Tell My Son To Hold Unto His Gun

Ava's POV

Ask me what you want for. His voice was a harsh whisper on my neck, lips caressing the delicate flesh there. His hands seemed to have every right, as though I had voluntarily handed him the keys to my soul. They wandered my body with great accuracy. But my body compiled just mechanically; my head was a thousand miles away.

I gulped, struggling to identify words that would calm the tempest blazing between us. "Nathaniel, I...?"

His lips caught mine before I could arrange the ideas. Like every minute spent with him since that evening, the kiss was strong and demanding. At once a promise and a menace. I attempted to match, pushing my body to respond. for feeling something. Still, deep down I felt empty. Adversary.

I drew away slightly, panting for breath. "Wait.," said

His blue eyes clouded as he looked at me for a response I wasn't ready to provide. "What is it?," asked Still gruff, his voice now held an air of concern. He cupped my cheek, his touch strangely gentle in spite of our passion. "Did I injure you?"

Not Yes. Not physically. I shook my head, but the movement was hardly undetectable. " I... I need a moment." My remarks seemed weak and nearly false. Since the fact was this was all incorrect. My heart hammered, but not for the intended use.

"Is it him?" Nathaniel's mouth closed and his hand dropped away. "Are you considering him??"

Stiffed by the thought of my spouse, Charles Even here, where he shouldn't have authority, he constantly found a way to intrude on my ideas. "Don't," I muttered, the word brittle breaking under the weight of unspoken things.

"No, Ava," said. Nathaniel's eyes glowed with irritation. He backed off, hands sliding over his black hair. You are not free to do this. Not following every rule.

not following everything. The phrases felt to me like a sour refrain. How could I possibly articulate the jumble of shame, want, and remorse stifling me? I murmured, hardly able to meet his eye: "I didn't ask for this."

He laughed-a harsh, devoid of humor sound that caused my chest pain. "Wasn't you?" His breath hot against my ear, he closed the space between us quickly. You came to me by choice. You choose to continue.

I fired back, a spark of wrath flickering to life: "I had no choice." I sensed his strain and his need for my entire choice of him. But the weight of my choices smushed every real sensation I may have had.

"You always have a decision, Ava." His comments were harsh, slicing across the room. "You decided to let him run your life, to continue playing the ideal little wife while surreptitiously prowling with me. One cannot, however, spend all their life in two worlds.

Between us, the air seemed menacing and charged. "I have no idea what you want from me!" Tears welling up in spite of my efforts to hold them back, I yelled.

Nathaniel's hand flew into the wall close to my head. "You should feel something!" he cried. Emotion drove his chest to heaving. "Anything but this goddamn indifference." You believe you can just cut off what we have?

I tried to stifle the shudder his proximity caused by clenching my teeth. "I'm not indifferent," I said, the words shaking.

"Proof it." He leaned closer, his lips lingering just a few milliliters apart. I could feel his ragged, heated breath. Unspoken but unquestionably, the challenge hovered in the air. My body moved half-way in response on impulse.

This time the kiss was raw, frantic, passionate and painful. I wanted to sink into it and silence every idea. Still, the emptiness persisted like a shadow I could not flee. He sensed it and withdrew just enough to fix her gaze.

"Why?," His voice broke as he insisted. "Why are you here if you cannot even be with me totally?"

The reply stayed in my throat. Finally, the admission blasting through me, I whispered, "Because I'm trapped." "Because he will wreck everything if I go."

And you believe that to be sufficient? Now Nathaniel spoke in a softer, almost begging tone. "To keep you shackled to a man not loving you?"

"It's not that easy." I turned aside, my shoulders trembling. Not one thing about this is straightforward.

Nathaniel's quiet extended, weighty and stifling. His comments came out as hopeless as he spoke once more. "You are correct. Not is it. He retreated; the space between us now seemed to be a gulf. But one day you will have to decide. And I cannot continue to be the man waiting for your choice.

I felt panic flash inside me. "Nathaniel, avoid this."

He was already on his way, though, collecting his coat and headed toward the door. "I'm done playing second to a man like Charles," he added, his voice lacking the early passion. You know where I am when you're ready to break free.