Debits and Credits

le o

t Portson and his guests as they came up the step

so long,’ he began. ‘So glad to

ok hands with him. ‘You’re looking all

r mixed doubles, which discreetly commande

in your hands. We’re weather-beaten mariners — though we don’t look it, and we haven

myself,’ Henri answered with

ers — had drawn Henri’s attention to an apparently extinct Oil Company which, a little lat

ar the entrance clamoured for his attention while he convoyed the party to the pink alcove

one murmured.

-set middle-aged presence, with crisped grizzled hair, of the type that one associates with Board Meetings. He limped slightly. Tegg, who followed him, blinking, was neat, small, and sandy, of unmistakable Navy cut, but sheepish aspect. Winchmore, the younges

ed of the idea that she had been promised the pink alcove. ‘They ain’t alive to the war yet. Now,

friend?’ Mad

the latest thing in imported patriotic piece-goods. She sings “Sons of

lf bad.’ Tegg reached for the vineg

thing,’ Maddingham grunted. ‘I’ll take yo

ngham! ‘Soon be dead!

If I’d had you with me for

enant. I have indeed. I couldn’t reconcile it with my conscience to tak

w washboards of yours

sted. ‘This is Vesiga soup. I don’t know

‘04,’ said

e eyed the waiter doubtfully, ‘I don’t quite

on the table. It creaked corkily at the wrist. ‘Bethisy-sur-Oise,’ he explained.

spoke,’ sai

e is very careful, even with ne

oast of obligation: For what we are going t

Lieutenant Tegg, of the Royal Navy afloat,

to all neutrals!”’

of chicken,’ he read loudly. ‘Filet bearnaise, Woodcock and Richebourg ‘74, Peaches Melba, Croutes Baron. I couldn’t hav

no reason for the Burgundy,’

ht,’ Maddin

you do with people like that?’ she said to her compani

l to Henri,’

d. ‘Get on to that! Ain’t it typical? They

fter the fish, ‘where did you mount

carry more weight forward.

Portson put in. ‘There’s a chap at Southa

’s nothing to write home about, but wh

he does more than eleven in a flat calm,’

s grateful reply. ‘You don’t mean to say you’ve taken

d brick colour, and the veins on the cheekbone

eutrals — in a tactful

e said, ‘and here’s special damnation to me Lords of the

ngly. ‘It don’t seem to have done you an

a ship’s name and som

ng the Scotch coast-out of his course, he said, owing to foul weather and a new type of engine — a Diesel

on. ‘Did you boar

alled me all his symptoms. He was as communicative as — as a lady in the Promenade. (Hold on, Nephew of my Uncle! I

anything to complain of,’

lie behind him and give him first chop at any mines that were going. I steered in his wake (I really can steer a bit now, Portson) and let him stink

re speechless. Was he any

ed the coast till dark, and then he scraped round G

ut?’ Maddi

nasty little Navy boy, Tegg — wanted to know what I was doing. I told him, and he cursed me for putting the fish down just as they were rising. Then the two of us (he was hanging on to my quarter with a boat-hook) drifted on to a steam trawler and our friend the Neutral and a te

e move round Gilarra at t

e way the soldiers handled ’em I thought I’d better get out. So did Uncle Newt. He didn’t like it a bit. There were a couple of shots fired at something just as we cleared the Head, and one dropped

ou sawed off the steam-launch’s b

es. I never reported what he said to me. And he called me a damned amateur, too! Well! Well! War’s war. I missed all tha

refilled

,’ said Portson. ‘Let’s h

. I do when I feel that way. Besides, I wanted to go back and join the fishing-party. Just before dark I made out Cordeilia — that Southampton ketch that old Jarrott fitted with oil auxiliaries for a family cruiser last summe

been for generations. Why does

at,’ Portson said,

ou chaps give me credit for) has decided that mine-sweeping is life-saving. Consequently’— he dwelt a little on the word —‘the profession is crowd

rew on her gloves. Winchmore looked at her with

ddingham mused aloud. ‘So you turned our

eril existing political relations. I told him to exercise tact. I— I told him that in my capac’ty as Actin’ Lootenant, you see. Jarrott’s only a Lootenant–Commander — at fifty-four, too! Yes, I handed my Uncle Newt over to Jarrott to

dropped his chin on his

wes week bullied by his skipper and steward till he had to sneak ashore to sleep. And now he’s out mine-sweepi

ned her over to the Service in O

? My God! I never knew t

th. My young cousin was in her; so was one of the Raik

rty work going on there now

ortson returned. ‘But one get

g about?’ said Tegg, who

n answered as he

pity. But . . . What a

— off Margate,’ said Portson. ‘Jarrott

‘That never appealed to me. Had they deta

rrott had been tremendously interested in his course up to date — specially off the Wash. He’d charted it very car

elia was all right up to six o’c

hmore did. I lay behind this stout f

nything to him

He kept moving

hing?’ Teg

Channel, and, when I’d got him on the edge of soun

ain and murmur

him up, Maddingham

gham s

Irish Channel and stinking like a taxi. I hadn’t had my

Did you give him a gun ac

I came over the side. You see,’ Maddingham said pleadingly, ‘I’m new to this busines

m came alongside swearing

ddingham turned to Portson. ‘I asked him wher

something.’ Portson nudged Winchmore,

ake,’ said Winchmore stic

told him that this wasn

nished rubbing his eyes. ‘“There

id Portson and

. “Who said to her spouse

d out of his reckoning by foul weather and engine-trouble, owing to experi

re. ‘Just like a real lady. I hop

d that my instructions — mine, please!— were not to imperil political relations. I hadn’t received these asinine instructions, so I took the liberty of contradicting him — perfectly politely, as I told them at the Inquiry afterward. He was a small-boned man with a grey beard, in a glengarry, and he picked his teeth a lot. He said: “The last time I met you, Mister Maddingham, you were going to Carlsbad, and you told me all about your blood-pressures in the wagon-lit before we tossed for upper berth. Don’t you think

Portson. ‘Bu

argue any more. He warned me I’d be hauled over the coals for what I’d

d Winchmor

o yaw. I warned him that, if he did, I’d loose off into him, end-o

Oh, I believe yo

s where I first ran across our Master Tegg.

ed. ‘The Admiralty had that

ther patting myself on the back for what I’d done, yo

an Inquiry,’ T

ine to laugh, but they treated me like a pickpocket. There were two fat-headed civilian judges and that blackguard Tegg in the conspiracy. A cursed lawyer defended my Neutral and he made fun of me. He dragg

ng,’ said Tegg placidly. ‘It’s t

ourt-martial was going on, and he used to come over to my table and sympathise with me! He told me th

orrect; the Court discharged him. We had to consider existing p

nd about Tegg at the Inquiry,’ he explained. ‘He had the air of

had been ordered to change

isped hair and looked up under his eyebrows like

ver for the part of Lootenant–Commander R.N.V.R. in time of war, and I’d given up thinking a

d the judges all the time,’ said Tegg.

the law as serious. I’ve had to pay

— for reasons, but, as I told Maddingham, the night the award was

the Neutral’s declared destination. And w

plumcolour, and he said: “I will” just like a bride groom at the altar. It makes me feel shy to think of it even now. I didn

ross the bows and ran alongside. I’d just had my lunch, and I wasn’t going to lose my temper this time. I said: “Excuse me, but I understand you are bound for Antigua?” He was, he said, and as he seemed a little nervous about my falling aboard him in that swell, I gave Hilarity another sheer inshe’s as handy as a launch — and I said: “May I suggest that this is not the course for Antigua?” By that time he had his fenders overside, and all hands yelling at me to keep

ilarity,’ he said. ‘How the deuce do you do it? M

n that same evening, to establish a moral ascendancy. He wasn’t showing any lights, and I nearly tripped over him. He was a scared Neutral for three minutes,

he?’ said

too, and followed the rain. I picked him up five miles down wind, legging it for all he was worth to the south’ard — nine knots, I should think. Hilarity doesn’t like a following sea. We got pooped a bit, too, but by noon we’d struggled back to where we ought to have been — two cables astern of him. Then he began to signal, but his flags being end-on to us, of course, we had to creep up on his beam — well abeam — to read ’em. That didn’t restore his morale eith

he Germans?’

uth-east. I took the wheel and, the way I nursed him from starboard, he had to take the sea over his port bow. I had my sciatica on me — buccaneering’s no game for a middleaged man — but I gave that fellow sprudel! By Jove; I washed him out! He stood it as long as he could, and then he made a bolt for Harry Island. I had to ride in his pocket most of the way there because I didn’t know that coast. We had charts, but Sherrin never understood ’em, and I couldn’t leave the wheel. So we rubbed along together, and about midnight this N

Ricks in the dark, you were p

it. He saved me. He said it was an ideal place for submarine attacks, and we’d better begin to repel ’em at once. As I said, I couldn’t leave the wheel, so Sherrin fought the ship — both quick-firers and the

?’ said W

was on Friday morning. He signalled: “Developed defects in engine-room. Antigua trip abandoned.” Then he ran into Cloone and tied up at Brady’s Wharf. You know you can’t repair a dinghy at Cloone! I followed, of course, and berthed behind him. After lunch I thought I’d pay him a call. I wanted to look at his engines. I don’t understand Diesels, but Hyslop, my engineer, said they must have gone round ’em with a hammer, for they were pretty badly smashed up. Besides that, they had offered all their oil to the Admiralty agent there, and it was being shifted to a tug when I went aboard him. So I’d done my job. I was just going back to Hilarity when his steward said he’d like to see me. He was lying in his cabin breathing pretty loud — wrapped up in rugs and his eyes sticking out like a rabbit’s. He offered me drinks. I couldn’t accept ’em, of course. Then he said: “Well, Mr. Maddingham, I’m all in.” I said I was glad to hear it. Then he told me he was seriously ill with a sudden attack of bronchial pneumonia, and he asked me to run him across to England to see his doctor in town. I said, of course, that was out of the question, Hilarity being a man-of-war in commission. He couldn’t see it. He asked what had that to do with it? He thought this war was some sort of joke, and I had to repeat it all over again. He seemed rather a

urmured. ‘I never imagined you i

t,” he said. “That ought to count in my favour.” “That was no thanks to you,” I said. “You weren’t given the chance. This is war, sir. If you make up your mind to that, you’ll see that the rest follows.” “I didn’t imagine you’d take it as seriously as all that,” he said —

mixed, I think,’ s

one that mattered for the moment. “Then I’m a dead man, Mr. Maddingham,”

nchmore, after

is flag half-mast

looked in at the alcove and smi

m a hand to settle his priv

e for three nights and —’ Maddingham pulled out his watch —‘this time

enri on the dinner, and when the compliments were paid h

, Portson?’ said Maddin

on, worse luck! My car

ting North,’ said Winchmore with a shu

now, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to co

till,’ said Maddingham. ‘Here’s luck! The us