Love & Trouble

You know those days when a family secret begins? Those cold windy nights when a stranger would walk into the veranda, and wait for either or both of your parents, without knocking. Then your parents would meet with him or her and they would talk in low tones and argue in gruff voices. Those nights you’d strain your ears trying to decipher what’s being said and by whom.

But this time, there is a little twist.

That period mummy had been away on a visitation. She hugged me and wiped away my tears when I cried to join her the day she was leaving.

After explaining to me that her mother, my grandma, was sick, she took her black leather travelling bag and exited through the door.

That day was when daddy started behaving oddly. I was only eight but I could notice the way he skipped his meals and withdrew to himself.

Normally, I was homeschooled by mummy, but with her gone, daddy had to fill-in.

On the first day of class I arranged my books and utensils needed, then waited for daddy. Not lasting up to three minutes, I went in search for him. Quietly climbing up the stairs and walking over to his room with my teddy in hand, I wondered what must have made him late for our first class.

I raised my hand to push his door open but stopped halfway as I caught a glimpse of him standing in front of his dresser with a sad face. He fidgeted with the whiteboard marker in his hand as he gazed at the picture on the dresser table. He looked up again at the mirror and saw my reflection. That was when he turned around with a huge smile.

“Hey! “ he beamed at me.

I smiled back and turned to leave. Daddy followed behind and so did the thoughts that clouded my mind as I walked back to the backyard garden.

With the way he had gazed at the picture of mummy, I felt he only missed her, and my little mind didn’t think beyond that line.

Of course mummy was the very jovial type who would lit up the room as soon as she steps in. She seemed to fill every space in daddy’s life. They really knew how to cooperate well with each other. Surely, with their level of closeness he would miss her like she was gone forever.

He held a huge smile as he walked towards me.

“Who’s ready for her first class with daddy?” he asked, grinning.

I laughed. His grin was infectious.

“This isn’t the first time you’re teaching me, dad.”

He turned to look at me then turned back as he bent to drop the marker on the table. “Really? You know, since mum left I’ve never had the time to teach you.”

“And I’m sorry for that. I just couldn’t help it. I’ve been busy, “ he explained.

“Yeah,” I smiled, “but what I meant to say is that you teach me everyday. You’re my role model.”

He looks at me for some seconds as if surprised by the just discovered fact, then laughs and shakes his head in humor.

Three months had passed without a call from mummy. I was sure she hadn’t called because if she did she would’ve wanted to speak to me. But daddy had tried to keep a good mood. He didn’t want me to get worried, so he made excuses for her each time I asked.

Truly, he was my role model.

Now back to this day, when I found out about the secret.

I had finished my classes with dad. He made dinner, and after we ate, he tucked me into bed.

I couldn’t sleep. So I laid awake for more than an hour, staring at the ceiling before I finally stood up to go look out the window. I love staring at the night sky, the moon, the clouds, the calmness. It gave me a very warm feeling. And the ground view from my window at the first floor of our house was wonderful. Some days I would stand for hours until my legs hurt and I’d bring a chair because I wasn’t ready to leave there yet.

As I sat and stared beyond the window, I noticed someone approach us. A man or a woman, the person left the street and walked towards our house. A crease formed on my brows as I turned to look at my bedside clock. It was 11pm. I turned back and the stranger was gone.

Looking away, I felt the urge to run down the stairs and check who it was.

No! I crossed it off my mind. Daddy said we shouldn’t entertain any strange visitors at night. And if I was going down, I would be alone because daddy would probably be sleeping, or would he? Some nights he stayed up late until 3am the next morning before he comes into the house. Maybe the visitor has come to see him, but at this time? I thought.

Glancing at my door, I felt the urge to do something. What if the person was a thief? But then it occurred to me that a thief wouldn’t come through the front door even if it was 12 midnight (At least that was what 8 year old me believed) . So who is this stranger? I asked myself.

Maybe a relative in trouble? Or mother?

At the thought that the person outside could be my mother, I grabbed my torch and rushed out of the room. If there was a possibility that the person outside was my mother, I was going to find out.

So many thoughts ran through my mind. What if she was in trouble? what if she had returned and decided to come home at that time because she was stranded outside?

As I got to the dark living room, I started to hear voices outside in the verandah --angry voices. Out of curiosity, I inched closer to one of the windows and peered outside.

Seeing mummy there, confirmed my guess. But why was she quarrelling with daddy? Why weren’t they having a happy reunion?

Pointing fingers at my dad who seemed to be pleading with her, she continued to curse in a low voice. I could hear it. They both noticed my presence and I quickly hid. But it was too late. They stopped talking and mummy barged into the house. She looked at me and commanded in a stern manner that I go to bed.

Unresistingly, I obeyed. As I Climbed up the stairs, I heard daddy enter the living room. “I have all your things washed, “ he said.

“Hope the guest room is also clean.”

“Yes.”

“Then good, I’ll stay there for the night and first thing tomorrow I’m leaving with my things.”

"Natalie, please..." daddy begged.

She didn't reply as she walked away into the visitors room and slammed the door close.

With teary eyes, I turned and continued up the stairs. That night, there was a lot of tension in the house.

I stayed awake until very early the next morning when I heard mummy yelling at daddy. She called him incompetent. I hadn't known the meaning of the word then but I knew it was bad. I could hear daddy begging her but she refused. She finished packing up her things and slammed the door as she left.

Wiping off the tears from my cheeks, I shifted from the door where I had been eaves dropping. The tears kept rolling down as I sat on the bed. I thought my parents loved each other. They were my role models when it came to marriage. I even thought theirs was better than the love I witnessed in fairytales. But I was truly disappointed. After what I had just witnessed, I came to the conclusion, 'love is stupid'.

My dad and I did not discuss the matter. And I didn't ask.

All I saw, is all I know.

Thank you for choosing to read this story. I really hope that you find it interesting and you stick around for the whole ride. Thanks 💜