Mrs Matteo Rocco

The room in which I stood stared emptily back at me. This is where I spent most of my 21 years of life. The huge mirror which was attached to the vanity my mother had given to me before she passed away stood at the very corner of the room. Sweet mother, I really wished she was here with me at this moment, only she would understand the pain that I was feeling.

All my life I have been raised by the notion, “A woman’s place is behind her husband”. I was raised to obey the wordings of a man, which of course only made me dislike them and disobey them in any way I could.

But this marriage…….. I couldn’t do that, my father would rip out my tongue if I ever said a word about it.

My mother never birthed a male child,2 girls down and still no male child till she died years ago shortly after my junior sister, Lucia was born. The only way to keep our already fallen empire alive was by a marriage merger with the ROCCOs. One which I never wanted.

From age 4 I was forced to learn everything I needed to know to be a mafia’s wife. From knowing his favorite color to his favorite food, the first time he shot a gun and even killed his first enemy. It sounds untrue but it was true. I was groomed as the perfect wife without any flaws, not even a speck of flaws!

“AURORA, YOU NEED TO GET DOWN HERE”

The voice of my aunt Lia brought me back to my reality as I took one last glance at my room because I knew this would be the last time I’d ever get to see it. It was my safe place.

“I’ll be down in a minute” I screamed back at her closing the doors and opening the adjoining door that led to my baby sister’s room. She was the only person who I ever truly loved aside from my mom and I’ll miss her a whole lot. I don’t want to leave her here alone but I don’t have a choice. I’m only agreeing to this marriage just so she can live a free life away from the Mafia life and be a happy girl, unlike the life I had to live growing up.

“Lucia, are you done” I asked and walked in without Lucia in sight. That's weird, she was definitely in her room dressing up moments ago. I walked into her dressing room, looking through the bathroom and the little studio room that was behind her dressing room yet couldn’t find her. I walk down the stairs as I start to panic wondering what may have happened to her or caused her disappearance.

Reached down the stairs to where Aunt Lia was standing with her twin daughters, Isabella and Francesca.

“Has anyone seen Lucia, she’s nowhere in her room or studio?”

Aunt Lia stares back at me as tho I am crazy, her daughters mutter inaudible replies and I sigh. Walking past them I head to the study where my mom left us countless books which I and my sister loved to read so much that we would lose track of time whilst in there.

I hear a sob come in and I knew at once it could only be Lucia who would come here and bawl her eyes out cause I’ll be leaving. I walked in the direction of the sound till I found her crouched down by the bookshelf all by herself and wiping off tears that streamed down her face.

“Lucia…..” I whispered as I brought my down to the same position as she. She looks up and doesn’t say a word but that’s fine because I know, and she knows. WE BOTH KNOW. And I can’t help it because I have to go.

I raise her and wrap my arms around her holding back the tears that threaten to leave my eyes, I can’t cry,not when she’s here and also bawling out her eyes. We break our hug after she’s stopped her tears and she looks up at me with big moist eyes.

“Will we ever see when you leave?” she asked as she sniffled and stared at me.

“Yes baby girl, I will always be your big sister and we will always see no matter what. Don’t worry sorella, I’ll talk to my fiancé when all is stable so you can move in with us okay?” I kissed her forehead and looked into her eyes which stared back at me with eyes gleaming with hope with the words I said.

(Sorrella: Sister in Italian)

“Now let’s go and join the others downstairs so we won’t miss out on the evening’s fun. I heard the Rocco’s own a library bigger than this with amazing collections of books which you would love”

“Yes yes yes” she squealed as she rushed out of the room with so much excitement that she almost tripped at the end of the stairs, but thanks to the quick response of the guard who was standing by the stairs who caught her right on time.

She looked back at me and laughed it off, her laughter and smile were so contagious that I couldn’t help but laugh back at her alongside my cousins who joined in the laughter just because they found the situation funny. “Kids will always be kids,” I thought to myself.

I join them and we walk down to the limousine which was parked outside waiting to talk to us the Rocco’s CASTLE. Yes a literal castle, the house was huge and looked like a castle from the outside. I have only seen it in the picture that my dad showed to me when I was age 8, telling me I’d be a princess who would be living in Rocco’s castle.

Talking about pictures, I don’t know what my soon-to-be husband looks like. I was never allowed to see him or even get a glimpse of him. You might ask me why I didn’t look I’m up on the internet or social media. I don’t own a phone or have ever been allowed to own one. If ever needed to look up anything on the internet I used the iPad in the library which of course my aunt kept a tab of my browsing history restricting my access to many things happening outside my home and of course…….what my fiancé looked like. I just hope he’s handsome as I heard Aunt Lia say he is…..