CRAVING MY EX-BOYFRIEND

Rebecca Antonio gazed longingly out of her double-pane window, eagerly anticipating the warm glow of lights emanating from her neighbours' porches during this time of the year. However, she was greeted with nothing but a blurry haze obstructing her view. She played with the hem of her oversized cardigan as she waited in vain for the haze to clear off the glass. It did not. Instead, it seemed like winter had brought its frost right on her bedroom window. It was beyond annoying.

She imagined her fingers cleaning off the frost in her mind’s eye while

The light pierced through her room, illuminating it with colours. A smile grazed her plump heat-shaped lips in response. How silly can I be? She thought. I could easily make a move and do it, it wouldn’t take less than a minute to achieve. Even as the thought crossed her mind, she couldn’t do it.

“There you are.” The unmistakable voice of Alex Antonio rang out from the doorway.

Rebecca took her sweet time turning away from the window to face the brooding figure of her husband, Alex. She watched him cross the threshold, to take a pen from the carved wood an inch away from where she stood.

It was always this way with them. The false display of devotion that seemed to underline their growing distance. These days, Alex barely touched her. He would rather caress ornate objects instead. This time, his cross-shaped pen was at the whims of his caresses. She closed her eyes tightly, willing the random thoughts at bay, while picking at the hem of her sweater.

“Yes, here I am. Is there anything you wanted me to do for you?” She asked softly.

“No, nothing! At least, it’s not me this time. It’s your father.”

The mention of her father, made her heart skip a beat, and for all the wrong reasons. She wished she could pretend that she never came from his loins. But, that could never be achieved. No amount of wishful thinking would make it a reality. The man was as real as air where she was concerned.

“My Father? I must say I’m surprised. What does he want?” She asked coldly, walking towards the bed. She craved to sit so badly, like it could sit-out all the discomfort that rocked her soul at the mention of her father.

“He wants to meet us soon.” Alex informed her easily.

“Why?”

She watched as he shrugged his stiff shoulders. Rebecca knew that Alex didn’t care about her love-hate relationship she shared with her father. All that mattered to him was the million-dollar empire he stood to gain, just by being associated with her family. Yet, she forgot, or maybe she didn’t forget, but was simply looking for an avenue to pour out her feelings.

“He wants you to be more acquainted with your family. In his words, he says it this way, 'I’m tired of remaining single for so long a time. I have decided to take a step of faith by getting married to the love of my life, Marlene. You and Rebecca have never cared about if I live or died but, I hope you will attend this marriage this festive period'.” He finished with a thump, gauging my reactions at every turn.

She stared at her rabbit slippers, which seemed a tad oversized. These days it was getting increasingly difficult to get her size in the mall. It almost crossed her mind that her father was behind it, but she tried not to make it hold much substance. She knew it would do no good.

“What did you tell him?” She asked calmly.

“Well, I felt boxed in. I’m always feeling that way with you two, you know?" He dragged for effect. Without waiting for my response, he continued. "I told him, we couldn’t make it to the wedding but, we would be there the next day. He was happy.” He combed his hands through his thin hair.

“Why?”

“Why, what?” His voice rose in impatience.

Rebecca took a deep breath, but plunged on still. “Why did you tell

him, we would be there? You know how it upsets me to go back there. I don’t want to go back there.” She said in a voice that sounded dangerously like a plea.

Bang! The sound of Alex’s fist hitting the wooden table resonated through the walls of the room. Rebecca’s breath caught in her throat. She wondered vaguely if he would hit her again. He’d done this before in a fit of rage.

“I’m sick and tired of this!” He moved quickly towards her, then stopped suddenly, looking like he wanted to leave the room. “We are obligated to your father. He is my boss, in case you’re suffering from amnesia. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were for you have a penchant of falling sick. I did what a responsible son-in-law would do. What is wrong with that?” He demanded.

She held on to the hem of her cardigan, her eyes steamy with tears. “Nothing, nothing is wrong. I just wish you’d told me. It doesn’t matter.”

Alex sighed. “I’m sorry, baby. I think I overreacted. It’s just that the workload is becoming crippling. We would be leaving next week, Wednesday. Be ready.”

Rebecca watched as he retreated out of the room, like he’d come. Her steamed pupils finally found release. Tear-droplets cascaded down her cheeks, to her bare neckline, down to her small apple-shaped breasts. She would be travelling to Washington DC. A place that housed her childhood. A childhood she wished to forget. Everyone there acted like she was a plague. Was it her fault, she was slim? To her, she was healthy. To make matters worse, she could see the judgment in Alex’s eyes when he felt she wasn’t looking.

She stared forward, noting the broken pen on the floor. It lay like a living thing on the porcelain floor. She got up quietly, making her way to it, while wishing she could make it whole. Even if she could, can she make her life whole?

She held the piece in her arm, noting that a glue or tape could easily fix its brokenness. Who could fix her? It was definitely not a town or a place or even a person.