When It Started

Prologue

Trust. Trust ourselves.

But don't overtrust because it will lead in a disappointment.

I'm very disappointed in myself right now. I tried everything I could think of. I strived to pleased everyone. Pero ngayon, hindi ko na kaya pang tumanggap ng mga kasinungalingan nila. Hindi ko na kaya pang mag bulag-bulagan.

It lead me into trouble.

The decisions I made is all wrong.

This is my fault. Palagi naman akong mali, kahit saang anggulo tignan, ako lahat ang mali.

"Reia! Huwag mo sabihing 88 lang ang pinaka mataas mo?! Aren't you feel embarassed?!"

"Bakit hindi mo gayahin ang kapatid mo na palaging nasa top at hindi bumabagsak?! Bakit hindi mo magawang magtino at proud ka pa sa mababang grado na 'yan?! Magkasalungat nga kayo ng ate mo! Napakabobo mo!"

We are not the same.

"Palagi ka kasing sumasama sa mga kaibigan mo at nababarkada ka. If you won't stay away from them, I'll confiscate your phone! Huwag ka nang sumasama sa kanila para hindi ka nagagaya! Nakukuha mo 'yang mga ugali mo sa kanila, ano?"

Paulit-ulit ko na lang naririnig ang mga litanya ni Daddy na parang sirang plaka. I already tried my best. I did it but he was blind!

I'm not smart as my sister to get a high grade, why do they have to compare the two of us?

Daddy yelled angrily at me, "Don't whisper there or I'll get you out of here!"

I inhaled deeply till my throat felt tightened. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I fought them back since I didn't want to be scolded.

Why they hate me?

I got up from the sofa and sluggishly walked into my room, where tears streamed down my face one after another as I locked the door and ran down to my bed, where I hugged my pillow while crying.

I'm such a disappointment.

Since I graduated from high school, I haven't heard Mommy and Daddy compliment me. They limit me so much now that I'm in senior high, and their cruel remarks sting me so much. Ang hirap matanggap na sa kaniya pa na sa mismong ama ko pa nanggaling ang mga ganoong salita.

Ni hindi ako makapagsalita tuwing nasa harap na nila ako because I'll cry more. Walang lumalabas na salita sa bibig ko dahil tanging iyak na lamang ang nangunguna. It pained me. Iniiyak ko na lang ang lahat nang hindi ine-explain ang side ko.

Si ate, siya lang ang nakakaintindi sa akin.

"Reia? Your ate Manda is here, please open the door, please!" pagmamakaawa ni ate. I didn't open it since my blood was boiling every time I'm seeing her but all she did was understand me.

Mas matanda siya ng isang taon sa akin.

"Reia? Nandito si ate, buksan mo naman parang awa mo na," I stood up, but before opening the door, I clenched my fist and gently opened it, tears streaming down my cheeks after I saw her face.

Even though I despised her, I couldn't help but think she was the only person who knew what I was going through.

Nang makita niya ako ay kaagad niya akong niyakap, sinara niya ang pinto at saka niya ako hinila papalapit sa aking kama.

"I'm sorry about our Dad. Kakausapin ko si Daddy tungkol-"

"You don't need to do that." iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at yumuko.

Kahit anong gawin mo, ikaw pa rin 'yong mas angat.

"Reia, please!" umiling siya. "You've been through to yourself, please rest." She hugged me, and as soon as I felt the warmth of her embrace, tears poured down my face like a river.

"I'm your ate, I'm always here to understand you, please trust me."

Iyan ang huling linya na sinabi niya matapos kong makatulog.

Trust her. So I did. I trust her.

"Wake up, I cooked your favorite ulam, Caldereta."

Kaagad akong napamulat nang maamoy ang ulam na iyon. Kumurog kurog ang sikmura ko at dali-daling nagtatakbo papuntang bathroom ko at saka naghilamos at pagkatapos ay bumalik ako sa aking kama at kinain ang dala niya.

Hindi ko siya tinitignan dahil ayokong makaramdam ng awkwardness.

"Good Morning," she smiled but I ignored her and kept eating. "After mong maubos iyan ay tawagin mo lang ako, gusto mo pa bang kanin?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Leave, I can take care of myself," she slowly nodded.

"Okay, then... mauuna na ako," tumayo siya at saka dahan-dahang isinara ang pinto ko. Nag-init ang gilid ng mata ko.

She understand me that's why she's doing this.

Inubos ko ang pagkain ko at saka bumaba para ligpitan iyon, kaso lang ay napahinto ako dahil nakita kong mayroong bisita sa baba. Ngunit hindi ko na sila pinansin at nagtuloy-tuloy lang ako. Napapikit ako nang tawagin ako ni Daddy.

"Reia? Come here, she's my daughter, I adopt her when she was a child. Inampon namin sa bahay ampunan." biglang sabi ni Daddy, at siyempre hindi na ako nagulat dahil iyan naman ang palaging bukambibig niya.

I just let it go because I was once labeled as an orphan. The fact is, I'm not sure why they always declare I'm an orphan whenever a visitor arrives to the house.

Malamang, kinakahiya niya akong maging anak.

"Wow, she's pretty! I have a son."

Nangunot ang noo ko. Ano ang nais niyang iparating sa akin?

"Uhm, thank you po," ngumiti na lang ako at saka naglakad nang tuloy-tuloy nang hindi sinusulyapan si Daddy. Ayokong tignan ang mata niya, nakakatakot.

When I saw my cousins in the living room, I came to a halt, but my body froze even more when I spotted an unfamiliar man. Ngumiwi ako at nagtuloy-tuloy sa paglalakad dahil hindi naman ako interesado sa lalaki na iyon.

"Reia! May laro kami mamaya, manood ka, ah?" sabi ng pinsan ko.

I shook my head. "Marami pa akong ginagawa, eh." palusot ko.

"Ha? Sembreak na 'tin ah? Paanong marami kang ginagawa?" gulat na tanong niya.

"Marami akong ginagawa basta," iritang sagot ko. Napakakulit. Ang init-init tapos papapuntahin pa niya ako sa court para lang manood ng laro nila. "Basta, ayoko!"

"Next time manood ka! Kapag wala ka ha-hack ko account mo!"

Nag tuloy-tuloy lang ako sa paglalakad papuntang kusina at hindi siya pinansin. sinimulan ko na ang paghuhugas ng plato.

I went to the refrigerator to fetch some water after wiping away the sweat. I panicked as I shut the refrigerator because the unfamiliar boy in front of me appeared surprised.

"Kid! Why are you here?!" gulat na tanong ko habang nagtataas baba ang dibdib.

"Nauuhaw ako." maikling sagot niya at saka inagaw ang baso na hawak ko at doon siya uminom.

"Bakit diyan ka uminom?" nakakunot na noong tanong ko. Hindi niya ako pinansin at saka niya ako tinignan mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Arte mo," He abruptly muttered it, then turned around and walked away, leaving me speechless. Because of what he stated, I closed my eyes in irritation.

Ang feeling niya ah? Feel at home lang?

Kumulo na naman ang dugo ko at napapadyak sa inis. Kagabi pa ako pikon na pikon, parang gusto ko nang sumigaw.

Naglakad ako papuntang sala at nakitang nandoon pa sila. Susugod na sana ako ngunit tumunog ang cellphone ko. Alarm lang pala.

Suminghot singhot ako nang makaamoy nang dessert. Graham? My eyes widened as I looked about for the location of the fragrance. I can't live without it because I was conceived with it.

"Amoy graham, nasaan 'yon?" kunot na noong tanong ko. "May binili ka bang graham?"

Itinaas ng pinsan ko ang graham at saka dali-dali naman akong naglakad patungo sa kaniya.

He smirked. "Gusto mo ng graham?" I nodded. "Bili ka." he then laughed. "Just kidding, here."

Binatukan ko siya at saka tumikim sa hawak niya.

"Gusto ko talaga ng graham, masarap kainin graham." sabi ko habang kumakain.

"Who made this?" halos makalahati ko na ang garapon at nang makita ng pinsan ko iyon ay kaagad niya akong binatukan. Tumawa ako para asarin siya. "Taste like a sugar, sweet."

When the man who had been stressing me previously choked and slapped his chest, I was completely taken aback. When he caught me looking at him, he smirked and kept his mouth shut.

"You like graham so much, huh?" he suddenly said.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at nagtuloy-tuloy lang ako sa pagsubo. Nang matapos kong maubos iyon ay saka ko na sila tinalikuran. Hindi ko naman kakilala ang kasama nila at isa pa, bakit ba feel at home siya? Ni ngayon ko nga lang siya nakita rito.

Ah, siguro siya yung anak nung lalaki kanina. Bata pa nga. Napakabata ng itsura niya. Paniguradong nasa 10th grade pa lang iyon base sa mukha niya.

I continued walking into my room, only to be astonished when my phone buzzed with a Instagram notification.

Graham Ross followed you.

Oh My God! No way!

When I realized who it was, the cellphone I was holding almost fell off my hand. The boy who looked young earlier. Fuck! And what I found when I tracked his account astounded me even more.

Civil Engineering. 20.

He's two years older than me. Fuck life.

But he's just look like a little brother to me!