Pleasure, my "fake" fiancée

Eva Sollis

The dry, yellowish leaves of autumn are falling, making a carpet of foliage on the ground, with yellowish, red or even grayish tones through the streets of New York, the air is heavy, either by smoke, dust and especially the noise of horns, conversations, engines running, whether they are blenders or cars, the simple tinkling of coins that meet others or the ground, the dragging of chains, it's like a dispute in the exquisite space of silence, the noise that wins over the other, in the midst of the crowd there is an incident of sounds, music that plays as well as voices, it's the running and distinct life of this city.

It is not the life that I asked God for or that I planned, in my mind before I never had the idea of becoming a mother early, not even a mother, not even early, but life happened this way, and I simply accepted what it gave me. In my eyes everything has become so detailed, so tender, difficult yet beautiful, sometimes like a ruin, nothing is good at the moment, but at the end of the day, everything will be fine again.

- Mommy will finish the little prince? - I was awakened by the delicate voice, sort of cramming the words into the sentence, I smiled when I heard it, turned my head to look at her, beside me, lower, straight, stepping like a little soldier, starting a dialogue, on her head a red linen cap, her straight black hair, caught in a side braid falling over her shoulder, wearing a uniform of yellow and brown checkered shorts and skirt, the navy blue blouse highlighting the gold and red school crest, on her feet the brown boots.

- Is this a rush to read the new book, Isa? -

Her small, thin, pink lips curve in a weak gesture forming dimples in both cheeks, it is visible that she is curious to hear the story of the girl who stole books. I didn't have a genius baby or anything like that, my daughter was born on the autistic spectrum. She doesn't look at me directly, nor does she answer what doesn't interest her, she is always in her own world, to get out of it takes work.

I look at her with a raised eyebrow, and then I notice that it interests her, but in her way, her time, something I neither want nor can rush. - This Isa? - Her eyes swing wide open, both as black as two almonds, revealing her interest as she stands on the sidewalk.

- I hold up my finger for attention, but she stops, her black eyes looking around as if I were in the air. - If? - I smile at her repetitive pronunciation of what I said, she is indeed interested, it pleases me so much.

- If you eat everything for dinner . - Silence reigns once again, that means it's a yes, we walk to school. After leaving her in the classroom, I go straight to work, it's not easy being a receptionist, a single mother, but between this life and any other, I would choose this one a thousand times.

The day passes quickly at work, between answering and transferring calls, receiving and forwarding people, answering questions, the afternoon arrives, after an intense day at the company that is launching a new line of international perfumes, I pick up the phone to call Fatima, before connecting the call, she is calling me, I answer with a wide smile, I imagine that Isabella wants to start reading The Little Prince soon, she won't talk about anything else to us.

- Hi, I was going to call ag... - I say with a smile on my face, seeing that we are thinking the same thing. - If you were going to pick up Isa from school why did you send Eva? She tells me without even finishing listening to me, her voice shows that she is upset, without even waiting for me to answer, she continues, and then frowns.

- Geez, I was there waiting at the gate and nothing, Eva, this is not done. - she mumbles.

I half laugh, she knows I'm in a huge rush here. - Sure, right? Did you stay at the front desk Fatima? - I ask low, while my coworkers attend to two people, it's seventeen thirty in the afternoon, there's still a little to leave work. - I came in, right? Since she did not come, gee Eva, why not let me in? -.

At that moment I go into despair, my brain despairs, I won't leave here the whole day. - Fatima, I'm not with Isa, I'm at work, stop kidding around.

I say in desperation, trying to calm down, no one is allowed to pick up my daughter, just me or her.

- What do you mean at work? Eva, I'm not joking with you, seriously, you're with Isa aren't you? - I get up from my chair quickly, my heart racing, I feel like I'm going crazy.

- Of course not Fatima, where is my daughter? - The voice comes out in an altered voice making everyone at the reception look at me.

Nothing matters to me right now as much as my daughter. - They said you picked her up early - I hear, but I can't think, I dropped my daughter off at school in the morning with her teacher, how come she's not here? I look around in despair, I haven't been out of here all day.

- I didn't pick up Isa, Fatima. - I reply worriedly, not imagining that my days to follow would be one of pure torment.

[...]

It's been two days of searching, searching, despair, registering a report, police investigating, attentive to the cell phone, desperate, the news daily brings news of children who disappear, who are only found... no, I don't want to think about the worst, what will become of my life without my daughter, Isabella is all I have.

- I brought coffee. - I barely look at the cup, I deny what Fatima puts in front of me. - You have to drink something Eva, eat. - It seems she's the only one who still believes in me, everyone thinks I got her.

She puts the glass in my hand, there are no forests, no places that have searched, asked, the neighbors have mobilized, how is it possible that no one can know about my daughter?

All the teacher said was that she went out during the break, when she returned the janitor said I had picked her up, but how? Why didn't they call me? The janitor says I picked her up, how could I have?

I was at work, my head seems to want to explode into a thousand thoughts, I don't know what to think anymore, the police see me as suspicious, I have already answered several questions because the doorman says it was me, except if ...

Lights inside me turn on like a lighthouse, how could I not think of this before? Evidently it was her, it couldn't be me, it was her, but why? Why?

- My God, Fatima! - I shout, putting the coffee aside, getting up from the chair. - What's wrong Eva? - I stop when Fatima and all the neighbors present look at me curiously, they don't know, nobody knows about my life before I got here, this makes me come to my senses, I must be delirious, but it's my daughter, and for her I'm capable of anything.

- The doorman said I was the one who picked up Isa, Fatima. - Her eyebrows are raised and about to knit together, I drag her by the arm into the room.

- So what? He said it was you, almost. - He said it was me, but I didn't leave the company. - My cell phone, my cell phone - My anxiety increases, this whole time of searching, I didn't think of this possibility, in pure agony, I quickly take out my cell phone.

- Eva, who are you calling? I hear my friend asking curiously.

- It was her, the doorman said it was me who picked up my daughter, but it wasn't me, Fatima. - I say to the woman who still looks at me without understanding, I never forgot the number no matter how hard I tried, except this is not in the device, but in the mind is impossible to delete, forget. I dial each number quickly and nervously without mistakes, I call once, twice, three times...

- Hello Muller residence...- I swallow dry, my heart is racing, a different voice comes from the other side.

- Isa is with you, isn't she? - I am direct, there is no space.

Fatima is still looking at me. - Who is it? Is it someone important? - I nod my head in expectation. - One minute, madam, I'm not sure if Miss Müller is available. - As the woman says, I do, I wait, biting my nails anxiously, if my daughter is with Esra, at least not at risk.

- Can you tell me what's going on?- Fatima says in a loud tone, I look at her. - Wait, I'll explain later. - I say, glancing slightly at the woman of medium height. - Later.... Later. - I sigh deeply, my heart is racing, it's two sleepless nights, we're going to the third.

- Hello! - The thin voice that can't fool me answers the call. - Ezra it's me. - I say in desperation, an agonized mother. - Oh yes, you, what do you want? - She says nonchalantly, I think I'm wrong, could it be? - Ezra, are you...- I start to say, when you interrupt me.

- You want to know about your little creature? It's with me, come to us. - I sigh in relief, closing my eyes, tears come down my torment is over, I never imagined I would be happy that one day Isa would be with her.

- How could you? I've been two days without sleep, without eating, Isa is dependent on me, Fatima how c... - I say without a second thought.

- Spare me your melodramas, Eva, come on, I don't have time to listen to your cries, we're waiting for you. - Ezra was always like that, cold, calculating.

- How is she? - I ask worried, I don't care about the reasons, I know the Mullers don't want us, we are the excluded blurs of the Muller family.

- Don't ask me something like that, you know dear sister, I hate children. - My chest is distressed, I'm sure my daughter misses me. - I'm coming today, Ezra, I hope you don't... - The call is ended abruptly, Fatima stands looking at me curiously, I don't have time to say much, I look at the disconnected cell phone.