THE BILLIONAIRE'S PLAY TOY

me to stay is a motel. Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur started playing

eep looking for a location

ecision to drive around the town and look for various locatio

r, and being new to New York doesn't help either. I'm going

incident, and I've located a few forums where I may post my cards. I tried to ignore the temptation to cry as much as possible by finding as many

rking lot, I find it difficult to hold back all that I have

I can't control my feelings any more. I had to confront the confinement of my own thoug

elevator and go to the second level after paying for a single person bedroom. I eye eve

145, 147, 149... 1

y for this a

odest but appropriate room, realizi

the room I'll be staying in for

s. Alongside it was a knee-height table with two more seats for sitting, all with a dark oak frame.

old home. The whole back wall, which was lined with floor to ceiling wind

is the soft hum of the fan-nothing at all. I go over and settle down on the plush mattre

th, I reassure m

K. I'm OK. I'

starting to seem like it was coming on in my chest. Like, like, very hard. I wasn't chill

embracing myself. My thoughts go absolutely blank, and before long, the only thing on

mind. I keep coming to the realization that no matter how h

ttack, but as wave after wave of emotion crashes

obbing from coming out. It's almost difficult for me to calm down when th

o my best to concentr

ow my father

in slow beats, "One, Two, Th

th, "One, two, three, four, five, s

breath and exh

wn. I could feel the tiny line of perspiration that had developed down my forehead and the tears that I don't remember crying on my cheeks. I

hat I felt l

s when I last had a panic attack. I suppos

y terrified condition and lying back on the bed. With

he blankets, not bothering to turn out th

go to

close. Once again, I catch myself stuffing all of my b

m

er and tomorrow will be

___

been alternating between lying on my left side and rolling onto my right for the last hour. My thoughts will not

helpless because of it.

e despite the silent suffering, and I keep fighting the many wars that erupt within my thoughts. People hav

I detest my physical appearance. I make a lot of effort to be strong, yet I detest my weakness.

o be loved, I hate, hate, hate

ossing and turning in my bed. I'm tired and a little lightheaded, yet

r the edge. When I attempt to tie up my disheveled, knotted blonde hair, it jus

to get som

is coming. So far, I haven't found the drive to go through and arrange

gin searching among the clutter for something comfortable to wear. I grab my flee

to be a complete mess. I'm emotionally exhausted from the s

head was a catastrophe, since I had two da

ooked ill

bags hanging under them. Dear God. My mother loo

e of the marble counter. Even if there isn't much mascara and eyeliner le

r that, but nothing can put this right except for a good

tstand and stash them in my pockets. After putting on a pair of Vans and making

serted lobby, where the air is slightly scen

leave the other in its case, and go for the

nt, the sliding g

time in days as soon as I go outdoor

ust what

o the left of the doorway since I didn't feel secure

on, making the decision to quit being a coward and answer Aiden

ou'll be sorr

o on since, even as an adult, he still lac

med this was the beginning of the healing process, even t

or a song that would fit my current mood. But the loud s

t come fr

"Please, no!

, I bolt from my perch on the wall an

ody, I halt at the building's cor

ecoming louder now. However, the fact that the once feminine cries sudd

ill me." "It's not what

ig metal trashcan covers my body and I c