EMPOWERED ME

I was genuinely enjoying my drink when someone else arrived to join us. I felt someone’s presence behind me. I turned around to glance, and I saw Charles’ face smiling down at me. He greeted my cousins Emma and Brenda first, and then he leaned down to kiss my cheek. I felt my face turning red and burning, and saw my cousins’ amused faces. I looked at Charles’ face, and he was also blushing. His eyes gleamed somehow, and his presence made me feel nervous while my cousins were certainly having fun at my involuntary reaction and seemed to be enjoying every moment of it.

“I’m so glad you’re here Kim Castilla. How are you?”

“I’m great! How about you Charles? My voice sounded more eager than what I pretended it to be.

Charles Landy pulled the chair next to me, and put his left elbow on the table as he turned his body slightly as to see me better. If he wanted to make me feel uncomfortable, he was succeeding. I felt as nervous as a mouse being chased by a cat. I was glad that we stayed at the restaurant just for a little longer, then decided to go for a walk around the beach so that I could see all the amazing new businesses and attractions of Altea and the magnificent-modern hotels. My cousins and Charles took me to admire many places that I began feeling tired. I asked them if we could see the rest of the attractions another day. Gratefully for me, they happily agreed, and we headed back to the beach. We all sat under a palm tree to contemplate the mountains and the beach. It felt so right being there. I had the sensation that I could stay here forever.

Emma and Brenda left Charles and me while they said they had something to do. I couldn’t believe that Emma and Brenda would conspire this way with Charles! In fact, I wasn’t even sure if it was really a conspiracy or if it was just something that Emma was provoking by herself. Whichever was the case, there I was, sitting down under the palm tree with this handsome man who wouldn’t stop looking at me with admiration.

The conversation between Charles and myself somehow with time, became natural. My nervousness faded away as soon as we would start talking. I would begin feeling unease at the beginning, but later as the conversation continued, I would feel safe with him. This wasn’t at all strange to me. I remembered that when Charles was my dancing partner, I had felt nervous with him at the beginning, but that nervousness would always leave me once we would start dancing.

Charles informed me about all the changes that our town Altea had had over the years; the new hotels and the new businesses that attracted more tourists. He also mentioned the customs and traditions that still remained untouched and how proud he was of that. We were so submerged into talking of one thing and of another that I didn’t become aware that a woman was approaching us. Suddenly, I saw Charles getting up like with the speed of light! The woman launched herself over him, trying to embrace him, but he was trying to push her away from him! The woman tried to kiss Charles, but Charles pushed her away with more force, and asked her with a strong voice to go away. The woman insisted on embracing Charles and kept saying things like, “Charles, we need to solve this. Charles, you know how much I love you. Charles, don’t do this to me”, and so on. I was so taken aback with this, that I immediately stood up.

The woman turned towards me, and began attacking me with obscene language. She called me bad names, and told me that Charles Landy was her man, and that they have been together for many years. She demanded me with fury to stay away from Charles because he was the father of her baby. She was acting like a mad-woman, and like an uncontrollable-jealous woman as well. She definite had something to do with Charles because Charles wouldn’t deny a word that she was saying!

Two things were for sure; I wasn’t going to give an explanation to this woman, and I was certainly not going to put up with something like this. If Charles had something to do with her, and if he was the father of her child; then he should stay with her and work it out. I certainly didn’t need this crap in my life, and I certainly didn’t want a man like Charles in my life either!

I walked away from them. I felt that I needed to disappear and continued walking away from them without turning back. I heard Charles call my name; asking me not to leave, but I just continued walking faster because I felt humiliated and used somehow.

As I was walking through the streets, I forgot where I was! I couldn’t recognize the street names nor the buildings. I just felt anger inside of me, and my tears began to roll down my face. I needed to sit down to catch my breath and to calm myself down. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Charles had a relationship with this woman and a baby, and had had it for years! What kind of man was Charles?

I felt so humiliated and enraged with myself for naively believing that Charles still felt something for me after so many years. How dare of him to show interest for me, and how could I have believed him? Furthermore, how could my cousins Emma and Brenda deceive me? I most definitely had the right of being angry with the three of them. I couldn’t forget the words of my cousins; for they had assured me that Charles had never stopped loving me. However, they never told me that Charles had a relationship nor a baby. How could they do this to me and why? I cried again, and just like a child does; I just wanted to go back home!

As I was sitting down on the edge of a sidewalk, like in a frozen state, an elderly woman approached me, and asked if I was lost or if I needed help. I gladly accepted the help of this lovely woman who guided me back to the center of Altea. From the center of Altea, I knew my way around, and my way back home.

I entered the church where I had usually gone with my grandmother Nene when I was a child, and I felt peace inside of me once again. There I promised myself to not let what others did affect me. This hurting Kim, wasn’t me. I had never cried for a man for a long time, and I wasn’t going to cry for Charles now. Falling in love meant suffering, no doubt about it. I didn’t need this in my life, and I certainly wasn’t going to act as foolishly as I had just done. The more I thought about what had just happened, the more I convinced myself of acting differently. I made up my mind to not show my feelings for Charles to anyone; especially to him. I would just take it as a prank done to me by Charles and by my cousins. I would become the ‘empowered Kim’. The Kim that didn’t get hurt by anyone and the Kim that laughed no matter what happened. This ‘empowered-and-uncaring Kim’ had kept my heart and my feelings safe. I had learnt to become this empowered woman when I was hurt deeply by the only man that I had entrusted my heart to; Brian. From this relationship with Brian, I had learnt not to fall in love again and to protect myself.

I got out of the church, crossed the street and went into a restaurant to rinse my face with fresh water; for the heat of the sun had dehydrated me. Here I was, sitting alone, feeling the need of transforming myself. The loving and trusting Kim Castilla had been hurt again, and now I needed to transform myself into the empowering-unbreakable-uncaring professional Kim.

There were not many clients at the restaurant, which suited me well. I didn’t need anyone staring at me. I needed time to order my thoughts. I ordered a cold lemonade and rested my head against the hard wall behind me. The imponent church’s entrance was in front of me and caused the memories of my childhood to emerge. All of the important parts of my life involuntarily came rushing through my mind.

Staring at the church in front of me, I recalled when at the age of five, I was brought here by my mother Jessica to take to the religious doctrine, then my mind flew to the point where Charles had come into my life.

I had to dance folkloric music at school, and I was assigned to dance with a male-dancing partner. I was five years old, and my male dancing-partner was much older than me; he was almost eight years old! Every evening, we arrived punctually at out teacher’s house to rehearse. I don’t remember how long our rehearsals lasted, nor how many days we had to practice, but I do remember that we practiced dancing, for like forever because we had to dance to several songs!

My dancing partner’s name was Charles Landy. We danced together to the music of many songs, and he was always smiling at me. I didn’t really like to hold his hand, but the teacher made us do it. He never said a word to me, nor did I say a word to him. We just practiced-and-practiced until the school’s festival presentation would take place.

I never forgot Charles Landy because one day, as my grandmother Nene and I were coming out of this beautiful church, Charles and one of his friends approached me. Charles gave me a letter. He just simply said, “Kim, here, this letter is for you”. He handed a letter to me, and then he ran to hide behind a tree where his friend was already hiding! As I took the letter, never in my wildest and childish imagination, would I have ever imagined what the letter that I had just received, was about!

I kind-of knew how to read well because I had been enrolled directly into primary school at the age of three, so I proceeded to open the letter. As I was opening it, my grandmother glancing down at me, asked me, “Why did that boy give you a letter?”

“I don’t know Nene.” I answered as I continued trying to open-up the envelope. I heard my grandma laughing, and I glanced up to see her face, and she was smiling down at me, so I smiled back at her. I finally managed to open-up the stiff-glued-concealed envelope, and I got the letter out. I unfolded it, and tried to read the letter out loud! I was bewildered at the horrible-penmanship! It was like trying to solve a tangled puzzle! The letters were all so awfully written, all the letters were crooked and were of different sizes, and worst of all, there were incomplete words. The text in that letter was hard to understand for me. I could hardly understand a word it said! I mean, what could anyone expect from an almost eight-year-old boy with bad writing skills, writing a letter himself to a five-year-old girl?

“I can’t understand it grandma Nene. I think Charles needs to practice his ‘a-b-c-s’ more!”, I said.

My grandmother laughed out loud, but I could still not understand why she was laughing so much! My grandmother Nene, grabbed me by the hand, and we headed home. When we arrived; my Nene asked my sister Laureen, to read the letter out loud. My grandmother Nene told my other family members that Charles, had given a letter to me as we were coming out of church, and all began to laugh. I couldn’t understand well why everyone laughed so much!

My sister Laureen began reading the letter out loud;

‘dear Kim, I am in love wit you since weei dance togetder. Plees ve my grlfiend. Evri tim I see you I want to kis you. Wit lov, Charles. O and my maut waders when I see you I am in lov wit you. Charles .do you want to ve my grlfiend.?’

With Charles’ love letter read by my sister, the living room became a laughter-room! Everyone there couldn’t stop laughing, and it was so contagious, that I began to laugh as well. I wasn’t even sure why I was laughing, but it was like a laughter-therapy for me! Why not laugh?