, for he felt a breath pass by; he thought she was on the point of saying that she had questioned herself, and that she refused this marriage. What would he have done, wh

end him word to be here t

ncon; a marvel of beauty which lay there awaiting some lover's generous folly, and the thought had come to him in the midst of the tortures of the night, to make a present of it to Clotilde, to adorn her wedding gown. This bitter idea of himself adorning her, of making her beautiful and fair for the gift of herself, touched his heart, exhausted by s

, where they had been awaiting him with secret excitement and a somewhat forced gaiety, avoid

ain, master!" said the young ma

shook h

haps! only the heart

ard, in all the splendor of his young manhood; and Pascal, with his white hair and his white beard. This fleece of snow, still so abundant, retained the tragic beauty of the six months of torture that he had just passed through. His sorrowful face had aged a little, only his eyes r

you have something to say to each other. I have something

e room, smilin

raight over to Ramond, with both hands outstretched.

t grief. You must not be too angry with me, for I assu

t once, and he

, I beg of you; take more time,

y dear friend, my

is hands, in order that he might know that she was not excited, and

you sa

ains me greatly to say it. Ask me not

ned man, whose mental balance the greatest sufferings cannot disturb. Never before h

e you wait so long for my answer, it was because I did not in very truth see clearly myself. You cannot imagine through what a c

oke a

g. Besides, it is sufficient for you to answe

avely, with an emotion which soft

you; I have only a very s

gesture the kind words w

Do not grieve for me. At this moment I feel as if the house had just f

walked back with a heavy step, seeking to recover his self-possession. He drew a long breath. In th

ng to master. He does not know my decision, and I wish to b

and breathless, as if he had come upstairs too quick

have you come to

responded Ramond, as

is all

lde, who had been s

supporting himself by the furniture,

his old carcass of a body. But the heart is strong. And I am v

tion, had gone away, he seemed troubled at finding him

uite settled; you

ely se

be better; that at last they were all going to live in peace. He closed his eyes, feigning to drop asleep, as h

eing left alone, to go and lay the little box containing the lace corsage on the young girl's bed. She came upstairs again, wished him the accustomed good-night, and he had been for

come an

to resist this appeal of

what a beautiful little

asant chamber, with its hangings of faded rose color, seemed transformed into a chapel; and on the bed, like

ening. I undressed, and it was only when I was getting into bed that I noticed your present. Ah, what a surprise! I

storm, when he had surprised her stealing his papers. And she seemed divine, with her tall, g

pressed them caressin

you that only the Virgin of St. Saturnin was worthy of wearing it on her shoulders. I am so happy! oh, so happy! For it is true, I love beautiful things; I love them so passionately

m, still looking at the corsage, and compelling him to

u make me this

; he stood there, not feeling the terror which he had dreaded, but seeming, on the contrary, to be filled with joy, as at the approach of a great and

ever, expressed surp

, my dear, is for

she had not understood him. Then, with the sweet and s

e, my ma

w serious ag

have me here no longer that you were so bent upon

and he looked away from her,

last days. It is better in truth that we should separate. And then I do not know w

ht on which they had gone together through the papers. It was true, in the shock which her whole being had su

nds in hers, and forc

? I am not your enemy. I am your servant, your chattel, your pr

t; an intense joy sh

wish to be beautiful, very beautiful for you. But do you no

are betrothed to another. You have given your

sed him. He has gone away, and he will never return. There are only we two now

ceased to struggle, vanquished

suffering; they were free. She gave herself to him knowingly, willingly, and he accepted the supreme gift like a priceless treasu

oh, maste

longing itself, as if it expressed the gift of her whole being. She uttered it with grateful fervor, like a woman who accepts, and

lieve still. It is the idea of the Beyond, which not even happiness, found at last upon your neck, will efface. But this longing for happiness, this longing to be happy at once, to have some certainty-how I have suffered from it. If I went to church, it was because I missed something, and I went there to seek it. My anguish consisted in this irresistible need to satisfy my longing. You remember what you used to call my eternal thirst for illus

peaking, he kisse

flesh, the bitter strength of the real. At first I was as if crushed, the blow was so rude. I could not recover myself. I kept silent, because I did not know clearly what to say. Then, gradually, the evolution was effected. I still had struggles, I still rebelled against confessing my defeat. But every day after this the truth grew clearer within me, I knew well that you were my master, and that there was no happiness for me outside of you, of your science and your goodness. Yo

ed radiantly, and kis

initely sweet submission. I always felt your power within me. A gesture of your hand in the distance thrilled me as though it had touched me. I would have wished that you had seized me again in your grasp, that you had crushed me in it, until my being had mingled with yours forever. And I was not blind; I knew well that your wish was the same as mine, that the violence which had made me yours had made you mine; that you struggled with yourself not to seize me and hold me as