Forbidden Dance

m cross-legged on my bed, munching on a bag of chips we’d snagged from the dining hall, pondering her words. Since we’d run into Danny and his team earlier, she’s been relentless in remindi

e caught wind of my tryouts before my first

ed from the dining hall. Cookies, pastries, crackers, and an assortment of other junk food currently litter my bed. Sad

ng her magazine shut to turn and look at me, wiggl

n everyday jargon. As Tara stares expectantly at me, I shrug and toss

ceiling. “College is supposed to be the time of your life. How would you feel looking back one day and realizing that you didn’t do

s it into the garbage bin at the foot of my bed wi

someone like me needs. I’ve spent far too long cowering under Sadie’s thumb, flinching at every sound, every look, every word. Maybe Tara is

ve my father and Sadie this much: they sprang for a dorm that included a private bathroom. Thank God for that. While I wasn’t necessa

. “Does that mean you’l

So were the other guys on the team. Just the thought of being intertwined in their arms during a number is enough to send a chill of anticipatio

She leans against the frame and grins at me, then ru

d.” I hadn’t meant to sound so s

as we walk back to the beds. “I d

ind of

push her more, she goes to her half-packed suitcase and withdraws a bottl

hat allowe

I like this girl because it seems lik

twist-off cap from the bottle. “You

houl

s. “Because Sadie

ht. I’m relying far too much on what my stepmother might think of my college activities. It

her w

down to drink it. I smell it, grimace, then take a sip. It’s not bad, actually. Fruity and sweet. My mother used to drink red wine with

bumping my cup. “To a suc

of classes,” I add, to

at, too,

set the now empty cup aside, set an alarm for the morning on my phone, and crawl under the comforter for bed. As I drift off to sleep, i

ll room. Tara is awake already, sipping a hot mug of brew as she

d. I’ve slept fairly well for being in a new place, and for that I’m glad. I g

ing to the bathroom to run a brush through my hair. The time on my phone tells me it’s seven thir

u sleep?”

ffee at home, but she always refused to let me have any. I was never seen as a grown woman or adult in her house; I might as well have bee

ght?” Tara says, finishing off her c

on a time, I’d strived to be the best. My drive and motivation never wavered, even after years of Sadie’s relentless emotional abuse. Besides, I’m certain I won’t make it anyway. I’m too rusty; it’s been too l

her. “But I know I won’t make it. Th

ess, I intend to be there to cheer you on and maybe dance myself. So you better show up

campus with it up to my face. It’s a big school, and I’m already nervous that I won’t know where to go for every class, but it seems pretty straightforward, a

ght. Tell us

he’s some doting mother, but nothing could be further from the truth. She’s a grade-a bitch, and everyon

ng soon for new clothes. I’m trying hard to branch out, to remind myself that Sadie isn’t here to dictate my every thought and decision. Once upon a time, I’d been my own person; unique, carefree, and fun. After m

et ready, bringing my small and slightly useless make of cosmetics with me. There I find Tara’s curling iron and other hair products. Hoping she won’t be angry with me, I plug it in wit

uldn’t be suc

ampus for my first class of the day. Intro to Economics. Oh, joy. It doesn’t matter though. Anywhere is better than home, even if it is the world

it swings open from the other side, and a student barrels out, knocking into me. My book bag comes

o as I raise my chin to look into the eyes of this asshole. A flutter of recognition flits across his face, and it takes me a minut

ing as I grab the last of my papers a

highly amused. If I was a viol

bout me to his team. I’m a fairly private person, and I don’t like that. As I straighten up, coming face-to-face with him, I’m caught off guard by how close he is to me suddenly. His soft brown hair falls loosely into his eyes, and bold

hat I might not. I feel defiant suddenly like all I want to

wing my shoulders back defiant

ther, but he’s still standing squarely in front of the

re chatting it up with Danny,” he says. “Kind of lik

n because I know he’s right. I didn’t even want to

,” I tell him, hoping I sound braver tha

re he’s going to insult me further, he simply snaps his mouth shut an

oint, I’m not sure if I want to go through with the audition. Can I h

iled in behind me, envious heat rose to my neck and cheeks. They were all comfortable, some of them already friends, like high school cliques I d

not cut ou

nvisible, I’ll survive the first day. The run-in I’ve just had with the dancer kid outside the door has rattled m

s fifty minutes later, I jump up from the chair and race out of the room before anyone else has even had a chance to stand up. How I’ll get through an entire semest

him wrong. I can dance, and I can do it well. Sure, it’s been ages since I’ve danced seriously, but my mother used to say, once a dancer, always a dancer. I keep that in mind as I dig through my clothes.

ychology. I’ve always been fascinated with the human psyche. Maybe this class will even help me

but somehow one of the first faces I spot in the sparse crowd is Tara, an

I take the empty seat next to her. “It would have made th

n minutes late. Fortunately, the professors are lenient today.” She leans down and pulls a fre

also had a run-in with one of the guys f

chuckles. “Or

finitely a

ne was i

n’t tell me his name. I imagin

says, and I glance down at my silly

joke. “I’m clearly d

ugh the doors and settles his things in front of the podium before looking up and s

“I’m Professor Hansen. Let’s go arou

ting and shaking as we find the auditorium ten minutes later. Both of us stop right inside the doors, stepping into the dimly lit, massive area that boasts theater seats and a beautiful stage. At the front of the auditorium are a group of people I recognize as the tea

slips through my lips. Out of all of them, Danny seems to have the most faith in me. I’m still curious as to why, though, as h

ed in a lovely dance suit that shows off her curves and her golden blond hair is tied up in

s to me. “She’s like the

k both of our asses for the tryout. The thought makes my stomach roll wit

says. Just because she looks g

that, but I won

in assuming that the girl was good, because she is, and anxiety climbs up my spine as Hailey twirls and moves her beautiful body to the music, lost in her own world

lap their hands before leaning over and whispering to one another. I’m sweating now as the second dancer comes up on stage, a male hip-hop star. He does well, really

rising to my feet.

door to make my escape. As my fingers brush the door handle, the sound of my name st

outside the classroom. The douchebag. His tone drips with derision and mockery, and anger flares inside my soul. As hi

e says. "Y

ain. I can't leave now, not with everyone's eye

think she was trying t

his dark eyes narrowing in his f

h

reason, has it out for me. Then again, the guy sitting to Theo's right who I also haven'

ng my shoulders back. I think of my mother, of her unyielding con

proud. Despite my terror, I return her smile and walk confid

shirt and sweatpants. I feel like an idiot and have to remind myself that I'm no

s Theo leans over his laptop and chooses the song for me. Swan Lake was one of my firs

a deep breath, feeling the ad

over me. Every step, every turn, is carefully choreographed, ye

s of pirouettes. My body spins and twirls, but I am completely focused, my mi

the final pose, feeling the audience's surprised applause wash over me. It feels so familiar, and a sudden flashback of my mother standing at the edge of

chose to break the ne

but the other ones, Theo and the guy next to him, simply stare at me, sneering. I ignore them both, basking in the admiration of the audience. God, I missed this. But even as I relish in their

ve me. I’m trying to catch my breath; it’s been so long sin

e did fine. But don’t you agree, Mark, that precious Faith here didn’t loo

out the strict rules of ballet. I was waiting for her body to loosen up, but it didn’t. It was an act. A routine. There was

admits, and I let out a huff but say nothing for a long moment. I’m humiliat

cers,” I say steadily, my eyes roaming ov

learn to loosen your body? To bend to the music? This team isn’t just any team, Faith. We need someone hot.

auditorium, and she gives me

traveling back to Da

Theo says. “We’ll let

issed dancing. And I hate that I had to go and remind myself of how much I missed it. B

y says, glancing over his shoulder to wh

g into thin air and leaving me silently begging for more. It feels like coming down after a night of drinking—like a really bad hangover that jus

rs as I pass by her to take my seat

alk up on stage, and that’s when the tears come. As Tara dances, bringing a round of applause from all three men,

I stand under the hot water for what feels like ages, eyes closed, rinsing away the day. As I wash suds over my body, my fingers go automatically to the scars on the inside of my thighs. Red, jagged,

e probably welcoming her onto the team right now, patting her on the back and shit-talking me. I don’t want to be a bitter sap, but I a

day could g

xt, my heart racing. It's not possible, of course, for her to know that I tried out for a dance team, but Sadie never fails

s on the s

o, Fa

I resisted for as long as possible until Dad got after me one night. She's not my mother, she never will be, but whatev

king late

s overtime intentionally to get more

ngernails, a habit that Sadie absolutely loathes. It's gross, I

adie asks. "Did y

or “did you make any friends?” With Sadi

r, rolling my eyes. “And

’ll pass your classe

me. Guilt takes hold of me when I see her face, and I speak into the phone. “Mom, I h

ks, and I shrug, unsur

or running out on you. I kind of had a panic attack. It

tonight danced like you did,” she says

ck of my neck, rubbing the kink in

intimidat

. “They’re not

n’t kno

happening, tears are streaming down my face, streaking my makeu

if we’re best friends and have been for life. “You’re far too hard on y

I force a sad smile and wipe the tears from my cheeks, wishing

the rest of our classes today and go shopping? We c

ff class on the fi

s. “Before we worry about scho